Emergence

To the outside observer, my process of healing probably seems like a bipolar ride in a dysfunctional theme park. It ain't no piece of cake being on it either. There are days when I'm coasting high, scattering rose buds on the road toward a brighter future, and others where I feel like I've been fitted with the cement shoes of my past. And I'm sinking in futility.

This is made doubly hard by my propensity to sabotage myself, an activity ingrained in me by years of being constantly and relentlessly criticized. Somewhere inside me, there's a girl cowering in her room praying that her exacting father will finally realize that she isn't perfect. She is fiercely, and often, obnoxiously defended by the warrior woman I've created to shield her from the seemingly endless barrage of fate's stumbling blocks.

Am I just another case of a bipolar in a dissociative state? Or am I just trying to survive the challenges this life has posed me? 

As I sit in my fun room, listening to a bird sing through my open window, seeing the first awakening from the thaw, sipping my morning coffee, I make plans in my head.  Maybe it's time to stop wishing that things were different, that my life hadn't been hijacked onto this collapsing trajectory, and actually take steps to change things. There's no magic formula to happiness. Happiness is or it isn't.

I have been making visualization sketches about the things that I have the ability to change, like where and how I live my life. Then as my pencil poised for another sketch of my optimal loft space, I started to create this...

I called this sketch "emergence". It wants to evolve into a painting that will serve not only as an inspiration but as a driving force for me to get off the bipolar express, and begin becoming functional again.

There's An 'I' in Desire

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The truth is that I am often afraid to name my desires. This has been instilled in me from a young age. Asking for and seeking what you truly want is selfish and greedy. How messed up is that?

Assigning a certain guilt to what we most desire is tantamount to substituting salt for sugar in pudding. You reach for that yummy bowl of chocolaty delight, and when the first spoonful hits your taste buds - horror.

Going through the balancing and restorative practice of nothing, and being open to truth is very freeing. It's like peeling layers of dead skin off my soul.

Having been felled by the flu mid-week, which necessitated the need to stay home, has afforded me a long visit with nothing and truth. And with the fever, desire started bubbling to the surface.

What do I desire? Without guilt. Without the nagging sense of unworthiness. Without the judgmental naysayers that have been implanted in me at a young age.

I sat at my computer and opened Photoshop. I started making my vision card, allowing the images to gather themselves into the palette.

The mermaid emerged, serene and centered not only in the magical realm of the ocean, but with strong roots in passion and color. Unfettered and free to explore the beauty of creation. Carnal desire, the melding of two bodies and hearts, lies deep in the roots of desire. The One of two. The sliding into place, merging as one moving entity. And from that emerges a stronger woman, one stable in her place in the scheme of things. Open to experience. Open to creation. Open to others in an elemental way. In a way that makes a difference.

I have many passions.

I am passionate about teaching. I love being able to trigger slumbering minds into creative thought.

I am passionate about painting. I love playing with images, colors and textures to create something that will speak from my soul directly to that of others.

I am passionate about writing. I love words and how they can evoke thoughts and feelings and other worlds.

I am passionate about friendship. I love my tribe which includes everyone I have met online. I will slay a dragon for them.

I am passionate about children. They are the very fabric of life that must be cared for, nurtured, and strengthened.

I am passionate about justice. I want everyone to have a fair shake at life, and success.

I am passionate about love. I desire to be joined through all my chakras to the Male.

I am passionate about my home. I love to create an atmosphere of warm hospitality.

I am passionate about travel. I yearn to explore every crevice of this planet which is my home.

Now that I have opened the way, I wish to find the way to manifest my Desires.

To read about others' journey with Desire, go to Jamie Ridler's Next Chapter book club on Martha Beck's The Joy Diet here!

PS. This flu has really weakened me, so please forgive me if I am not able to get to your posts right away. I will be reading and commenting throughout the next few days.

The Book of Truth

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Our Illustrious Leader, Jamie Ridler is ushering us into another week of the Joy Diet with Truth.

If I can pick one quality that is both my asset and my downfall, it is honesty.

My mouth opens up and the truth spills out, often uncensored. There are times I regret that and it causes me sleepless nights. And I wonder why. Why did I have to speak up, speak out? Why could I have not kept my trap shut and gone with the flow of silence and conformity?

Because, that's who I am.

Changing that would be like changing a key ingredient in a recipe.

Who needs the cream cheese in cheesecake?

Well, I do!

