Manifesto of Change

Here's the thing. I can write about my problems until my fingers fall off; it's therapeutic. However, I don't want to get stuck chasing my own tail of issues. To the outsider, I might be bitching too much, or focusing on my losses too much, or stuck in a holding pattern of regret.

Regret is a waste of time.

Things change even in infinitesimal amounts. This weekend my almost 20 year old indoor cat decided he had enough, taking off to explore the world as his last hoorah.  He's been out before, but never for four days; and I am left to struggle between sadness and hope. Sadness because I didn't get the chance to say goodbye, and hope because I know the courage his little soul has in taking on the world at his age. He has become my new hero who has delivered a powerful message to me. It's time for me to do the same.

I have decided to sell my house.

It's time to acknowledge that the reasons for buying a house have been miscalculated. I felt that in a house I would feel more of a sense of community, but I have not done so in either houses I have owned. Neighbours in reality, I have discovered, bear no resemblance to neighbours in the media. Sure, there are the waves and quick hellos as I walk to my car or water my garden or shovel the insane amounts of snow that fall, but there have been no block parties, or casserole dishes or friendly cups of tea. In a house, as in an apartment, I have been left pretty much to my own devices.

In a big city, everyone tends to their own, and good luck to you if you don't have a family or a group of friends that you've grown up with. You have to struggle to make and keep connections, otherwise you're a floating buoy in a sea of nuclear families and couplings. I thought purchasing a house would have given me a sense of belonging, instead, it's given me bills, and chores and headaches.

So it's time to call it a failed experiment and go back to compartmentalized living. I need an open concept unit with windows, in an area that's mixed residential and commercial. I want to be able to walk around, window shop, go for a coffee, get to know my neighbourhood. I need to be in a environment that's not solely occupied by families, couples and retirees. I'm looking for the right lifestyle, not just a place to live. I'll leave the gardening, snow shoveling and remodeling to those who love it.

It's time.

It's time to focus on the things I love like painting, jewelry-making, writing, dancing and photography.  It's time to look forward not backwards. It's time to heal from past wrongs, mistakes and abuses. It's time for my manifesto of change. Rather than go home to read or watch TV or putter around, I am putting together an interesting cocktail of classes for me to take during week nights. It's time to learn more about and participate in the things I have always wanted to do. It's time to act rather than wish things would change in my life. Now that I understand why I'm so screwed up, it's time to get over it, and just live the best life I can in a new environment with renewed interest.

It's time to follow in my beloved cat's footsteps. Meow.

~~~~~~~~~~

As I browsed through my favorite bloggers, I found that, yet again, Jamie Ridler has worked her magic. 

In her Wishcasting Wednesdays Jamie asks, "What do you wish to transform?"

 And there it is, perfectly aligned with my post. 

I wish to transform my life. 

Please join the Wishcasters as we weave some dreams into reality.

Tis the Season

I was listening to the radio, switching in and out of attention on the babble the goes on between songs, when I was struck by the following report: They asked the Santa Clauses to stop ringing their bells downtown because it  was irritating pedestrians.

Really? That's what irritates people? Christmas bells? Not mufflers? Or car horns? Or bus brakes? Or the stench of exhaust pipes? Or the exorbitant holiday "sales"? Or the line ups? Or people bitching about the weather and pretty season sounds?

What's next?

Christmas lights? They hurt the eyes you know if you stare at them too long. Or children's voices? They can be high-pitched when they're excited or laughing. Heaven forbid their joy and the beauty of the season interfere with people's cell phone conversations or shopping frenzy of consumer gluttony.

I'm weird. The thing I look forward to most is the get-togethers filled with holiday cheer and seasonal good will, the Christmas songs, the winter drab being taken over with lights and bells and tinsel, the children buzzing with anticipation. I love the smells of baking and specialty coffee and snow in the air.

What happened to Joy? Peace on Earth? Good will toward all? Including the silenced Santas.

Today, Jamie Ridler's Wishcasting prompt is: "What do you wish to transform?"

I wish to take the Grinch and Master card out of Christmas and transform it back to the magical, loving, sharing, joyous season it should be.

