Reject Rejection

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I painted the above in PS to go with the Leah's theme in CED Challenge. Several layers went into this, as I was working to create a nebulous textured look. Like my dreams.

I have been working with my dreams the past few days. I am still having trouble remembering them. I was starting to worry, and then I let go. Because really? I will remember a dream when I need to. Obviously right now, I don't. It doesn't help that I have a 12 pound furball meowing me awake every morning! :)

But.

I will not allow this to become a roadblock or another cause for failure. Which brings me to my other online endeavour...

We are in week 9, of the wonderful Jamie's 12 Secrets Book Club, and the topic in this chapter is Roadblocks and Rejection.

Yuck!

Very few of us have not experienced these. The very frustrating "Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 dollars." Pooh.

Rather than deal ad nauseum about my many, many, many (did I mention many?) roadblocks and rejections, I think it might be helpful for myself and anyone reading to discuss dealing with them. Here are some of my strategies.

The Cocoon and Wallow

This is where we curl up into a ball, preferably with a blanket, a box of tissues, and ice cream. We go over and over this latest stumbling block or heartbreaking devastation, crying and numbing our insides with the cool stuff. Soap operas may or may not be involved.

This might be okay for a short period. It's a time to regenerate and restore. But if it's prolonged, then it becomes this self-fulfilling prophecy of doom. Statements like "I will never make it"; "I suck"; "No one wants what I have to offer" start to play like broken records in our heads. The creepy gremlins have a street party in honor of our demise. This is when it's time to let go of the self-pity, and kick some butt.

The Theseus Method

This is where we arm ourselves with self-confidence and will power, and circumvent the maze of roadblocks in search of the Minotaur. You know the beast. It's the one that whispers words of discouragement and defeat. Roaring with laughter at us and our pathetic misery. Two swift maneuvers of our trusty sword, and we have defeated that form of rejection.

Rejection, I have found, after MUCH experience has nothing to do with me or whatever it is I am offering, but in the inability of the person doing the rejecting to see my Fabulousness. It's all them and not me. I have learned not to take rejection as a label of my worth. After all, why give the other person all this power to determine how worthy or talented we are? Who are they to judge? Reduce them to what they are - incidental minotaurs on our route to fulfillment. I take the helpful constructive criticism and use it as a self-help tool. I take anything unproductive out and burn it.

The Odysseus Method

This is where roadblocks and obstacles have lead us hopelessly off track until we are totally off course. There are one-eyed monsters to slay, sirens to avoid, hags to outsmart, and men to turn out of pigs. We get tired and want to give up, for the end does not seem to be anywhere in sight. We seek out to cocoon and wallow.

However.

Roadblocks are just the Universe's way of diverting our route to a better direction. Through roadblocks we discover scenery we would not have seen had we stayed on course; we experience things and events and people we would not have encountered had we not been diverted. Roadblocks are just detours which are the most primal forms of adventure and exploration. Just ask Odysseus.

The Little Train Method

This is where no matter how many odds are against us, no matter whether anyone else believes us or in us or not, no matter what the obstacles inside and out, we just blow the crap out of our own horns. We chug, chug, chug and whistle "I think I can. I think I can. I know I can!"

The fact remains, this is the one method we all rely on whether we know it or not. If we did not love what we do; if we did not believe in ourselves despite the minotaurs and the gremlins, we would lie down somewhere and whisper "give." Yet. We pick ourselves up. We dust ourselves off. We pick up our brushes, our pens, our needles, our oven mitts. We send our kids off to school and smile at our neighbors, and take out the trash. We put away the blanket and the ice cream, and take our faithful companions out for a walk.

The Genie Sea Method

Or.

"Screw you! I know my worth." and smile method.

If we can't dropkick a roadblock, we can go around it. Even the Great Wall of China has a beginning and an end to it. There really is no such thing as impossible. I knew that when I saw one of my good friends levitate off the ground when I was 18, and under no drug or alcohol influence. If you are a novelist, you will publish if that is what you truly want. If you are an artist, you will sell and display your art, if that is what you truly want.

If that is what you truly want.

Reject Rejection.

Blessed be :)

Dreams May Come

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As March begins, a new theme begins in Leah's Creative Everyday art-fest - Dreams!

I painted the above in photoshop to represent the ever-illusive, nebulous state of dreams I have been in lately. I know I dream, but because my sleeping patterns have been, to say the least, unpredictable, these dreams escape through my fingers as soon as I open my eyes.

My history with dreams has been a vivid one. I have had cinematic dreams where I am a spy, or am solving mysteries of ghosts, or become embroiled in a passionate love affair, from meeting to parting, from tears to supreme joy. I have directed musicals in my dreams complete with original score.

I have had dreams of terror with serial killers, or monsters chasing me. Those wake me in a cold sweat and don't happen frequently, thankfully.

I have gone in elevators that move sideways and diagonally, or up way beyond the last floor. I have flown in my dreams, and visited realms that can only exist in my imagination. I have spoken languages I don't speak awake.

I dream in color.

I have had prophetic dreams of places, and people and events. I have had dreams of past lives. I have visited with people who are no longer living, in my dreams, and people who have yet to live.

I would sleep in anticipation of what dreams may come.

I need to reconnect with my dreams. It's necessary! I have to make that my intention before I sleep, rather than just fall, exhausted, into my bed. Hopefully through this project, I can settle into dream patterns again. The magical kind, not just the kind where I work out the things that have happened or bothered me during the day.

"To sleep, perchance to dream..." (Hamlet 3.1.73)

Dream sweet my lovelies :)

Word

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Just when you had given up
thrown down that glove
had said “Enough!”

