Facebookphilia

When they make a movie about how a social network system came to be, then you know it has taken over the very fabric of our lives. Facebook is everywhere, and like anything, it can be used for productive healthy interactions or it can be used for shady dealings.

In New York, several educators lost their jobs for inappropriate behaviour with students which, in some form, involved the use of Facebook. In the New York Post article, Teachers fired for flirting on Facebook with students, it calls for the education boards to make policies governing social networking between teachers and students. Talk about chucking out the baby with the bath water.

These adults acted inappropriately not because of Facebook. They were simply caught because of it. They used this online network to prey on the young, but calling for a ban of its use by all teachers because "you have too many teachers who won't think this out" is an insult to the hundreds of thousands of teachers who are not pedophiles and will not prey on their students, with or without Facebook.

School papers, teams and clubs have Facebook pages to communicate events, practices, rehearsals, and scheduling. Teachers use Facebook as extensions to novels, as homework clubs, as ways to obtain missing work.

I use blogs for this purpose, but I have a handful of former students as friends on Facebook, at their request. They sometimes reach out to tell me about what they're doing in their lives, how their university experience in going, when they can visit their alma mater. But other than that, I hardly hear from them. The last thing they want or need is to hang out with their former teacher. They just want to keep a part of their high school experience with them a little longer, and they feel secure having an adult they trust be available to them.

I consider it an honor.

And one day, when they graduate, get their first job, find their soul mate, get married, have their kids, I will learn about it, and be happy for them. These handful won't have gone into the vacuum of life, but be a part of mine in some small way.

Do I deserve to lose my job?

If an adult preys on a young person for any reason, especially sexual, they deserve all the wrath that society has to dole out. However, I find it insulting that just because I happen to share a profession with them, I have to be reprimanded and treated like an imbecile. I find it insulting that just because I have a connection with students beyond the classroom, that I would be suspect of wrongdoing. They are like my children. According to the Education Act, I am their in loco parentis (in place of a parent) and I take this sacred task seriously.

When parents are caught abusing their children, is there a public outcry to remove all children from their parents' care?

We have to decide what kind of society we live in. Do we let the criminal element determine how everyone should be treated? Do we label everyone who happens to share the gender, or race, or family tree the same as them? Or do we use all the available adults at our disposal, parents, teachers, pediatricians, day care workers, cross guards, coaches and club advisors as a team of people looking after our young, protecting them against the likes of  those who would put them in harm's way? I think we all know the answer to that.

And it's time we stop burying our Facebook in the sand.

Reality Insanity

I sit here in my office, staring out at the snow as it tumbles down in tufts for the first time this season. My coffee is warm and perfect. My house is quiet. Peace reigns inside and outside my head.

I have not fallen off the face of this planet. I have been cocooning, trying to restore my balance, my sense of direction, my stoicism. What I have been doing a lot of is reading and watching television - namely the Olympics and reality TV.

First, and foremost, I would like to especially thank Serena, Gemma, Judi, Rowena, Boho Mama, Shell, Steve, Tabby, Paula, Queen Muse, Rosebud, Tess (welcome!) and Cynthia (welcome back!) for your beautifully supportive and touching comments. All the best to you, my blogging friends. I have returned to blogland because of you. There was a time I thought of deleting my blog and leaving because I started to think I had nothing much to say worth sharing and because I have been a very poor blog pal indeed.

My news in a nutshell:

• My gluten-free diet has had several positive effects. I have gone down a dress size; I don't feel bloated with painful gas any more; my skin is clearing up. The most interesting part about all this is that it has not been a struggle to maintain. No falling off the wagon. No cravings that I can't overcome.

• I have now almost completely gone organic, especially with meat and dairy products. The hormones that have been fattening up the livestock, have been fattening me up. I figure it's worth a try, and since only good can come of it, there is nothing to lose, except a few extra dollars and hopefully a lot of extra pounds. And as the commercial says, I'm worth it. :)

• I have scrapped all my other projects in favor of writing about something that has truly preoccupied me which is the sad state of my profession. The preliminary title of my book is School Schmool, but that it bound to change. I will share some of it with you, welcoming your feedback.

• I have immersed myself in reality TV: Amazing Race, The Bachelor, Survivor, American Idol. There is something lurky and seedy about these shows that in my present state of mind, I crave. I have always been a student of human nature, my own and others'; and these shows provide me with infinite material. It is mostly this material that I will be sharing with you on my blog until the implosion of my personal life settles into something more inspiring. :)

Here are some of my preliminary thoughts on these shows:

Amazing Race is easily my favorite because not only does it take us around the world to experience things we probably never will, but it contains a lovely element of personal achievement. This season has an additional sweet spot, namely the inclusion of a couple who met and got together on Big Brother, Jeff and Jordan. I enjoy seeing them in circumstances diametrically opposed to those on BB. They have been doing quite well; not to mention they are genuinely cute together.