Balancing the Blue

Before I type anything else, I'd like to send a huge wave of ♥ to everyone who sent their warm wishes and thoughts in my last few posts. You fill my heart with comfort, my soul with fresh air, and my mind with possibility in moments that they feel most depleted and battered,. THANK YOU!   :)

If you don't know Jamie Ridler, you're missing someone special. She has the organic ability to intuit the pulse of the world by coming up not only with amazing reading circles, interviews, dream boards, and avenues to connectivity, but by waving her magic sparkling wand over us every Wednesday, invoking powerful wishes from all over the world.

Today's prompt, like so many others, seems to have grown from my thoughts and experiences. Today, Jamie asks, "Where do you wish to go slow?"

Funny, this question should come up during a time in my life when I have been feeling like I'm sinking from existence, slowly whithering away into a puff of forgettable smoke. Not being one to indulge in worry and self-pity for too long, I have been searching my heart and mind for an exit- a way to balance the feelings that threaten to drown me, and those that buoy me above the surface. I have been balancing on the blue, bobbing up and down, seeking a way to save myself from the creatures that lie below the surface, ready to pull me down.

I try not to panic and thrash, for that gives the creatures of the deep more momentum to drown me. In times of crisis, I, like many, tend to act without thinking, unleashing a chain of events that regress my steps to a time before enlightenment. Rash, quick movements are not the best when surrounded by the deep blue, ready to engulf those who do not respect it.

I still my mind and my screaming heart, letting my body float on the waters both raging and benevolent. I know how to swim. I must rely on that. There is a shore somewhere with a warm fire, fresh food and clean clothes for my heart to gain respite from the struggle. I must dig deep, and go slow. In slowing down, I gain strength and listen to the water's purpose. Maybe, it's not meant to drown me, but trying to pull me in a direction my clueless mind cannot register yet.

I wish to slow down, and listen to the wisdom of the blue. Let it pilot me on my Odyssean travels. In slowness, I will find redemption.

My Reality: The First Step - Honesty

As I approached my forties, I began to deal with the growing realization that my life was not going in the direction I liked. My marriage sunk pretty early on, and the relationships I had after that were less than successful. Though I love children, it was becoming increasingly obvious that I would not have any. I hadn't found a suitable partner, nor did I have the finances and support system to be a single mother. I know that in many ways I am like a mother to my students, but it isn't the same thing.

In the Smörgåsbord of Life, my plate was being filled with lemon rinds and over-ripe tomatoes.

While all my friends' lives have been multiplying with people, mine has been shrinking. Friends married or cohabited with their partners, moving on to lifestyles that don't include single friends. Friends with children bonded over their common experience, finding nothing in common with their childless friend. That's not to say that I don't still have a core of good friends, who are more like family to me; and I am truly grateful to them for being in my life, but they are a fraction of the people I used to have in my life.

My only true family, my parents, passed away within months of each other; and though there were people to support me through that time, their loss shrunk my life even more. I had to deal with the long process of grieving on my own. Because there is no downer like someone crying about their loss a long time after it happened, I keep that to myself.

I used to write these thoughts in my blog, until I started feeling like I would sadden my blog buddies with my process. So I have remained silent.

This all sounds very depressing, but it's the reality of the life I have been living. I have been doing my best to expand my circle of being outside my life of one, to reach out to those who are less fortunate, knowing full well how fortunate I am. I have a roof over my head; I can take care of my own needs.

But the core of joy, the type that comes with sharing a conversation over a cup of tea or a glass of wine at the end of a long day, or tucking in a little sleepy form and reading him a bedtime story, or the smell of a baby fresh out of the bath, warm and giggly, that joy has not been in my life. And I miss it.

So I have been doing my best, to deal with the grieving process, the resentment of "why me", the self-pity of not being deemed worthy enough by fate to be loved, and the anger at "wasting" my life. Because it's very easy to be joyous, to talk about art, and self-improvement, and crafty projects, it's very easy to succeed when you come from the nurturing of another's love. It;s not so easy when every day you have a dinner for one to look forward to and a "conversation" with the TV.

As part of my process of change, I have decided to voice my thoughts and feelings on this my blog. So I begin with honesty. Looking the situation right in the face, and admitting that I'm sad. And that is good.

And in the spirit of opening up to joy again, I return to the splendid Jamie Ridler's Wishcasting Wednesday!

Today, Jamie asks, "What do you wish to invite in?"

I wish to invite in Love, Companionship and Family!

Thank you Jamie!