Just when one more
well meaning soul
says, “Time will tell."
You quell the urge
to tell them to
“Back off!”

You fall under a spell.
Threads that connect
Vein to blood
Heart to soul
Mind to laughter.

It’s an interstellar matter.

You yourself
would have scoffed
at those words.
so trite.

Laugh to yourself
and think,
“Well now who’s
right?”

And watch
your very feet
take flight

to parts
well-known
in dreams.

When once
you cried
alone
at night
because you
did not
believe.

The world
retrieves

the one
who takes
those tears
that water
your heart

and drinks them.

Sinks them
in the earth

a well of love
that grows
with them
to
new life.

Words Form Images

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Happy Imbolc!

The month of February brings the celebration of words in Leah's Creative Every Day Challenge.
The wordster in me is jumping for joy. :)

I have always swam in the wonderful realm of words. They open up worlds of imagination and through them I can invite others to explore the dusty paths, the secret valleys, the majestic forests, and the enchanted towers of my dreams. With words, I meander through the rain-soaked streets, and forbidden alleys, the nooks and rusted crevices of cities. People with mechanical eyes, or wings for feet reside there. They speak in musical notes, in fecund tones, in a myriad of registers.

Crafting words like a gleeful elf, molding the images in my head, and bringing them to life, has always brought me joy. Through words I speak with ghosts of my past, and the flesh of my future. I transverse vistas, and time, and possibility.

Words feed my soul, and speak for it.

Words lift my spirit and shape it's colors.

Words reach out, sometimes with tender fingers, sometimes with enraged fists and push their way into the world through the birth passage of my imagination. Their first sounds are heavenly.

Words are like my Diva's voice, raised high in the register, shattering glass and preconceptions, floating to the heavens on their separate and distinct notes, carrying the audience with them.

Words are like mighty streams, and meandering rivers, fathomless oceans and meditative lakes, that quench the thirst of my soul. My soul's voice. The voice that would otherwise be mute.

Words make me a fearless explorer, a powerful swami, an ageless wanderer of the spirit.

Words are my manna. They feed my hunger. My soul's need to break the silence of myth and rear it with love and unspeakable beauty.

Words wail my pain and that of others. Others who have not spoken, who cannot speak, find solace and power in words. Mightier than the sword, words outlast those who gave birth to them, and live like perenial seeds in those who ingest them. Words live forever, as long as there are eyes to read, and ears to hear. Words are eternal life.

And these words I offer to you.

Blessed be :)

p.s. If you feel like playing, look at the previous post and have fun creating your very own Box of Creative Goodies! :)

Cycles of life

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First of all I would like to warmly thank Jamie for running yet another amazing book club 12 Secrets. If you don't know Jamie, she is one of the most extraordinary people I have ever met. She walks in light, and emits light to all those around her. A wishstress, a life coach, a creative dynamo, a loving wife and sister, and daughter, and friend, she gives that love to the world by helping us get in touch with our own light, and others whose light is shining bright.

Thank you Jamie :)

The interviews she has set up with other women whose creativity is like a solar impact on the world, truly embody the inspiring soul that Jamie is. This week Jamie interviewed yet another creative fount of inspiration Leah whose "Creative Every Day" project fuels creative exploration and connection.

Thank you Leah :)

With that being said, I am participating in this book club to allow my creative spirit to frolic in the playground with others. Through your blogs, your art and your creative exploration, I am discovering pieces of myself and my creative history that have been forgotten, or lie dormant.

Thank you everyone, whether you are participating in this book club or not, whether you are a woman or a man, thank you :)

The 4th "secret" is about creative cycles.

Creativity, to me, is life. As does life, so does creativity. There are highs; there are lows; there are blahs; there are AHS! But life doesn't cease until it's time to for "that sleep of death, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil" (Hamlet, 3.1), and go on to the next adventure. And even then, I believe, creativity does not end. We are creative souls. Indeed, that is how our souls speak.

How do I deal with the lows? I ride them in glee. I enjoy the scenery, knowing that as with life, there is always another wave coming.

Blessed be :)

Words to Images

My wish for today in Jamie's Wishcasting Wednesday is:

For WINTER to be OVER!

To keep myself sane: I painted the following in PS and dabbled in some more poetry. :)

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Foot prints
Paw prints
Their prints merge
Over the lolling
Hilly verge.
White of the sky
Melding with brightness
Smoky breath
Lifts up in lightness.

Foot prints
Paws prints
That crunch
In the ground
The air is still
Steps echo
The sound.

In the snow
There’s a hush
When you know
There’s no rush
The heart beats
Furnace heat
Guiding feet.

Tree tops
Light drops
Stars pop,
First
In the glassy sky
Velvet-gowned
Burst
Retiring diva
Dropping her carat stones
Lazing back
Sparkling throne
Beyond the touch
Diamond snow.

And on the street
Right foot
Left foot
She drums a beat
Of longing
In her head.
And on her feet
Her runners worn
Right foot
Left foot
Her shoe laces torn
Strum on the pavement
With paw pads
A soft arrangement
Of loosely corded song.

She does not see
The shoelaces free
From all restraint
They twirl a dance
In dog eyes, trance
Beyond her gaze
And starlight glaze.

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The pineapple clouds
Heavy laden
Bobbed
Scraping buildings
And towers,
Even lower,
They dropped.

Glancing at them,
Our mouths water
Our minds drift,
Our disillusions
Shatter

Will they break open soon and sluice?
Smile and spill their juice
And deliver us all?

From stale existence
And dry persistence
Of that unmoving wall?

