One Year Blogger: Gifts and Books and Giveaways.

One year ago today, I got the idea to start a blog from Caroline and the BB Dishchicks which is a fantastic blog dedicated to Big Brother. I started this blog because I had so much inside me to say, and no one to say it to. I needed a place to drop my thoughts before I dropped from the exhaustion of carrying them. The blog was dark, unadorned, imageless.

I had two loyal, loving friends reading; Danette and Emily.

Since then, my blog lightened. Images came to being. I made more friends. Loyal, supportive, inspiring, wise and kind. It started with Jamie Ridler and her amazing book club- Soul Coaching. It helped me meet the most wonderful group of angels on earth, and through them, I met more. All of you.

And so to thank you, I am giving away some of the wallpapers I made. But I am going to go one step further...

I will be making something for each of the 19 people who commented on the giveaway post as a thank you. When I complete your gift, I will contact you on your blogs. :) It may take some time, but I will make it!

Without further ado here are the winners which I drew out of an empty purse. I don't have pics as my camera batteries died. :) You can trust me that I did this fairly.

The winners please email me at [genie1sea][at][yahoo][dot][com] with your preferences in order of 1.2.3.

I also drew two extra names for good measure as there are 5 wallpaper giveaways.

1st choice goes to: Pamela from A Touch of Inspiration

2nd choice goes to: Steve from Color Sweet Tooth

3rd choice goes to: Robyn from Tales of Inglewood

In 4th place are two more fabulous bloggers who will each also receive one of the wallpapers:
Caroline from Caro's Lines
Serena from Art by Serena

Whether you won or not, whether you commented or not, know that I am thankful daily to have met you, and that you are somewhere in this world making it a better place.

Thank you!

And today being Wednesday, it means it's Jamie Ridler's Wishcasting !

The prompt is: What do you wish to read?

I have countless books on my list of reads as I am a voracious reader. The one thing I wish to keep on reading because it is my daily source of inspiration is all of your blogs.

Because.

Of all the books I have read in my life, and have yet to read, your blogs have given me the most to think about, rejoice about, laugh about, write about, paint about. You are all wonderful!

Blessed be :)

Time to Dance.

It's Monday. Time to dance!

Bobby Dreadfull - Get Down


Nothing like starting off the work week with some music and some dancing. It's the surest way to dissolve the "oh oh" feeling in the stomach. If you don't know what I mean, count yourself lucky. :)

One of the dilemmas of a high school teacher is the constantly plugged-in student. They have the earphones on and good luck getting through to them. They walk around with a soundtrack in their ears. To drown you out.

They might not have a bad thing going there. Often, I feel that I want to walk around work plugged-in as well. It's like a bullshit shield. Hear no evil. The classroom is the safest place in the building. The students are real. The adults are a different story. Drowning them out is an option...

I'm awaiting the day when video glasses are available; all you have to do is put them on and you're in a movie. See no evil.

And since those two are in place, it follows that there will be no opportunity to speak evil.

Avoid the monkey business altogether.

This is a highly surreal post, but that's mostly how I feel while getting ready for a work week. Surreal. May this week be BS free. May I plug into the universal soundtrack and stay away from those monkeys. And I don't mean the ones who are plugged-in. I like those. :)

May your week go smoothly. May it be a really funky groovy music video.

Anniversary Giveaway!

Here they all are! My Blog anniversary Giveaways! Click on images to enlarge.

I painted all these in Photoshop. The originals are in 1024 x 768! As a special treat to the winners, I will be adding a poem written especially for each of them on the wallpaper!

How do you enter?

Leave a comment in this post, up to and including 10 pm EST on the 28th. On the 29th, I will be announcing the 3 winners by draw. They will get to pick the wallpaper of their choice in order. First, gets 1st pick, second gets 2nd pick, 3rd get third pick! :) It's as easy as that!

Thank you all for coming to my blog and giving it support. You are all precious to me!

