Out with the Old - In with the New

On this the last day of 2008, I find myself deep in thought. I will make this next year count. I will make every day, every moment count. I will be all that I can be, in every way.

But first I need to clear out some old garbage. I am going to put it all on a piece of paper and burn it away.
These are the things that need to go.

• Allowing defeatism and negativity into my realm
• Looking in the mirror and seeing only faults
• Retreating into my own world
• Letting my losses and pain define me
• Self-criticism
• Allowing others' perspective define my parameters
• Isolation
• Not following my instincts, my spirit guide's whispers
• Feeling I am unworthy of happiness
• Procrastination
• Allowing people's judgement to affect the way I feel about myself
• Accepting criticism without considering the source

Goodbye evil-doers. Be gone! And if you don't like it, I don't care. Shoo!



This is what I want to bring into my life in 2009.

Embrace Joyous Magic

I have been pondering and pondering about the word. Back and forth my head went with possibilities. Until I shut it out and listened to the voice whispering in my heart. Magic. Magic. Magic. Joy. Joy. Joy. Embrace. Embrace. Embrace. Whose rule is it to have only one word anyway? And why would I follow it? Three will do just fine. :)

So...

Step one: Listen to my voice. It's authentic. It's not some demon possession. It's not a sign of insanity. It's MY voice that has been silenced for too long. I have finally allowed myself to vocalize my mind, now it's time to vocalize my heart. I shut it away for far too long for fear it might be damaged yet again. To hell with it. Death by atrophy is worse than death by fire. Speak my heart. Speak.

Step Two: Don't let those mofos get me down. No longer will I allow others' judgement of me (and there is plenty of judgement) affect the way I feel about myself. If you have ever felt different from the status quo you will know what I mean. Those looks up and down. The raised eyebrows. The expression on the face like a whole lemon was ingested from the wrong orifice. They can all stuff themselves. They can consume their own negativity and judgement. I don't own it and I don't want it. I am marvelous. Yes. I am. I am. (Okay, I will believe this soon :>)

Step Three: Follow my own freaking advice. Yep, little miss Got-All-the-Answers, that's me. Now, it's time to stop coaching and start playing. PLAYING! Having fun. Doing the things I want to do and stop with the can't, the later, the no-money, the tired crap.

Step Four: Embrace the Magic and Joy: You hear me? EMBRACE it! Don't question, dissect, deconstruct, defer. Embrace! Open those arms up and that heart up and let the magic and joy IN! It's been starving at my heart's doorstep for far too long. I would never treat any other guest in that abhorrent manner. Come in! Come in! :)

May 2009 bring you all health, wealth, opportunities, magic, and love. :)

You are all beautiful inside and out! :)

Cups and Balloons - Meanings

I have completed the Flames suit, and I am halfway through the final Crystal Suit. The momentum of creation has taken on a life of its own and is sweeping me along with it. Because of this, I need to pause and properly introduce the completed suits before I unveil the final two.

From the Balloon suit, I have not posted: (click on the images to see their actual size)





This card traditionally represents deep sorrow, and I have stayed true to the meaning by depicting the woman in an almost fetal position on the ground. The balloons are weighed down by a brick at her feet. It is within her power to set the balloons free by untying the brick and finding her bliss, as depicted by her spirit self jumping in glee.






This card is traditionally depicted as a knight lying down in a church. The card speaks of spiritual ease and a connection to the divine. The woman resting on a mattress buoyed by a large balloon and carried into the sky by three other balloons tied to her in the bed, is a card of deep peace and abandon. Let go, and let the universe take over.






This card traditionally speaks of defeat, and I have portrayed this with the woman holding on to balloons that the wind is threatening to carry away. One indeed has escaped her, and is floating away. The meaning is clear. It is within our grasp to accept what we can control and what we cannot.






I designed this card heavily influenced by numerology. This card is of spiritual awareness. In looking beyond the surface of things into the soul of the matter. This is why in the balloon are the images of devas, faint, but present. You can click on the image to make it larger to see the detail.






This card traditionally represents restriction, imprisonment, and deep emotional turmoil. I wanted to convey this in a gentler way, showing that there is always freedom waiting to lift us up out of the shadows.






I have depicted this card as a gentle reminder that no matter how constricted or hopeless a situation seems, there is always a way out (the window). Instead of being enslaved by swords, the woman in the card can easily use that which is causing her to much agony as a tool for liberation and growth.




This card is usually depicted as one of extreme sorrow, depression, and defeat. I seriously think that one who experiencing these does not need a card to remind him/her of it. I certainly recoil from the traditional depiction of the 10 of swords. It's simply yucky. Instead, I designed the card depicting a man scaling a skyscraper, a seemingly impossible task, but around him are his guides and helpers - the Balloons. :)




From the Cups suit, the following are the cards I have not yet posted: (feel free to click for larger images)



My interpretation is close to the traditional five of cups which depicts a person focusing on the two cups that are spilled without looking behind him to see that there are three full cups. I chose to make this my first "urban" depiction because it reminds me of my students who often do not realize that they have so much more to offer than they think. This card is about faith in one's self and in the Universe's limitless ability to provide us with exactly what we need. Ergo the word "believe" in graffiti on the wall and the happy face cup spray painted beneath it. :)




On this card, I have put the traditional symbols in a modern context. The empty beer/wine bottles and glasses illustrate depletion of resources and waste. The man is walking away, slightly defeated, but all he has to do is look up and see the wonderful vista before him :)







This is the card of fullness and commerce. I have given it a modern setting, and context of the street coffee vendor. A good cup of coffee is very satisfying, and the vendor certainly has a successful venture on his hands. It's a win-win situation! :)






This card is very similar in imagery with the traditional deck. It is a card of supreme happiness and love. The family, the ocean, the rainbow, the doves, the butterflies, the falling rose petals and coins, all symbolize abundance in every area of life.