Survivor: Heroes versus Villains is really a misnomer. It is supremely difficult to win this game being a "hero". Strategy is all about blindsides and backstabbing. After all they must outwit, outplay, outlast. I have favorites from both those tribes, and am looking forward to seeing what happens.

The Bachelor is not a show I usually watch, and have not watched throughout. The whole concept is quite unsettling especially with contractual obligations to pretend to be "in love" or "falling for" multiple partners, ensuing in inevitable drama. The thing that got to me about this season is not the participants as much as the viewers and the media. You would have to live in a time-warped bubble not to notice how the tabloids, show hosts, and entertainment commentators have been shamelessly trashing one of the women of the show, Vienna. People have been saying and printing some very vicious statements about her; and having watched some of the show, I have to wonder what about her brings out the mean girl in so many. To repeat what they have been saying would be condoning it, so I won't but seriously do these people have any mirrors in their homes?

American Idol Season 9 is under way; and for the first time I have been watching it since the auditions. Though I had some early favorites, the first show with the 24 left me bored and repeatedly reaching for the remote, especially when I writhed with agony at the many pitch problems. Could the contestants even hear themselves? I watched as each of my favorites floundered through songs I would have not picked for them, and renditions that either puzzled me or left me in need of pain killers. I am cursed with perfect pitch. My ears were offended regularly by several of the women and men.

The one bright spot of the show? Ellen. She brings a ray of sunshine on the judges' panel which has been horribly nasty, and unproductively negative throughout the process. They laughed in people's faces during some of the auditions; and no matter how foolish and deluded those auditioning are, it does not excuse this rude and childish behavior on the part of the judges. The comments they were making on the first live show, while true, could have been tempered with some tact and humanity. In past seasons, I have always agreed with Simon's assessment, after all, the man knows the industry; but I found myself shaking my head at his comments on Tuesday's and Wednesday's shows. He has been particularly brutal. His eye might be projected into his X Factor future, but this is no way to act. He was however, not the only one with inappropriate commentary and behaviour. Kara DioGuardi's simpering and carrying on during contestant's Casey James' performance was just plain embarrassing.

Phew. What a long post! Stay tuned for more show commentary and snippets of the book I am writing. I will be coming around like a good blog neighbor to have some tea at your blog homes and eagerly read what you have been up to!

Cheers my beautiful friends. :) It's good to be back.

Choked and Punked

I would like to begin by thanking those of you who have been sending me your support and good thoughts. I feel your caring surrounding me like a warm summer breeze in the chill of the reality that has bitten me. I have been fighting the demons of bitterness and disappointment.

I lost the battle.

The teacher's union said they can do nothing for me. There is nothing they can do for me unless some "ism" has been violated. Otherwise principals have carte blanche to vilify and abuse us. To make matters worse, the union rep I contacted didn't have the decency to even reply to my email. I heard it through another teacher who works on a committee with her.

The whole system is corrupt.

The irony? I'm a good teacher, a thoughtful leader, a spokesperson for those who cannot or will not use their voices. If I had been a horrible teacher, a pedophile, a deviant, I would have gotten some representation.

I made a decision to look at the positive to any situation. I can safely say, the universe has been testing me. It has been a struggle for me to lift my head above the clouds of this situation and see the sunshine. My colleagues have been more than sympathetic and supportive, outraged even. This is a reality check we have all been served. No one is fooled about the principal's motivations in targeting me. The problem is it doesn't matter what we see or what we know. Her tyranny will remain unchecked.

I will focus on my kids, the ones I am really there for. I will be the best teacher I can be, for them. And the rest be damned.

Yes, my blogging has suffered, and I have disappeared. I will get back in the groove. I will come back fighting.

But for now, I will regroup. I will keep my shoulders above the stormy clouds and try to absorb the rays of sunlight. :)

The Battle Begins.

So another battle wages in my world. I didn't go looking for it but it came to my doorstep. That's not to say, that the choices were clear for me, but a choice had to be made. This battle is helping me learn some very valuable lessons.

I can't go into specific details yet, but suffice it to say the Gremlin Principal has launched an attack against me, for the simple reason that I will not be silenced. And rather than take it, the super hero in me is launching a counter attack. The union is becoming involved.

