(This is an image I painted that represents totally what I am feeling today. I call it Speak.)Today, I am going to take a step from Soul Coaching until later. I feel like I must let certain things out that have been poisoning my psyche and the psyche of those around me.
Today, I woke up on fire. I am fired up. I am outraged. And I cannot take it anymore.
I work in a toxic environment, and the sole reason for this toxicity is the principal. She squashes the spirit of the school. She treats the staff like senile 5 year-olds (an oxymoron perhaps but that is how many feel). She nixes 98% of initiatives that are meant to lift the spirit of the school out of its depression and apathy.
- She killed the musical theatre program.
- She doesn't allow students to dress up for Halloween. (We are a uniform public high school)
- She won't allow or support any fun activities like barbecues and carnivals.
- She refuses to deal with the 5% of teachers who are truly incompetent and are damaging students' education.
- She never congratulates anyone for anything, unless in a politic way. (She gives new mothers gifts. Yay for her.) How does she show caring and compassion for everyone else? When my mother died, she gave me a card (how considerate)...addressed to herself. I kid you not. On the envelop and in the card. Her name, not mine. She didn't come to my mommy's funeral.
- She favors certain staff by allowing them to have no classes or classes of 4-5 students while other classes are bursting at the seams. Because it looks good on her resume to the Board.
- She imposes Professional Development on all of us, workshops we do not need, because one department has a high failure rate.
- She has stripped the Heads of the Departments of all say in the running of the school, trying to make us into paper pushers.
- She has all the Vice Principals under her thumb. We have had a slew of them come in and out of the school because of her.
- Because of her, amazing teachers have left and more are planning on leaving.
- She has the Parent Council under her thumb and destroys any initiative to bring more parents in.
- She laughs with wicked glee any time a school dance is canceled.
- All decisions and initiatives have to be signed off by her, including posters, advertising events, only to die a slow death on her desk, and decay there long after the deadline is passed.
- Book and supply orders have not been signed. Teachers are scrambling for materials.
Oh and the kicker? Every time anyone ever asks her how she is, she answers the same way. "Perfect as usual!" in a perky Professor Umbridge imitation. (see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) Dude, no one is perfect and never as usual.
Grrr. I am so angry. I am so passionately aware that this woman is the biggest zapper, not only in my life, but in countless others. Zap. Zap. Zap.
This has gone on far too long. She needs to go. One person cannot make two thousand unhappy. It's just not fair. She was ill this semester and was away for two weeks. You could feel the school visibly relaxing. We all knew when she came back, we could feel the tension.
I am not one to sit back and bitch, or run away. I need to be able to do something about it. I do not like to feel powerless.
Speaking of zappers... I have a student in my grade 12 writer's craft who is a major zapper of not only my energy but the other students' energy. He is out of control. Laughs like a maniac (no exaggeration), sings at the top of his lungs, runs on desks, (yes runs on desks), makes racial remarks, picks on one socially inept student in the class, all in subtle kind of ways, and to top it off makes several girls uncomfortable (they have come to complain about him). I went to his Guidance Officer and requested that he be removed from my class. It's an elective course, he is doing none of the work, and he is 19. It's time he acquaints himself with reality. I can't keep allowing him to victimize my whole class.
I am seemingly powerless to change the principal, but I can affect change within my class room.
Last night, I felt guilty about this. I felt that I was letting him down., that I was not being an understanding person or teacher. This morning, I woke up all fired up.
Now, I feel at peace. I let it out into the universe, and trust that it will help. Ah! Stillness :)
28 comments:
I feel for you. I know what it feels like. I wasn't able to speak up and "ran" (I quitted my job and started a new one).
But remember. It's waterweek. It's all about feelings and emotions.
I wish you lots of peace, power and stillness!
I feel for you situation, Genie.
I don't see anything wrong with you taking necessary steps to make your environment a happier and more cohesive place. For every action, there is a reaction and, sadly, the student's inconsiderate actions brought about his own undoing.
