The Goal not the Goal Post

Welcome to Twenty Ten!

It's 1:30 am, and I have just returned home from a quiet, relaxing evening with friends, and my godson, 7 month old Tristan.

I loved being out late tonight, because I witnessed a spectacular evening.

The moon is full and beautiful, the first full moon of 2010; and it has been drizzling all night. These two natural phenomena have caused the ground to sparkle like a myriad of diamond slivers, and the sky to glow. It's a magical night, to be sure. It's a night filled with promise. A great omen indeed.

This year, I open, not with resolutions or words; I open with goals. Some, I will keep to myself, not as a mystery but as precious promise to me, undiluted by not letting it go out into the world. Yet.

There are a few goals I do wish to share, however.

The first goal is to finish the text that will accompany my Tarot deck. It's been fermenting in my mind for some time now, writing itself in my head, so to speak; it's time for it to come out. :)

The second goal is to start and complete a new art project. Yes, I will be taking it to paper. It's a series of sketches entitled The Genie in the Sea. They will each be accompanied by a poetic prose. More on that later. :)

My third goal is to blog more.

My blogging has fallen a bit by the wayside, partly because I have been busy, but mostly because, I felt I had nothing really to say. Nothing new anyway. I realize that might be somewhat of a skewed perception on my part, and a bit of performance anxiety. I did feel however, bereft of direction in the blogging world.

It's a new year now, with fresh possibilities. We have universal permission to let go of the past and start anew.

The first thing I would like to eliminate is pressure, external and internal. It's time to unshackle myself from unrealistic and impossible expectations, and bask in the freedom that I have to do as I please. It's a luxury. I am well aware of it. One that I am immensely grateful for, one that I do not wish to squander.

In blogging regularly, I maintain a contact not only with others, but with myself. A self-reflection that I share with others. It will be the sharing that adds a certain ingredient to the telling of the tale. We all know tales are meant to be told, not kept in locked boxes.

Whether it be an observation I have made in the course of the day, that makes my mind churn, or whether it is a report on my progress through my goals, I need to make this daily date with myself to write. To write as if no one is reading. To write because I must. Because writing has always been a part of me. Because the spoken word can be careless, can drift aimlessly in the air and be lost. Because without writing there is silence. And the time for silence has not come yet, for me.

These are my first thoughts of 2010. And they are here. In black and white.

It's going to be a great year. Of this I am sure. Happy New Year! :)

Come Get Your Love :)

Happy Holidays my dear ones! :)

The hectic part of the holidays is over! Whoop! The preparations continue. With holiday tunes playing, and a mug of coffee with Bailey's, I will wrap the gifts and ponder my blessings, which are many.

My thoughts turn to the lovely friends I have made in the blogging world, and because I won't have time before Yule to visit all my favorite blogs and send them love, I will do so here, and in no particular order.

• Dear Tracy from your lovely land of Seaside Enchantment, may the holidays wrap you in the love of your wonderful husband and your lovely children; and may their love carry you through the fantastic years to come. Thank you for bringing the simple enchantment into our lives through your blog. :)

• Dear Kate from Lens.Us.Together, may your life be filled with the beauty and wonder that I find in all your stunning photography, and may the closeness you have with your dear ones nurture you throughout all your days. :)

• Dear Jane from Painted House 52, may you find the connection with your little ones, especially your daughter; may your blossoming and passionate love with your husband grow stronger every minute; may you find your unique path to fulfillment in every aspect of your being! You are a talented, beautiful, strong woman! :)

• Dear Suzie from Suzie the Foodie, may you find oneness with nature and the welcome in your surroundings; may health pump through your body, and your soul soar in joy; may the love you have with your husband entwine you in wonder; and may the joy you find enrich your heart and soul and carry you through the challenges. Thank you for the awesome recipes, the grounded wisdom, the magickal discoveries you bring!

