Help

Our wonderful and every abundant tender of wishes, Jamie asks us today:
What help do you wish to receive?

What came instantaneously to mind is:
"I wish for help in my renovations!"

I am prepping to change around my rooms and some minor renovations are in order. Some moving around of furniture, replacement of doors and light fixtures. I am also getting ready to renovate my garden and make it less onerous to maintain which means streamlining, getting rid of some plants and moving some of them around.

I know I can't do this alone.

In the past, I just hired someone to do these things. It's more money but I won't be placing a burden on anyone to help me. I won't have to ask for help, and frankly put myself in a position to be let down. I have gotten let down a lot.

I think I have mentioned this before, but I used to be someone who did not ask for help. If something needed to get done, I got it done on my own, or hired someone. This didn't come from a sense of pride, but a fear of rejection or disappointment.

I didn't become so fiercely independent overnight. Life made me this way. After many experiences where disappointment in people would slap me upside the head, I learned to just get it done myself.

Permit me to illustrate:

When I got a divorce and moved into my new home, I had very little furniture, so I had to buy a living room set and a new desk. Buying furniture seems like an easy thing, but the delivery people just dumped the sofas on their sides in the middle of the living room, and the desk in box, and left. The desk needed assembling. The sofa legs were supported by nailed planks to protect them. I had two hands, and limited tools.

I called a "friend" to ask her for help. She hemmed and hawed, and finally I promised her sushi if she could come over and help me. She finally did. She brought the hammer I asked her for, and stood watching me pry the planks off the legs. She stepped out of the way when I placed the sofa, love seat and arm chair in their places. She promptly fell asleep on said sofa while I was putting a five foot desk together by myself.

She ate the sushi though, and took leftovers home.

Nice.

I think you know why I started hiring professionals - movers, contractors, painters, gardeners, handy-peeps.

Since I took on a position of responsibility at my job, however, I have had to step out of that pattern. There are just way too many things to get done, so I have started asking for some help. And people have not let me down. They have rallied and helped me. And all I did was ask.

That took me by pleasant surprise.

There is a huge difference between the job situation, though, and my personal life. Will I have the courage to ask for help? Several of my friends have homes of their own, projects of their own. They are starting families, and businesses, and new relationships. I am plagued by thoughts that this will be an imposition on them, and a disappointment for me.

I am mulling this in my head : When the weather gets better, I want to have a garden reno party. Participants will be treated to drinks and a barbecue; and they can take whatever plants or clippings of plants they want for their gardens.

As you can see I need help. I wish for help. Will I find the voice to seek it?