There's An 'I' in Desire

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The truth is that I am often afraid to name my desires. This has been instilled in me from a young age. Asking for and seeking what you truly want is selfish and greedy. How messed up is that?

Assigning a certain guilt to what we most desire is tantamount to substituting salt for sugar in pudding. You reach for that yummy bowl of chocolaty delight, and when the first spoonful hits your taste buds - horror.

Going through the balancing and restorative practice of nothing, and being open to truth is very freeing. It's like peeling layers of dead skin off my soul.

Having been felled by the flu mid-week, which necessitated the need to stay home, has afforded me a long visit with nothing and truth. And with the fever, desire started bubbling to the surface.

What do I desire? Without guilt. Without the nagging sense of unworthiness. Without the judgmental naysayers that have been implanted in me at a young age.

I sat at my computer and opened Photoshop. I started making my vision card, allowing the images to gather themselves into the palette.

The mermaid emerged, serene and centered not only in the magical realm of the ocean, but with strong roots in passion and color. Unfettered and free to explore the beauty of creation. Carnal desire, the melding of two bodies and hearts, lies deep in the roots of desire. The One of two. The sliding into place, merging as one moving entity. And from that emerges a stronger woman, one stable in her place in the scheme of things. Open to experience. Open to creation. Open to others in an elemental way. In a way that makes a difference.

I have many passions.

I am passionate about teaching. I love being able to trigger slumbering minds into creative thought.

I am passionate about painting. I love playing with images, colors and textures to create something that will speak from my soul directly to that of others.

I am passionate about writing. I love words and how they can evoke thoughts and feelings and other worlds.

I am passionate about friendship. I love my tribe which includes everyone I have met online. I will slay a dragon for them.

I am passionate about children. They are the very fabric of life that must be cared for, nurtured, and strengthened.

I am passionate about justice. I want everyone to have a fair shake at life, and success.

I am passionate about love. I desire to be joined through all my chakras to the Male.

I am passionate about my home. I love to create an atmosphere of warm hospitality.

I am passionate about travel. I yearn to explore every crevice of this planet which is my home.

Now that I have opened the way, I wish to find the way to manifest my Desires.

To read about others' journey with Desire, go to Jamie Ridler's Next Chapter book club on Martha Beck's The Joy Diet here!

PS. This flu has really weakened me, so please forgive me if I am not able to get to your posts right away. I will be reading and commenting throughout the next few days.

The Book of Truth

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Our Illustrious Leader, Jamie Ridler is ushering us into another week of the Joy Diet with Truth.

If I can pick one quality that is both my asset and my downfall, it is honesty.

My mouth opens up and the truth spills out, often uncensored. There are times I regret that and it causes me sleepless nights. And I wonder why. Why did I have to speak up, speak out? Why could I have not kept my trap shut and gone with the flow of silence and conformity?

Because, that's who I am.

Changing that would be like changing a key ingredient in a recipe.

Who needs the cream cheese in cheesecake?

Well, I do!

Acceptance of myself, as I am has been a difficult task. A difficult task indeed, but I am willing to look in the dark recesses of my psyche and shed light, clear cobwebs, and do some spring cleaning.

Thus my vision card for this week.

The background is filled with the places of my roots and desires.

Where I have been and would like to go.

The book, my story, is open and unwritten in.

It's time to explore the possibilities of my story.

Start fresh, and untethered by all the things, people and concepts that have been bogging me down.

Accepting their influence in my life and letting it go.

Accepting who I am, as I am, and knowing that what I have to say is valuable, because, not in spite of, the fact that few are willing to speak the truth.

Accepting my flaws and gently having them work for me not against me.

Accepting my assets and using them as the powerful tools that they are.

Accepting myself, opening that fresh book, and starting to

gleefully

boundlessly

joyfully

write in it.

That is my truth.

Nothing Comes from Nothing

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The incomparable Jamie Ridler is nourishing us with The Joy Diet by Martha Beck. And I couldn't stay away even if I wanted to... :)

This week was dedicated to nothing.

The above Vision Card that I made pretty much depicts how well that went for me.

Not so much.

Yet, still. Greatly!

It wasn't for lack of trying, that's for sure. When I finally was able to set some time from my hectic and stressful days to sit and quietly do nothing. Without any stimulations whatsoever. Trying to push away the myriads of things milling in my head, I fell asleep.

Totally, passed out.

I succeeded for about 5 minutes this week. When a slice of heavenly nothing let me float in it, away from all the nagging worries and meaningless concerns that crowd my day.

It was beautiful.

Short but sweet.

But here is the clincher. And it's a huge one folks.

For the first time in my life, I did not berate myself for not having achieved my goal!

I did not shake my head at myself, or point any fingers in my direction.

Nothing.

I accepted that I did what I could, and that I was so exhausted that sleep had to take precedence over nothing.

So nothing was not achieved, but something great happened.

Instead of the critic, I heard the dulcet tones of nothing.

I am very interested to see what others have achieved or maybe more importantly, haven't! :)