And last but certainly not least, I present the King of Cups. The setting of this card, like for the Queen of Cups, is in the depths of the ocean. This King is a provider, someone who likes to make sure everyone is not lacking in anything. The epitome of generosity, he is the master of the depths of emotion, in tune with his and others' feelings and not afraid to express himself. An explorer of life, he is the life of the party, sometimes too much so, if you know what I mean :)








That's it for now! Stayed tuned for the grand unveiling of the Flames and Crystals. :)

Blessings to all of you :)

2009 Meme

Danette over at the Drawing Board has come up with a New Year's Challenge to create a 2009 meme mosaic and I did! Visit her blog for the full instructions and to take the challenge!

1. Rollercoaster, 2. Torridly Crystal Renn, 3. Flickr's Friendship around the world, 4. Manifestation Journal, 5. Balloon dream, 6. A Measure of Self Worth, 7. The Fiji Mermaid Theater, 8. Endless love, 9. Jump 7, 10. "La mia casa è il mare e con un fiume no, non la posso cambiare", 11. Tiger & Shadow, 12. dreams do come true

Here are the questions that inspired the images:

1. Looking back on 2008, what might the theme have been? Change.
A lot of things in my life shifted in 2008. My perspective, my place in the world, my goals. Some of these shifts were deeply painful. Others were deeply satisfying. The most significant change was brought about in my participation in Soul Coaching and coming into contact with the miraculous blogging community. You have changed my life.

2. If 2008 was a movie, who would play you? Crystal Renn. She is a gorgeous plus-size model.
I have been on the look-out for models who are not skin and bones. This particular one is so gorgeously voluptuous that I find myself wishing I had her body. One day. :) She graces my blog header right now, as a constant motivation for me, and has inspired some images in my Tarot.

3. What was your greatest gift of 2008? Friendship.
This is truly the most precious miracle in my life. My friends (which definitely includes all of YOU!) have given me so much love, support, advice, encouragement, inspiration, and wisdom. What greater gift is this?

4. What is your New Year Resolution, or, what are you committing to this year? Actualization.
The more I think about it, the more this word resonates with me for 2009. It is the act of making something real, giving something life, making dreams come true.

5. If January could be represented by one song, what would it be? Beautiful U R
This song has become one of my favorite. It reinforces the idea that beauty comes in many forms, shapes and sizes. This is a mantra I have to constantly repeat because I was always in danger of tumbling into despair because of the way I look. I will take Breedale's advice and say while believing that I AM beautiful and look the way I want to. :)

6. What do you wish for your body in 2009? Fitness.
See above :)

7. Name one new thing you would love to try in the New Year. New forms of art.
I want to get my hands and face and clothes and feet dirty. I want to dive elbow deep in watercolors and oils and scraps and gels this year.

8. What do you long for 2009 to bring? True Love.
Self-explanatory, no? :)

9. If that happened, how would you feel? Ecstatic!
How could I not be? :)

10. Where would you love to vacation in 2009 if money were no object? Tuscany & Florence.
I have always loved both places. I don't know why. It makes me go weak at the knees. :)

11. What would you like the theme of 2009 to be? Completeness.

12. If 2009 was a book, and the title was 5 words or less, what might the title be? Dreams Come True.

This was really fun to do, and I am really happy with the results. It wasn't easy, and needed a lot of reflection and fine-tuning, but well worth the time! Thank you Danette for suggesting it. :)

Bits and Pieces

As I slowly awaken from the holiday haze, I am marshaling my resources, focusing my energies to make my New Year's ceremony exactly right. I need to pick the word that best epitomizes what I want to achieve and manifest in 2009. I will be turning 40 in three weeks, so I have to make it count :)

I know what I most want is a fuller life.

• Art abundant. I want to see all the visions and projects that currently reside in my head, out in the world.
• Finances beefed up. I need money to make the changes to my house and to travel more. Ideally, by selling my creations. :)
• Love rich. I want to share my life with the man for me, surrounded by family and friends. I want my home to be teaming with people occasionally. (Not all the time, because I savour my peace and quiet.)
• Health restored. I want to reach my healthy body weight and to be freed from the excess that has resided on me for far too long.

These are the things I wish to manifest in the New Year. I welcome suggestions of a word that encapsulates all of them.

Today, I have included my design for the Seven Cups. Traditionally, it is depicted as a man standing before many cups brimming with both good and bad things. It's about excess. What better way to depict excess than a posh store window in gilded colors? I added the Lamborghini busting out of the building for effect. This card technically does not have any cups, but the meaning is the same. :)

Now on to Awards! Weee!

June was sweet enough to award me with a very elegant award! I discovered June recently and she has a few amazing blogs, all very interesting and thought-provoking. I especially love her art challenges here! Thank you June!




I have to write the five things I am addicted to: Oy!

1- dark chocolate preferably with nuts and toffee or orange pieces
2- blogging: I simply must. Reading people's blogs is a constant source of inspiration, positivity, humanity, creativity.
3- Corrie Street - I have written about this at length. It's one TV program I simply will not do without and have never been disillusioned with
4-coffee: Been there, said that :)
5-clementines: I love these little juicy bundles of goodness.

Damn. I don't' have time to talk about my shoe and bead addictions... Okay. Another time :)

I will be passing the award along at a later date. But if you love it, then it's yours! Everyone who visits and who I visit is FABULOUS! :)

Robyn was sweet enough to bestow on me the Proximity Award for a second time! How lucky and honored am I? :) For a unique perspective, words of wisdom, and humorous truth, visit Robyn's blog. And before December is over, don't forget to find your way into the Enchanted Portal and the bird's wing!



To add to the blessings and honors being showered on me (HOW did I get this lucky?) Frustrated Artist tagged me with the five-a-day meme again! :) Visit her blog for heartfelt and insightful observations on life! :)

Blessed be my friends. You all hold such a special place in my heart. Visiting your blogs, reading your amazing comments brightens my life! :) Thank you :)

Glutted

I feel full and overloaded and that is that.

It's been a roller coaster ride and I'm glad to be off it. My brain is running in circles around its tail and I want it to stop. Too many things have affected me over the past few days, some extremely positive, others not so much.

I gain solace from creating my Tarot deck. I am half way finished the Flame (known as wands) suit. I have to say that I am very pleased with the results. My imagination is having a festival. Ole!