Step Out

It has been a long time since I have had the time to participate in Jamie Ridler's amazing circle of wishers; but this week, I felt compelled, and of course, as usual the prompt is very timely.

Jamie asks,

What step to you wish to take?

It's time for me to step out. Out of my cocoon of safety and into the world. Over the past couple of years, I have holed up inside myself, recuperating from a series of loses. I did not do this consciously, but done it was.

It was not so hard to do. I work in a highly interactive and socially demanding environment. Going home and inside the quiet of myself, is a necessary response sometimes in order to survive.

But I went overboard.

And as a natural consequence, my social life has shrunk to a nonentity.

The phone has stopped ringing.

People have moved on with their lives without me in them.

Well, it's time to change that.

Time to reconnect with the rest of the world.

And here is how I will do it.

I will take my work to a café. I have a laptop now. I am not restricted to a specific spot.

I will reconnect with those I have lost track of.

I will volunteer and help my community.

I will take an art class, and maybe join a writers' circle.

I will go out at least once a week, even if it's alone. Just to get out.

I will step out.

Get out of head, and into the world.

I wish to fill my life with interactions and experiences and people.

There. I put it out into the universe. :)

May all your wishes come true!

Here's the Thing

Life has taken a hold of me in ways I only imagined. Through the many wonderful visualizations and wishcasting lead by our incomparable Jamie Ridler, I have been able to start achieving the things I have been dreaming about.

I am firmly on the way to restyling my home to suit my needs, and I am truly excited with the results which I will share with you once everything is completed. I hired a handyman though a company to do some small but necessary renovations which will be completed within the next two weeks. I have rearranged my home as per the plans I had shared with you here ! There is already a fresh energy in my home and I feel truly lightened by the whole experience. Every time I enter my home, I feel like I am being enveloped by warmth and welcome. And this is what I want all my guests to feel when they walk through my brand new door.

Last week, I went to a used furniture store and bought a table that will serve as a desk and a dining table when necessary. I also purchased an aerodynamic desk chair, a lovely oak dresser, a leather bench that will serve as a coffee table, additional seating and storage. All for 500 bucks. They are being delivered today and I can't wait to arrange everything!

Right now, I am typing on my new laptop which has come infinitely handy, but takes some getting used to. It took me about 3 hours on the phone with a technician to get my wireless working properly, to no avail; but today, I figured it out myself! I have been without internet at home for the part week, which is another reason I have not been online and blogging in a while.

I have missed blogging and all of you, and I worry that I am missing out on so many exciting things in your lives, and that it will take me forever to catch up!

I will be back with pictures and updates as soon as everything is settled. I hope all your dreams are coming true and that everything is well in your sphere of influence!

Blessed be! :)

Go is the New Stop

In everyday life, we are inundated with all the things we should stop. The voice is stern and judgementally harsh. Stop. Don't. Cease.

Well I say, GO!

Go on being your fabulous self.

Go out on a limb and be, do, try. Even when you think you can't.

Go into the spaces and breaths of the moment. Sit. Enjoy. Experience.

Go over the things that bothered you, and let them sit for tea, then let them go their way.

Go with your gut instinct. Accept her. She is wise and never second-guesses herself.

Go under the radar of other people's expectations and requirements. Release yourself from them.

Go along your merry way, and sing a happy tune.

Go where you have never gone before and take your captain's log with you!

And most importantly! Go on and Move! :)

And since it's Wednesday! That means it's Wishcasting time over at Jamie Ridler's Studios! Today Jamie asks,

What do you wish to share?

How fortuitous because I want to share the momentum of GO! :)

The Luxury of Time

It's been a while since I have participated in Jamie Ridler's Wishcasting Wednesdays , but today is a good day to start this amazingly positive practice again! This week Jamie asks,

"What luxury do yo wish for?"

That was easy.... I wish for the luxury of time and freedom.

Time to spend as I wish, free from financial worry so that I may do what I wish.

To write.

To create.

To travel.

To explore.

To experience.

Free from the shackles of the everyday.

To reach out to those in need of inspiration, help, encouragement.