Acceptance of myself, as I am has been a difficult task. A difficult task indeed, but I am willing to look in the dark recesses of my psyche and shed light, clear cobwebs, and do some spring cleaning.

Thus my vision card for this week.

The background is filled with the places of my roots and desires.

Where I have been and would like to go.

The book, my story, is open and unwritten in.

It's time to explore the possibilities of my story.

Start fresh, and untethered by all the things, people and concepts that have been bogging me down.

Accepting their influence in my life and letting it go.

Accepting who I am, as I am, and knowing that what I have to say is valuable, because, not in spite of, the fact that few are willing to speak the truth.

Accepting my flaws and gently having them work for me not against me.

Accepting my assets and using them as the powerful tools that they are.

Accepting myself, opening that fresh book, and starting to

gleefully

boundlessly

joyfully

write in it.

That is my truth.

Baby steps

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Do you like children? Well, if you do, the following statement will definitely hold true: all children are beautiful.

Their eyes, huge with curiosity and sparkling with their personality, right there on the surface, draw you in. Their smiles, huge, gap-toothed sometimes, sometimes crooked, are easy, fearless, without self-consciousness. Their bodies jump and dance and run with abandon, like no one is looking, and even if they are, it doesn't matter to them.

We were those children once. We took in life with total joy and acceptance. With unconditional excitement. With a boundless need to know why.

Yet. Somewhere along the way. From there to here, some of us closed up. Broke down. Lost our way.

Our eyes became guarded. Our smiles restricted. Our movement cautious. We became bogged down with judgement. With fear.

Joy came with conditions.

Why?

Why can we not dance like children? Laugh until our bellies ache? Be secure in our beauty without deliberation, without second guessing ourselves.

There is no earthly reason not to. Yet we tremble at the thought of being judged not worthy. Not good enough.

Yet, just a few baby steps away, there we were. Totally ourselves and loving it. Like the girl in my painting above.

It's time. It's time to unclog our souls from all the garbage it has accumulated and dance like no one is watching, and if they are, it doesn't matter. :)

Nothing Comes from Nothing

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The incomparable Jamie Ridler is nourishing us with The Joy Diet by Martha Beck. And I couldn't stay away even if I wanted to... :)

This week was dedicated to nothing.

The above Vision Card that I made pretty much depicts how well that went for me.

Not so much.

Yet, still. Greatly!

It wasn't for lack of trying, that's for sure. When I finally was able to set some time from my hectic and stressful days to sit and quietly do nothing. Without any stimulations whatsoever. Trying to push away the myriads of things milling in my head, I fell asleep.

Totally, passed out.

I succeeded for about 5 minutes this week. When a slice of heavenly nothing let me float in it, away from all the nagging worries and meaningless concerns that crowd my day.

It was beautiful.

Short but sweet.

But here is the clincher. And it's a huge one folks.

For the first time in my life, I did not berate myself for not having achieved my goal!

I did not shake my head at myself, or point any fingers in my direction.

Nothing.

I accepted that I did what I could, and that I was so exhausted that sleep had to take precedence over nothing.

So nothing was not achieved, but something great happened.

Instead of the critic, I heard the dulcet tones of nothing.

I am very interested to see what others have achieved or maybe more importantly, haven't! :)

Etches of Light

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I entitled the above Lumination. I wanted to etch out light from a dark canvas and let it ripple through into image and color. I created this intuitively without a solid idea of what I was going to create. Just a feather of a concept that tickled its way onto the surface.

It's symbolic of what I am trying to do in my life. Let the light pour through the cracks in the darkness that surrounded me. Let the darkness recede so that I might see the colors, the textures and the beauty of life.

Today is going to be a good day.

There, I said it.

I need to start every day on the right foot and keep moving in the right direction. As I move out from under the stark cloak that covered me in the past month, I make a commitment to allow the moments of joy to peek through.

It's been hard going to work. Getting up in the morning and finding a reason for doing so. I focus on the kids. On their needs. And there are many beyond even those that I can perceive. I have decided to leave the adults to their own devices. Their neediness is becoming a little bit pathetic and I do not want to feed it.

I create a daily mantra. A daily manifesto for myself to get me through this tunnel until I can see more clearly.

Every day is a step closer.

To the light. :)

I Send You Love

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Dappled by the sun

Kissed by the breeze

You have given me

shining memories.

In your warmth I bask

When people

try to break me

your lovely spirits

take me

far beyond the gloom

and like the flower

bloom.

I shed troubles bleak

no longer think I'm weak

your words,

are prism streaks

that soar above the peaks

and glow like living seeds

in the beautiful sun's light.