Allison asked that I post about how I got into reading Tarot etc. I will happily oblige.

It was a cold and stormy night. Heh! It was raining buckets in Athens, Greece. For lack of an ark, and because of supreme boredom, I took a regular deck of cards and started reading my friends "fortune". To their surprise and mine, I had a knack for it.

Thus started my long journey and fascination with the art of divination.

The thing is, it's really just a way of "reading" people's energy. All the answers are hidden within us, but most people do not like to delve into the depths of their psyche, so they ask for external reinforcement. I suppose it is a talent to be able to "read", but the cards simply manifest what is in the person's mind at any given point. It is especially important to be in tune and to approach this from a neutral stand point. It is equally important to understand that all forms of divination are not absolute and depend completely on the events and the state of mind of the "Now".

Soon, I got acquainted with the Tarot deck. I dove into books and interpretations, crossreferencing it with my knowledge of numerology and astrology. At some point, this separate knowledge melded into a higher awareness. I became better and better at divination, and I soon had many people ask me to read their cards.

I became a collector of Tarot decks, searching for the ones that "spoke" to me. The symbolism of most decks is heavily dependent on medieval christian symbolism infused with strong pagan icons. I branched out to the Egyptian decks, the Arthurian decks, and traveled into the world of Runes and I Ching.

In the end, all these tools, are just that - ways of getting through the social barriers and the adopted garbage and shining a light into the pure soul that knows all, sees all, understands all without external prompts.

I stopped doing readings because I felt that it was zapping my energy. After a while, the Tarot as well as all my favorite tools of divination decorated by bookcase, forgotten.

When I started Soul Coaching, I felt inspired to make a card. Just one card. I had also stopped playing around with photoshop, so this decision brought me back to two old friends. I found that I missed them. This brought me to the realization that I could now make the deck I have always been seeking, using symbols, colors, settings, and figures that most speak to me. I know that I definitely wanted to break away from tradition and inject the cards with more positive meaning.

So here I am today. The most recent completion being the Cups suit. I didn't change the name, but if you look closely "cups" have acquired many meanings from glasses to spray paint. I have started bringing in more urban symbols as well as mixing traditional with modern settings. I am creating them purposely in a an intuitive state. My head, heart and soul are working in unison. That in itself is an accomplishment, one that I hope to carry on into all aspects of my life.

Making these cards has afforded me an anchor that as helped me through these days. The holidays are prime in emphasizing the things we lack, things, people, love, food, homes etc. It's great when one has those things, but when one doesn't these holidays bring it to the forefront. I am not one to wallow in sorrow, but I have missed my parents deeply, and it has sharply put into focus the fact that I have no family, no mate, no children. I try to steer my mind to my blessings, but in quiet times, the dirge begins anew. The only thing that has shut it out has been creating these cards. And I am happy indeed. :)

Hope everyone is doing well. I will catch up with all your blogs and commenting tomorrow, but in the meantime... Blessed be my friends :)

Boxing Day

I am still recovering from holidaze, but I thought it would be fun to show you all my completed Cups suit. Oh my! I am getting close to completion of the whole Tarot deck! I will be posting about this suit and its significance in a day or two, but for now enjoy! :)

I hope everyone is having a fun and safe holiday! :)

Happy Holidays and Balloons

It is done! The Balloons suit of my original Tarot deck is complete!

It has been a challenge to transform the swords and their meanings into the balloons. I mean, talk about polar opposites. :) For each card, I have slanted the light in such a way as it reflects the positive outcome of the meaning rather than the traumatic event that inspired it. We prefer to see a picture of the new born baby so full of promise, than the crowning moment of labour. Ya know? :)

Here are the cards I have not posted in brief:

• 3 balloons went from the traditional heart being stabbed by three swords (ugh!) to a woman on a beach going from a crouched position of sadness, to a leap of rejoicing.
• 4 balloons went from a knight (seemingly dead) in a church to a woman sleeping on a bed of white, carried into the clouds by a huge white balloon.
• 5 balloons went from the battleground of defeat , to a woman standing in the wind, holding on to some balloons while one is carried away by the elements.
• 7 balloons went from a soldier carrying weapons, seemingly stealing them from the enemy, to a woman gazing up at balloons that carry the imprints of Hindu deities.
• 8 balloons went from a woman bound and blindfolded in a cage of swords, to a woman gently bound by balloons that are about to carry her away.
• 9 balloons went from a woman in deep despair surrounded by swords, to a woman surrounded by some balloons being nudged to an open window.
• 10 balloons went from a man face down stabbed in the back with ten swords (the most disturbingly violent card in my opinion) to a man scaling a glass building while 5 balloons and 5 balloon reflections accompany him.

• I have decided to omit the Page card from all my suits for two reasons: I have always been at a loss in my interpretation of that card (it seemed redundant) and numerologically it throws the individual suits as well as the whole deck out of whack for me.

• Finally, I present you with the culmination, Mr. King of Balloons. He is composed and slightly mysterious. A ladies man, one who knows exactly what to say and do to make a person smile. He embodies the spirit of adventure, tinged with a little bit of danger. A twinkle in his eye, he confidently strides through life whether he feels that confidence or not. :)

So now that the most difficult (for me) part of the deck is over, I will steadily work to complete the whole deck before the New Year.

Thank you all so much for your wonderful words of encouragement, praise and support. You are all precious to me. I am truly blessed that our paths have crossed, even if it is on the net superhighway!

Wishing you and yours the happiest of holidays! :) Much love :)

Cocoon and Release

As we march bravely toward the light, many things are percolating in my head. Ideas, plans, images.

I have been cocooning, regaining much needed energy, while the weather conspired to allow me to do so. My car is resting in drifts of snow, and thankfully I don't have any pressing errands to run. Well, not pressing. I do have a couple of books to pick up for my goddaughter, and the makings for a hostess gift for Emily's mom that I am making, the ingredients for the dish I am going to take. Yes, yes, I need to do all these things, but I don't want to budge from my home.

I have been designing the Tarot deck like a mad woman on a mission. The Balloon suit is almost done and it will have its grand unveiling soon. It's been difficult, I have to admit. I have been trying to clear my head of the preconceived images and meanings of the traditional decks with which I am so familiar.