To create my own school. A school not just for the wealthy but a school open to all. One that will be an environment of learning, experience and creativity. Filled with dedicated and creative teachers. Where physical education is about Dance, Tai Chi, Nia, Yoga and Meditation. Where guest speakers from all walks of life are invited to share of their experiences. Where imagination is fostered not frowned upon. Where resources are shared not hogged under lock and key.

That is my wish. :)

Invitation to Ascend

1. To Bring You My Love, 2. Coffee made with Love, 3. Love

Ascension
by Genie Sea

Like fire your voice beckons me
In your glow I melt
Warmed by your regard
Restored
To the woman I have been.

Like the air your breath enlivens me
In your breeze I fly
Currents of your love
Awaken me
To the man you are.

Like the sea your words dampen me
In your tide I gush
Lush under your fingers
I linger
Water under the moon.

Like the earth your flesh receives me
In your soil I slide
Nourished by your roots
Entwined
In the vines of our mingling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is my wish.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you wish to invite in?

Join others in their wishes at Jamie Ridler's beautiful new online digs.

click here --->Wishcasting

Feed the Love

(click to enlarge)

This mosaic represents this week's wish.

1. Creativity, 2. Happy Girls Under a Rainbow, 3. Friendship, 4. I guess this is love, 5. Study of a small girl with a prize Scottish terrier dog, c. 1935 / by Sam Hood, 6. The Kiss, 7. Alegria!, 8. Welcome to wonderful Vancouver 2010, 9. Holidays Timetable

Happy Canada Day
my fellow Canuckers!!

A hundred and forty-two years ago this wonderful country became official. This country that epitomizes self-effacing humour, a zest for life despite the elements, or even because of them, an immense and unique creativity, an acceptance and celebration of diversity, a commitment to global peace-making efforts. And let's not forget hockey, despite the fact the Stanley Cup hasn't made it north in quite some time. Oh! And Tim Horton's coffee. All Hail to the Crack King of Java!

What makes this day even more special is that it falls on the weekly celebration of wishes, hosted by the effervescent, ever-gracious and lovely Canadian, Jamie Ridler ! Today, Jamie asks us a timely, as usual question:

"What do you wish to nurture?"

So today, with Tim Horton's coffee steaming at my side, I ponder, and the answer comes willingly, happily, bounding in like a satisfied puppy from a day of frolicking at the beach.

I wish to nurture all that my country stands for.
I wish to nurture creativity,
collaboration,
diversity,
friendship,
compassion
and embrace the world with love.

I wish to nurture the smiles
and glow
on people's faces as they accomplish something
they thought they couldn't.

I wish to nurture the warmth of camaraderie
like a steaming cup of hot chocolate on an icy day outside.

I wish to nurture the sparkle of a perfect sunny day
like clinking glasses on summer patios,
toasting life and all its rich possibilities.

I wish to nurture people's success and discovery.
Nurture the child-like wonder and amazement that we seem to lose as adults.

I wish to nurture clasped hands in support and humanity.

I wish to nurture love.
Unconditional,
joyous,
accepting,
giving,
compassionate,
creative
love.
One that buoys
and strengthens
as we move forward
into a future filled with possibilities.

Yeah baby. That's what I wish! What do you wish to nurture? Speak up!
And join the ever-growing circle of Wishcasters here!

Wanna Play?

1. come play with me, 2. hoola hoops in as stack, 3. play, 4. Ayyy mista DJ., 5. colour chunks ii, 6. Birds on the wall, 7. playing the nine pins, 8. Palace Play Land, 9. Wanna play?

Did you know that Jamie Ridler is psychic? She must be because she did it again! She picked the perfect prompt for Wishcasting Wednesday! She asks:

Who or what do you wish to play with?

How did she know that today marks the end of three weeks of intense work hours for me? How did she know that after today, and for the next couple of weeks, I will be ready and willing to PLAY?

And what do I want to play?

I want to be a kid again and play games on a whim.
Tiddly winks and hoola hoops and rides!
I want to get my hands messy with art supplies and run with abandon in the field.
I want to learn how to hoop and hoop til I drop with exhilaration!

I want to make necklaces again like I used to and play with beads and stones and shells.

I want to get my fingers sticky with glue from making collages.

I want to make one huge playful MESS!

I want to get back to djing and play music to get people out of their seats and dance.

I want to play with color and fill my days with PLAYFUL JOY!