Genie Sea

I dedicate this poem to all of you, and the wonderful words of encouragement and support that have watered me in my time of need. I thank you!

I will come visiting your blogs this weekend when my mind is not saturated with the unnecessary. :)

Interview This Wrecker!

What a week! It has been a challenge getting through it, and I am feeling the effects.
I'm a bit under the weather, which is a major signal to slow down.

But before I get into all that... I have an exciting announcement to make!

Connie from Dirty Footprints Studio is interviewing me live on air tomorrow at 3 pm Eastern!
So, if you have the time and want to listen in or call in, join the fun!
The link is posted on her blog.
If you don't know Connie,
you should check out her deliciously creative,
amazingly energetic and
abundantly inspiring blog!

Now on to the wreckage.

This week I was caught in the rain without an umbrella.
So what did I use to cover my head?
The journal of course!

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My camera is disappointing, or it might be the user, so it's difficult to see the water drops.
The journal was drenched.... And now it looks like.....


THIS!
It can't and won't close. And it's water logged, but I still love my little journal!
I took some time to paint in it and have some fun, to balance out the heavy work week.


Evidence of my creative endeavors on this test page!
I am going to glue this paper towel I used to clean my water color pens.
But there's more!



I took some veggies that were wilting in my fridge, and I made some stamps!
Pepper and carrot impressions!
But I couldn't leave it at that! NO!


I wanted to paint it. Give it some color! FUN! :)


I took a peaceful moment to glue a page from a magazine.
It's actually two pages that I turned into a collage.
There are some powerful messages here! :)


I embellished my office supply page with things I found in my classroom desk.


I made a sign!
Life is infinite possibilities.
Enough so that we each can live our own way.
And isn't that amazing?

Last but not least, I am including a photo of the page I sent to Kara, aka Mother Henna!

This page was inspired by the workshop that Kara lead entitled "Find Your Own Hero".
I fell horribly behind and will be picking it up again when I am on vacay in 11 days!
I digress.

This is my Super Hero!
And who better to give it to than the woman who inspired the journey!
Thank you Kara!

If you have not checked out her blog, please visit!
Not only is her art and words infinitely touching, blessedly real, and remarkably inspiring,
she runs some juicy workshops!

My Super Hero.

That's it for week 7 for me!
Check out other wreckage, on our wonderful Guru, Jamie Ridler's blog, here!

Jamie a driving FORCE of creativity, leadership, and ongoing inspiration. I consider myself so lucky and privileged to have crossed paths with her. When I am in her presence or reading her thoughts, I feel a light emanating from her. A light that envelopes the world.

Jamie, if you're reading this, I thank you from the bottom of my being! Blessed be. :)

Baby Got Wreck

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It was a beautiful Saturday morning! What better time to walk over to my neighborhood art supply store for some goodies? I had me a journal to wreck and some artistic experimentation to do! I always feel like a kid when I walk into art supply stores. The increasing garbage on our streets couldn't even deflate my exhilaration!

I got glitter glue, water color paint, and water color pens... I also got me a coffee! This is how my WTJ Art picnic for one began!

Ready for the results? teehee!

I poked a hole in the cover where I scratched a heart on it and sewed the heart on the cover. I painted the heart red of course! I embellished it with a smiley face button and made this bead bookmark which I have had to reinforce since. It was a big thrill just popping a hole in the cover of a book. Intentionally!

And since I was poking holes, I grabbed the first few pages and drilled holes in them, then laced an amber necklace I made through them.



Then I colored! I got the watercolors to work! I just splattered color with abandon, with no real intention then painted patterns. I added some stars that I give students and rocked the coloring page! :)

I moved onto the sticky page, dripping honey and sticking gum on it. I added some glitter glue for effect! Then I started throwing random things on there like tissue paper and string. To my delight, a lady formed with the instruction bubble for her head wearing a dress with a train, a bustle and a bouquet. See her?

I went back to the thick/thin line page! I am finding I don't like blank pages any more. LOL! So I reinforced the lines and added a little Picasso-esque scribble. Then I splattered one side with color. I will be painting both sides! :)

Before Father's Day, I found this in the newspaper and cut it out as a homage to my daddy. So I added some watercolor to the page. I kind of like the effect. :)

I wrote and drew with my left hand...

The writing was harder than the drawing for some reason.

I tossed cherries at the target! The squishy ones I didn't want to eat!