The Balloon suit has been the most challenging. If you are at all familiar with the Swords suit in the traditional Tarot decks, you will know why. Most of the cards speak of despair, depression, and defeat. These are the emotions I do not wish to encapsulate in mine. It's not that I am in denial (another "de" word), it's that I want this deck to uplift and guide. In my many years reading the Tarot, I have always felt my energy spiral into an abyss any time one of the swords appeared, knowing that the person I am reading for is feeling the same. So how do I touch upon challenges without sending myself and the person I am reading for into the pit of darkness?

To illustrate this, I have included the counterpart from the Ryder-Waite deck.

This card speaks of emotional baggage that is weighing us down and not allowing us to go forward - to reach shore. There is a sense of bleakness and despair in the realization.

Okay. We have all been there. In the tunnel, with no light. Baggage hitting us in the shin.

"Drop the baggage!" Our enlightened soul sings. "Let go!"

So instead of depicting the difficult passage that has the person frozen in a stalemated journey, I depicted the Release.

The release of the baggage, the letting go of all the things, events and people that have stifled our growth, and the sense of freedom it brings.

The red balloons fly away behind us, as we lift our arms and faces to the light, and negotiate our way home.

That is the feeling I want people to have when they see my interpretation of this card. I want them to feel the weight lifted, as the baggage drifts off into space, where it can be absorbed by the cleansing Universe.

If you are feeling like the road is endless and nonnegotiable, if the weight of problems is burying you, my wish is that you find the courage to let go. Let go of those toxic things that stifle you, and be free, be free to sing, and find your way home.

Blessed be :)

Riding High

Last night, I watched an amazing movie called The Women.

It was one of the six movies I have rented to watch over these snowy days. I started my moviethon Saturday with Wall-E and The X-Files.

Wall-E is one of the most endearing and funny animated movies I have seen in a while. I don't know how much of it kids would get, but it certainly is a "must-see". These little robots immediately capture the heart and imagination with their gestures and eye expressions. The movie even manages to make a cockroach lovable. Yeah, I know. But it's true! Set in the dystopian future, it has a powerful message indeed. One for all of us to heed.

X-Files is more of a blast from the past for me, having been an avid fan of the television show. It was great to follow Mulder and Skully on a new adventure. The movie does not disappoint. It contains all the intriguing elements of the show, but it also infuses the protagonists with some added dimension. It is dark and disturbing, but extremely enjoyable none-the-less.

Having watched two science fiction movies the night before, I decided it was time to change things up, so I popped The Women into the player. I rented it thinking it would be some enjoyable fluff that I would sort of inertly move through without being disturbed or challenged. Boy, was I wrong. I was definitely not inert watching this movie. The characters captured my attention right from the start. Ensemble movies often fail because it is difficult to make each character resonate with the audience. Not the case here. Each and every actress does an outstanding job in engaging the viewer's emotions and interest.

This is the ultimate chick flick. Literally. There is not a single male character on the screen throughout the movie. Not even as an extra in the distance. Men make an appearance through hearsay and gossip, through one-sided telephone conversations and written messages. I didn't even notice their absence until the middle of the movie.

If you want to feel connected to the sisterhood that is women. To feel empowered in your own life and choices. Whether you are 12 or 112, this movie will speak to you as a woman. In fact, I am going to watch it again tonight. I am sure, there is a performance or two I did not fully pay attention to. There are so many to notice! Ladies. This is a definite must-see. Gentlemen,( if any read my blog lol) if you want to know the inner workings of women, and are not afraid, this movie is a must-see for you too. :)

Today, I unveil the Queen of Balloons. As she sits perched on a hot air balloon that is her throne, she emanates confidence and humour. She is mistress of the air, unafraid to take risks, secure in her place in the world. A breath of fresh air, a new perspective, a creative impulse, the power of momentum are all encapsulated in this card.

May this card inspire you to find the power that is within you, to ride it confidently and with humour throughout life and its adventures.

Blessed be :)

My Major Arcana - Complete :)

Peace on Earth

You know when you make that perfect cup of coffee? Or tea or hot chocolate or martini? It has the exact proportions of all the right ingredients that when blended together make a heavenly concoction.

Right now, I am drinking a perfect cup of coffee. My mouth is smiling, my brain is humming, my tummy greets it happily.

This is my morning ritual. I don't care what anyone says, coffee is Zen. :)

This is just the beginning of my Sunday morning ritual which culminates in a lovely brunch while watching Corrie Street.

If you haven't tried the show, don't knock it. It's comfort food for the soul. I have watched it for more years than I have watched anything. There is something about its grass roots aura that appeals to me. It's touching and endearing and goes perfectly with bacon and eggs, raw baby spinach and sprouted grains toast. :)

Outside, the snow is coming down. The streets are quiet. People are sleeping. Everything is blanketed in peace. For now, no one is gunning for the mall in gluttonous consumerism. Right now, no one is screaming at anyone else because of a fender bender in the mall parking lot. This moment, no one is worried because their to-do list is too long.

Right now, as I count my blessings, I send out into the world the wish that everyone is warm, fed, and their thirsts are quenched. Yesterday, Serena posted a powerful video that touched the very core of my belief system. If you haven't had a chance to see it, you can watch it here.

This year, I am deeply aware of the sharp contrasts between the haves and the have-nots. The need for human kindness is greater than it has ever been before. Yesterday, a man approached me, visibly distraught, because he needed gas to get his wife home. I didn't stand there and deconstruct why he was driving on no budget. I didn't wonder if he was scamming me. I took out what change I had and gave it to him. No one should ever be in that position to beg for anything. He told me he was very ashamed having to ask, and I replied, "There is no shame. Any one of us can be in this position."

Anyone of us can be in this position.
Any one of us.

I am acutely aware of the fact that I am blessed. The Universe has heaped me with blessings. I have the luxury of brunch and Corrie in a warm house with a loving cat to scratch for scraps of bacon, and to curl up snoring on my legs. I have the luxury to decide which book I will read today, which movie of the six that I rented to watch. I can plan whether I want lentil soup with sauteed onions for dinner, or chili. I have choices. I am blessed to have them.