In the puddles they form
Will we jump like children
With umbrellas small?

Suddenly refreshed
From the sterility
of our urban angst
We taste the fullness
Of pineapple lust.

Be strong and blessed be :)

Showers of Gratitude

To shiny objects
our attention drifts
and hangs on
with dreamy bliss

What catches our eye? Captivates our focus? Fuels our imagination? Makes our heart soar? Pumps blood through our veins like a mighty river?

Let me start by saying. This community fascinates me to no end. Your creations. Your thoughts. Your struggles. Your victories. Your quiet moments. Your days of bliss. Your tireless search for beauty and light, meaning and direction. Your care and support for others. Your presence.

Before I even think about what fascinates me, I want to thank you all, for being.

I got three awards recently by two wonderful women in our community. There are rules to these awards, but I will break them. If you want to see them, I will provide links to their amazing posts, and you can read for yourselves. :)

Paula is a woman whose energy and love of life is greater than all the oceans put together. She is a loving wife, and a wonderful mother to two amazing children. Her photographs speak volumes of her love of life and her quest for meaning. They are captivating! She extends this light and joy to others through her comments and suggestions. I am also honored to announce that Paula is our newest contributor to my blog-zine Ola! Moana. Please take some time and show her some love.

Paula gave me this award: Thank you Paula! :)


This award is given to commentators who show support, inspiration and encouragement to others. I bestow this award to each and every one of YOU. Your comments are a continuous source of fascination for me. This is not a cop out on my part. It's not that I can't be bothered to pick five. It's that I cannot pick. Each and every one of you whether you comment once or every day, have given me a precious gift, and I would like to honor you. Thank you. :)

Please feel free to grab this badge and give it to someone or everyone who has encouraged you! :)

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The other two awards were given to me by June. June is a wonderful source of inspiration. A wife, a mother, and a grandmother, June not only creates beautifully whimsical art and unique jewelry, she prompts others' creativity through themes on the Dark Side. She is a supportive and caring blogger who takes the time to honor others' creativity as well. Please take the time and visit her with some love. :)

June gave me these two awards: Thank you June! :)



This award I pass on again to each and every one of YOU. From cookies to earrings. From watercolor to paper. Your creativity springs forth from you like the fountain of life. You inspire thought with your images and words. You are simply wonderful.


And this! Thank you June! :)

This badge is one great big HUG for each and every one of you for being here. For caring. For being YOU! Thank you! :) Feel free to grab the badge and spread your hugs!

Please grab the badges and sport them with pride. I give them to you with love! :)

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Speaking of spreading the love. I have a gift to give to one special person who I have met through the blogosphere. She is a warrior, brave in her conviction, overcoming obstacles and doing so with honesty and bravado. She is an inspiration to others in oh so many ways, so I made this mantra card for her to honor her recent birthday.

So without further ado, this card is for our Sacred, and beloved Suzie!

For those of you who don't know, this is Suzie's personification of her creative spirit Cinnamon! This is how I see her.

Happy Birthday Suzie! May all your dreams come true! :)

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Of course Cinnamon's setting is the kitchen! That is her seat of power! Her weapon of choice, the wooden spoon is not her only tool. On her utensil belt she carries all the tools of her majestic creativity. Through the windows, you can see the stunning vista of Cinnamon's beloved British Columbia. :)

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Steve Emery awarded me with the Six Random Meme. Steve is an amazing artist and person. His honesty, integrity, thoughtfulness, creativity and intelligence shine through his words and watercolors. Please take some time to visit Steve, and be prepared to be absolutely captivated. Thank you Steve!

Six random things about me:

1) I have visited every single type of church, temple, or synagogue at least once, in my quest for spiritual meaning. I chose not to be part of any religious institution, with respect.

2) I always doodle flowers and eyes when I am bored, to stay alert.

3) I make a wicked chai from scratch! It's something I inherited from my Egyptian roots.

4) I got my first gray hair at age 18, and it started out as a strand of golden tinsel. Yes, like the one on Christmas trees. It was gold for three days, then turned gray.

5) I made my first necklace when I was four.

6) I have had prophetic dreams of people and places which I encountered later in my life.

That's it for now! Phew!

I award this meme to each and every one of you again. Why? Because I am fascinated with people's life details. :) So if you want to participate please feel free! :)

I know. I'm such a rule-breaker. :)

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Oh right. I forgot. I was supposed to be writing about my fascinations. I will. But not now. :)

For now, I will post an image I worked on yesterday. Yet more experimentation in a different style. :)

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Blessed be :)

Confessions of a Risk-Taker

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First of all let me start by confessing, I did not read the 3rd chapter of 12 Secrets. I have been too busy these past few days, and my brain threatened to short-circuit. I have started reading some of your blogs, however, which I found, as usual, most inspiring and uplifting.

So. Risk.

Getting up in the morning is a risk. No one knows what the day will bring. We take risks all the time: emotional risks, professional risks, interpersonal risks, creative risks. We risk every time we open our mouths to speak our opinion, or our feelings. Because no one can know the outcome.

Life is a risk.

Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. If we didn't risk, we wouldn't be able to speak or think, or create. We would still be living in dark caves, grunting responses. No invention, no discovery, no monumental event has happened without risk.

So what I have I risked?

At 16, I left my parents home because I could no longer take the tyranny of their oppressive rules. I went to Greece and attended University there. I sold my piano, for my tuition, and I worked to support myself. I sold jewelry on the streets. I was a bar tender. I was a waitress. I worked at a flower crafts factory. I tutored spoiled kids in English.