I got out the markers and scribbled wildly!

Then I got my nail polish out! Dun dun dun!

Drip! Drip! Drip! (I was so excited the pic is blurry! hehe)

SMOOSH! :)
I love the shiny effect. :)

And what's an artistic picnic without some sewing materials? I had some mending to do, so why not? Whoop!

So I added some tassels and beads! And tried my hand again with my water color pens!

Last but not least I sent off my swap page to Kara aka Mother Henna
WHOOP!
I will be posting it next week when hopefully Kara has received it! :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This whole experience has popped open so many areas in my life.
I decided to strip my coffee table and repaint it. It's all blotchy and scratched. Instead of getting rid of it, I decided to revamp it. Why not?
I'm totally overhauling my garden. Chopping, unearthing, simplifying.

And that, my friends, is just the beginning!

For more Adventures in Wrecking, please visit Jamie Ridler's Next Chapter !

Baby Boy

This weekend, a new little person came into the world.
My friend gave birth to an absolutely gorgeous little baby boy, Tristan.
He is perfect. :) I will have pictures at some point, but suffice it to say, he stole my heart the moment I got him in my arms.

And it's Monday, so it's time for a little dance. This video and song are very silly, but infectious.

Dancing yet? :)

I have very little time this morning because I will be running a week-long Photoshop unit; and I will be doing it at a school that is stingy with equipment.

Here is what's on the menu this week:

A Postcard.

An Ad.

A Book Jacket.

I made these three samples last night and will be showing students a step by step on how to recreate them, then give them a chance to make their own. This will be a fun week for all of us.

I have so much to do this week and my grading is piling up. Since all three classes are working on their final projects (only 3 weeks of classes left! YAY!), I hope to get some time during the day to put a dent on my marking load before I get more to grade.

Most employees work from sun to sun, but a teacher's work is never done! And I'm considering summer school... Does anyone have a straight jacket? :)

Life is...

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Life is...
a mystery
with clues along the way
some red herrings
and exciting revelations

Life is...
a journey
with stops along the way
some delays
and thrilling adventures

Life is...
a symphony
with overtures along the way
some miscues
and inspiring crescendos

Life is...
a masterpiece
with endless vistas along the way
some blotches
and wondrous expression

Life is...
a gift
with tassels and sparkles and bows
some wrapping to unfold
and fascinating surprises

Want to play along?
What is life to you?

:)

Soul Paint

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Is it Wednesday already?

You know what that means?

It's Wishcasting Wednesday hosted by our charming, innovative, inspiring
Wishtress Jamie Ridler!

Jamie asks:
"What is your highest self wishing for?
What is rumbling in your soul?"

Today I thought I would combine two blog endeavors, so I let the questions stew while I was putting together the above composition for June Saville's Painting with No Mess or Expense project!

I didn't use MS Paint because it would not let me work with gradients. I kind of cheated and used PS; however, I only used shapes to put it together. I let my soul speak in primitive but fun ways!

And this is what it had to say:

I wish for my life to be enveloped by sunshine, happy nature, and gentle breezes.
I wish to take the time to listen to the birds in the trees,
and let my footsteps wander where they want to go.
I wish to hold his hand and smile while we walk aimlessly with purpose through a life filled with inspiration, creativity and abundance.

I am typing this while feeling the aftereffects of gardening. My back is very sore today. So much so that I have taken the day off. But I won't let a little pain get me down. I soar in my soul's rumblings of joy.

Joy.

JOY!

Thank you so much to each and every one of you for coming to my little blog and leaving your words of wisdom, encouragement, support and friendship. Whether you comment or not, I feel your lovely energy, and it fills me with happiness. Blessed be! :)

♥

I Like that Victoria

YES! Day off! Woooo!! And it's Music Monday!

Let's start this day on the right footing! With this video of a BBC Radio1 Live Lounge cover of Black Eyed Peas' "Boom Boom Pow" by Asher Roth. These guys are fun and talented "chaps". Crank it and get ready to shake your booty shaker.




Got your groove on? Yeah baby!

There is nothing like a day off to energize the spirit and restore the mind. I feel like a new person today. I took this weekend at my own pace, and it has brought sharply into focus how much I love my own pace. Stress? What stress? :)

I did kind of get lost, and and uncharacteristically forgot an important social engagement; but my friends, being the amazing people that they are, forgave my situational senility.

I was sorry to miss that special birthday event, but I purposely avoided others.