I have the luxury to create and be inspired. I can watch a video like the one Leah posted here and be moved to reach for my soul's passion.

Life is so delicate
a transmuting thing,
One moment we're
flying on gossamer wings
The next moment we topple
overcome by the strain
Our whole world
encumbered by
deep-rooted pain
Some people possess
riches untold
While others starve
outside
in the cold.
The Universe's bounty
is limitless
and while we strive for
enrichment
we must remember this
That others on earth
need our prayers too
We must spread our love
and let it shine through
to everyone around us
not only our friends
because any one of us
can meet with this end.

Today marks the unveiling of the final Major Arcana card I designed - Balance. Formerly known as "justice". Balance is a more comprehensive and less bureaucratic manifestation. With balance, we can make wise and considered choices while looking at the big picture of life. Our actions are balanced by our reactions. Our pain is balanced by happiness. Out of a devastating storm comes overwhelming humanity. From tears comes laughter. Without the darkness, we cannot see the light.

This card is not about lawyers and litigation. It's about the infinite wisdom of our instincts - both spiritual and carnal. We have all the tools to maintain a balanced life- being thankful for our blessings, while acknowledging that others need help to find their own.

Balance is about the serenity of knowing one's place in the a world filled with souls each on his/her journey to find their source.

May your life be balanced. May your tables be full. May your hearts glow with love.

Blessed be :)

Freedom

I wake up early but in a delicious mood. It's my first day off for the holidays and I am mistress of my own time!

How awesome!

Outside the world is blanketed with snow. The first storm of the season. Everything is white with blue gray shadows outside, like a million doves resting peacefully. We are expecting more snow, so this is a perfect weekend to hibernate with a good book, pop corn and movies. A few deep power naps and some frolicking in the snow should balance out the next couple of days nicely, and restore my energy levels.

Yesterday, the last day of school, was filled with smiles and well-wishes, cookies and goodies.

We also had our assembly where the teachers performed for the students.

Okay. Can I say how exhilarating that was? When we got on stage and throughout our performance, the students brought down the house. We felt like superstars. From the way they reacted to our performance, I think we killed it. Heh! When I get the video or a link to youtube with our performance, I will get to see it. And so will you! :) I'm not too shy to post it. ;)

Today's card is Release, a transformed "Judgement". I chose to rename this card for the obvious reasons. Judgement, though a word that means balanced consideration, has also become associated with rigidly negative connotations. I'm all about transmuting the negative into positive, so "Release" was born. Out of the fire, powerful intentions shimmer into the universe. Reborn, renewed, released, this surge enlivens the spirit, the heart, the body with a fresh infusion of life. This is a sacred communion between the soul and her origin spirit. It is a profoundly personal source of enlightenment, not a dire accounting of one's flaws.

We have all been there. We are our own worst critics, most of us. I know I can be. I don't know why it is so much easier to put ourselves down, than to give ourselves praise. We worry that we will seem immodest, arrogant, self-absorbed; but if we do not acknowledge our own victories, and forgive ourselves of our flaws, while working on them with awareness, then we are not authentic.

I release all that I am, knowing I am growing into the soul I am, free from the influences that pummeled me into submission. I shed the negative, accusatory influences that have sought to bring me down. I step out of the soup of negative energy into the fire of transformation, being all that I truly am.

This is my wish for you. To be reborn from the ashes of the destructive influences in your lives, and out of the fire of intent, rise, the truly splendid souls you are!

Blessed be :)

Solitude

There are days that I crave solitude. Days when I feel every bit of my energy drained by other people. Days when I need to restore myself, away from people.

Maybe this is a side-effect of a profession that demands so much social contact, so many interactions, so much energy. A profession that requires you to be "on" all the time.

I am looking forward to switching "off" for a bit. Off the beaten path. Off duty. Off the hook. Off in my own world.

Last night, we had our staff holiday party and it was fun to chat with people, share a drink, dance a little bit. Unwind. People are infinitely interesting, and so different away from their jobs. It was nice to hang out with colleagues with whom I hardly exchange anything but a greeting.

Of course, I had to experience a socially awkward moment when this sweet girl asked me if I "talked to so-and-so lately" (an acquaintance of ours at another school) and I ever so delicately stated, "Oh no! I don't talk to that woman anymore."

Okay, really? Genie? Sometimes you need to just watch what you say! I immediately regretted it. I have very good reasons not to be associating with this person (energy zapper #1) but did I need to open my mouth and blurt all that out when I could have just said, "No," and smiled? Sometimes I just want to kick myself in the butt.

I felt so badly for this poor unsuspecting girl who asked a perfectly normal social question. I immediately remarked how awesome her blouse was. And it was awesome, steering the conversation to safer ground for both of us.

Have you ever experienced this? The foot-in-the-mouth, oh-no-you-didn't moment? Not fun. It's okay to get rid of frienemies but it's better to keep others out of it. I know all this, but there went my mouth!

This would not have happened if I were not so depleted. The little "imp" inside me would not have taken over. Don't get me wrong. That was just one moment. The rest of the evening was filled with laughter and dance and nice conversation. It was that moment that signalled to me loudly and clearly that I needed time out. Time to step away. Two or three days of just letting myself recover from a few months of extreme stress.

The Hermit is the perfect symbol for this. It signals a time of much-needed solitude to reflect, regroup and formulate a vision for the future. The Hermit doesn't feel lonely or isolated. She is comfortable in her own company knowing that she needs this space to regenerate the light she gives to the world, knowing that in order to be of use to others, she needs to be completely at peace with herself. She knows that to operate with the total integrity she has committed herself to, she must be able to solidify all parts of herself that have fragmented from daily contact and interaction with others' energy.

May you find some time of peaceful self-reflection to regenerate your wonderful soul so that you may continue to give the light into the universe and all in it.

Blessed be :)

Turning Turning

I can taste it. Two more days, and I will be released into my own care. In other words, HOLIDAYS!