At 20, I returned to Montreal to pursue my Masters. I got a loan. I worked as a waitress, a cashier, and a bar tender. I tutored spoiled kids in Math and English. By 22, I was disillusioned with academia and decided I was going to pursue teaching as my career.

I lived with roommates, and stumbled into the world of dating and "love". I risked my heart, and my health in a string of unwise relationships, because I was naive and untrained. I was raised in a very sheltered way, and I had not really had the chance to interact with boys and men in a gradual way. My learning curve was non-existent at the time.

At 23, diploma in hand, I left Montreal to come to Toronto. I had no family or friends here. I stayed with my then ex-boyfriend's cousin for a year, as a live-in nanny, while I got my feet on the ground. The risk? Her boyfriend was a big time drug dealer with drug dealing friends and "clients". After escaping being murdered and raped, I moved again. By then, I was working at a language school until I got my Ontario credentials. I moved into my first apartment.

A couple of years later, I risked marriage to a sweet man who turned out to have no ambition and a big heroin/cocaine problem. Four years later, I left him and started yet again.

I risked meeting a man who I found through an online dating site. We had fallen deeply in love. I risked my heart. Only to find out he was married. I walked away. Goddesses don't work that way.

Then I risked it again with another man. It didn't work out.

And again with another. (Did I mention I have a slow learning curve?) He proposed. He was going to move here from the states. It was all set. He backed out at the last minute. The risk was too high for him. My heart petrified. My learning curve stalled.

In that time, I bought my first home, way too big for me, but beautiful, by myself, on a wing and a prayer. Two years after that, I sold it at a profit and bought my current, much smaller and cozier home.

I took two years leave without pay, to pursue my dream of starting my own magazine. I spent all my savings; my partner backed out; but, I kept it alive for a year by myself, then admitted defeat. I went back to teaching.

This is the skeleton of my risk taking.

Now?

I risk every time I post a blog about myself, my thoughts, my feelings, my struggles. I don't know who is reading this and how they will take it. I don't know how I will be judged. I often ask myself, "What makes your life so interesting that others need to read it?" Nothing. But if anyone, just one person, will gain solace or understanding from my blog, then the risk is worth it.

I risk every time I post my art work or poetry on this blog. To my infinite surprise, people have been most kind and supportive. And when they have nothing good to say, they say nothing at all. I love that about you.

Now, in my 40th year, or is it 41st, I ask myself, "What risks are you going to take?"

The answer? I have no blessed idea.

Right now, I am coasting through turbulent waters. There are spectacularly clear patches, and there are muddy patches. All I know is, I wake up every morning, and I risk. At work, I am trying to reorganize a department in near shambles and there is some resistance, and some resentment. But when the dust clears, there is gratitude. In my life, I try to smile and put myself out there in the hope that my heart will not be demolished again, by anyone.

So yeah, I am no stranger to risk. What is strange to me is the Hollywood ending that risk brings. Yet, I still risk the chance that one day, I too, will get it. :)

Mermaid's Chorus

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In waters deep
She swims
She flies
She loves
salt water
in her eyes
She dreams
She longs
for ocean
skies
deep coral
grooves
that multiply.
The shadows
of top beings
drift
and to the surface
her dark eyes lift
and wonders what
and who
and why
these beings try
to obscure
the sky
The fins that whisper
a warning wave
She sees top beings
sink to their graves
deep in the heart
of ocean blue
they drop through weeds
and fall from view.
The dolphin song
make her lips smile
she rests
and listens
for a while.
Her mermaid call
they answer swift
and through the currents
together drift
and dream as one
for days so calm
when the top beings
don't cause harm
to fish
to plant
to salty deep
they sing together
until they sleep.

The Shadow of Light

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Sometimes I think I sound like Ms. Pollyanna, because, sometimes, I feel like one. No matter what I have experienced, no matter how bleak the situation, I always try to see the light side, the one thread of hope that takes me out of that empty tunnel. I have known despair and loneliness. I have known a sorrow that grabs hold of my very marrow and shakes it. Yet, I hold on to the blissful moments, to the hope of their return. To the hope of their return.

In my attempt to remain authentic, however, I need to also honor the dark side of me, of life, of my thoughts. That is not to say I am feeling depressed or sad, but sometimes, I step into the shadows to explore whatever needs illumination. If I do not, I am in denial.

In seeing the dark side, I am thankful for the light, for one truly cannot exist without the other. The majesty of the stars needs the velvet backdrop of the night. The play between shadows and light brings soft contours, or sharp contrasts. Only darkness can truly illuminate the eternal glow; that is why diamonds are showcased against dark materials. In their co-existence there is stunning beauty. There is the awe of their difference, loving each other.

In my travels, I see the sadness, the despair, the pain of others. I recognize it. It's deeply human. I see the struggle towards the surface, towards the light. And it is truly a magnificent thing to behold. Because our pain is what makes us human. As does our joy. As does our need to feel the crevices and valleys in between. We ache for fulfillment and cloak our lives in the things that bring us bliss. A safety net against the waiting moments of longing, confusion, loss.

We each walk a different path, experience a different moment. Yet who among us has not been on that same path in a parallel time, in a parallel universe? We seek those of like mind; the comfort of their existence validates our own. Yet, equally we seek those whose path is diametrically opposed to ours. Lest we forget. Lest we become complacent.

I am fully aware that I am rambling. But I am humbled. Humbled by my blessings. Humbled by the very precious experiences that are missing from my life. Humbled that I have reached this far, and am still whole, still breathing, still hopeful. Still hopeful.

There is such debilitating beauty in this world. Moments that take my breath away. Moments that flood my throat with tears and blur my eyes with emotion.