This weekend, I did a lot of soul-searching. I have reached a point in my life, where I won't do anything I can, not to be alone. In fact, I prefer being alone if the alternative means compromising myself.

I had the opportunity to see that in events that transpired over the weekend. Here is what I learned in avoiding those situations:

1. I don't want to constantly put myself in situations that make me feel awkward, uncomfortable, or an odd numbered wheel.

A friend and her husband invited some mutual friends to dinner. The only requirement for that invitation is that they be part of a couple. That's cool. I get the whole strength in numbers, let's pair up and get together thing. It's all good.

The problem with that scenario was, that I didn't know this was happening, until I met up with them to go to a movie later. I got to a packed theater, to find the couples all had settled down in pods of two leaving me to find a seat by myself. In other words, I went to the movies by myself.

Which is cool. I like going to the movies alone. But not when I am supposed to be going with friends. After the movie, (Star Trek - a second time for me, and I loved it AGAIN!), we convened in the lobby to discuss. As I stood there, amidst the couples grafted to each other, I started to feel like a ghost limb. So when I was asked to go to theirs for dessert, I politely declined.

Instead, I drove home with the music cranked up, and watched Benjamin Button. I was happy to be in my own company. I made pop corn and had some Fresca, and happily watched yet another awesome movie. I didn't once feel like a lesser person because there wasn't a man sitting next to me on the sofa.

2. I don't want to be pressured into impromptu therapy sessions disguised as socializing.

You think you are going over there for dinner, drinks, games or a movie but really what you're doing is consenting to dissection. What awaits is painful hours of being subjected to denigrating comments, and non-stop drivel.

If someone is in pain and needs a shoulder, I'm there. If they are overwhelmed and need help, I will volunteer. If they are lonely and feeling lost, I will take some goodies and visit them. If I know that's what I'm doing, I will do so voluntarily.

But what I won't do is get ambushed by soul suckers with their need to constantly analyze and be analyzed in a vortex trying to ingest me. No thanks. I would rather be alone than in their company. It's not they are evil; it's that they have confused friendship with patient-doctor sessions which I don't do.

3. I will no longer allow myself to be taken down by people who constantly break dates without calling or even acknowledging that they have done so.

I had made plans with a friend on Friday, and she not only did not show up, she didn't call. I called her to see if she was okay, on both her phones, and there was no answer, and she did not return my call. I would have worried except, when I was checking my email, I saw her little "friend" icon light up on my Yahoo email page. That and the fact that she has done this many times before. She makes plans and then doesn't follow through, and when I call, she doesn't pick up her phone. I've seen her ignore calls.

But I wasn't angry like I used to get. I shrugged off her self-absorption and went to visit another friend for tea and Ghost Whisperer.

When she did call two days later, I was in the shower. She left a message wanting to know if I wanted to hang out. No mention of Friday. It was as if she hadn't stood me up. I haven't returned her call. What's to talk about? I have been through this cycle before.

So I came to this freeing and final conclusion:

I have better things to do with my time. Like meet with friends who know how to value me as I value them. Who are there for me, as I am there for them. Who like me for who I am, as I like them for who they are.

And those are the people I want to spend time with. Otherwise, I am perfectly happy in my own company.

This engendered the following painting I made in PS, entitled, Venus Rising.

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I'm still dancing. I'm happy. It's Victoria Day. I have some gardening to do with an awesome friend. Life is good! :)

Quiet

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This morning, as I listen to the rain hitting my rooftop, I let myself wander through the soft spaces in my life. I sip my coffee, and let the taste linger. As the day stretches before me, left purposefully blank, without appointments or commitments, I let time breathe - gently and unhurried.

I woke up early this morning, knowing this day would have a different pace. It would build into a different snapshot of my life. Away from the madness of it all. I glory in the feeling that I can do as I please. Paint. Doodle. Write. Jump back under the covers and read my book. Away from "must" and "should". Away from "what if" and "could". Open to possibilities. Fluid in freedom.

My days are usually marked by sharp edges, and discordant sounds. I feel the intentions and the needs of others poking me in the ribs, the mind, the heart. Demanding attention. Demanding satisfaction. Demanding. My days are filled with noise and talking, talking, talking. Talking at me.

Some people have the overwhelming need to spill out everything from their mouths. Their every communication is a need for therapy.

Today, I hang my "Off Duty" sign. And, in silence, I let my fingers and hands do my talking.

I painted the above in PS as a gentle reminder to let the softness in me have its time. The colors are not as saturated as my usual style. The composition is not as busy. A woman walking barefoot in the gentle field as she spreads flower petals from her hands. I entitled it "sow" as a tribute to the adage.