The first lesson I learned is that I will not prostrate myself blindly to tyranny. The second lesson I learned is that I have many allies. It is humbling to find so many people rallying around me, equally outraged and willing to fight the good fight.

For those of you who know me and have been reading my blog for a while, you know the kind of untenable situation we work in at a school plagued by dictatorial and incompetent leadership. Staff from all ranks and students alike have reached the saturation point; and this latest targeting of me has been the straw that broke the camel's back.

I'm not being targeted because I am not doing an outstanding job, or because I am not an expert in my field, or because I have not made a lot of positive changes, or because I have not created an environment of collegiality and communication. I'm being targeted because I am outspoken. And that, my friends, is unacceptable in a society that prides itself on equity, freedom of speech, and inclusiveness.

The very way our school is being run has caused bloody revolutions in countries, has caused sit-ins and protests, and United Nations interventions. None of these extreme measures will apply here, but a battle is being waged with the tools of a "civilized" society.

I had a choice. Swallow this bitter pill, say nothing, do nothing, and allow the Principal to continue along her draconian path. Or. Take up the banner, gather my troops, and march headlong into the fight for liberty, justice and pursuit of unfettered education.

It is my duty as an educator, a proponent of critical thinking, mindful living and responsible action, to model this behaviour. If I were to lie down and allow myself to be run over by the freight train that is the administration, I might as well quit my job and sell butt plugs. I would not be worthy to stand before the young and claim to guide them into adulthood. I would be a sham. And that is not who I am.

That is not who I am.

My Stone. The Summit.

Today is Wednesday and you know what that means? Yes! It's Wishcasting with Jamie Ridler over at Starshyne Productions! And this week's question is:

What step do you wish to take?

I read that question, and pondered. And I pondered some more. My brain went into a little seizure. "What step don't I wish to take?" it kept repeating. I decided to do a Flickr random search to inspire me. I settled on this cutie pie. How little she is and yet so confident, standing on a little stone that looks like a mountain to her. On the summit, overlooking her domain, soaking in the rays of the sun and her achievement.

That's where my problem lies. I can hardly ever soak in my achievement. I always focus on the little bit that failed. I speak and I regret it. I take action and I second-guess it. I make something and I think how I can make it better. I look at myself and I notice the flaws.

I know that's preposterous and so against everything I have been working towards. I know, when I speak, I speak from conviction. I know when I take action, I do so because it's necessary. I know I can do better, but I also know that what I have made rocks. I know that in the mirror somewhere, there is beauty.

I know all this.

I do.

Really...

Yesterday, we had a meeting with the heads of the departments. It's my least favorite activity ever. I am one voice lost in translation. The discussion, again, turned towards the uniform. Ugh! Everyone, complacent, spouted ignorance. Here is a sampling of what my colleagues had to say:

• The uniform ensures safety at our school. (This week we had two teachers assaulted by students. )
• The uniform ensures all students equal footing. (Except the ones that are beaten up in the washrooms, and bullied in the halls.)
• The uniform isn't a uniform, it's a dress code. (Dress code gives you guidelines, not specific items you have to wear with crests on them, you dunce.)
• Most of the kids are in uniform. (Right, so the 4% that aren't seem to be the only ones hanging out on the second floor.)
• Work environments have dress codes. This models work environments. (Uh! Work environments? This one for instance? Dude. Why are you wearing shoes without socks?)
• Teachers have to enforce uniforms. They don't have a choice or a say. Do they have a say in stopping at stop lights? Or where they can park? Don't they follow those rules? (Dude. Would they if they weren't fined? Some don't anyway. That's why we have courts.)
• Teachers in your departments must be told to enforce the uniform. (I'll get right on that, right after I ensure all teachers are actually teaching what they're supposed to.)

WTF?

You know I spoke. It fell on deaf ears. The principal indirectly put me in my place. The uniform isn't under discussion. (Sorry, I didn't realize we were talking about the weather...) If you are having issues with getting your teachers to comply, then call the Union. (Sorry. I thought it was your job to make teachers comply, not mine, and not the Union's. And doubly sorry, I thought this was a discussion. My bad.)

I didn't say one thing that was wrong yesterday. Yet, I came home feeling like a failure. I did not get through to them. The logical fallacies reigned. Nothing was achieved.

What step do I want to take?

I wish to step out of the notion that I failed just because I could not get through to a bunch of individuals mired in conformity and inability to get the hell out of the box.

Where do I want to be?

I wish to be on that rock, soaking in the sunshine, and the knowledge, that even though I work with a bunch of people who fail to recognize reality, I still have my summit.