I want to play with everyone! My little friends and my big friends.
I want to fill the air with laughter of play.

I wish that every day is filled with the joy of pLaY!

Wish the Wish

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

We made it to the half way point in the work week, for most of us! Some people call it hump day. I call it Wishcasting Day!
The incomparable Jamie asks us today,

What do you wish for your body?

That's easy!

I wish to lose weight, get back the svelte, healthy body I had before I started ballooning.

And it's not just a matter of wishing. It's a matter of finding the right foods in the right balance, the right herbs, and the right activity schedule.

I have been battling this most of my life. I have tried every diet available. Every exercise program imaginable. The one time I was successful, I tried nothing. I just walked to and from work, and ate what I wanted in smaller portions. I went to acupuncture weekly.
I lost 100 pounds.

I am trying to reproduce that, hoping it will work again.

But the most important thing is attitude.
An attitude of success.
An attitude of acceptance and love of self.
An attitude of release.

Today, I release the burden. I release all the negative vibes that smother being big, and all the negative reinforcement out there. I release the idea that I am somehow less beautiful, less worthy, less attractive. And with that release, I let go of the weight that has been a barrier and a haven from having to put myself out there, into the world. Vulnerable.

So I have said, so shall it be. :)

Pass the Freedom, Please :)

1. Follow the red line, 2. 4 días libre / 4 days of freedom, 3. Eid Mubarak, 4. they fly low supreme!, 5. zero gravity, 6. Freedom, 7. RED SHOES, 8. "I Have A Dream...", 9. She's like the wind...

As Wednesday rolls around, I happily leave my haze to play along with Jamie Ridler's Wishcasting! Today, Jamie asks us,

What is your wish for June?

I meditated on the question, and several variations of the same answer came flooding in.

I wish for freedom.

Freedom from mind-numbing routine.
Freedom from financial restrictions.
Freedom from tedious paperwork.
Freedom to do as I please.
Freedom to explore.
Freedom to create.

I want the wind to freely play with my hair as I walk on the beach, free from worry.
I want to be liberated from the drudgery that has taken hold of my life.
I want free-flowing passionate and lasting love to fill my heart with that of another.
I want to be free like I was when I was a little girl.

Free from crippling judgement.
Free from ceaseless responsibility.
Free from debilitating expectation.
Free from other people's time tables.
Free from P.A. systems and meetings.
Free from duties that are meant to enslave the mind and soul.
Free from cloying and endless stupidity.

Free to be with people who love to create.
Free to sit for hours on end in reverie;
and then go do what I have been dreaming.
Free to shape my time into pockets of my own making.
Free to make a difference in my own way.
Free to be unique, not a cog in the wheel.
Free to revel in silence, or pump up the volume and dance.

I wish to be FREE! :)

Ready for Take-off

I love Wednesdays. Why?
Because today our weaver of magic Jamie Ridler hosts Wishcasting!
Today, Jamie asks,

"What frivolous treat do you wish for?"

This time I didn't have to think at all.

I wish to take a holiday!

The last time I went on "vacation" was two years ago when I went to Perry Sound for my friend's wedding.

The last time I was on a plane was to go to Philly almost 10 years ago.

Really.

That won't do!

It's very hard making ends meet being single with a home on a fixed income. The bills keep piling up and the house always needs something done. A vacation has become the "frivolous" expense that has fallen by the wayside.

But really, a vacation shouldn't be a frivolous expense! People need to step away from their daily routines, their "real" lives, and explore other places, new experiences, exciting adventures. And not just in their heads. Travel rejuvenates. Travel expands. Travel enriches.

So today, this is what I wish for!

My dream destinations? I made a mosaic!




1. Barcelona (III) Ramblas, 2. Di Gran Carriera, 3. A strange day in dublin, 4. Light at the End of the Pier - Hanalei, Kauai, 5. Miyajima Torii Worldheritage, 6. * Sunset and Architecture, 7. dockscape #5, 8. It sounds sooo good ...., 9. Oldest temple of Vientiane, 10. Wien, 11. Masai Mara Sunrise, 12. Happy end, finalement.


My realistic destination?



A week in Halifax.

:)

What's your wish?

Soul Paint

(click to enlarge)

Is it Wednesday already?