Today I wish to reap gentleness, an unhurried sampling of life. Reveling in the moments that reveal their true self. I wish to savor these quiet moments, and let them blow in the gentle breeze, marking my footsteps.

Not marking time. But making it. :)

Blessed be :)

My Mommy

Today is Mother's Day. It's a day for celebrating the wonderful women who gave birth to us, nurtured us, loved us, scolded us, worried about us, and sometimes frustrated us, but no matter what, are part of us.

Today, I am filled with thoughts of my mommy.
Isabelle.
I painted this portrait of her. It was the year she got married. I don't do her beauty justice, but I painted it with love.

This post is quite difficult for me, as this is the second year I spend without my mommy.
And I miss her.
But I honor her, and wish her well.
I hope she is happy.
I hope to see her again one day, and touch her hand and tell her how much I love her.

Her smile was a little impish and sometimes a little sad.
But she always smiled for me.
She was a gentle soul whose anger I never saw.
Ever.
Her sweet nature was a quiet one.
She did not impose her presence, yet her presence was luminous with charm.

The memories that come to me today are bittersweet.

The way she rubbed my back when I was a child, as I lay my head on her lap and fell into peaceful sleep.

The way she always had a warm meal for me, when I skipped home from school to spend
an hour with her.

I see her lovely face as it used to bend over a piece of gorgeous embroidery she made,
or knitting yet another scarf for her forgetful daughter.

I remember her lips on my forehead as I slept.
Her hands as they tucked me in.
It felt like angels visiting me.

I remember sitting beside her at the movies, and listening to her laugh.
Her laughter bubbled from the warmth inside her.

I remember how her eyes lit up whenever I brought her flowers or her favorite licorice treats that she kept beside her and snacked on while watching movies with my father.

I remember how she walked with purpose and grace.
Her feet barely touching the ground.
Barely leaving a footprint.
Barely making a sound.

My Mommy was nothing like me.
She was gentle where I am forceful.
She was quiet while I am outspoken.
She was a domestic diva, while I am a domestic wreck.

Yet my mommy is here.
In my heart.
Forever.

Thank you Mommy for loving me, and being the best mother a girl and woman could have.

I love you. SO very much. Until we meet again.

Happy Mother's Day to all you beautiful moms who fill the world with love, caring and support. Happy Mother's Day to all of you who nurture others and make their stay on this planet just a little less lonely. :)

Blessed be :)

Luminous Flowering

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As the moon fills and graces the sky with her loving glow, our magical guide of inspiration, Jamie Ridler, is hosting once again the Full Moon Dreamboard! This month is the Full Flowering Moon, and Jamie asks,

"What seeds will you plant this month?
What do you want to bloom with this flower moon?"

I painted my dreamboard in Photoshop, letting my wish find expression. The moon is a flower that blooms in the sky and showers the world with its light petals. The couple walks arm in arm in the vast field of moonlit flowers.

This month, I ask the moon to merge my path with that of the other. To stand in a field, in peace, in unity, in silence, and feel the light bathe us in her glow. I wish to gaze at the moon with love in our hearts, and the quiet that comes from knowing the path we walk on is no longer a solitary one.

I wish to strengthen my bonds with those of like spirit, like mind, like heart, as we come together to make the world a more loving place, a giving place, a creative place, a green place.

I wish to heal all little rifts, and stupid misunderstandings that separate us.

I wish to spread the joy that is being, and see smiles dissolve the worries and petty grievances that weigh people down.

I wish to sow the seeds of love that will fill this earth with fields of luminous flowers.

I wish for every heart that has felt pain to heal.
For every child to find laughter.
For every lonely one to feel the touch of a loving hand.
For the land to prosper in health, in prosperity, in enlightenment.

This is my wish.

You Are Fabulous!

I painted the above in PS using some fractals I made. It encapsulates how I was feeling yesterday. Some realizations were brought sharply into focus yesterday, about myself and others, that disheartened me. It was a feeling that made me want to cry, and stayed with me most of the day. Yet, externally, my day was peaceful. It was a lovely sunny day, and a few of us went for a mini adventure at lunch to get us out of the building and into the beauty.