Men who are not belittled by their public declarations of love. Women who save others from the jaws of despair, yet still find the time to create. Men who struggle with the judgement of others, yet have the time to lend their neighbor a helping hand. Women who raise their children alone, yet find the strength to smile and bake a cake. People who search for meaning in a world wounded by meaningless brutality and cruelty. Yet, there is time to wreck a journal and laugh like kids again. There is time to arrange flowers just so, and come back with yearning to one's garden that has thirsted with their absence. Students, so filled with love that they take the time to organize a party for their teacher. Friends who forget. People who are so absorbed in their own microcosm that they do not see an other's loneliness. People who go out into the bone-biting cold in search of elderly who might need assistance in a black-out. We are those people.

This is who we are. The light and the dark. And we are beautiful.

Blessed be :)

In-SPIRIT -I-On

A flower unfolding
in delicate glow
The softness and beauty
of new-fallen snow
The moon overhead
smiling her beams
The clouds reflecting
last night's lovely dreams
A shadow that's cast
by a tree's gracious boughs
The touch of a rainbow
The shimmer rain shows
The lights of the city
A building's great height
The brick and the mortal
A turret delight
An alcove
A street lamp
the cobbles
the fence
A smile on a child
in her brand new pink dress
The kids in
the playground


Red buses
New shoes
The thundering subway
Man singing the blues
The wind as it whistles
The mills as they turn
The glow of a flame
as slowly it burns
The smiles
and the tears
The shades
and the lights
the darks
and the yellows
the stars
in the night
The way my soul wanders
when I'm near the sea
Life's tender unfolding
All inspire me.

*The impetus for the poem here! :)

Sunshine Moments

Firstly, THANK Y♥U for all the beautiful wishes for my birthday yesterday. Your love and warmth truly touch me to the core of my being. You are all spectacular souls! I am so honored and grateful to know you. :)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I need some sunshine and warmth, and since the weather isn't cooperating, I decided to make me some. :)

Last night I went to Danette's PlayLab. It was the perfect thing to do on my birthday. It was calm and reflective, creative and fun.

And I learned a couple of things:

• I am not afraid to experiment, and throw myself out there any more. I am not afraid of judgement. I don't like it, but I am not afraid of it.
• I do not get mortally connected to what I have made. When asked if we would mind ripping it up, I asked, "How?" That's huge. Being over-connected to my creative products is yet another way for my ego to interfere with my play. So a piece is ruined or gets lost, or whatever. That's just one piece. Our creativity is much larger than that. It is the sum of the parts.
• Pastels and watercolor have an interesting interaction and chemistry. They are an "odd" couple, but they make their relationship work. I am new to mixed media and I am loving it the more I try or see or learn.
• I don't need to have my studio all set up and perfect to start my creative journey with painting. It is just another project that is delaying my process. I need to just jump in there and do it. :)
• When I am creating, the world disappears. And sometimes, that is a good thing.

AH! That's it for now... :)

May your explorations be bountiful and fearless!

Blessed be :)

If Wishes Were Lollipops

I would be a kid again!

It's Wishcasting Wednesday over at Jamie's Starshyne Productions!

Make a wish for your creativity, and go over to Jamie's wonderful and inspiring blog to add it to Mr. Linky and see what others' wishes are!

When you comment, say, "As _____ wishes for her/himself, so I wish for him/her also."

Well, today I am 40. Yipes. When did that happen? I guess it happened while I was busy living, learning, loving, BEing.

I want to celebrate by sending out a wish not only for myself, but for everybody. My wish is that our creativity abounds. That it provides ourselves and others with endless JOY. That what we create be an INSPIRATION to others, and help them find their sources of creativity, joy and light. That it brings us SUCCESS in whatever form we consider it to be, recognition, fame, increased earnings, reaching out to others. That is my wish. :)

What is your wish? :)

It Begins...

Yesterday, I think my head exploded.

I got into this state of creativity, and activity like no other! I played around in photoshop all day. Took a long walk to balance things out. Several ideas crystallized in my head and formed decisions. More on the decisions later. :) But first art...

I am exploring light and shade right now in photoshop and I made another graphic novel scene. For those of you who don't know what a graphic novel is, the best way I can describe it, is it's a comic book for adult audiences. It deals with more serious, darker issues. They use usually mostly black and white stylized art. Frank Miller is a great and prolific example of a graphic artist.

Here is my scene:

Subway Encounter

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It's full of mystery and intrigue, and little bit sexy too. My focus was light and shade. Light and shade. S0 I took out all the colors except her lips. It took me a long time to do this because drawing with a mouse is becoming increasingly challenging. I need to stop whining about it, and go buy myself a tablet already. I'm taking the day off Wednesday for my birthday, so that is what I will get myself. :)

The next piece sort of came out by itself. I started freehand drawing without really thinking about it. I was going to draw yet another scene from this graphic novel which seems to be developing on its own, frame by frame. (More things to ponder...)

Cityscape

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This is all new to me. What I like about this above piece is the free-flowing "nothink" (thank you Kim ) way I made it. I didn't attempt to be realistic in anyway, yet it captured the essence of this city. I am surprising myself! It's really exciting to create. From nothing, comes something. And there it is!

The Decision

I could not ignore the screaming, and from your lovely advice, I didn't. Besides, I couldn't if I tried.

So Ola! Moana is reborn... here! <-Please, click on the link and leave her some ♥ love!@ :) It's a blog-zine (has this be coined yet?) in its infant stages, but I am excited!

I have to say all this surge of creativity is in large part due to you!