You know what that means?

It's Wishcasting Wednesday hosted by our charming, innovative, inspiring
Wishtress Jamie Ridler!

Jamie asks:
"What is your highest self wishing for?
What is rumbling in your soul?"

Today I thought I would combine two blog endeavors, so I let the questions stew while I was putting together the above composition for June Saville's Painting with No Mess or Expense project!

I didn't use MS Paint because it would not let me work with gradients. I kind of cheated and used PS; however, I only used shapes to put it together. I let my soul speak in primitive but fun ways!

And this is what it had to say:

I wish for my life to be enveloped by sunshine, happy nature, and gentle breezes.
I wish to take the time to listen to the birds in the trees,
and let my footsteps wander where they want to go.
I wish to hold his hand and smile while we walk aimlessly with purpose through a life filled with inspiration, creativity and abundance.

I am typing this while feeling the aftereffects of gardening. My back is very sore today. So much so that I have taken the day off. But I won't let a little pain get me down. I soar in my soul's rumblings of joy.

Joy.

JOY!

Thank you so much to each and every one of you for coming to my little blog and leaving your words of wisdom, encouragement, support and friendship. Whether you comment or not, I feel your lovely energy, and it fills me with happiness. Blessed be! :)

♥

Connect the Dots

"Be a maker of magic and a tender of wishes"

Jamie Ridler, our Leader in Dreams, Our Guide to Wishes, our own Fairy Godmother of Possibilities asks us this week,

Who do you wish to connect to?

I made this digital collage to encapsulate all the elements that I wish to connect to in this life. The central image is a woman leaping in dance, as I want to dance through the adventures of life.

I wish to connect to the life I am meant to live, not a life I am settling for.

I wish to connect with all the possibilities in this world; travel every nook and cranny; explore my imagination; and share it with the world.

I wish to connect with like-minded individuals in work, in play, in love, in creativity, in community, in life.

Heart, Mind, Soul.

Who do you wish to connect to? Join us in Starshyne Wishcasting. :)

Awards and Wishes

I thought it would be fun to show you one of the pieces I made back when I was in the graphic contest circuit. I had stumbled upon the world of 2D chat where I did extensive research on the chatting world, and myself became embroiled in high drama. People wore avatars of celebrities, manipulated and adorned graphically. That was my initiation into the world of graphic arts. From there, I became involved in the contest circuit, live (time limit) or posted on websites. I learned a lot, and became addicted to it. I no longer chat, but digital collage/painting has stayed as one of my passions. :)

My blog was most honored recently with two awards by three fantastic women.

Linda from Vulture Peak Muse gave me the Honest Scrap Award. Before I go on to reveal the 10 (!) honest things about myself, it behooves me to tell you some honest things about the amazing woman who bestowed me this award.

Linda is an artist with a very deep sensibility. Her watercolors evoke emotion and response and make you want to reach through the screen, through the canvas, to dive into them in total ecstasy. Her blog is buoyed by an unrelenting honesty, an authentic sincerity, that touches her readers to the very marrow of their being. Her photography is effusive with color and composition. I love to gaze at her photos of her grounds and the wonderful creatures that occupy them, not to mention the treasures from days-gone-by that fill her landscape. Her home is captivating, as well it should be. It houses one of the most unique and genuinely artistic talents of our time.


The rules of this award are:

1.You must brag about the award.
2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger.
3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. 4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself.
Then pass it on with the instructions!

In a moment or two....

Before I talk about myself, honestly (for a change LOL!), I want to acknowledge the other two inspiring women who have awarded my blog with the Kreativ Blog Award!

Tabitha from Knitting Journeyman Redux which is one of her six blogs (I don't know how she does it!) is a relatively new blog acquaintance of mine. Her frank posts and her dedication to discovering self and the world around her is vastly evident. She plunges into every inquiry with a fiery honesty that is truly amazing to read!

Sema from AffirmArt is a very talented artist and textile designer whose mandalas are absolutely stunning. Her joy in living and search for spirituality are very evident on her blog that pops with color and grace. As I read through her posts, I often find myself nodding and smiling in glee.




This award requires that I write about 7 things that bring me joy, and pass it along to 7 bloggers.

How long is this post going to be? :) How about I split the difference?