Stop! They stole my serenity!

(click to enlarge)

This week, in Jamie Ridler's book club 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women, we are asked to clear whatever steals our serenity. Start with one thing. Like:

• clutter
• toxic people
• toxic situations
• limiting beliefs
• activities you dread
• over-committing
• over-scheduling
• over-stimulation
• perfectionism
• the outdated
• the "undone"
• habits that aren't serving you

Start with one thing?

Okay. Here's the deal... There is one thing that fits all these suggestions. This thing disturbs my moral conscience, my spiritual peace, my emotional balance, my mental well-being, and my health via stress.

And it's the one thing that is the hardest to simply "get rid of" in a week.

And that thing is...

MY JOB!

Good heavens! Here's the breakdown: (hopefully not mine! :>)

clutter: The physical space is a shambles. It's dirty and cluttered with crap. Other people's crap that I do not have the power to get rid of. My friend, who used to be the Assistant Leader of our department, and I did a great job decluttering our office, but the rest of the school... oy!

toxic people: Hello. The place is crawling with them. Unhappy, unreasonable, uncooperative, incompetent, unstable people who just will not communicate in order to affect change. (Not all, but a crucial few.)

toxic situations: Hi, my job.

limiting beliefs: I know it's supposed to be my beliefs that limit me, but I am doing a very good job clearing those. How does one clear others' limiting beliefs?

activities you dread: Getting up in the morning and going to work.

over-committing: The 194786208953 pointless meetings and workshops at work.

over-scheduling: The pile of senseless tasks added to my own workload by the Administration, the Board and the Government.

over-stimulation: The P.A. system which can go off anytime, blaring useless noise and babble. The almost supersonic noise in the halls. The deafening discussions in the office. Everyone talking at the same time over each other, loudly. AHHHHHHHHHH!

perfectionism: Getting through the day in one piece would be perfection.

the outdated: Oh, let me see. Everything? The school calendar, the scheduling, the curriculum really being taught, the way teachers approach teaching, the very philosophy of education is outmoded, outdated, and irrelevant.

the "undone": All the projects I have attempted at the school to better even just a corner of it, being stonewalled and shunted.

bad habits: Going to work. :)

Okay, so yeah. Yuk!

The only thing I like about my job, is the reason I am there, and that is teaching, and my students.

Dude. What are my options?

a) whine about it.
b) change schools where it might or might not be better.
c) make small changes that, really, require too much effort and don't even address the major issues.
d) quit, which would mean being without a job in this economy, and I would stop doing something I love and am good at.
e) stop fighting and become desensitized or insensitive and do the 9 to 5 thing.
f) blow the lid off education as we know it...

Gee. I wonder what Genie will do? ;-)

Respect

(Rally for Respect, Mel Lastman Square)

Yesterday, I participated along with thousands of my fellow high school teachers in a rally. We have been without a contract and the negotiations are stalled.

Why you ask?

It's not about money. It's not about benefits. It's about Respect. It's about giving the Principals more power to deploy us as security guards in the schools. The trustees want us to monitor the hallways, stairwells, and cafeterias in the schools. They feel this is a solution to the growing safety concern in some if not most schools. Give teachers more to do. Yeah. Good one.

In our school we have had four fights, that I know of, just this week. One hall monitor got punched in the eye and another one in the ribs.

Alarming isn't it? Especially so when I tell you ours is not an "inner city" school. Why then?

• There are about 300 students more than should be in that school while neighboring schools are under-enrolled.
• There is a reluctance on the part of the administration to involve police as a result of the "progressive discipline" law which was put in place because of racial profiling in some schools.
• There is a growing population of students whose needs are not being met by the curriculum and with whom teachers are ill-prepared to deal.

Anyway, the bottom line is - Houston, we have a problem.

The problem cannot be solved by unleashing teachers into the hallways. What is it that we are trained and allowed to do? Can I take down a student? No. Will the student listen to me if I tell them to cease and desist? No. Will I get punched? Oh hell, no!

As it is, this week I have been working almost non-stop at school and at home, nights and on the weekends, to prepare lessons, mark, prepare grades, call parents, meet with parents, run the department, go looking for a missing projector, counsel students, photocopy, meet with administrators, plan courses.

I am exhausted.

When I am done work, I have turned into a boiled cabbage leaf. I have no energy to do anything other than sit and stare.

I have done no painting. I missed Wishcasting Wednesdays. I am having trouble catching up with my favorite bloggers. I won't even mention that I have no time to go for a coffee or a drink and chill.