Y0ur encouragement, your comments, your own amazing creativity in whatever form it takes, is fueling me. Leah's Creative Every Day, Jamies' Next Chapter series, your sublime art, writing, cooking, decorating, photography, collaging, pottery, videos, child rearing, crafting, jewelry designing, Mantra Mondays, Trash Tuesdays, Project 365, Celebrating the heArt loveliness is infectious and I love it!

THANK Y♥U! and Blessed be :)

Cynics and Scapes

I had a couple of "encounters" yesterday with people from the Tribe of Negative. They spewed their cynicism and criticism, trying to dominate a foothold into my consciousness. Guess what happened? They didn't succeed.

I can be a cynic. I have been accused by those who judge too quickly that I am. Sometimes truth can be seen as cynicism. Sometimes when I point out the disingenuous, I can be called a cynic. But I have not put someone down, and certainly not for the sake of making myself feel better.

I can be sarcastic. Hello? I'm a Capricorn. We have it patented. But, my sarcasm is more societal than personal. My sarcasm is my sharp wit, but it is not used to cut someone up into shreds (unless they ask for it). Not to make myself feel smarter than someone who is feeling low. I don't take someone's genuine intent and belittle it, publicly, for the sake of humour so my nasties can laugh. That's just playground bully tactics.

I often tell my students that there is an intrinsic difference between a critique and criticism. And that is in intent.

When one critiques, one takes an objective look at a product, and assesses it first for its successful aspects, and then makes suggestions for its aspects that fall short. Critiques are valuable both to the creator and to the person offering his/her opinion. It is not a personal attack.

Criticism is. People use criticism to find fault, to belittle, to tear apart someone's genuine effort. The critic pretends to be objective, but the criticism takes on an ugly face. It attacks the creator through his/her creation.

I know many will not agree with this differentiation, but it is key. There is value in pointing out where something can be bettered, where weaknesses can become strengths, and anyone who offers their work up for public consumption must be prepared for it.

The problem is, we now live in a society where tearing someone down has become this mob mentality of gleeful destruction. Look at any "entertainment news" show. Read some reviews. Go to some "spoof" blogs whose sole purpose is to make their cronies laugh at the expense of someone else's genuine attempts/endeavours.

Anyway. I had to get that out! Thank you for indulging me. :)

I am not going to go into further details, because these people do not need encouragement or acknowledgment. But I will thank them. Because they showed me their true colors, and they showed me who I do not want in my life. And that is wonderful! :)

So now. Art.

Treescape

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I have always been engrossed by trees. Metaphorically they offer their root system for grounding, their reaching up toward the sun for freedom, their many faces for emotions. Spiritually, they offer the solace of endurance, stability, nourishment, and safety. Trees can be majestic or frightening, depending on the setting, the circumstances, the scene. There are so many types of trees, each with his/her own personality. They bear fruit. They flower. They carry houses where laughter and secret societies bloom. They sway in the tropical breezes, or shiver in the frosty fog. Trees are tall and stately, or dwarfed and knotty. They have faces; they have life force; they have wisdom. Trees are just plain magical. So I painted trees. In PS for the first time. And guess who came to visit? Little red and a magpie! :) But I didn't stop there. :)

I have always been captivated by graphic novels, anime, and their artistic style. So I decided, I would experiment to see what I could do with it. Remember, I'm a total newbie. But here it is:

Toonscape

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I painted the girl and man trying to make it as stylized as my outdated PS and mouse will allow. (I simply must get a tablet!) I worked on the shading, and its a bit off kilter, but trust me when I say, hours of work on them and multiple layers to even approximate the effect I was going for.

Some of you might recognize this man. He has appeared in two of my Tarot cards, and is a face that recurs.

The backdrop is from a picture a friend sent me long ago of a neighbourhood in NYC. She didn't include the name of the place and I have long ago lost track of her (sad), so I cannot enlighten you. I manipulated the light and texture to make it more stylized to go with the effect I am trying to create. Et voila! Toonscape.

I am committed to trying as many new things and styles as possible in my creative ventures.

One thing I have been mulling over was to resurrect an online magazine (e-zine) I started a few years back with a partner who dropped out almost immediately because of personal issues. It was a tongue-in-cheek woman's magazine hosted by a character we created called "Moana". We called the magazine "Ola! Moana". My friend, Danette, drew most of the images that went with the various sections. It has been now prodding me daily and the idea is now screaming. "Make me into a new blog!"

Can I ignore screaming?

I don't even know where I have put all the material. Do I start from scratch? Can I keep up with this blog and all the wonderful bloggers, the two blog projects I am participating in, my art, my job and this?

I have a lot to think about, no?

What do you think? :)

May your days be merry, full of wonderful scapes and no nasties! :)

Blessed be :)

Garnet Moon

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Before I say a single word about anything, I would like to once again say THANK Y♥U to each and every one of you! Thank you for coming to my humble blog. Thank you for leaving your comments of encouragement, support, praise, advice, perspective. Thank you for sharing your stories; thank you for showing me I am not alone. It makes me happy that I know you are somewhere in this world, making it a better place.

Tonight is a FULL Moon! If you can, you must go out there and bathe in her splendor. I must be part wolf, because the moon has always been my guiding light and haven. She is so serene, so purely sculpted, and even if defiled by astronauts and their toys, she has retained her beautiful dignity.

The magical Jamie, our fountain of inspiration, is now hosting the Full Moon >Dream Board!

I decided to combine two of my inspirations into one.

