Bird's Eye View

Birdseye

I awoke today to a brand new world of hope and promise. The United States took a step out of the muddy past and into a future only depicted, up to now, in fiction. All Hail to the Chief - President Elect Barack Obama!

Such a historic moment needs a moment of pause. I am breathing easier.

In the spirit of de-cluttering, of letting fresh air in, of looking at myself from a different vantage point, of accepting myself for who I am, I will share two experiences with you - one real and the other in a dream state.

Yesterday was a difficult day for me, one that brought me a few realizations.

I have the fortune and the difficulty of working with people who are more to me than colleagues. Yesterday, I came up against the wall of challenge. To give you a bird's eye view of the situation, I am a high school teacher, and have been recently given the position of head of the department. The job comes with the responsibility of reorganizing not only the physical space but the contents of courses by providing people with opportunities for growth and the resources to go in new directions. The problem is, resistance predominates.

Yesterday, I held a follow-up meeting to an earlier one where we, as a collective, agreed to do something different and exciting for the students and the educators, and that is to provide a week of workshops that the students could choose from. The first meeting was successful and empowering. Yesterday's meeting was a mess. One person had forgotten about the meeting, even though she was given plenty of notice and did not prepare, the other was prepared to derail it by essentially not following the guidelines we all had agreed to. Nothing unusual, but these two are amongst my closest friends. I took a breath, and didn't lose it completely at the meeting, but I felt hurt and unsupported.

Then I took a step back. This is the crux of my realization... I have always taken on the blame, even if the fault did not lie at my feet. After the meeting, I felt like I had failed as a leader. I felt like I was ambushed and sabotaged. I took the blame.

Then, I thought, wait a minute...

I was prepared for the meeting. I spearheaded this whole project and brought everyone together. How is it my fault that one person was not prepared and another person was too set in her way of seeing things to work with the team? The answer was... It was not my fault.

This realization is huge. I love who I am... and who I am is enough! To say these words and mean them is momentous.

Now, I will share the dream that awoke me this morning. I was moving across a body of water. The water was clear and purple and fresh. To navigate my way across, I had to walk across these oval wooden barges. I almost made it across, until I was at the last one. It started to sink, and it took me with it. I sunk deeply, but then started swimming up to the surface. I was scared and I could feel the air abandoning my lungs, making way for water. I didn't think I could make it, but just as I broke the surface and found the oxygen I desperately sought, I woke up.

Quite a telling dream, don't you think?