And what is my employer telling me after all this? That I am not doing enough. That all my work in preparing interesting and relevant lessons, providing modifications for students, making sure all my students have the requisite skills, making time to tutor and counsel students during lunch and after school is not enough!

I challenge them to come and do a better job, because, honey, I know I can do their job better.

Anyway.

I have a meeting after school today with Publishers. They have contacted me to write two textbooks. That is good news, as that means extra income, and being published. Is it a dream come true? No, but it's a step in the right direction for sure. When will I find the time to do this? Who needs sleep, right?

Dude.

March break cannot come soon enough.

Alliance Creative

(click to enlarge)

It's funny how things seem to fall into place when you finally know what it is you really want and where you really want to go.

Today through Jamie's wonderful book club of 12 Secrets , we are asked to ponder on our Alliances, our Power Teams, real or projected.

I am in the process of creating a Power Team for a project I am envisioning. I call it Alliance Creative. It's a project that will infuse new life into the education system for administrators, teachers and students alike.

I strongly believe that the major stumbling blocks to progress are lack of creativity, an inability to think outside the box, and a reluctance to take chances. Once those obstacles are set aside, and this wonderfully empowering energy is released, the sky is the limit.

What does this dream team consist of?

Women and men who are committed to their own creativity. People who love to inspire others in the pursuit of their "dreams" without judgement or imposition, but with encouragement and acceptance. People who smile in the face of resistance, for there will be lots of it, and use its momentum to create change. People who can voice their opinions and be able to meld them with that of others to create a unified whole.

I picture a light-filled room with this Alliance Creative gathered. Our tools are big blank sheets and crayons, as we map the vision of the future. A future unfettered by past practices, and "this is the way we have always done things" or "when I was in school". A future that takes the technology offered us, and all the valuable non-technological tools of the past, and molds a new vision of what learning is.

The color of this future is not based on the shade of the skin, but the nuance of the palate. The shape of the future is not one dictated by Vogue but one engendered from the vortex of incredible power that lies within each and every one of us.

Alliance Creative is not driven by ego, or the need for fame and fortune, but my the altruistic need to fill this world with people in touch with their creativity, happy with their lives, and committed to the creativity and happiness of others.

This might sound like science fiction, but all the great science fiction authors predicted the future accurately. It begins with my vision, but the vision will be complete after Alliance Creative gets together the first time, and begins the drafting the blueprints.

Who will take the call? I don't know, but I am convinced it will be splendid.

Because, change happens one step at a time. :)

Perspectives

(click on image to enlarge)

My fascination with trees continues with this painting I made in Photoshop last night. I have been trying to work with perspective and light. A different view, another outlook. Looking up instead of out or in.

I am working on perspective in my life as well. Trying to step away and give myself a different view while so many things mull in my head.

Like my art. I know at some point, I need to pick up a brush and start painting on canvas or paper. But sometimes, I feel this subtle pressure, and it's not coming from within. I know some people believe that graphic arts are not as worthy or as "artistic" as conventional art. There seems to be a subterranean hierarchy in the art world. Some artists seem to be more worthy of attention and praise than others. I don't subscribe to that, as I have written at length what art is to me. Yet, I must be honest and say it troubles me at times. It troubles me because there is yet another hurdle I must overcome, or ignore. The choice is mine.

I love painting digitally, for now. It's a training ground for me. It allows me a freedom that manual art doesn't. It allows me the containment I need at the moment to gain confidence in my vision and technique. In my artistic voice. And if some people believe that this art is not worthy of being framed and hung on a wall, then that is their choice. No?

That's not going to change my relationship with my process. And part of my process is blogging about it.

I have been participating in a a lot of blogging initiatives, and they feed my mind and art. I am engaged by everyone's perspectives, and particularly fascinated when that perspective seems to echo throughout the blogosphere. There is movement, acceptance, and support. Some give of it freely to others. Others are concerned with their own. Still others give it only to some. That is all perfectly valid. Each person gives what he or she can or wants to. I like visiting people's blog homes, and sitting down to enjoy their success, give support or presence for their agonies, voice my thoughts on their concerns. This is part of being in a community, which this very much is to me. A tribe, a support group, a family.

That is why I thank everyone so much. You do not know how much your comments mean to me whether they are one word or paragraphs. Whether they are daily or occasional. I welcome them with open mind and heart because I know they are made with the best intentions. And they give me perspective. A new look inside from outside.