Blessed be :)

Invincible not Invisible

(click on image for source)

Look at that beauty! The confidence. The power. It's breathtaking. This lovely being doesn't question her place in the world, or whether she will succeed. She is. Fabulous!

Before I continue on today's ramble, I would like to take a moment to thank all of you who commented yesterday. I will copy your comments into a document, and call it my Power Packet, and open it any time I am feeling less than the Queen of my Domain, like Bertha up there.

And did I ever need it yesterday! I had a particularly unsavory run-in with a woman who tries very hard to overcompensate for her many flaws by picking on others. She decided I would make a good target yesterday, but she certainly picked wrong. Why do people think they can mess with me? Do I give the impression that I can't take care of myself?

Anyway. The incident and the instigator are not important enough for detail. But it did get me thinking.

There are many events in our lives that force us to make a decision. What to do. How to react. How it will affect us. How it will make us feel about ourselves. Sometimes, these events can be staggeringly upsetting, or powerfully enriching.

We have a choice. We can take their full force of destruction, internalize it, and let it demolish a little part of ourselves. Or we can, vanquish it, make it a lesson and move on.

Which will it be? Will we allow the negative to reduce us into invisibility? Or will we take that power and harness it into invincibility?

The choice is ours. Every single moment.

I won't lie. Yesterday's incident infuriated me. But thank goodness for the human angels around us. One of my colleagues grabbed me by the hand and took me out of the room, out of the building, and we went for a relaxing drive and chat.

She helped me tap into my invincibility. I calmed down, and the bile that threatened to choke me dissipated.

She is a lovely soul.

I was able to subsequently enjoy Earth Day. Buy some ground cover plants for my front garden. Pick the garbage around my block in the rain. Add some more items to One Million Acts of Green, and get on with my day.

I am planning some garden transformations this spring, and I will be taking 'before and after' shots of my progress to share with you. My goal is to make my front and back yards into manageable oases.

I am planning to go through with my plans for some small renovations and a mini-make-over to my home as well. I will be taking 'before and after' shots to share.

I am planning to do all this as economically as possible, and in an effort to make my living space more GREEN! :)

And I will do all this because. I am invincible. Not. Invisible.

My Stone. The Summit.

Today is Wednesday and you know what that means? Yes! It's Wishcasting with Jamie Ridler over at Starshyne Productions! And this week's question is:

What step do you wish to take?

I read that question, and pondered. And I pondered some more. My brain went into a little seizure. "What step don't I wish to take?" it kept repeating. I decided to do a Flickr random search to inspire me. I settled on this cutie pie. How little she is and yet so confident, standing on a little stone that looks like a mountain to her. On the summit, overlooking her domain, soaking in the rays of the sun and her achievement.

That's where my problem lies. I can hardly ever soak in my achievement. I always focus on the little bit that failed. I speak and I regret it. I take action and I second-guess it. I make something and I think how I can make it better. I look at myself and I notice the flaws.

I know that's preposterous and so against everything I have been working towards. I know, when I speak, I speak from conviction. I know when I take action, I do so because it's necessary. I know I can do better, but I also know that what I have made rocks. I know that in the mirror somewhere, there is beauty.

I know all this.

I do.

Really...

Yesterday, we had a meeting with the heads of the departments. It's my least favorite activity ever. I am one voice lost in translation. The discussion, again, turned towards the uniform. Ugh! Everyone, complacent, spouted ignorance. Here is a sampling of what my colleagues had to say:

• The uniform ensures safety at our school. (This week we had two teachers assaulted by students. )
• The uniform ensures all students equal footing. (Except the ones that are beaten up in the washrooms, and bullied in the halls.)
• The uniform isn't a uniform, it's a dress code. (Dress code gives you guidelines, not specific items you have to wear with crests on them, you dunce.)
• Most of the kids are in uniform. (Right, so the 4% that aren't seem to be the only ones hanging out on the second floor.)
• Work environments have dress codes. This models work environments. (Uh! Work environments? This one for instance? Dude. Why are you wearing shoes without socks?)
• Teachers have to enforce uniforms. They don't have a choice or a say. Do they have a say in stopping at stop lights? Or where they can park? Don't they follow those rules? (Dude. Would they if they weren't fined? Some don't anyway. That's why we have courts.)
• Teachers in your departments must be told to enforce the uniform. (I'll get right on that, right after I ensure all teachers are actually teaching what they're supposed to.)