The past few weeks were wrought with stress as my plate of things to do and situations to deal with has been heaped higher and higher. There have been a couple of breaking points when I thought quite literally I would lose my mind, but I have mostly kept it together. At least I didn't pummel anyone within an inch of their lives. :)

Taking the good advice of the my many friendly guides in the blogoshpere and in my everyday life, I started to trim down the things I committed to doing. I'm not completely stress free. I have undertaken some huge tasks because I believe in them, but I am taking myself off the hook. I put myself there to begin with.

Time for change and turn of events is upon me. This I can feel in the very marrow of my soul. This is inevitable, as I am in the process of transformation. I am coming into my own, everyday more sure of my direction, clearer in my vision, more steady in my intention.

Tuesday, I chaired a staff meeting that could have been disastrous. I'm not exaggerating. Those of you who have been following my journey, know that there are plenty of reasons for anger, resentment, frustration in my workplace. It is bubbling over with toxicity. It threatened to explode on a guest speaker we had come in to go through Safe Schools procedure which has become Law. I had to make sure that people stayed calm, and had an opportunity to speak without losing their tempers. I even stepped in to save one teacher who was in the process of committing professional hari kari. I know I did a good job because everyone I have encountered since has told me so. Even the principal... (insert a pregnant pause). Yes that principal!

We had more interviews this week and selected another outstanding candidate for yet another position (one of five) that needs to be filled. I know I am responsible for this process happening in a timely fashion because in the past, we have languished for weeks without necessary positions being filled.

In the midst of dealing with exams, and substitute teachers from hell, maintaining a delicate balance between my personal and professional relationships in the department, trying to make sure my students have the skills necessary to achieve their goals, I have proven that I can also play an important role on a school-wide scale. Yes. I am proud of myself. I don't remember another time in my life when I said those words, and meant them.

That is transformation indeed.

This is why I chose today to let The Wheel of Fortune make her appearance. This is her day.

The tide is ever turning. Conditions ever change. Situations transmute into other ones. The wheel keeps turning; but with our guides, and the wisdom they allow us, we can gain insight, enlightenment and empowerment through these changes. And before we know it, the change is within us. Many fear change because of its uncertain outcome, but it is necessary for growth; and in embracing it, we experience life and ourselves in ways we never imagined. How exciting is that? :)

May your steps lead you to exciting, new discoveries. :)

Blessed be :)

100th Post!

Woohooo! I made it to my 100th post! I never thought how much starting a blog would change my life, but it did.

It started as a solitary journey, a need to type out my thoughts and let them go into cyberspace. I had this growing desire to let my thoughts wander out of my head onto the web. Most of the time they went unread except by me, but it was alright. In the action was the reason. I wanted to put my voice out there.

There were months I published quite a few posts, and months when I hardly published anything at all.

Then through a series of fortunate events, I came upon Soul Coaching and decided to participate at the last minute. I didn't think I would have time to complete it, but I thought I would give it a try.

And I am glad I did. Going through the exercises taught me a lot about myself and has started me on a journey of awareness like I have not had before.

But more importantly, it allowed me to connect to a world of amazing people whose encouragement, advice, support and friendship have come to mean so much to me. My journey is no longer solitary. I reach out, and others reach back. I have become part of a community of souls that has filled my heart with hope.

Externally, my life has not changed that much. Yet. I live in the same home. I work at the same place. I deal with the same B.S. I am in a leadership position now, which has added to my stress exponentially.

All that is just the peel of the fruit. The juice and pulp have altered. I am transforming.

I have started and will complete my Tarot project which is the child of this journey. It was birthed through this process, and now has a voice of its own. Its own purpose and destiny.

I am identifying the things that fill me and the things that deplete me, and in so doing I am in the process of allocating them according importance and impact in my life.

I am aware of myself, and how I react to others. I am learning to stop blaming myself for others' decisions and actions. I am asserting myself more, not in an effort to control others, but in an effort to have integrity in what I believe in and who I am.

I was taught at a tender and early age to subjugate myself for others. That my feelings, my needs and my goals were not as important as anyone else's. That even in saying that they were, I was being selfish. This made me vulnerable. I was damaged, as person after person came into my life, took what he or she needed, and then left without a backward glance. Each time, I was left with a lower self-worth, half-broken. But I didn't break. I kept on. I tried to make others happy.

Now I know how sadly deluded I was. I cannot make anyone happy. I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness. That is not to say I can go around stomping on people and disregarding their feelings. It does mean however, that they cannot do that to me either.

I don't know if I am relaying how important this last realization is, but it's gigantic. It's liberating.

This is why I have chosen The Star for today's Tarot. It speaks of possibility. Of hope. Of being guided to a better today. This card is about the nourishment of dreaming. The integrity of vision. The belief that one's path is authentic and true. With this card, I am aware of my accomplishments, and of the road ahead. It is filled with light.

May the Star guide your steps to your soul's ease.

Blessed be :)

Manifestation of the Emperor

Look at the kindness in his eyes. The assurance.

He is the master of his domain without being a tyrant. He is sensitive to the changes in the landscape, and in the conditions around him. He is strong and confident in his strength. Having him around, everyone knows all will be well.

With the Raven as his totem, he embodies the elements of healing, protection and wisdom. He is of the earth, solid in his foundation, but he is also of the air, light with life and humour. The fire in his eyes speak of a deep passion both spiritual and carnal. He is fluid like water, open to possibility.

These are the qualities I call on within myself. These are the qualities I look for in a mate. This is the man I wish to manifest into my life.

I have been walking life's path without my soul companion too long. I am ready to meet him, to be with him, to walk life's journey with him.

I awoke this morning from my dreams with this strong message: it is time.

Time for me to be with the one I have been yearning for my whole life. The man who loves me. The man I love. Really.

Blessed be :)

Seasoning

As the last week of school before the holidays begins, I channel my serenity as much as I can. I will be needing it, as this week is going to be another busy one.

I took the weekend to regenerate and restore my spiritual and emotional balance. I have been experiencing a series of events that threatened to topple me into mental oblivion.

I have been noticing a lot of my friends are feeling the same kind of crunchy pressure. Whenever I talk to someone on the phone, I hear about tension, arguments, hurt feelings, resentment, and anger. It seems as if everyone's blood has been seasoned with concentrated chili juice.