I have written at length about my job s a teacher. I am so blessed to love my job, because I believe it is a very important job. My students' future rides on what I am able to impart to them; how I give them the opportunity to grow intellectually and creatively in a safe environment; how I expose them to different perspectives and broaden their own. I sometimes have to overcome barriers of attitude, or trauma, or walls of bigotry, or chasms of language. But I do not give up, because I think it is important; because I think they are important.

I also have to deal with a lot of frustrations, and they almost never come from the kids. Teens will always have that innate angst that bubbles out sometimes in very bizarre ways. I can deal with that. It's the adults who perturb me. Adults who are also in charge of these kids' futures; adults who refuse change or a different perspective; adults who dig their heals in their right to be right, so much so that they become enormous obstacles to everyone's sanity and growth.

Connie over at Dirty Footprints wrote a post about the possibility that the Arts program will be cut from schools.

This is exactly what I am talking about. Instead of cutting a "non-essential" course, as they see it, they need to look at it from a different perspective: the absolute necessity of the Arts not only for students, but for teachers as well.

We have been getting a lot of Professional Development sessions this year, trying to encourage teachers to use more "high yield" strategies. Meaning teachers are boring kids to death.

There are two sides of this coin. Some kids are over-entertained. It's hard to compete with the lure of digital fun and excitement. I don't come with a PVR (TiVo) and I can't be shuffled to play a different tune, but I do manage to keep my students engaged and learning. Why? Because my lessons are varied and creative. Why? Because I am creative.

Then there is the other side. There are teachers who have been teaching the same lesson, the same way for years and years. I don't know how they do it. To me that's water torture. But really, have they been taught differently? Have they been given the true opportunity to try something different? They have been told to, but what good is that?

You can't ask a bear to fly without giving it wings.

Teachers need to be allowed and encouraged to explore their own creativity through workshops, not be sat in a room told that their lessons are not "high yield" enough. Sure, you can bake a cake with a recipe, but it will only be a great cake if you own the recipe. If you love the recipe and the art of making a cake. The Board and the Administration like to dole out recipes without providing kitchens or utensils or ingredients. They say their teachers are bad bakers without giving them the opportunity to experiment with their own baking skills.

That's because the very people who say that teachers can't think outside the box, are firmly entrenched in boxes themselves.

So I am baking an idea. A proposal that I will take to the Board. It might blow their lids, but if they go for it, it will really address the issue not put a little band aid on a gaping wound.

It's time to look up, see things from a different perspective. Enjoy the light playing with the leaves and bursting through the trees. And take one huge, refreshing gulp of breath.

Update: I totally forgot it was Jamie's Wishcasting Wednesday! Doh! But this post fits right in. I wish for my idea to take flight and change the face of education! There! Weee!

Surging

Buoyant in the sky
air filling its lungs
as it floats into the sunset.

Crowds of people cheer it on
happy to see such spectacular travel
without wings
without metal
pushing the air gently
as it reaches its destination.

As I have started on the path of making my own Tarot deck, I decided to keep going. I have been reading Tarot for 22 years, and although I don't do readings for others anymore, I have several decks that I have bought and treasured. They simply fascinate me.

Instead of drawing cards, I meditate and allow a card to 'come to me'. Today, the air cards wanted to make an appearance, with the Ace of Balloons. Swords are too violent and phallic. When I was casting about for images in my head, and googling randomly. (I do that a lot) Hot air balloons started popping up everywhere.

Yesterday was a doozy. As usual, I walked into crisis when I got to work. Two teachers were away and instead of preparing lesson plans, asked that we go into their emergency lessons ( I think they need a vocabulary lesson). This involved extra work and running around not only on my part but on the part of a colleague of mine who was then berated by the supply teacher for being unprofessional. Oh, you can bet yours truly had a word with that supply teacher. No one puts baby in the corner :)

The amazing thing about yesterday is this:

I got complimented by two of my colleagues that I handled the supply teacher marvelously.
Then, at the end of the day, a retired teacher who used to work at the school for years and now supply teaches often, told me that she admired me. She said. "You are so marvelous, and I don't think you even know how much. You are the best thing to have happened to that department."

I gave her a hug. I was beaming inside, but I was also floored by the extent of that compliment. You see. I'm not used to compliments. It took me a long time to accept one graciously without spouting a whole string of self-deprecation. Yet, when someone does, I feel like that poor wilting plant in the corner after it has been watered. The whole day's challenges seemed to dissolve and I felt a surge of energy fill me. I could face anything.

