CSI: Genie

Sometimes I get too caught up in my inner space, intent on solving it like a crime scene. I become an investigator, trying to piece together the remnants and fragments of past hurts, trying to find clues that have lead me here. I become a medical examiner, deconstructing the body I carry around, disconnected to who I was and who I am. I become a prosecutor, condemning myself for all my faults and many mistakes. I become a forensic specialist, taking the jack hammer to the hard shell that encases my heart to find what hurt it so.

There is much to investigate, but I'm not a crime scene. I'm a person. Speckled, imperfect and alive. I don't have all the answers, but I am responsible for the life I am leading right now. I can let it slip by while I swim in a murky pool of whys and wherefore. Or. I can get on it.

So that is what I choose to do. Get on with my life. I can't promise myself that every day will be as perfect as today with the sun streaming in through the windows, the smell of Murphy's oil rising from my freshly washed floor, and the smell of mowed grass wafting in from outside; but I can promise myself that today is a new day. A fresh start. A slate of possibilities.

Over the next few weeks I will be chronicling the changes I will be making, and the steps I will be taking in pursuit of a more authentic life. A more productive one. I need to tackle my procrastination and see at least one vision to its fruition. So many started projects have been left by the wayside while I moan about the way things suck in my life. Moaning doesn't get anything accomplished. Action does.

I have been considering deleting all my posts on this blog and starting fresh here too, but that would be as inauthentic as buying a rug to cover the scratched floor. There's no reason to delete anything. This blog chronicles my ups and downs, my joys and losses and it is part of me. Its the forensic evidence of who I am. Speckled, imperfect and real.

When in Doubt. Dance!

Hi! My name is Genie, and work has kicked me in the butt! On Saturday, was I out partying with friends, enjoying the lovely patio weather? No. I was home, grading papers until 2 am. Yes, teachers have it easy. You don't know how often I have heard that.

Exams start today, so this week's schedule is a little off kilter, but I have exams to mark, grades to calculate and upload, department meetings to plan, and end-of-the-year wrap-up procedures. Not to mention a summer school course to plan, and another textbook to research and write.

I also have an appointment with my banking institution to consolidate my line of credit and mortgage and possibly negotiate at a lower interest. I have a cell phone company's ass to kick. A visa to cancel for a lower interest one. Pricing on handy men, doors and light fixtures. And other such engaging and highly amusing activities.

Ain't life grand? For a grand?

But no matter! Today is Monday and you know what that means?

Time to Dance!



Some of you may have seen this, but it's great viewing every single time! It would make a great workout routine! :)

Happy week everyone!

Swinging into Life

(click to enlarge)

Spring has sprung and so have I! Even though I am feeling the slight symptoms of a flu coming on (tickly throat, coughity cough, sniffles), I refuse to give in to it! Sorry, I don't have time for you! Go plague another body!

The sun is nurturing my soul and my spirit has been lifted right out of last week's doldrums. I know a lot of this has also to do with the fact that I am not in the pressure cooker that is my place of employment. It's really quite alarming what an awful effect it has on my state of being. I really need to reinforce my barriers so that it does not get to me as much! Or I really need to get out.

Yesterday, I had a meeting with two of the most awesome women I know and have the pleasure and honor of calling friends. They are helping me with my project to infuse the tired education system here with some creativity! It needs this transfusion desperately as it has been languishing in Intensive Care for eons! I will write more on this once it has been solidified. :)

I
am
excited!
!
!

:)

I have also been working on the textbook(s) I have been commissioned to write. I must admit, I was not very enthusiastic when this first fell into my lap, but... I am making lemon cake with it! I have been researching like mad, and have put together an outline that pops! It's chock full of fun and interesting activities! I will actually enjoy writing this :) The theme is Habitats and I have discovered such amazing projects in the works all over the world which gives me hope for humanity. More on this for sure!

Today, I am going to meet up with a friend of mine and her one-year old daughter, Maria! I am so looking forward to squishing, I mean holding, this new human! :) The sun is shining and so am I!

Brilliant!

I hope you are all well, and happy! My prayers are with those of you who need them. I have not forgotten about you, darlings!

Blessed be :)

Respect

(Rally for Respect, Mel Lastman Square)

Yesterday, I participated along with thousands of my fellow high school teachers in a rally. We have been without a contract and the negotiations are stalled.

Why you ask?