7 Honest Things About Me That I Enjoy:

1. I am a master procrastinator. I do pretty much everything the last minute. In university, I wrote my essays hours before they were due, and got A's for my "trouble". The one time I preplanned an essay weeks in advance, I got a B. Kill that noise! :) I do this because I enjoy the danger of the deadline looming over my head. :)

2. I love games. Video games, board games, card games, online games, crosswords, Sudoku etc. The only thing I hate is mind games. If I have to, I can play mind games right back, and win. :)

3. I am not very domestic. I will clean and do chores because it's necessary, but Snow White I ain't. I don't sing a happy song when I am cleaning out the toilet bowl. I don't frolic through my garden as I wrestle with the weeds. But I do love the smell of a clean house and the view of a tended garden. I would have been happy to have a maid and a gardener. :)

3. I don't like to be told to do things. In fact, even if I have a propensity to do them, I won't if someone demands I do so. Especially if they do it rudely. You can call me stubborn. Others have. I have tried to change that about me, but in the long run, I like that I can't be bullied. :)

4. I have come to know car noises. I know when the tires are deflated, when the muffler is loose, when the alternator is about to kerplunk, when the brakes need pads. I can't fix any of those things, nor do I want to, but I am proud that I can go to a mechanic and say, "I think it's the..." and be right! :)

5. I like to play music very loudly in my car, unless there is another car next to me with loud music I like. You won't be surprised to know I bop around and sing in my car. Nothing like it! :)

6. I prefer an authentic melt-down to a fake euphoria. I do not respond well to fakers, and I tend to call them out. Drama Queens get no attention from me. I like people who are honest in their intention and emotions.

7. I root for the underdog. Always. No one puts baby in the corner around me. The horse with the most odds against her is the horse I pick. The team with the least chances is the team I want to win. I appreciate determination and I love to reward it.

I will be doing a separate post passing on these awards. This is long enough, and I believe those blogs need the honor of a separate post!

Today is Wednesday, and since our magical Wishtress Jamie Ridler is on much deserved vacation this month, she has graciously given me permission to step in and host the prompt for this week:

What do you wish to find on your doorstep?

Visit Jamie on her blog for a week of amazing guest bloggers on Balance! :)

One Year Blogger: Gifts and Books and Giveaways.

One year ago today, I got the idea to start a blog from Caroline and the BB Dishchicks which is a fantastic blog dedicated to Big Brother. I started this blog because I had so much inside me to say, and no one to say it to. I needed a place to drop my thoughts before I dropped from the exhaustion of carrying them. The blog was dark, unadorned, imageless.

I had two loyal, loving friends reading; Danette and Emily.

Since then, my blog lightened. Images came to being. I made more friends. Loyal, supportive, inspiring, wise and kind. It started with Jamie Ridler and her amazing book club- Soul Coaching. It helped me meet the most wonderful group of angels on earth, and through them, I met more. All of you.

And so to thank you, I am giving away some of the wallpapers I made. But I am going to go one step further...

I will be making something for each of the 19 people who commented on the giveaway post as a thank you. When I complete your gift, I will contact you on your blogs. :) It may take some time, but I will make it!

Without further ado here are the winners which I drew out of an empty purse. I don't have pics as my camera batteries died. :) You can trust me that I did this fairly.

The winners please email me at [genie1sea][at][yahoo][dot][com] with your preferences in order of 1.2.3.

I also drew two extra names for good measure as there are 5 wallpaper giveaways.

1st choice goes to: Pamela from A Touch of Inspiration

2nd choice goes to: Steve from Color Sweet Tooth

3rd choice goes to: Robyn from Tales of Inglewood

In 4th place are two more fabulous bloggers who will each also receive one of the wallpapers:
Caroline from Caro's Lines
Serena from Art by Serena

Whether you won or not, whether you commented or not, know that I am thankful daily to have met you, and that you are somewhere in this world making it a better place.

Thank you!

And today being Wednesday, it means it's Jamie Ridler's Wishcasting !

The prompt is: What do you wish to read?

I have countless books on my list of reads as I am a voracious reader. The one thing I wish to keep on reading because it is my daily source of inspiration is all of your blogs.

Because.

Of all the books I have read in my life, and have yet to read, your blogs have given me the most to think about, rejoice about, laugh about, write about, paint about. You are all wonderful!