Then, a woman from a publishing company called and emailed me saying she really wanted me to write for a new project. It's an education series, but I can get fired up about curriculum (big nerd) and it will mean extra income. I threw out the sum of $50K into the universe because that will clear me of my extraneous debt and leave me only with my mortgage and bills. I would love to be able to pay off my mortgage too, but that's the next step :)

Then I got to thinking. The whole Soul Coaching experience has altered me irrevocably for the better. I have a confidence and peace in the core of my being I did not have before.

And it only is partly due to the actual book. The greater impact happened as a result of the interaction with the group of angels that I have been honored to meet in this journey.

I used to blog irregularly. Now, I feel the need to blog daily. I have bought a gazillion journals but this is the medium I am drawn to. It empowers me to write my thoughts and hit "publish" because no matter what they are, I have sent them out into the world.

I have a few friends who have been reading my blog. When I saw a comment, it would swell my heart with gratitude, and lift me up. I felt like I wasn't a sole voice in the desert of my thoughts. Now, I see comments every day. And they mean the world to me. They are like precious gifts of love, support, and wisdom. I am buoyant!

This makes my writer's soul happy. That someone is reading what I have written and gaining something from it.

Yes, the Ace of Balloons is a perfect card for today. Buoyant, and free, cutting through the darkness and reflecting the light.

I hope your day is rich and free, and the light reflects on, in and around you.

Blessed be :)

Blind Adherence

I have been thinking a lot about this lately. At what point does an individual in a free society have the right and the responsibility to question a rule or a procedure?

The logic behind some rules is self-evident. It is pointless to question the traffic laws because they have been put in place to protect people. Is it pointless however to question parking laws? I mean, who has been saved by a $30 fine I got because I parked 5 minutes past the time on the parking ticket I purchased for $12? I can understand the need to pay for parking because that money (hopefully) goes towards improving the streets and boulevards of our fair city. But paying 30 buckeroos for 5 minutes is exorbitant. The city punked me.

What about a rule that is meted out randomly and without logic? When do rules become tyranny?

A friend of mine has taken it upon herself to organize a project that will give students valuable, mandatory volunteer hours, and will help in the collection of books that seem to go missing in alarming amounts every year. A worthy project, don'tcha think?

Now, why is it necessary that she MUST get that poster signed by the principal and TWO vice principals? Why must the poster be signed at all? Are teachers not mostly responsible adults who can make a judgement call about what a poster's contents should be? And if that individual is a knucklehead (and there are a few of those in every environment) who does post something inappropriate, would that individual not have a reality check waiting for him/her in the mail? So what the hell?

My friend had to go through an assembly line of idiocy to achieve something productive, like she was asking for permission to start a terrorist club. I mean, come on? Will her proposed project not save the school money and by extension save money for the Board and the tax payers? Not to mention the fact that if this woman, my friend, came to me and said she has a project in the wings, I would know that is a worthy project. I have never seen a more organized, thoughtful, smart and considerate individual. She is a person who frikken cares in an environment filled with blind adherence. She deserves an award for that alone, not a torture session.

So here I sit, absolutely bemused about a system that has no thought or common sense behind it. It's like we're a factory of people churned by a robotic crew representing the Bureacrats of Political Sanitation. I say, down with blind adherence. I can in no good conscience not question a rule and a procedure that makes no sense on any level. This "rule" was established by micro-managers who cannot manage to tie their shoelaces, or moo-moo sashes without direction.

I will question until I am blue in the face, because I am a thinking and vital individual who refuses to be hoodwinked, especially not by those who are not even worthy of making sure there is enough toilet paper in the stalls.

Random

Sometimes, random thoughts pop in my mind, and I must express them.

I'm watching So You Think You Can Dance. Anything that has to do with dance has my attention immediately. The added component of this show is the "reality". Well, the television reality. I watch the auditions because of the dance, the illuminating moments of success and the message that you can transcend anything if you have the right attitude. I have to commend some of these dancers. Some have such a WILL to make it, that it inspires me to get off my ass and do some crunches while watching.

Then there are the moments of infamy that they choose to air, and I am disappointed. Why is it entertaining to watch someone make a total fool of him/herself and then be humiliated on top of it? Seriously, there isn't enough therapy in the world to heal some people. There aren't enough words to describe the disgust I feel in watching the judges tear them to shreds.

I'm so frustrated sometimes. So many thoughts speed throughout my synapses, popping in and popping away.

Why do I think so much? Maybe they should make a show called So You Think You Can Think? or maybe So You Think? I would so be in there!

Work has become so frustrating. Today, one of my students who has not been doing very much in class when he has been there ( half the time), declared today that he was doing nothing because, and I quote, "This class is shit."