Does this happen every season; or is this some astrological phenomenon that is affecting us? I don't recall this many people telling me they are this overwhelmed.

The strange thing is, we all seem to voluntarily take it on. In more cases than not, we are putting that pressure on our own selves. I know I have, and I am reminding myself to cut back, step away, say "no" politely.

In the next few days, when I will be surrounded by people's wired energy, and school frenzy, I draw on the High Priestess in me. She is serene and intuitive, letting the situation unfold without letting it affect her. She knows that action has reaction and thus lets her steps and words be balanced. She watches the signs and understands them; and in decoding them, she knows the right action to take. The High Priestess draws on the abundant wisdom of the Universe and all the tools she gives us.

We do not have to interact with everything and everyone that comes our way. It is good to stay centered, study their energy, making an informed and intuitive decision about what action to take. Sometimes the best action is inaction. Sometimes, it's best to walk away.

May the High Priestess bathe you in her intuitive wisdom that she gains from the Universe's vast database. May your serenity and purpose be balanced, and your days be fruitful.

Blessed be :)

Profusion

The Hierophant has transmuted to the High Priest in my deck. In my vision, the High Priest does not represent authority, or restraining tradition. He represents the teacher, the healer, the spirit guide. He holds the wisdom of the earth, the profuse tools that provide stability, safety, and guidance. He is welcoming in his embrace, and loving in his advice. He does not judge. He helps the seeker to find her own answers, knowing that she is valued, no matter what.

I woke up early again - 3 am. I worked on this Tarot, read a little bit, had some quiet visualization time, and went back to sleep.

My dreams were filled with my anxieties. I don't remember all of them, but I woke up depleted. Like I traveled many worlds in my sleep.

In this state, I was not ready for the email that was lying in wait. It's tone was slightly hostile and dismissive. My energy went down, and fast.

In the past, this would have ruined my mood all day, having set the tone.

I am different now. Having gone through the Soul Coaching experience with all its amazing participants, I gained some valuable tools.

Instead of allowing this negative energy to spiral me into its grasp, I asked myself a question. "Is this email reflecting where you are at this moment or where the sender is?" The answer was simple.

It was the sender's energy that was spreading gloom over the worldwide web, trying to affect me, consciously or not. That is not something in my control. What is my choice however, is how I allow it to affect me. I could take that energy and allow it to resonate with me, feeding my shadow self who lies dormant and waiting to pounce; or I could let it disperse, unwanted, and unneeded. I adopted a neutral tone in response to the email, and deleted the original. It's not going to sit in my inbox waiting to be read again.

As for my dreams, I know they were just a way for me to work out things that have been bothering me. I went through the ones I remembered, one by one, and asked the same question, over and over. "Why are you worried about this?" Then I would wait for the answer. Every single answer revealed itself simply. With this process, each and every one of my worries dispelled.

AH! Thank you High Priest. :)

Now onto happier things. Beverly gave me the Tree of Happiness Award! (see left sidebar) A lovely honor! Thank you :) If you haven't visited her blog, take some time to do so! It's full of magickal stories. You could even share them with your little ones. :)

Zie Rules:

• Link to the person who gave the award to you. (check - see above)
• Post the rules on your blog. (check)
• List six things that make you happy. (following)
• Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them. (check)
• Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog (check)
• Let the person who awarded you know when your entry is up. (check)

Six things that make me happy: (The hard thing is picking six. They are not in order or importance)

• Spending time with my goddaughter and her mom
• Spending time with my friends (on and offline)
• Playing with Stinky
• Writing
• Art
• Small lights on dark nights

Now to bestow the Tree of Happiness. (Another difficult task as everyone on my blog roll is an amazing person who brings me wisdom and smiles, inspiration and laughter, enlightenment and joy.)

1- Dia whose lovely harp brings joy into the world, as do her words into our souls. :)

2- Ellie whose incredible strength and attitude are a true inspiration for anyone who visits her blog. :)

3- Linda who is the epitome of wonderful, brave, and determined. Her talent is stunning. :)

4- Marilyn who is ever-growing, ever-illuminating, ever-caring. :)

5- Tammie Lee who will get your creative juices flowing, your mind working, and your heart pumping.

6- Paula whose blog gives me joy every time a visit it. I always read her posts with a smile on my face, and she is warmer and sweeter than hot chocolate. :)

Phew!

Blessed be :)

Moon Spinner

Ah the full moon!
There she is in all her glory,
smiling down on us, serene.
Gleaming on our skin is her story
Turning reality into a dream.
Everyone smiles to meet her gaze
Awakening us from our daily daze
Making the water in our blood stir
Coming alive, for love of her.
She walks with us, in darkness' path
Washing us in her moonbeam's bath
Everything is beautiful under her glow
Feelings erupt, emotions grow
She is our guide,
our muse,
our glee
I watch the moon
As she watches me.

Last night, I bundled up, made a hot chocolate and had my moments with the moon through the clouds. The street was quiet. The air was crisp, But soul to soul, we took a trip of emotion. She stirred me and settled me at once. "How beautiful you are." I breathed. "How beautiful you are." She smiled. Standing in her light, I was washed clean, from the day's frustrations, from worry, from everything. My mind, my heart, my soul were aglow. I slept well.

In honor of her fullness, and to participate in Suzie's dream board project I made The Moon card. It encapsulates her dreamy quality, her guiding us through the darkness, and all the romanticism accompanying her.

It was a tumultuous couple of days for me. My hormones turned my emotions into an uncontrollable tsunami, and I needed my solitude which I sought out the first opportunity I got. I feel calm today, at peace, knowing I have this day to do as I please, and what I please to do is spend time with myself. Reconnect, recharge, regain my balance. Thank you Moon :)

Thank you to all of you who bestowed upon me your words of support and encouragement. I cannot say enough how much this means to me. You are like a group of angelic magicians holding hands and blanketing me with your care. :)

Breedale was sweet enough to bestow on me the friendship award (see the left sidebar) that I now gladly bestow on others. Thank you Breedale for being all the wonderful things you are, but mostly an inspiration to me and many others. Blessed be my friend. :)

"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

I pass the torch of friendship to:

1- Kavindra who gives of herself abundantly not only on her wonderful blogs, but through comments on others'. She is a constant source of light and humour. Thank you :)

2- Gemma who always has a kind word, a helpful comment, a warm perspective. Her compassion and wisdom are endless.

