(click to enlarge)It's been quite the challenge getting through these couple of weeks with a virus that has robbed me of sleep and breath. I am operating in a working daze, going through each day at minimum capacity.
Yet getting through each day.
I have had to prioritize my to-do's, and alter some into do-laters. That's just the way it is. Pare down. Get by. Move on.
I have been floating in a nebulous membrane that cannot distinguish between the events of fiction and reality. My dreams are laced with scenes from the novel I am reading (Day Watch by Sergey Lukyanenko), movies I watched recently (Cake Eaters), and television shows (Heroes). It's like another has taken over the filming, and I'm cycling through someone else's interpretation of my life.
The soundtrack at the moment? Red Hot Chili Peppers - Higher Ground. I'm in an alt-rock mood. It goes with my altered state. Sublime, Linkin Park, Rage Against the Machine, Korn. They galvanize me (Chemical Brothers).
And the beauty of this? No drugs are involved. Not even aspirin.
I have had to be lucid during the day. Try surviving a high school not being absolutely in the moment. Not possible. There has been something in the air since just before March Break, and it ain't pretty. You can taste the violence in the air. Whose bright idea was it to institutionalize teens? Seriously? The best you can hope for is that something penetrates through the haze of hormones and the angst of identity-seeking.
I had one very touching moment yesterday, when one of my students gave me a message from an ex-student of mine. He wanted me to know that I made a difference in his life, and because of me, he is on the right track. My eyes watered. My heart swelled. A moment of pure happiness.
I made a difference. Do you know how rare it is to get such feedback? Students I have cared about and nurtured, kicked in the butt (not literally) and nurtured, move on, mostly never to be seen again. And that's okay. That's life. But this. This is like a candy surprise.
The painting above totally represents my state of mind at the moment. It's a combination of a fractal I made with Apophysis , a textured background I painted and a photo I manipulated.
It's almost 6 am. I have been up for two hours listening to music, painting, and responding to emails, tweets, FB messages. I barely know where I am right now, and I have to get off to work in a couple of hours.
More coffee...
Excuse me. I'm delirious. :)
30 comments:
Genie - I hope you get over this nasty virus soon.
It made my heart swell just to read of the message that was passed on to you!! It is awesome to be in a position to make a difference in someone's life (even if it doesn't seem like it most of the time).
It's better than a candy surprise, a lot longer lasting - you always remember that moment.
You know what - I admire the student who passed the message on also! A lot of kids would just forget.
Take it from an old'ish lady ...we never forget the teachers that made a difference, or saw what others failed to see.
Coffee cures everything ;o)
I hope you get to feeling better soon!
I hope you feel better soon Genie!! Sending you lots of hugs and blessings!
Even delirious, you connect !
Get well soon and keep on soaking up the love, even if it comes in little pieces ! You so deserve it for the difference you make everyday !
Oh and enjoy the trip, Baby !
Peace out !
I myself have been unable to kick this cough and woozy head-- but I don't have to teach HS anymore. That's really hard.
As for the feedback, I'm friends w some of my ex students on FB, they're all college age or older now, and I get to see them growing up and struggling and succeeding.
One of my favorites travels the world and helps kids. And he wrote this in his 25 things about me meme.
"I am one of those stories you see on TV..poor kid from the ghetto who gets to highschool and meets challenges finds one amazing teacher pushing him that extra mile and makes it to college...someone call ABC!"
I think he meant me! Possibly my colleague, but I think me. I know I introduced him to Buddhism, and now he's gone to China and he speaks Sanskrit (?!) Anyway, I'm not sure how one can ask someone, "Hey am I the best teacher you ever had?"
Ever tried that?
I hope you can rest properly asap! How awful it is to be sick and needing to work, been there before... Send you positive vibes...
But I'm sure this message from your ex-student made a difference in your day, yesterday! How sweet! I believe this is really very rare, to get a spontaneous feedback like that! Congrats on your good work! :o)
Kisses from us.
I don't think anyone could get through high school (being a teacher or a student) without being in the moment. On those days where something is bothering me, my schoolwork always suffers. I imagine it's the same with teachers.
I have a teacher who gets feedback like that and then tells us all about it. One of his students went on to be an english teacher, and wanted him to sit on on her class one day.
Get some rest, Genie! <3
We rarely get to know whether we made a difference in someone's life. That is especially true of teachers. But anyone you talk to has been influenced by teachers whether they openly admit it or not.
Mr. English or Mrs Allen if you're out there..... Oh, and Dr. K
Such wonderful feedback to get from a student... awesome! A little glow to carry with you all the rest of your days.
Its strange how people can be quick to complain, but slow to express thoughtfulness. I'm so happy this student reached out to you with gratitude.
Hope you are able to kick that cold to the curb and feel better soon.
your post reminded me a little of 'To Sir with Love'...
but seriously.. I admire you alot for teaching high school.. it takes guts, there is no way I would cope with it.
feel better soon xoxo
ps are you on facebook?
Love the photo...BTW...so excited you are on twitter! woo! hoo! gonna follow you now...
Thank you everyone for your sweet comments! :) Hugs!
Deb - You're right, the student who passed it on also did something awesome :)
Kim - LOL! :)
Rowena - I can't say I have tired asking someone if I was the best teacher he/she has ever had.