I am also participating in Jamie's book club -12 Secrets of Creative Women- (see left sidebar). As part of this amazing circle, Jamie is interviewing 12 inspirationally creative women, the first of whom is Jennifer Lee. You really must listen to the interview yourself! Just follow the links :)

Ms. Lee talks about acknowledging her inner Muse's voice. While I was listening to her interview and, before that, reading her blog, I thought, "I have acknowledged my guide; it's time to acknowledge my muse."

So here she is: Garnet Goddess, featured in this month's dream board above.

The garnet is one of my favorite stones which coincidentally is my birth stone. It contains the richness and headiness of wine, the life force of blood, and the dulcet tones of passion. This fully describes my muse because she is fearless. She is confident. She is fiery. I am happy she is in my life.

I painted her using PS and a mouse as per usual. I added a couple of pieces of stunning garnet jewelry to adorn her, and gave her a back drop of Garnet Brocade flowers. I really enjoyed making this piece. It was a wonderful way to focus, meditate and create. Thank you again Ms. Lee for the sparkling inspiration!

For the Dream Board, I added my wish to the moon. Unconditionally. That is how I want to be. :)

On that note, I am happy to announce I made my decision. It came loudly and clearly. I will take the position of Curriculum Leader for one more year. I need to finish what I started and see it to its completion. Then, I can step away, knowing I have done everything I need to do in restoring order to a department that desperately needs it. Then, it will be off to whatever new challenge comes my way. :)

Speaking of challenges, I was so intrigued to find so many voices joining mine in their childhood experiences with art. I am currently working through all the wonderful blogs on my roll and on the rolls of 12 Secrets and Creative Every Day where I am finding such synchronicity, it sometimes brings tears to my eyes.

One of my new blog friends, Steve Emery made a very insightful comment (among so many) in yesterday's post that left me thinking. He said, "Oh - and as for the discouragement of teachers. Sigh. Sometimes it makes me angry. Other times sad. And yet other times I wonder if it's like the soil a seedling has to push through - it's tough, not everything or everyone makes it through, but when you do, you are firmly rooted in it - almost like the criticism makes you stronger, more determined, more yourself."

So TRUE! Their criticism did egg me on to prove them wrong because I am a stubborn wench, and I cannot abide by others putting me or anyone else into a box, into a category, into the corner. So I must take a moment to thank Steve for pointing that out, and to thank all the naysayers in my life, because without them, in part, I would not be who I am today. My roots would not have been quite so sturdy and my quest for the light would not have been quite so determined!

May you each find the strength to bust through the confines of others' judgement, find your inner muses, and sing in the moon's lovely light! And sing it loudly and unconditionally! :)

Blessed be :)

Dilemmas and Fruit

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I was feeling kinda fruity last night, after an eventful day at work. So I experimented some more with Photoshop. As I said yesterday, I wanted to combine my digital manipulation skills with painting using this program. So here is my first attempt. The background is peeled clementines in a watercolor effect. The girl, "Clementine", is a manipulated photo of one of her namesakes. I pushed and prodded and painted and highlighted and tweaked a clementine into a face. The hair is a manipulation of the leaves. I added some clementines for her headdress, then played around with light and colors. Le voila!

So, while you ponder Clementine, here is today's installment, of Genie's Dilemma. The three page directive went over quite well with the department. I have heard no grumblings; instead people seemed engrossed in it. I got all the exams revised according to specs. AH!

Of course, since things were going so smoothly, another lovely new challenge fell into my lap, well, actually, into my mailbox. The posting for my position (Curriculum Leader) and for the Assistant CL were placed in my box, as a subtle reminder that I need to reapply for this job if I want it for another year.

Do I want it for another year? Sheesh. Can't I have one day of peace? heh

Renata, who is the ACL right now was supposed to have the job for another year, and was surprised and delighted to find out that it was posted again. She doesn't want to reapply.

Do I? Of course, I have very little time to think about this...

Deep in thought, I made yet another fruity concoction with Photoshop (PS).

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I used my other favorite fruit, the pomegranate. It inspired a "Little Red Riding Hood" theme. I took a photo of a half pomegranate, and manipulated, painted, shaded, pushed and prodded it into her face. I duplicated the layer, and manipulated it to create her hood. The background image is a plate of pomegranates in watercolor brush, softened so as not to overpower the main figures. Then I painted a hand and a pomegranate that is being offered to her as "bait"? "reward"? Something?

I have a lot to think about today. I know I have achieved much, with Renata, in less than a year, and I can be proud of my accomplishments. There have been endless sources of frustrations, but these will exist whether I take this position for another year or not. The difference then will be, I will have no control over the situation, and it might easily revert to what it was before we put in all this work. IF I take the job, it will mean I might be working with someone who won't be as easy to work with as Renata. Maybe no one at all, since no one applied for the position I have right now in six rounds of postings last year. Did I mention our school does not have the best of reputations right now? Do you wonder why, reading my rants? :)

I will be still, and listen to what the Universe whispers to me.

As part of the process of becoming more authentically me, I am participating in another amazing blogging book club 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women hosted by the Incomparable and Highly Creative, and Resourceful, and Amazing Jamie!

I will be blogging about this daily, but I want to start by acknowledging my creative past.

I was always a creative kid. Doodling, fascinated with beads, filling notebooks with gibberish even before I understood human language. My father was an artist himself, an architect and a lover of all the arts. He made sure my life was steeped in the beauty of music, the lyricism of fine arts, the enchanting lines of architecture, the wonder of photography.

It was not until I entered the school system that I started to feel that being eroded day by day with constant criticism, constant comparison, constant rules.