WTF?

You know I spoke. It fell on deaf ears. The principal indirectly put me in my place. The uniform isn't under discussion. (Sorry, I didn't realize we were talking about the weather...) If you are having issues with getting your teachers to comply, then call the Union. (Sorry. I thought it was your job to make teachers comply, not mine, and not the Union's. And doubly sorry, I thought this was a discussion. My bad.)

I didn't say one thing that was wrong yesterday. Yet, I came home feeling like a failure. I did not get through to them. The logical fallacies reigned. Nothing was achieved.

What step do I want to take?

I wish to step out of the notion that I failed just because I could not get through to a bunch of individuals mired in conformity and inability to get the hell out of the box.

Where do I want to be?

I wish to be on that rock, soaking in the sunshine, and the knowledge, that even though I work with a bunch of people who fail to recognize reality, I still have my summit.

Surrender the Paradox

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This weekend was extremely busy but productive. I finished the first draft of the text book I was commissioned to write. It was a lot easier and more fun to do than I thought. Working with a partner helped a lot in the process. It reminded me that writing in isolation, which is something writers do most often, is not necessarily the only way.

Paradox is what I have been pondering lately. The seeming contradictions that are simply facets of the same thing.

Like.

The need for solitude, yet the need for companionship. It's very difficult striking the right balance between these two needs. Too much of each is not healthy. Enjoyment of both is vital.

Life like an intake and exhalation of breath, fills and empties. Both are necessary to sustain and nurture. Yet it is the balance of the two that ensures we continue living.

The balance.

If we focus too much on one and not the other, the balance seems out of keel. Yet it never is; our perceptions are. That's when panic sets in and we hyperventilate.

I have often found myself gasping for air in my life, thinking life has gone off kilter. But it hasn't. I have. So, I decided to surrender and let it be. To let the spaces be empty and the lungs fill. To enjoy the companionship and the isolation in the moment, and stop worrying.

Thus the above painting was born for my blog anniversary giveaway which will be next Wednesday. Arms open, calmly being.

Painting is like meditation. It engages me in a way no other thing does, not even writing. My mind becomes more fluid and in tune with my senses. It's more tactile. When my brain has been overloaded with thoughts, painting makes my mind unbend and relax. It provides me with another kind of balance. Like waking and sleep. So different both. Both so necessary.

Life as a human being is such a paradox, yet it isn't.

Face Value

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This is the last of my giveaways, painted in photoshop, the original is 1024 x 768, and will be one of four choices for my blog anniversary coming up at the end of this month. I will be posting the details on how to enter soon :)

The world has seemed a little different lately. I would like to attribute it to the lovely weather we have been having, the glowing sun, the awakening in the air, the first flowers budding from the dry ground.

But that is not just it.

I attribute it to the phenomenon called Susan Boyle. If you don't know who she is, just run a search on her; it will surely lead you to her viral video audition on Britain's Got Talent. There is a reason this video has over 25 million hits to date.

She brings us hope.

Not just that our dreams can come true, but that our dreams can come true despite jeering, eye-rolling and small-minded assumptions that have reigned in this Face Value, judgement-plagued era.

This one angelic performance has served to undermine some of the biggest misconceptions that have served to belittle many, and cause much misery.

The assumption that only Hollywood beauty is worthy of attention.
The assumption that outer appearance is the only measure of beauty.
The assumption that "beauty" is inextricably linked to talent and worth.
The assumption that there is only one measure by which a person can be praised.

Bullocks to them.

This wake-up call has sounded quickly and clearly throughout the world. The crystal clarity and heavenly smoothness of her voice has rung the alarm on our superficiality and cynicism.