I am sorry to hear you are dealing with such a terrible principal. It seems like there's one like that in every work place. Eckhart says that, first we must accept what is, and then we can act from a place of authenticity. In this case, the principal seems very out of touch with those around her...are you able to approach someone higher in the education system, as a whole with other teachers, to maybe discuss these problems?
love, light and peace,
serena
Thank you for the K&K! :) I had to remind myself that it's okay to do this; it's what I need to do, wash away this feeling of dire frustration. Eventually, I might have to "run" away too even though the school is 5 minutes away and I feel I am making a difference to many students' lives, students who need it. :)
Thank you Serena! :) You are most definitely right. The student has brought about his own undoing. It is difficult for me to let go of the feeling that I have failed this person, but I cannot fail the rest.
As far, as going above her head: She is most chummy with the superintendent who is not much better. I am looking into rallying all the Heads of the Department to affect change. May the universe help me. :)
Thank you so much Serena! :)
Sometimes when we quit being an enabler in a situation (making excuses for the person, shrugging it off as the usual, status quo) the answer is swift and sometimes not pleasant but the forces of the universe are moving again and that is the ultimate goal.
Do what YOU can and let the Universe take care of the rest. You have all kinds of power and passion and that is exactly what young minds need. Keep it up!!!
I feel your frustration. I worked as a teacher in an apprenticeship college last year and I had a few disruptive students in my class. I tried everything to include them and asked colleagues for help and went to seminars to learn new techniques, but there was nothing I could do. I felt I had tried everything and when that didn´t work I had them removed from class because I couldn´t let the other students be disrupted all the time. You can´t make ammends for other things going wrong in his life. As for the Principle, there must be some higher authority you can speak to about her.
wow. Your principal sounds like an evil character in a fairy tale. What a killjoy. I think the sooner she's not a principal (at least at your school), the better. I know that the last principal was fired at the school my son is going to, so it is possible.
There's alot of power in your post today. It seems like you are ready to harness all that energy to take some action! Good for you. I like that you trust the universe to guide you to right action.
It's amazing what this soul coaching brings up - things I think we didn't expect (at least I didn't) to recognize and deal with!
That principal on the inside probably looks like the one from the movie Matilda! Why do people behave like that? Working in a toxic environment is so dangerous. I did for just over a year and lost my health. I hope you find an escape hatch soon!
Enjoy your blanket and book date tomorrow! I think you definitely need and deserve it.
OH! As an "educator in training" this gets me in a tizzy! I'm so sorry you have to work in such a poisonous place. But you are an exquisite soul and the universe will give you a boost.
Much Peace
Many Blissings~*
What an amazing painting Genie! As a parent, I would like to say thank you for your dedication to your students. I come from a family of educators and often listen to their gripes about administration. As for the disruptive student...I think sometimes you do have to act in the best benefit for the group. So, from all the parents of the other kids in your class, thank you ;)
I´ve written and deleted a ton of answers as I don´t really know what I´d do in a situation like that. Trust your instict and I´ll cheer for you from here. :)
As I read your post I started wondering, "how do the parents stand for that?" and then I remembered a time in my life where I did not question the (evil) actions of someone, simply because they were an Authority Figure and I submitted to the notion that because of that, they "knew best".
It took a lot of bravery to finally but that person in the spotlight of truth, and even then, their superiors defended them--couldn't see their shadow side. But a few brave, committed souls eventually put the light on the situation, and the evil-doer was removed from authority.
Good luck with all that's ahead.
what a tough spot to be in--but can't you at least go and talk to the teacher's union rep? you probably know this--but the first step is to document her behavior in any way you can...
I agree with what Serena said about the student---you are not failing him--you are helping him to face up to his responsibilty for his negative behavior
sometimes, no matter how hard you look you cannot find a single good thing about a person. that is ok, although the good thing about this principal is that you don't live with her or see her 24 hrs a day.