I sent him out. He needed to be out of my sight.

In the school where I work the motto is, you send a student out, you get called into the VP's office and grilled about all the accusations the student has made against you. That doesn't bother me because I know I am a good teacher and I do all in my power to empower my students to do the best they can do. Even if I have to drag them over the threshold of ignorance into the light of original thought.

So, I was prepared for this interview with the VP and the student. I was told that I had said to the student that he had no chance of passing. I smiled and said, "I was expecting that. What he failed to tell you was that I said, he had no chance of passing if he didn't do the work." Logical, no? You would think.

Then the VP asked me if I got his previous marks. (He had transfered half way through the semester to my class.) I said that I hadn't. I had told him it was his responsibility to tell his previous teacher that he needed his marks. The VP replied, in FRONT of the student, that it was NOT his responsibility to get the marks. "He can easily change them."

Ok. Let's break this down.

I attempted to teach the student a lesson in responsibility and accountability in asking him to get the marks. It was his choice to come to this class, because in his words "it is easier". That signalled to me someone who had no interest in getting a credit let alone learning anything, so I decided I was going to ask this of him. I was testing his resolve.

I got cut down for my efforts. My professional credibility was negated in that one moment, but I remained calm.

What the VP taught him is that he is not accountable and not reliable since he can so "easily" change the marks. Huh? Would I not then have noticed? Would I not have checked with my colleague?

Ironically, later in the discussion, said VP asked the student if he indeed went to his former teacher to ask for the marks. He hadn't. Hmm.

Whatever. I know I did the right thing and have been acting in the best interests of the student.

The VP then finds out that he has been skipping classes right left and center when I mentioned his 14 absences from my class. Good thing they keep on top of that sort of thing...

The whole exercise earned him 21 detentions. Will he learn anything from them? I have no idea. I know I learned that I can remain professional and calm in the face of insult. I learned that my intentions are well-placed, and my vision clear whereas the administrator in question is basking in her position of authority. It's hard to think clearly way up there. Lack of oxygen, I think.

I wonder. Do other people get so disrespected on a daily basis at work? Do they get put in a position where they are taken down a peg for doing their job?

I'm stumped. I thought it was an educator's job to take advantage of all the teachable moments and opportunities to help their wards to grow in independent thought and knowledge? Instead, bureaucracy is the oil that makes this educational machine run. It has made asses of us. The kind we sit on and the kind we ride.

So You Think You Can Teach? Apparently any bozo can as long as he/she follows the rules:

1. Assume the worst and get the worst.
2. Take down anyone who thinks outside the box.
3. Get it in writing.
4. Fuck it up as long as you dress it up and take it out to dinner.
5. Do not attempt to prevent damage just be really good at damage control.

Whatever. I'm disgusted again.

There is nothing worse than bad leaders. Unorganized, without a vision, without common sense, without an original thought in their heads. These people know the rules, but have never questioned them. They demand respect but do not give it. They have the compassion of a chainsaw, and the vision of a bucket of used engine oil.

I teach critical thinking, and I'm thinking the situation is critical.

So maybe wearing a ridiculous outfit and falling on your face on television is not the worst thing that can happen to a person. This too, I will transcend.

Relevé

There is something wrong when you take a day off from work to work. As the pile of essays and short stories that I have to grade were glaring at me angrily all weekend, I got more and more anxious, so I decided to skip the day and attend to these monsters.

I don't know if it's just me, but when I have to grade writing, I get infinitely exhausted. I need naps, or long walks. It's the only way I can get through this. I tried alcohol, but it skews my perspective to the detriment of those I'm grading. My comments get snarkier and decidely less helpful.

Why is it that educators insist on putting students through this torture when they are so mentally unprepared? In order to develop a consistent and well thought-out argument, one must have some cultural, literary, philosophical, or political foundation. In other words, they have to have read something other than manga or msn conversations. It's distressing for them, and incredibly disconcerting for us to sift through a thousand words that say nothing, or worse, the same thing over and over.

Teaching teenagers how to write an essay is like teaching giraffes the grand-plié. Yet, educators persist, insist and desist.

Do not even get me started on the vocabulary. As I scrape my mind against the edges of their instant messaging grammar, their pre-school adjectives, and their convoluted syntax, I wonder.
What have they and I done to be punished so?

We need to quit this archaic methodology and provide these young ones with fodder on which to base their thoughts. They need to read more and learn to express thought, build argument, and develop ideas logically. Why are we asking them to do the intellectual equivalent of skydiving without a parachute?

Ok. I had to vent, now back to grading their grand écart en l'air.