It would be easy to blame this attitude on the media, but the media is fed by us. We have been more than ready to tear people down simply because of how they look. We have been sitting back on the sofas of our judgement in smug satisfaction for too long. Susan Boyle unseated us, and it's about time.

So today I take a moment to thank Ms. Boyle for liberating us, more soundly and effectively than any revolution could have.

Sing on beautiful one. Sing on! :)

You Know I Love You, Right?

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Painting is my salvation, along with writing. I need to bathe myself in color and image so that the day has meaning for me. Otherwise, it is lost in tedium and duty. I painted this in Photoshop, creating several layers for the backdrop, and countless layers for the woman. Shading and contour are my primary focus right now. I am getting closer to my goal.

As I painted this last night, I was filled with thoughts of love and gratitude. For each and every one of you. So, it became imperative for me to say,

"You know I love you, right?"

We may all be coming from various perspectives and paths in life, but we convene here in the blogosphere in support and sharing. It is a phenomenon like no other. You touch my very soul.

Often, your words, here and on your blogs, are the most meaningful ones I experience in the day. You enlighten me, and buoy me. You intrigue me, and make me laugh. Sometimes, your words make me cry. In sympathy, in happiness, with laughter. Nowhere do I get such nurturing on a regular basis. You take the time to write, to read, and sometimes to respond, and your words are like manna. I ingest them gratefully and thoughtfully.

I thank you.

Is this something we take for granted? How often do I tell the people who have sustained me in my life how much I love and appreciate them? How often am I given the chance? How much does "busy" absorb my every waking moment, leaving me without the opportunity to stop, look a loved one in the eye, and say,

"You mean a lot to me."

We all have "to-do" lists. I know I obsess over them sometimes, because they can get very daunting; and frankly a lot of those, I really don't want to do. I don't adore cleaning out the stove, or the toilet. It doesn't excite me to go shopping for a front door and a new stove. I am not thrilled to do my taxes, and balance the woeful state of my finances.

Yet, I spend more time on those things, things that in the long run matter less, than taking the time to sit with a loved one, and smile.

And by loved one, I don't only mean ones most dear to us, like children, or family or lovers. I mean the neighbor who puts away my recycling bin for me. The colleague who brings me coffee. The hairdresser who rocks the streaks. How often do I take the time to tell them in more than just a couple of words in passing, how much I appreciate them?

I need to be more mindful. Because. A lot might be missing from my life, but the people who fill it with joy, are precious indeed.

So I start with you.

Thank you. For being here. For reading. For giving me so much to think about. For making me laugh and smile and clap my hands. Thank you for who you are. Because.

You are precious.

Blessed be :)

Pooh Makes Roses Bloom

(click to enlarge)

I painted the above in Photoshop. I started by making the background and then added the woman. I am working with shading and contours, moving away from drawing the outlines and coloring them in, but rather building the figure with shading. I started with the lighter flesh shade to create the body and face, and then darker shades to create the contours. It's not perfect, but it's a beginning.

I have been thinking a lot about paradox lately. The paradox between two different philosophies - the one being "it happens when you least expect it", the other being "visualize it and it will happen".

I have been getting that conflicting advice all my life. And frankly, I don't know which one even works anymore, if either. So, I have decided to go with the third philosophy... "Fuck it. Go about your business. Shit happens. Move along."

Pardon my profanity.

I swear sometimes.

:)

The thing is, people are either happy or they are not. Sometimes, it just doesn't have anything to do with anything. Sometimes people who don't work for things get them falling out of the skies, and others who toil away are left with nothing. Sometimes, it's the other way around.

I am tired of being blamed for the things I lack. I am tired with being told, I have to do this or do that, or think this way or that way, in order to achieve happiness. Do people tell those who have been run over by a car, that they should have been looking where they were going? Or do they call an ambulance?

Happiness is moments in time. Happiness is a contentment with one's self. That kind of happiness does not depend on the circumstances. But, no one is always happy. Unless they have been lobotomized. Then, it's a different story.