Blessed be :)

My Stone. The Summit.

Today is Wednesday and you know what that means? Yes! It's Wishcasting with Jamie Ridler over at Starshyne Productions! And this week's question is:

What step do you wish to take?

I read that question, and pondered. And I pondered some more. My brain went into a little seizure. "What step don't I wish to take?" it kept repeating. I decided to do a Flickr random search to inspire me. I settled on this cutie pie. How little she is and yet so confident, standing on a little stone that looks like a mountain to her. On the summit, overlooking her domain, soaking in the rays of the sun and her achievement.

That's where my problem lies. I can hardly ever soak in my achievement. I always focus on the little bit that failed. I speak and I regret it. I take action and I second-guess it. I make something and I think how I can make it better. I look at myself and I notice the flaws.

I know that's preposterous and so against everything I have been working towards. I know, when I speak, I speak from conviction. I know when I take action, I do so because it's necessary. I know I can do better, but I also know that what I have made rocks. I know that in the mirror somewhere, there is beauty.

I know all this.

I do.

Really...

Yesterday, we had a meeting with the heads of the departments. It's my least favorite activity ever. I am one voice lost in translation. The discussion, again, turned towards the uniform. Ugh! Everyone, complacent, spouted ignorance. Here is a sampling of what my colleagues had to say:

• The uniform ensures safety at our school. (This week we had two teachers assaulted by students. )
• The uniform ensures all students equal footing. (Except the ones that are beaten up in the washrooms, and bullied in the halls.)
• The uniform isn't a uniform, it's a dress code. (Dress code gives you guidelines, not specific items you have to wear with crests on them, you dunce.)
• Most of the kids are in uniform. (Right, so the 4% that aren't seem to be the only ones hanging out on the second floor.)
• Work environments have dress codes. This models work environments. (Uh! Work environments? This one for instance? Dude. Why are you wearing shoes without socks?)
• Teachers have to enforce uniforms. They don't have a choice or a say. Do they have a say in stopping at stop lights? Or where they can park? Don't they follow those rules? (Dude. Would they if they weren't fined? Some don't anyway. That's why we have courts.)
• Teachers in your departments must be told to enforce the uniform. (I'll get right on that, right after I ensure all teachers are actually teaching what they're supposed to.)

WTF?

You know I spoke. It fell on deaf ears. The principal indirectly put me in my place. The uniform isn't under discussion. (Sorry, I didn't realize we were talking about the weather...) If you are having issues with getting your teachers to comply, then call the Union. (Sorry. I thought it was your job to make teachers comply, not mine, and not the Union's. And doubly sorry, I thought this was a discussion. My bad.)

I didn't say one thing that was wrong yesterday. Yet, I came home feeling like a failure. I did not get through to them. The logical fallacies reigned. Nothing was achieved.

What step do I want to take?

I wish to step out of the notion that I failed just because I could not get through to a bunch of individuals mired in conformity and inability to get the hell out of the box.

Where do I want to be?

I wish to be on that rock, soaking in the sunshine, and the knowledge, that even though I work with a bunch of people who fail to recognize reality, I still have my summit.

Pink Blessings

(click to enlarge)

Tonight we celebrate the Full Pink Moon along with Jamie Ridler over at Starshyne Productions!

I made the above dreamboard to reflect the peace and promise of this full moon. I am including this piece as part of my anniversary giveaway.

What do you wish to bloom into your life?

Before I make any wishes I would like to give thanks.

• for being healthy and strong
• for having the freedom to choose
• for having a steady job and income
• for having a roof over my head and food on my table
• for having a good brain and heart
• for having awesome friends who are like family
• for my Stinky
• for the luxury to engage in creativity
• for BEing

Sometimes, I get so caught up in what I want or lack, that I might forget what I have. What I take for granted. We live in a world that stumbles over economic crises, political messes, religious upheavals and social fallout. Last night, I went to see Sin Nombre (Without a Name), directed by Cary Fukunaga. It drove home to me the realities that some people have to live with, and it isn't pretty in pink. There are children that are growing up with violence, and hunger. Lack of water and education. No safety. No love. No future. That is tragic.

So today.

I wish for love to bloom in this world. For every child to have the safety and love to grow up into a healthy adult full of choices. To make a better world.

Blessed be :)