It's not about money. It's not about benefits. It's about Respect. It's about giving the Principals more power to deploy us as security guards in the schools. The trustees want us to monitor the hallways, stairwells, and cafeterias in the schools. They feel this is a solution to the growing safety concern in some if not most schools. Give teachers more to do. Yeah. Good one.

In our school we have had four fights, that I know of, just this week. One hall monitor got punched in the eye and another one in the ribs.

Alarming isn't it? Especially so when I tell you ours is not an "inner city" school. Why then?

• There are about 300 students more than should be in that school while neighboring schools are under-enrolled.
• There is a reluctance on the part of the administration to involve police as a result of the "progressive discipline" law which was put in place because of racial profiling in some schools.
• There is a growing population of students whose needs are not being met by the curriculum and with whom teachers are ill-prepared to deal.

Anyway, the bottom line is - Houston, we have a problem.

The problem cannot be solved by unleashing teachers into the hallways. What is it that we are trained and allowed to do? Can I take down a student? No. Will the student listen to me if I tell them to cease and desist? No. Will I get punched? Oh hell, no!

As it is, this week I have been working almost non-stop at school and at home, nights and on the weekends, to prepare lessons, mark, prepare grades, call parents, meet with parents, run the department, go looking for a missing projector, counsel students, photocopy, meet with administrators, plan courses.

I am exhausted.

When I am done work, I have turned into a boiled cabbage leaf. I have no energy to do anything other than sit and stare.

I have done no painting. I missed Wishcasting Wednesdays. I am having trouble catching up with my favorite bloggers. I won't even mention that I have no time to go for a coffee or a drink and chill.

And what is my employer telling me after all this? That I am not doing enough. That all my work in preparing interesting and relevant lessons, providing modifications for students, making sure all my students have the requisite skills, making time to tutor and counsel students during lunch and after school is not enough!

I challenge them to come and do a better job, because, honey, I know I can do their job better.

Anyway.

I have a meeting after school today with Publishers. They have contacted me to write two textbooks. That is good news, as that means extra income, and being published. Is it a dream come true? No, but it's a step in the right direction for sure. When will I find the time to do this? Who needs sleep, right?

Dude.

March break cannot come soon enough.

It Begins...

Yesterday, I think my head exploded.

I got into this state of creativity, and activity like no other! I played around in photoshop all day. Took a long walk to balance things out. Several ideas crystallized in my head and formed decisions. More on the decisions later. :) But first art...

I am exploring light and shade right now in photoshop and I made another graphic novel scene. For those of you who don't know what a graphic novel is, the best way I can describe it, is it's a comic book for adult audiences. It deals with more serious, darker issues. They use usually mostly black and white stylized art. Frank Miller is a great and prolific example of a graphic artist.

Here is my scene:

Subway Encounter

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It's full of mystery and intrigue, and little bit sexy too. My focus was light and shade. Light and shade. S0 I took out all the colors except her lips. It took me a long time to do this because drawing with a mouse is becoming increasingly challenging. I need to stop whining about it, and go buy myself a tablet already. I'm taking the day off Wednesday for my birthday, so that is what I will get myself. :)

The next piece sort of came out by itself. I started freehand drawing without really thinking about it. I was going to draw yet another scene from this graphic novel which seems to be developing on its own, frame by frame. (More things to ponder...)

Cityscape

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This is all new to me. What I like about this above piece is the free-flowing "nothink" (thank you Kim ) way I made it. I didn't attempt to be realistic in anyway, yet it captured the essence of this city. I am surprising myself! It's really exciting to create. From nothing, comes something. And there it is!

The Decision

I could not ignore the screaming, and from your lovely advice, I didn't. Besides, I couldn't if I tried.

So Ola! Moana is reborn... here! <-Please, click on the link and leave her some ♥ love!@ :) It's a blog-zine (has this be coined yet?) in its infant stages, but I am excited!

I have to say all this surge of creativity is in large part due to you!

Y0ur encouragement, your comments, your own amazing creativity in whatever form it takes, is fueling me. Leah's Creative Every Day, Jamies' Next Chapter series, your sublime art, writing, cooking, decorating, photography, collaging, pottery, videos, child rearing, crafting, jewelry designing, Mantra Mondays, Trash Tuesdays, Project 365, Celebrating the heArt loveliness is infectious and I love it!

