Full Course Meal

(click to enlarge)

The above painting in PS was inspired by a poem I wrote the other day while sitting in a coffee shop, and letting myself decompress from stress. It's so nice to be able to just sit and let your thoughts wander, not worried about the time or being anywhere but in that moment. Such focus can bring about revelations that have been waiting in the wings for so long.

Thoughts drift up
like feathers dipped
in memories
and scented dreams
our life it seems
is destined to
change in its hue
to something new
transformed
by tears
enmeshed with time
and seeking fly
united by
a dream
a chance
a furtive glance
just to let go
and go beyond

thoughts travel
very far
beyond the stars
and memories
that carry on
long after chorus of
sweet song
Up they lift
a dented heart
and buoy it far
above the noise
the broken toys
and into joy
like summer breeze
in winter's cloak
whispered love
and gentle stroke
into the arms
awaiting me
in thoughts
in dreams
make clear the blur
of every day
the thoughts that play
a melody
of him and me
of us and we
drift up
to see
the light.

I have been steadily trying to get to that place where all my parts are in sync and functioning as a whole. Mind, body, heart, spirit. The tug of war can be tiring and disconcerting. Focusing in the moment, on every minuscule detail helps. I noticed the pattern the sunlight made on the table. The shadows and pools. I noticed the way the coffee tasted in my mouth, the various flavors that subtly resided in the cup. I noticed the way my spine started to relax and my mind floated along with the pen in my hand. I noticed how the pen felt as I wrote. I noticed each word.

And suddenly, I felt everything melt away. It was not a struggle at all. The struggle has been coming from within me. Suddenly, it all seemed so ridiculous and unnecessary. The confusion, the pain, the worry, seemed so very unreal.

March Break has been just what the doctor ordered so far. I have been reading, catching up with friends and getting out. It's been sunny every day and that helps greatly. I have given myself the time and permission to explore my choices, to assess my strengths and needs. Unhurried and unpressured.

Today, I will be going up to Aurora to work with a friend and co-writer on the books we were commissioned to write. They are not my dream books, but I will make them as dreamy and fun as possible. For one, it will bring in some cash, and for another, it will bring other opportunities.

You see, one of my major dilemmas has been what to do with my writing talent. I have written two novels, but they are not representative of me and who I am. So I let them languish. There are other ideas floating around in my head, but the novel that will truly capture my attention is still waiting in the shadows.

The book that keeps coming back to me is one based on my experience in the chatting world. I spent about five years involved in various chat forums, interviewing people, immersing myself in the "culture", seeing things from a different perspective. In many ways, the experience was enlightening. In others traumatic. I believe I have had enough time and distance from it to be able to write this story. But would anyone be interested in reading it?

I mulled and mused and pondered.

Then, came in the light...

Since I have the luxury these days of going to everyone's blogs and reading everyone else's stories, I came upon this post by Lissa. This particular phrase lit a series of fireworks in my head, "I place my order and send it off to the universe" Aha! Right? It's as simple as that!

I realized that I have been sitting throughout my life with a huge menu in front of me, unable to choose. Unable to sit down and clearly order my meal. Oh, I have made wishes, and intentions, and visualizations. But I had not put in my order!

Sheesh. No wonder I have been so starved!

Well guess what I am doing now? And this goes beautifully with Jamie Ridler's Wishcasting Wednesday! She asks us, "What do you wish to say YES! to?"

Yes! I am placing my order for a full course meal and I am sending it off to the Universe.

Today, I pick from the menu:

• For an appetizer, I would like an order of renewed and solid sense of self, with all my parts united to make a well-oiled, healthy organic goddess.

• For the main course, I would like a career in creative writing/arts that brings in considerable revenue with a huge helping of satisfaction, and a side order of success.

• Accompanying it, I would like a tall glass of community and sharing, bubbling with laughter and enjoyment of every single moment.

• For desert, I would like my soul companion to share a home and a life with, topped with travel, exploration and fun!

• To crown the order, I would like a steaming mug of family and friends that will quench my heart's longing.

Yum!

What would your order be? :)