I would be exactly the same as you except I would probably kick her shins.
do what you have to do, be true to who you are. that is what is important xoxo
I am humbled. I am totally leveled by my great fortune! All these comments of support and affirmation. How can I even begin to tell you how thankful I am... You complete me. :)
Dawn - Thank you so much.♥ It is not often in my profession that anyone says... Good job! It means so much to me. :)
Sandra - Thank you so much.♥ Unfortunately, it is next to impossible for a principal to get fired unless it is gross legal negligence. This woman minds her pees and ques. She's a buzz kill and an interpersonal nightmare. She will be principal til she retires. I want to start a prayer circle to liberate our school from the clutches of bad management. :)
Claudia - Thank you.♥ The student has been put on a contract that he must fulfill or be removed. Let's hope that works. As for the principal... I am in the process of getting the Heads of the Departments together for a social event (for the first time at this school). It will be the beginning. :)
Kavindra - Thank you.♥ So true, this process, all the wonderful people in it, are working miracles! :)
Suzie - Thank you.♥ It boggles my mind why some people act the way they do. Why prefer to spread misery instead of joy? I'm stumped. She so is like the principal in Matilda! Only real. My escape hatch is awaiting me tomorrow.AH! :)
Her speak - Thank you.♥ It's not this bad everywhere, or so I hope. Most of my colleagues are wonderful people and those who aren't are too troubled to judge. The students are beautiful amazing souls and worth every day I go into work. :)
MeandMom - Thank you.♥ SO much! It's so amazing how a simple "thank you" heals. :)
Paula - Thank you.♥ I can sure use a cheering squad :) I know what it's like not to be able to formulate a response. I have sometimes taken a long time to find the right words. But in the end, even a few words can heal! :)
Leila - Thank you.♥ It is going to be a battle, but one I am willing to fight. For the good of all. You hit the nail on the head. Most people are reluctant to question an "authority" figure, even if that person is damaging everything that is human. Gee. I am sounding like a crime fighter. heh :)
Aurora - Thank you.♥ I am afraid the union will do nothing but launch a string of fruitless procedures which in the long run will fail. She is going by the book. The book has no clauses on being a human being. But I am tenacious one, I will find a way. :)
Robyn - LOL! Thank you.♥ Don;t think that she doesn't engender the urge to kick her ass out the door, literally, but that would only result in my getting fired. I laughed out loud though! And OH MY GOD, I would be suicidal if I had to live with her! Thank you for that perspective. heh :)
This is really interesting, I teach adults/young people complimentary therapies/personal development one day a week (which I love ) so I know a passionate teacher when I see one. I worked in office before I became a healer coach etc and just before I left I was asking the universe for a change as I had a boss we called Satan. Anyway she terrorized our department one colleague had a nervous breakdown. I was running a Celestine prophecy group at the time and realized this situation was about a former dynamic I had experienced as a young girl. Anyway I walked out of the job after six months sick leave into my lovely career now and I had a mortgage. The other workers still work there to this day, but Satan was taken to court for bullying by somebody else then sacked. My reward was that I have built my business and written a book if was still there I would have been sucked dry and a nervous wreck.
A year ago I was asked to head a department in college (I wanted a break from my business) and met up with another Satan Boss. The issue came up again and even though I knew I was going to leave (job was sapping my energy) I was going to make peace and state my truth which I did and you know I realize if you do not deal with a situation it comes back. Also if the whole place is sapping your energy bless the place and release it and you will get out or she will leave I have been there it will get better just cover your self with white light and wear a crystal for protection like smoky Quartz or a black stone so that these people will not penetrate your lovely creative soul.
RE: the young guy you can't save everybody. Its really up to him this is his soul agreement, I know this after ten years of teaching and being burnt out giving too much. You deserve better don't ruin your health I have seen it happen.
Marilyn - Thank you so much for your wise words of advice! I will definitely take it to heart. I;m going to buy the crystal this weekend! :)♥
Wow! Your light shines through in your post. Here is my suggestion as a Law of Attraction Coach: Take your focus off what is not working, for what you focus on will expand. Put your attention toward what you want and that which is already working in your place. Use affimations such as: I work in a harmonious environment.
I say yes to Life and Life says yes to me. Make a list of how you would want your ideal work environment to be and give it loving attention. You will attract it. I could go on but trust this will help.
Sending you love and light!
Thank you Fatma - I will take your suggestions to heart. I agree with them. I just needed to let it out. :)♥
OMG - I so feel the frustration that you are going through - that is just insane.