It was a day of yin and yang. I absorbed it. Didn't judge it. Tried not to judge myself too harshly, and decided to let the feelings come out in painting. Sometimes a few misplaced words or phrases can crush someone. The intention is not that, but it might not change the outcome. I wanted to turn that feeling around, and so I made this:

You Are Fabulous Award

Yesterday, I posted about the awards given to me by some amazing women I was lucky enough to meet in the blogosphere. Today, I was going to post who I was passing those awards to.

Then, I started thinking. I want to create an award of my own. One that expresses how much I appreciate and respect each and every one of the amazing people I have met through blogging.

With this award, I honor the fabulous in each and every one of you. So feel free to take this award, and post it.

Write about what makes you fabulous, without reserve or humility. Take a moment to celebrate YOU.

This award carries no rules other than that. Give it to one person. Give it to many people. Give it to everyone. Just keep it for yourself. It's all good! :)

I will be posting this award intermittently and giving it to various bloggers over the course of the year. Hopefully, that way, it will make its way to every fabulous you at some point.

Today, I give this award to four bloggers. Women whom you might or might not know, but who are fabulous in their own way.

• I give this award to Judi whose amazing humor and wisdom, graciousness and honesty strike a happy chord in my heart every time I read her blogs. Every time I read a post or a comment from this lovely woman, I smile. Her search for meaning and knowledge, her zest for life, her cargo pants are just a few things that make Judi fabulous.

• I give this award to Texty Ladies whose relatively new blog for writers gives amazing prompts and contains fascinating articles. They are inspiring and fabulous! Check out their blog and delve into the fun of writing! :)

• I give this award to Michelle whose new blog Raggedy Ruckus features her charming doll creations. Each one is splendid its own way, and makes me want to buy her out. She is Serena's daughter, proving that talent indeed is hereditary! :)
  

• Last but not least, I give this award to Original Bliss whose artwork and empowering intuition make me want to jump out of my seat and yell, "Yeah!" She has a way with images and a way with words like no other. Her raw honesty is absolutely exhilarating! She often shares videos of her wunderkinds whose talents are absolutely stunning!

I wish I could take the time to give awards to everyone on my blog roll today, but time does not allow. Know that a "You are Fabulous" award is coming to you in the near or relatively near future! You probably don't realize the miraculous restorative power your beings, your images and your words have, but I am here to remind you of it.

You all complete me.

Blessed be :)

Awards and Wishes

I thought it would be fun to show you one of the pieces I made back when I was in the graphic contest circuit. I had stumbled upon the world of 2D chat where I did extensive research on the chatting world, and myself became embroiled in high drama. People wore avatars of celebrities, manipulated and adorned graphically. That was my initiation into the world of graphic arts. From there, I became involved in the contest circuit, live (time limit) or posted on websites. I learned a lot, and became addicted to it. I no longer chat, but digital collage/painting has stayed as one of my passions. :)

My blog was most honored recently with two awards by three fantastic women.

Linda from Vulture Peak Muse gave me the Honest Scrap Award. Before I go on to reveal the 10 (!) honest things about myself, it behooves me to tell you some honest things about the amazing woman who bestowed me this award.

Linda is an artist with a very deep sensibility. Her watercolors evoke emotion and response and make you want to reach through the screen, through the canvas, to dive into them in total ecstasy. Her blog is buoyed by an unrelenting honesty, an authentic sincerity, that touches her readers to the very marrow of their being. Her photography is effusive with color and composition. I love to gaze at her photos of her grounds and the wonderful creatures that occupy them, not to mention the treasures from days-gone-by that fill her landscape. Her home is captivating, as well it should be. It houses one of the most unique and genuinely artistic talents of our time.


The rules of this award are:

1.You must brag about the award.
2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger.
3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. 4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself.
Then pass it on with the instructions!

In a moment or two....

Before I talk about myself, honestly (for a change LOL!), I want to acknowledge the other two inspiring women who have awarded my blog with the Kreativ Blog Award!

Tabitha from Knitting Journeyman Redux which is one of her six blogs (I don't know how she does it!) is a relatively new blog acquaintance of mine. Her frank posts and her dedication to discovering self and the world around her is vastly evident. She plunges into every inquiry with a fiery honesty that is truly amazing to read!

Sema from AffirmArt is a very talented artist and textile designer whose mandalas are absolutely stunning. Her joy in living and search for spirituality are very evident on her blog that pops with color and grace. As I read through her posts, I often find myself nodding and smiling in glee.




This award requires that I write about 7 things that bring me joy, and pass it along to 7 bloggers.

How long is this post going to be? :) How about I split the difference?