There are people who try really hard to convince others that they are always blissful and happy. Flowers fall from the skies to cover the ground of their every step. Really? Not so much. They like to show one face to the world, and make the rest of us think we are losers because we have to sidestep pooh on the sidewalk sometimes. Sometimes, we don't notice the damn pooh, and step on it anyway.

That's the rest of us. Making the best of it. Sometimes, remembering to be in the moment and smell the roses and be thankful for them. Sometimes, feeling like we want to trample on the roses in frustration.

Who created that stupid metaphor anyway? I live in the city. The roses are mostly cultivated or fake. They don't even have a scent most of the time. What the heck do I do with that?

Make lemonade?

Any number of inane cliches can be used to pat us on the head when things are just not going well. It does no good to dwell on the mishaps, but acknowledging their presence and dealing with them is necessary. What's the good of denial? Ostriches get decapitated.

No. I am not a pessimist. I am not an optimist. I am a realist. Sometimes, life is great. Sometimes, it stinks like pooh under your shoe. Move along anyway. The next moment will come, and things will be different. Oh, and, does anyone have a moist wipe? :)

Take Flight

(click to enlarge)

To soar into the darkening sky
above the "what"
above the "why"
to touch the space
where dreams comes true
beyond the "me
beyond the you
To feel the wind
caress your wings
release control and
gently drift
away from "but"
away from "if"
Become a being of gentle flight
laugh with the stars
turn with the night
And let your toes
tickle the trees
the building tops
the memories
and being one with melodies
beyond the pavement
where you walk
beyond the words
beyond all talk
beyond the confines
of your hood
away from "must"
away from "should"
and let your being
upward fly
beyond the struggle
beyond the "try".

Genie Sea

Sometimes, living within the confines of my expectations and needs is just too much to take. Running "to do" lists in my head, that supremely highlights what is lacking in my life, can be so very tiring. Sometimes, I need a break from all that, to experience the presence of being.

Sometimes, all these things jostle in my head, demanding to be heard, and really they make no sense and serve no purpose, except make me go a little bit crazy.

"If only" is one of the biggest task masters there is. It prevents the "is" from breathing and being heard. "If only" is a carrot we dangle in front of ourselves, enslaving us to some nebulous scenario that might or might not be, and prevents us from actually being. Prevents us from seeing the comfortable rut we have agreed to run in for the sake of something that might or might not fulfill us. In the meantime, we are not fulfilled.

I am very philosophical today, as I struggle to loosen the confines of my private task master, and fly free above all this rubbish, and just be. Just BE!

Today. That is my mantra. :)

Pink Blessings

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Tonight we celebrate the Full Pink Moon along with Jamie Ridler over at Starshyne Productions!

I made the above dreamboard to reflect the peace and promise of this full moon. I am including this piece as part of my anniversary giveaway.

What do you wish to bloom into your life?

Before I make any wishes I would like to give thanks.

• for being healthy and strong
• for having the freedom to choose
• for having a steady job and income
• for having a roof over my head and food on my table
• for having a good brain and heart
• for having awesome friends who are like family
• for my Stinky
• for the luxury to engage in creativity
• for BEing

Sometimes, I get so caught up in what I want or lack, that I might forget what I have. What I take for granted. We live in a world that stumbles over economic crises, political messes, religious upheavals and social fallout. Last night, I went to see Sin Nombre (Without a Name), directed by Cary Fukunaga. It drove home to me the realities that some people have to live with, and it isn't pretty in pink. There are children that are growing up with violence, and hunger. Lack of water and education. No safety. No love. No future. That is tragic.

So today.

I wish for love to bloom in this world. For every child to have the safety and love to grow up into a healthy adult full of choices. To make a better world.

Blessed be :)

Mad World

Last night on American Idol, Adam Lambert performed one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite groups: "Mad World" by Tears for Fears.

And he made every inch of my skin stand on end. I have since watched the video quite a few times, and I get the same reaction. That my friends, is Magic. I want to share this with you today. Magic in a mad world full of earthquakes, economic collapse, disease and death, there is beauty. Behold.