Nydia - It's taking super human effort to go to work indeed. :) At least I slept through the night. :)
Rebecca Rebecca - It's true, everyone has been influenced by teachers. I never thought of it that way :)
intothe Dawn - I am going on day 14 of the cold... And I am very thankful for that glow :)
Robyn - I do have Facebook! I added it to my sidebar :)
Caroline - I am so following you on twitter as well :)
Hope you feel better soon, my sweet. Those viruses can knock you out cold! But what a nice present you received in the form of that positive feedback. It is, what I think, one of the primary reasons one goes into teaching: to make a difference in at least ONE life. How wonderful. But, Genie, I don't believe that he is the only one that you've made a difference in. I think teachers manage to touch many more hearts and lives than that and they just never get around to knowing it. Think of the times we've thought of teachers we've had in the past that made a difference. Did we ever voice it to that particular teacher? No. But it doesn't mean they were not effective. Keep on doing what you do best, love.
((hugs))
I take back the comment I made on the mothering experience a week ago --- -- it's the first thing I thought about your candy surprise.
Another great piece of work -- I recognize the place.
on another note --one of these days I'm going to figure out what twitter is....
Sending healing desert sparkles.
How strange...that here your blog discusses the delirium of your fuzzy state of mind...and the Wistful Wed shot has that muddled look about t as well!
I read your selected word of "home" and that intrigued me right away...LOL now, it makes sense!
I do hope that you begin to feel better, and the delirium turns to delight!
It must be spring! Those transition seasons are tough.
I love this particular digital art piece - can't say what exactly appeals to me - I just find myself drawn to it.
Hope you feel better.
Oh Genie, it is indeed rare to get feedback like that from a former student. You must be so proud! There's always that saying that "if you can reach just one kid...."
You KNOW you've reached at LEAST ONE and there's surely many, many more. Yay for you teacher-friend! I can only hope my hatchling gets a teacher like you some day.
Take care of that cold! I'm just recovering from mine and wow - did it kick my ass! (I loaded up on Tylenol & Buckley's).
Hang in there!
((((((genie))))))
hoping you can finally get better from this terrible bug you have....seems like you haven't been feeling well for weeks now!
it's wonderful about your student letting you know what a difference you made in his life! I can't imagine a more gratifying thing for a teacher to hear....and much deserved!
your painting certainly paints a graphic image of how you are feeling as you maneuver through your illness while working with a bunch of crazy teenagers!!
xoxox~sending you some hot cocoa to warm you up...
Well I hope the virus has NOT spread to the web... I'm sure I'd commented here already... sorry if this is a repeat!
(And yes this is a second attempt at this particular comment since I had to delete it the first time... now I'm really confused...)
I adore your artwork - its very evocative of the space between reality and insanity... :-)
I'm sending you healing thoughts and hope you recover soon!
Thank you for your ongoing wishes! I find myself without a voice today. Yep. That's gone too..
Rebecca - I know one thing that would make me feel a lot better... more installments of your story :)
Cynthia - Thank you honey. Twitter is like mini blogging. Another online addiction and networking tool. :)
Musey - I am so happy to see you back! That painting so feels like home... LOL!
Wendy - You're so right!
Rebecca-Rebecca -Thank you sweetie :0
BohoMAMA _ I missed you honey! It's kicking my butt too! I forced myself to take a day off. Looks like I will need two...
Linda - Thank you honey :) It has been at least two weeks of this!
Caro - No worries honey. Blogger is funny sometimes! Nope. I had this virus way before the latest web variety reared its ugly head. Thank you sweetie :)
Feel better soon. I just got rid of a bug. Lots of camomile tea will help.
I feel a lot of things for you right now- i feel sorry that you're sick and having to push through the challenges, i feel inspired by your courage, i feel awed by your input into these teen's lives, and i feel grateful that there are people like you out there! hang in there... your kind of truth and courage is good for all of us
AWESOME abstract by the way!!!
Delirium vibes to you! Loooove the new art, fractal is so enticing! And so glad you got the message from the prior student -- sometimes we just need that little hit of inspiration to keep going, to keep putting ourselves out there out there out there. Lots of groovy Reiki vibes to you... may you fully recover your health and yet retain the lovely dreamy quality of BEing :)
miracles,
k-
I sure hope you are feeling better by now! That sounds terrible.
So lovely that you got the well deserved feedback from a student! Appreciation can give us so much energy to continue on.
Hope you are feeling better Genie.
Please take care of yourself. Working in a school I understand about having to be "on" all the time. It takes alot of energy.
They will take advantage any time they can. Rascals!!!Sending you good healing vibes.
I hope you feel better very soon, dear (((Genie))).
I have to say that, in seeing how your heart reaches out and touches those around you, I wouldn't be surprised if you had a lot more students whose lives you made a positive difference to. They are probably too shy to come forward and say so though. Keep up your wonderful work.
Btw, I LOVE your painting!
love, light and peace,
serena
Thank you so much for your ongoing wishes! They have helped a lot! My voice is slowly coming back but I have to stay off my vocal cords. This will prove challenging, as I am hosting a baby shower for my best friend today. :)
Greekwitch - Welcome to my blog! :) I can't stomach chamomile tea for some reason :(
Odd Chick - Thank you sweetheart! Your comment touched me greatly :)
Kara - Thank you for the Reiki! I definitely need it :)
Tammie Lee - I am feeling a bit better each day. :)
Gemma - I took the last two days off. I didn't have a choice with no voice. lol
Serena - Thank you sweetheart :)
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