7 Honest Things About Me That I Enjoy:

1. I am a master procrastinator. I do pretty much everything the last minute. In university, I wrote my essays hours before they were due, and got A's for my "trouble". The one time I preplanned an essay weeks in advance, I got a B. Kill that noise! :) I do this because I enjoy the danger of the deadline looming over my head. :)

2. I love games. Video games, board games, card games, online games, crosswords, Sudoku etc. The only thing I hate is mind games. If I have to, I can play mind games right back, and win. :)

3. I am not very domestic. I will clean and do chores because it's necessary, but Snow White I ain't. I don't sing a happy song when I am cleaning out the toilet bowl. I don't frolic through my garden as I wrestle with the weeds. But I do love the smell of a clean house and the view of a tended garden. I would have been happy to have a maid and a gardener. :)

3. I don't like to be told to do things. In fact, even if I have a propensity to do them, I won't if someone demands I do so. Especially if they do it rudely. You can call me stubborn. Others have. I have tried to change that about me, but in the long run, I like that I can't be bullied. :)

4. I have come to know car noises. I know when the tires are deflated, when the muffler is loose, when the alternator is about to kerplunk, when the brakes need pads. I can't fix any of those things, nor do I want to, but I am proud that I can go to a mechanic and say, "I think it's the..." and be right! :)

5. I like to play music very loudly in my car, unless there is another car next to me with loud music I like. You won't be surprised to know I bop around and sing in my car. Nothing like it! :)

6. I prefer an authentic melt-down to a fake euphoria. I do not respond well to fakers, and I tend to call them out. Drama Queens get no attention from me. I like people who are honest in their intention and emotions.

7. I root for the underdog. Always. No one puts baby in the corner around me. The horse with the most odds against her is the horse I pick. The team with the least chances is the team I want to win. I appreciate determination and I love to reward it.

I will be doing a separate post passing on these awards. This is long enough, and I believe those blogs need the honor of a separate post!

Today is Wednesday, and since our magical Wishtress Jamie Ridler is on much deserved vacation this month, she has graciously given me permission to step in and host the prompt for this week:

What do you wish to find on your doorstep?

Visit Jamie on her blog for a week of amazing guest bloggers on Balance! :)

Music Makes the World

(click to enlarge images)

These are my entries for Mother Henna's Artist Collaboration: Hero and Shadow. I decided on an urban setting for both these panels, drawing the light and dark aspects for each respectively.

There seems to not be enough hours in the day for me. This weekend was very busy, and I found myself not knowing which activity to choose. I double-booked myself, and that hardly ever happens.

The theme of this weekend was music. It started on Friday with Jamie's Virtual Dance party which I took to class with me. There is nothing more hilarious than asking a bunch of awkward and self-conscious teens to dance in class. Some of them did with gusto, others stood about, not knowing what to do with the situation. One kid tried to video tape me and I put a nix to that quickly. I do not want to see myself on You Tube. LOL! They all had smiles on their faces after the dance sessions, some no doubt inspired by the thought, "Ms. C has lost it!" haha

I took the dancing to the streets so to speak on Saturday, as I found myself dancing through the grocery store aisles. I couldn't help it! The music was fantastic! I got some smiles and some odd stares, but did I care? No?

I went to a friend's on Saturday night because she was feeling down, and we wound up dancing in her living room. There is nothing like shaking your booty to forget a broken heart.

My heart filled with emotion on Sunday night, when I went to a friend's recital. She played like an angel. Her performance brought tears to my eyes and goosebumps all over. My soul danced.

Happiness is such a nebulous thing. Yet, so easy to attain. A little Kool and the Gang, some James Brown, a tossing of Prince, and a coating of Liszt. Mhm. Music makes the world go round. :)

The incredibly talented Arty Em will be interviewing me tonight at 7 pm Eastern here on blogtalk radio. If you have some time. Swing by. I might be dancing. :)

Anniversary Giveaway!

Here they all are! My Blog anniversary Giveaways! Click on images to enlarge.

I painted all these in Photoshop. The originals are in 1024 x 768! As a special treat to the winners, I will be adding a poem written especially for each of them on the wallpaper!

How do you enter?

Leave a comment in this post, up to and including 10 pm EST on the 28th. On the 29th, I will be announcing the 3 winners by draw. They will get to pick the wallpaper of their choice in order. First, gets 1st pick, second gets 2nd pick, 3rd get third pick! :) It's as easy as that!

Thank you all for coming to my blog and giving it support. You are all precious to me!

Blessed be :)