The videos keep getting pulled off YouTube! Lordy, the control... Hopefully this one sticks!


©Twentieth Century Fox

Today, I wish you all a great dose of magic.

Spring Clean

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The calendar says it's spring, but when I look outside, I'm not so convinced. SNOW!

To cheer myself up, I decided to paint this in photoshop and include it as one of the choices for my upcoming giveaway! The original is 1024 x 768 and can be used as a desktop wallpaper. If the winner prefers I can print out a smaller version and send it to them. :)

I am still fighting this super virus that has gotten a hold of me. My voice was mostly back yesterday, but I went to work and almost lost it again! So, I made myself stay home again today.

Not that I'm complaining. I don't want to go out in that! :)

As the season awakens to new life, budding blooms and fresh perspective, I am taking this moment to clear out, clean up and make way for renewal. It's time for Spring Clean!

My home:

I am not one to hold on to clutter, but there are boxes here and there that have stayed packed and stowed away since my move almost three years ago! I am taking them out, looking through them, and chucking stuff out! If I have not missed those things in all this time, they are not essential to me.

My body:

I will be doing a cleanse to get rid of toxins and prepare my fleSHrine for health and restoration. I have an appointment with the naturopath on the 20th, and I want to get rid of the debris in my system first. I am going to be mindful of what gets inside of me, looking for healthier and more meaningful alternatives.

My heart:

As I open my heart to others' happiness, I open my heart to mine. I rejoice without expectation, and release the emotional baggage that has been weighing my heart down. Open the windows and valves of my heart, for fresh spring air and possibilities.

My mind:

There is something brewing there. Something exciting. I can feel it under the surface, percolating and getting ready. I have a couple of projects on the go, but I know it's not them. Something is about to be born of my mind. Something I have been awaiting for a long time.

My life:

I have been cocooning for a while. It's time to step out into the sunshine, and revel in the beauty of what is experience.

It's time.

Yes it is!

What does your spring cleaning look like?

Spring has Sprung

(click to enlarge)

The above image is one of the choices for a giveaway I will be hosting very soon. I will be posting details on how to participate and have a chance to win one of these 1024 x 768 wallpaper paintings/collages I have made in photoshop. The winner will get to choose their favorite from the ones I will be posting over the next few days.

I am nearing my one year anniversary in blogging this month, and what a ride it has been. This blog and I have gone though quite the transformation. Its once dark template reflected the darkness that surrounded me a year ago, the despair, the loneliness. I posted random musings about random things, not really knowing why. I had no readers at first, except for a couple of loyal friends who cheered me on.

It's not as if the circumstances of my life have drastically changed in a year, but my attitude has. I feel lighter, freer, more resilient. And that, my friends is huge.

I have been able to reconnect with my painting and my writing, and that, to me, is monumental.

I have come to terms with the various facets of myself; the brooding loner, the ironic social commentator, the champion of lost causes, the joyful child, the loving woman, the friend, the teacher, the humorist.

It's all me.

And as spring awakens, so I am awakening. To change, to acceptance, to growth.

Over the past few days, the virus that took hold of my body allowed me the time and silence to ponder my next steps. My life mission. Having lost my voice, I have had to journey further inward and examine the patterns, the debris I have been carrying around, and begin to organize and clean house. Inside of me.

I let go of one of the biggest obstacles in my life: determining my self-worth based on what others think or seem to think about me. No matter with how much bravado I used to say, "I don't care what anyone thinks", that was a bold-faced lie. It shattered me when someone didn't seem to warm up to me, when I was not immediately accepted as one of the group, when my efforts were not applauded. How self-centered is that? That attitude has been like carrying around a corpse on my back, stinking up everything and exhausting me. It has been so liberating to finally bury that Mofo.

And now, here I am.

It's not that I don't care what others think; it's that it does not affect the way I feel about myself and what I am doing. So? I might always be a little bit of an outsider. I might always find myself dancing to a drum of a different beater. But you know what? It's okay! I am where I am because I am, and there is not a damn thing anyone can do about it! :)