Please Claim Your Own Baggage

As September rolls in, so do I.

It's been a ride full of turbulence. I hit some craters in the road. Some terrifying dips in energy and focus. I lost my road map. I plodded through. One step in front of the other one.

Time to reassess. Focus. Shed.

I didn't get much accomplished, except my garden which is about to be completed in the next couple of days. Photos will ensue.

I slept a lot. I retreated from the outside world for the most part. I spent my nights blogging on Big Brother feeds to help out a friend. Focusing on someone else's problems and issues helped me sort out mine. In order of importance.

After a rocky beginning to the school year, and a head-on collision with other people's demands, needs, expectations, requirements, suggestions, I came to the conclusion, that now is the time to focus on myself.

I spent most of my life accommodating others. I gave and gave and gave, until there was nothing left to give. Now, the only thing I can give is my experience. My journey.

My goal for this month is "Do not sweat other people's small stuff."

There are people in life who demand that you take on their issues, their needs, their demands as your own. When in reality, there is nothing that could be worse for you.

This is the lesson I learned at the beginning of this month.

• One woman at work literally screamed at me because she did not like the desk she was assigned. Given the fact that there are more bodies than desks at the moment, this was an untenable situation. Yet, she got her own desk. She did not like it. She demanded the desk she wanted.
• One man at work lost it during our meeting because we are proposing a reorganization of the curriculum under themes so that there is a more balanced and unified distribution of the texts. He wants the texts that he likes in the grades that he likes to teach which are only 11 and 12 University classes.
• Another man demanded that one computer (out of 3 for 25 people to use) be set aside for him to use whenever he wants. He is too cheap to buy himself a laptop...

Here's what I have to say to that. You can't get everything you want in life, and I'm not a miracle worker.

I came to this conclusion after teetering on the edge of a breakdown. My nerves were shot because of other people's unreasonable demands. And that would serve what purpose?

Would my nervous breakdown get them what they want? Not a chance. The only thing it would do is leave me broken.

And I refuse to break.

I have come close this summer. My spirit and body broke down. My mind blanked out. I went into survival mode in August. I was a walking, talking, breathing zombie. And there is no surprise in that. The recipe required it. In the past three years, I had a horrific break-up, I lost both my parents, I took on a high-stress job in an untenable school, and I worked 11 out of the 12 months.

The fact that I am here today, and semi-coherent, is nothing short of a miracle.

So when these demands started coming in, loudly, obnoxiously, and selfishly, I found myself at a fork in the road.

To the right was a disastrous plummet of my own demise, as I would continue to cater to everyone else's expectations.

To the left was a road less traveled. One where I would navigate my own expectations.

It might be a solitary journey, but I have taken the latter road. And as I navigate this journey of what Genie needs, I will learn something new. Every single day.