• I wrote my first poem at age 8 about a butterfly. My teacher laughed at it.
• I was in a choir in elementary school. Our teacher would walk around to listen to us, and she told me to lip sync because I was throwing the others off.
• In my grade 8 art class, my watercolor of a woman was scoffed at by the teacher saying it looked more like a bull frog!
• I took piano lessons for 8 years (a lot of 8's) and when I joined the conservatory, my piano teacher screwed up his face like he swallowed a whole grove of lemons, and said "You have a lovely musicality (enter lemon face) but your technique is appalling."

Did that stop me? In some ways, yes (I gave up the piano and was afraid to sing). In some ways, no (I kept writing and painting).

I hated school until I went to university. There I found praise, encouragement, and respect for my creations and my ideas. I found professors who were not only creative themselves but who inspired creativity in us through their assignments.

What has it taught me? To be a better teacher. To encourage my students' creativity, to give them choices, to honor their interpretations and respect their visions. Because no matter what, no one has the right to shut someone else down because they see the world, and paint it, in a different light.

That is what I have learned.

I hope your days are bright, your decisions easy and your creativity fruitful! :)

Blessed be :)

Serenity Revisited

Good morning beautiful people!

I would like to start this day by saying Thank YOU! I don't know how you do it, but you have woven a magic carpet and allow me to ride it daily. Your words, your comments, your selves boost me UP, and I am so grateful. :)

My wish is coming true.

Yesterday, I was firmly inside my bubble of serenity, undisturbed. I floated through the day in bliss.

I printed out the directives that I had put together yesterday morning (3:30 am) for the department, (three pages) in preparation for the meeting. I photocopied them and placed them in their mailboxes. I even showed it to the Vice Principal in charge, and the Principal to make sure I didn't have anything over the top on there, and they want to use it as a template for other departments!

I took something that was frustrating me, and I turned it around. If I don't make a change, then I am doing everything for nothing. The department needs organization desperately, and that is exactly what I am doing. Even if I decide not to do this again, I will have achieved my goals.

I painted the above in photoshop as a celebration. That is how I was feeling yesterday. Floating.
It's challenging indeed "painting" with a mouse, but you know I love a challenge. *wink*

I also worked a little bit more on this landscape, and I believe now I am finished with it. :)

First stage:

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The clouds and water are mostly how I wanted them to be, but the mountain shapes and land mass lack definition.

Second stage:

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I made the mountains snowy and blue and added the fall trees on the edge of the lake. Better. I didn't know what to do with the brown goopy things behind them.

Final stage:

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I got rid of the goop, gave the mountains more definition and a darker color, added a few birds, and voila. Landscape Dream!

The next step in my creative endeavors is to combine the two skills I am acquiring in photoshop: digital collage, and painting. I am excited to see what I can come up with!

It has been such a blessing being part of this blogging community. I might sound like a broken record, but I cannot say it enough. I am challenged, inspired, supported, and nurtured daily by this Fountain of Love, this Tribe of Creativity, and I cannot get enough! :)

Thank you again!

Blessed be :)

Wishes, Monsters and Various Things

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Hello my lovelies! Thank you for all your encouraging and helpful remarks yesterday! You are like manna. :) Above is another attempt at art with photoshop... I have been doing graphic arts for years now, but this is new territory for me. This is the first step to me diving into un-virtual art when my studio is in place.

Why Medussa you wonder?

Well.

That's how I was feeling at the end of the day. I had followed through with my plan to keep my day peaceful and it was, until I stepped into the office at the end of the day.

I'm not going to bore you with details, but yours truly had a minor (okay majorish) meltdown. I discovered, yet again, final straw, that certain teachers were not doing what they were supposed to and it is putting the integrity of our exams into question. When I was told, "I don't care." I, unfortunately felt all my frustration bubble over into a minor nuclear incident. How does one make adults follow through and care about their professional duties? How?

I came home, and I seethed. I was exhausted and decided to skip dinner, and skip work, and just paint. So Medussa was born.

I went to bed early, disappointed in the people I work with, disappointed with myself for losing it, just disappointed.

Of course, my mind wouldn't shut down. So I woke up at 3:30 am and wrote down three pages of expectations for the department, for the courses, for final evaluations, and for exams. I feel better now but groggy as all get-go.

On to happier things...

I added to my landscape from the previous post and now it looks like this:

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Jamie is continuing her fabulous work with wishcasting . I am definitely in need of some wishes, so my first wish is for...

Undisturbed Internal Serenity

In your commments, if you wish to comment please include the following: "As Genie wishes for herself, so I wish also."

I need to be able to maintain my serenity in the face of continued challenges and adversity. I want my meltdowns to melt away. I am a passionate person, and though I control myself 90% of the time... well there is that 10%... There is so much a camel can take. :) I wish for an oasis of serenity to grow strong inside me. I wish to bathe in her waters, and feel fortified by her peace.

This is my wish for you as well.

Blessed be :)

FUN BABY!

The wondrous Molly at Her Speak came up with a wonderful idea of having a year Anthem. And after much consideration the following is mine! (Warning: Some spoilers if you haven't seen Wall-E)



The song makes my heart dance and this video absolutely encompasses the spirit of PLAY! Could You Be Loved? Mhmm, yeah baby! :)

Stay tuned for more play throughout the day! :) This is just the beginning! Weee!

And now, introducing the Flames suit of my Tarot deck!

I will giving more details about each card later, but for now, enjoy! I am off to the antique store to see about that side board! Wish me luck! :)

HERE IT IS! MY dream side board... I sigh! Look at the price and no lay-away plan :( I'm calling the boss on Monday!



I welcome your thoughts on the matter... This side board or a laptop? :)