3- Tabby who not only chooses bliss, but is bliss personified. If ever you feel like life has trampled you, visit her blog. :)

4- Sandy who has such love to bathe the whole world in. Her words of encouragement and compassion are always magical. :)

5- Robyn who has created a portal to a magical world. Click on the bird's wing! Do it soon because the portal doesn't stay open long and you will miss out. :)

6- Fatma who is constantly providing resources of wellness and health. :)

7- Shannon who is a powerhouse. To say her perspective is unique, engaging and downright funny, is making an understatement. :)

8- Last but not least, Danette who is the alpha and omega to me. You simply have to visit her to see why. Splendidness in every way :)

In the spirit of giving, a couple of days ago, Tori tagged me with the "5-a-day" meme. Five things you do everyday to keep balanced. I did my five, now it's time to pass it along :)

1- Rowena
2- Beverly
3- Boho
4- Jane
5- Kim

All of these amazing women have an incredible story to tell, a beautiful perspective, and amazing strength. They, like all the blogs on my roll, are ceaseless sources of inspiration. Thank you.

Blessed be :)

Aerial Acrobatics

Don't you hate it when your mind just says, "Wake up!" and you look at the time and it's 4 am? And you don't need to roll out of bed for another two hours?

Too much on my mind, maybe? Taken on a wee bit too much, perhaps? Allowing little things to take over my mental state, possibly?

I have always had the need to solve problems. Roll up my sleeves and get things done. I'm not one to whine and complain and then go about and finish my sandwich. I need to get things resolved.

Problems arise when I have to count on others to help. That's when it gets sticky. Not everyone is like me.

"That's a great idea they say", while munching on their sandwich, "but I can't do it. You should do it, and I will sit here eating my lunch, pretending I have helped."

"How about... hell no! How about, you're not involved and therefore you have no say in the outcome," I want to say, but grit my teeth instead.

I obviously need to vent. I am a venter. When things, really people, get to me, I allow my feelings to bubble to the surface (in a controlled environment, of course). Once I'm done, I feel better, and no one is hurt. But there are times I so sorely want to put that person in his/her place with my sharp tongue. It's a registered weapon. That's why I keep it under wraps as much as I can.

I know I should be more understanding of people who are not like me. I realize this. I know it can be a form of intolerance. But do we have to tolerate all behaviour, no matter what? Do we? Really? I can't bitch slap anyone with a few choice words? Why must I always be taking the higher ground? Being the better woman? Practicing acceptance, while missing my lunch, when others can sit there placidly and do nothing? Why even ask why?

It's my fault really. It's a form of arrogance to think I can solve all the problems that come my way. I am not that far gone though, not to seek help, but sometimes help is just not there. Sometimes, I cannot rely on people. Actually, it has been my experience that I cannot rely on people most of the time. It took me forever to even start asking for help. I had learned to not even bother. But being in a leadership position, I am inundated with responsibilities and chores and paperwork on top of my teaching duties. My plate is so full it's cracking. I need to ask for help.

Why am I taking so much on? I see a need, I try to fill it. This club needs an advisor. I'll do it. The school needs to build spirit. I'll help. The dance needs chaperons. I'll volunteer.

"Hello? Genie? You're not ubiquitous. You can't do it all!" The voice in my head whispers. Hell, now it's yelling at me. I can't fault it for getting upset. I need to stop.

But I know if I do, there will be no one to step up in my place. People just don't care. Too many teachers think the job is 8:30- 3:30, teach the classes (sometimes horrifically), do some marking and go home. Okay, that is the biggest part of the job, but the school is a community, and communities that are made up of apathetic and self-centered people, collapse. The students, some of which who have also been raised to be apathetic and self-centered, need better role models.

I suppose you are wondering what the hell I am venting about. :)

Well... (insert deep breath)

I am swamped.

• As you know, some of us have taken on the cause of putting this administration on the right path. Lots of work, stress and effort involved.
• I have about 20 things to do each day, over and above preparing creative lessons, teaching, leading, inspiring students. Timetables to sort, exams to vet, interviews to conduct, grievances to smooth over, reassurances to give, meetings, meetings, meetings.
• I have taken on a very important and needed club for our school, one that has never existed - The Black Culture club.
• I have tried to revive school spirit by spearheading a morning radio show run by students, guided by me.
• I have rewritten and helped choreograph a remix of a song for our department to perform this Friday at the yule assembly. We have had no rehearsals except with Emily (my goddess-send)
  
• I volunteered to be at the charity basketball game.
• I volunteered to chaperon the semi-formal.
• I have unmarked papers up the wazoo. They can populate a small forest.
• I have two classes of students blogs to read.
• I am slowly going crazy.

(Insert another deep breath here)

Time is running out, and we need to rehearse the song. I asked if we could get together on Sunday to do the major rehearsal for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Some said they could make it, a few others made some excuses as to why they couldn't. What they really meant was they don't want to. I wanted to roar.

I need to be fair to myself.

I have taken on too much. I feel like an acrobat swinging without a net, and I am solely responsible for putting myself in this position. I care too damn much about the students, and their high school experience. I should just go to work, put in my time, and collect my paycheck. Right?

Nope. I'm not like that.

This why I chose to redesign the traditional "hanged man" for today's Tarot. It's called, "Acrobat". A death defying act of fearlessness. See the calm look on his face? It is a card of giving, but also one of personal peril. The secret is in the balance. In the training. In the attitude. I am a novice aerialist, and I have much to learn. But my heart is in the right place, even if my feet are dangling many meters above safe ground. I need to fashion myself a safety net...

May your safety nets be strong. May your support system weather any circumstance. May you perform death-defying acts safely. May you find the balance necessary to navigate through life's challenges.

Blessed be :)