THANK Y♥U! and Blessed be :)

Cynics and Scapes

I had a couple of "encounters" yesterday with people from the Tribe of Negative. They spewed their cynicism and criticism, trying to dominate a foothold into my consciousness. Guess what happened? They didn't succeed.

I can be a cynic. I have been accused by those who judge too quickly that I am. Sometimes truth can be seen as cynicism. Sometimes when I point out the disingenuous, I can be called a cynic. But I have not put someone down, and certainly not for the sake of making myself feel better.

I can be sarcastic. Hello? I'm a Capricorn. We have it patented. But, my sarcasm is more societal than personal. My sarcasm is my sharp wit, but it is not used to cut someone up into shreds (unless they ask for it). Not to make myself feel smarter than someone who is feeling low. I don't take someone's genuine intent and belittle it, publicly, for the sake of humour so my nasties can laugh. That's just playground bully tactics.

I often tell my students that there is an intrinsic difference between a critique and criticism. And that is in intent.

When one critiques, one takes an objective look at a product, and assesses it first for its successful aspects, and then makes suggestions for its aspects that fall short. Critiques are valuable both to the creator and to the person offering his/her opinion. It is not a personal attack.

Criticism is. People use criticism to find fault, to belittle, to tear apart someone's genuine effort. The critic pretends to be objective, but the criticism takes on an ugly face. It attacks the creator through his/her creation.

I know many will not agree with this differentiation, but it is key. There is value in pointing out where something can be bettered, where weaknesses can become strengths, and anyone who offers their work up for public consumption must be prepared for it.

The problem is, we now live in a society where tearing someone down has become this mob mentality of gleeful destruction. Look at any "entertainment news" show. Read some reviews. Go to some "spoof" blogs whose sole purpose is to make their cronies laugh at the expense of someone else's genuine attempts/endeavours.

Anyway. I had to get that out! Thank you for indulging me. :)

I am not going to go into further details, because these people do not need encouragement or acknowledgment. But I will thank them. Because they showed me their true colors, and they showed me who I do not want in my life. And that is wonderful! :)

So now. Art.

Treescape

(click on image to enlarge)

I have always been engrossed by trees. Metaphorically they offer their root system for grounding, their reaching up toward the sun for freedom, their many faces for emotions. Spiritually, they offer the solace of endurance, stability, nourishment, and safety. Trees can be majestic or frightening, depending on the setting, the circumstances, the scene. There are so many types of trees, each with his/her own personality. They bear fruit. They flower. They carry houses where laughter and secret societies bloom. They sway in the tropical breezes, or shiver in the frosty fog. Trees are tall and stately, or dwarfed and knotty. They have faces; they have life force; they have wisdom. Trees are just plain magical. So I painted trees. In PS for the first time. And guess who came to visit? Little red and a magpie! :) But I didn't stop there. :)

I have always been captivated by graphic novels, anime, and their artistic style. So I decided, I would experiment to see what I could do with it. Remember, I'm a total newbie. But here it is:

Toonscape

(click on the image to enlarge)

I painted the girl and man trying to make it as stylized as my outdated PS and mouse will allow. (I simply must get a tablet!) I worked on the shading, and its a bit off kilter, but trust me when I say, hours of work on them and multiple layers to even approximate the effect I was going for.

Some of you might recognize this man. He has appeared in two of my Tarot cards, and is a face that recurs.

The backdrop is from a picture a friend sent me long ago of a neighbourhood in NYC. She didn't include the name of the place and I have long ago lost track of her (sad), so I cannot enlighten you. I manipulated the light and texture to make it more stylized to go with the effect I am trying to create. Et voila! Toonscape.

I am committed to trying as many new things and styles as possible in my creative ventures.

One thing I have been mulling over was to resurrect an online magazine (e-zine) I started a few years back with a partner who dropped out almost immediately because of personal issues. It was a tongue-in-cheek woman's magazine hosted by a character we created called "Moana". We called the magazine "Ola! Moana". My friend, Danette, drew most of the images that went with the various sections. It has been now prodding me daily and the idea is now screaming. "Make me into a new blog!"

Can I ignore screaming?

I don't even know where I have put all the material. Do I start from scratch? Can I keep up with this blog and all the wonderful bloggers, the two blog projects I am participating in, my art, my job and this?

I have a lot to think about, no?

What do you think? :)

May your days be merry, full of wonderful scapes and no nasties! :)

Blessed be :)