You need to make your own little work area yours - the way you want - as far as the rest of the school - make anonymous phone calls to the board of education - tell them you are a concerned parent - tell them they things you are expressing here - keep calling - send an anonymous letter to the newspaper editor - and let it go - if they use it fine - if not no harm no foul and you again got it off your chest -
the last resort is to teach someplace else - I know it may affect the students you are working with now - but your talents are not being used - your are working in an environment that is unhealthy for you and the students!!
BTW--I want to THANK YOU for all the encouraging and beautiful comments you have left me - it has all touched my soul!
Peace--Ellie
Awesome expression in your painting.I took one look at it and thought "Boiling. Boiling mad,even" Then I read that you call it "Speak"! It looks like SHOUT to me!
Maybe your spirit was just plain screaming. It is so frustrating to work in that type of atmosphere - it chokes you.
At least your classroom is a little better - And in keeping with today's Attitude of Gratitude - you could be grateful that you now have a perfect example of what not to become - and the Grinch song about the principle can keep her from pulling you down!
"You're a mean one Ms ______
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
You're as charming as an eel "
Just don't laugh out loud when you get to the part "Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your soul is full of gunk."
Sounds silly, but it actually helps. I've used it - of course the smile on your face really drives them crazy and I've ended up saying stuff like "Oh. It's just such a blessed day that I have to smile."
Hang in there - the universe hears you.lrro
Good for you, for remembering to take control where you can and surrender the rest...I feel for your situation. I for one am glad your FIRED up even though it's technically WATER week, with your kind of fire, your sure to set a blaze of change at your school. I'm cheering for you!
whew! I totally thought of 'Dear Prof. Umberage' while I was reading your post! Yikes!!
I second the hurrays for all YOU & your collegues are doing - & second the thoughts on affirmations etc. A friend once commented in a group meeting that when he was facing an unplesant encounter with someone, he saw himself (spirit) as tall as a tree, & theirs too; & set the spirits to talking before meeting! His message was along the lines of harmonious resolution to whatever - & he said it almost always helped!
Another plug for 'may she find a place that better suits her 'gifts' - one of my friends with a toxic boss said the boss just got fired - which she didn't expect! She had been out of the office for a few days, & when she returned, found out the news - & tried to be 'sympathetic' (while doing a HAPPY DANCE inside!) as her boss bemoaned having to leave!!
We'll be praying for the best outcome for all!
Oh - purple is a colour one of my energy teachers suggests - imaginary, & of course 'real' images as well, if you wish! Saint Germaine's Violet flame of transmutation.
You can put your class & your office in a purple bubble of energy, inviting shifting of negative energy as people enters. I imagine a purple portal that only lets in energies I 'approve' & my massage room is now painted pale lavender.
Blessings!
Ellie - Thank you.♥ I will take each and every very helpful suggestion to heart. Happy bubble - check! :)
Judi - LOL!!! Thank you for the chuckle. I will be singing it all day, laughing. You are a gem! ♥ :)
Kelly - Right? I was thinking that myself. Here I am ablaze and it's water week. Yeesh. But sometimes a girl has GOT to vent! hee Thank you! :)♥
Dia - Thank you so much for you suggestions! ♥ Purple bubble engaged! :) I am actually sending out the prayer that she be placed in a smaller school. I think there, her micromanaging skills will relax. There will be less to manage. I want her to thrive... elsewhere. :)
I too have worked in toxic environments. Eventually, I left. It was a great choice for me, but I understand people have their reasons for staying in situations like this. I hope you are able to make progress with this woman, I hope you and your colleagues can band together and see something done. Who knows...perhaps the universe is listening!
You're allowing your feelings to flow just how water flows through our life. It's good to get your emotions out rather than keep them in. I hope by releasing them you found a little peace. Blessings, Nicole x
Thank you Beautiful Witch!♥ You are right. The best thing for me is to just leave, but something is making me see this trough. :)
Thank you Nicole!♥ In letting it out, I accepting that I cannot control this outcome only work towards it, it gave me peace. :)
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