The Tribe Has Spoken

(click on image to enlarge)

I had every intention of blogging yesterday, and reading everyone's blogs. Alas... I had a PILE of work to catch up on and I worked steadily 'til I threw my weary body into bed.

Also, I got a particularly insidious email from a colleague yesterday... It threw me for a loop because I had no idea where this woman was coming from! It's someone I used to associate with a few years ago, but whose drinking problem, and the fact that she can be mean when drunk, made me distance myself. We hadn't hung out or even talked on the phone for almost two years. The problem is, I work with the woman so I must stay civil. After almost two years, she sends me an email asking me if I am "pissed" with her, and that she misses our "friendship" and to be "honest" with her. Unholy ambush from hell! I am certainly not going to be honest with her; that would be shattering. I had no idea what to reply, so I didn't. Guess who I have to have a little chat with today? Universe, please give me strength! If you have any helpful comments or suggestions, I welcome them!

Anyway...

Can you say groggy? I was spoiled these past two weeks, and it has been made sharply obvious how much I L♥VE having complete control of my time. I really need to become financially independent to allow me to work half-time. It's been a relaxing two weeks. I will try to make that last as long as I can. Is it 3:15 yet? :)

As a way not to lose my mind completely yesterday, I made the above manifestation collage for 2009. I had to have some time to PL☻Y too! I need every positive reinforcement I can get, as I am going back into the pit of negativity and stress today. Wish I could just beam myself into my class and beam myself out of there when I am done teaching. :)

And so...

The Tribe has spoken! A M♦C laptop it is! Okay, now to find the most economical way of purchasing one and getting as many programs on it as I can. Any suggestions?

I want to close my brief morning post by saying THANK Y♥U for all your amazingly supportive, encouraging and helpful comments. I wish I could fill the whole world with you all. I wish I could fill my job with you all :)

I will be chanting all day EMBRACE JOYOUS MAGIC in my head.

Please wish me L♣CK! I will post an update later... :)

And here is the update:

I acted on my need to distance myself from the extreme noise and negativity today, and I stayed in my classroom during lunch, catching up on the copious amount of work I have. I ate my lunch there.

And
it
was
bliss.

A peaceful bubble of delicious
peace
and
quiet.

I will be doing that again! When I popped into the office to get and heat up my lunch (leftover mango curry chicken! and a clementine) I heard. "So what did you get for Christmas? (not even a pause). I got a guitar, and a necklace, and..." I tuned out. I went back to my blissful room.

But... the bliss was challenged.

After lunch was my prep period, and guess who I share it with?

Mhm. You guessed it. Little Miss Ray of Sunshine.

I decided I wasn't going to get into it today, if ever. That is what my higher self told me to do. Ignore the ramblings of a self-absorbed mad woman.

I got on the computer to finish my copious amounts of work for my classes and for the department...

It began.

"Did you get my email?"

Oh sweet chili pepper poultice on my butt... I lied. I am not proud, but I did. "Nope. What's up."
( I actually wanted to see how she would verbalize the issue.)

"I just feel that you were pissed at me before the break."

"Why do you think I was pissed?"

"Well, I don't know why you were pissed, but you were distant before the break and it happened again last year before Christmas." (Okay now distant = pissed: duly noted)

"Well, first of all I was not pissed. How I was feeling had nothing to do with you. Perhaps you might remember that I lost my mother just before last Christmas and my father this past August. It tends to put a damper on the festive spirit. (Subtext: it ain't always about you.)"

"Oh. Well, I thought that..." Silence. Cue the tears. D.r.a.m.a. Sorry not playing.

"Anyway, now you know. There are things in my life, that have nothing to do with you or anyone in my place of employment. I'm glad we clarified this issue, now if you will excuse me, I really need to get this done."

For those of you who don't know me, I may sound like a cold bitch, but I put my time in that relationship, only to be abused time and again. Crocodile tears do not affect me. In the past, I would be stumbling all over myself to make her feel better, when really I was the injured party. I have changed, and for that I am proud. I controlled my anger at being ambushed like that, and I let it go, but I was not going to play the game. I'm done with games. You cannot force people to like you, or to hang out with you, not by bribing them, not through coercion, not using guilt.

And that's okay. :)

Surprisingly my bliss was not shattered. I went for a coffee with another colleague of mine and we chatted for a bit, then I had my last class. (Did I mention I love my classes and my students, with all their flaws and magnificence?)

And at the end of the day. For a change. I was not a ball of tension. I did what I had to do and I got the hell out of Dodge. :)

I hope your day had some bliss in it! :)

Blessed be! :)