• Dear Connie from Dirty Footprints aka Creative Juicy Life, may your creative juices flow in their unstoppable power, and fill the world with the awesomeness that is you. May you bask in the love that is in your life and may it carry you to more juicy adventures. Thank you for sharing your soul and art with us. What a priceless gift you give. :)

• Dear Rosebud from For the Love of Beads, may you and your dears ones enjoy abundance, health and love; and may the beauty of your wonderful bead creations decorate the world like you ignite the imagination with your gorgeous creations. :)

• Dear Boho from Bohemian Mom, may you and your Hatchling know solace of hearth, steadiness of income, health, and of course a new car; may the love you have for each other become a shining beacon to all those around you, because you are truly an inspiring, powerhouse! You are a gem amongst the rocks, and don't you forget it! :)

• Dear Maithri from The Soaring Impulse, may the world be flooded with your lovely spirit, your endless giving, your inspiring footsteps. You bless all those who come in contact with you with your generosity, your compassion, your humor and your loving intention. May you be blessed with all that and more :)

• Dear Jamie from Jamie Ridler Studios, may your holidays be merry, filled with love and gathering. May the abundance of wisdom, and wishes, and the inspiration that you shower on us come back to you tenfold. You are love, Jamie, and it's an honor to know you. The happiest of holidays to you, Justin, and your dear ones. :)

• Dear Shannon from Original Bliss, may your steps take you on the path that you most crave, the path of fulfillment in every sense. May your incredible strength shine your way through the many changes in your life. Your artwork and your words have fertilized my mind and heart and soul. May you enjoy the wondrous love you share with your amazing husband and most talented children these holidays and forever. :)

• Dear Michelle from Dolls-n-Art, may the holiday festivities carry you throughout the year, surrounded by your love and loved ones, filled with creative abundance and success. I truly enjoy your dolls and your art. Your uniqueness is undeniable! :)

• Dear Shell from Swanofdreamers, may the magic you weave through your stories and dreams envelop you with love and possibility. May your path be fulfilling and your days filled with joy. You bring a smile to my face every time I visit your blog and you visit mine. Thank you :)

• Dear Judi from Mindmists, you are a superhero in my book, with your cargo pants, unique style and delicious humor, you rise above all situations like a shining star. May you find your love, may health be your constant companion, and may joy weave through your days like pixie dust. :)

• Dear Serena from Serena Lewis, may the love you filter through your spectacular art and photography, the caring you show with your every visit, the joy you share with your every word, carry you and your loved ones through the days and fill them with the magic that is you. :)

• Dear Paula from Happysnappy, may the laughter and humor you share with us be endless, and nourish your life and your creations. You are a ray of sunshine that lights the path for all of us. Thank you! May the holidays bring you, your wonderful husband and your amazing children much joy! :)

• Dear Dia from Vestella's Vale, as the wisdom of your words guide us, as the beauty of your harp enchants us, as the deliciousness of your discoveries enthrall us, so I wish for you every day of your life. The happiest of holidays to you and yours! :)

• Dear Tabby from I Choose Bliss, may the bliss and love you spread through the world, with your words and actions, motivate everyone to follow your lead, and make the earth a better place to live. To say you are an inspiration, is to make a huge understatement. I admire you beyond what words can describe. Much love, health, abundance and wonder to you, your incomparable husband and your lovely Princess. :)

• Dear Rebecca from The Difference a Year Makes, may your holidays be merry, may health wash over you and your husband, may that which you seek float to your doorstep. :)

• Dear Caroline from Whimsical Whispers, may the zen in you grow stronger like a light that can never be extinguished. May the wonderland that you share with us through your photography be your permanent residence. May love color your every moment, and wash it with the beauty that you bring! :)

• Dear Rowena from Warrior Girl, You're a Warrior Mama, Now, may your seeking soul find its pot of gold; and as the flying girls bring us to magical new lands, may your artwork be prosperous and abundant. May your novel be published; but most of all, may the love you share with your family be endless. :)

• Dear Kim from Queen of Arts, may the love you spread through your art and your stones multiply and come skipping merrily back to you tenfold! May the zest with which you greet life be eternal. Happy holidays to you, David and yours! :)

• Dear Tori from Tori's Path, may you continue to grow into the independent and wonderful woman you have become. You've come a long way honey, and I am so proud of you. Much accomplishment, fulfillment and joy I wish for you and yours. May life be as tasty as your culinary creations! :)

• Dear Molly from Her Speak, may the fluid, funky, flourishing spendiferousness that are your creations continue to flow through you and into the world. You bedazzle us with your abundant creativity like no other. Happy holidays to you, your Muffin and your loved ones. May stardust scatter on your path. :)

• Dear Pen from The Penny Has Dropped, may you and Cam know the peace, love, abundance and joy that you richly deserve. May your path to enlightenment be wondrous and fantastical, like your photography, your art and your words. :)

• Dear Dawn from Today and Everyday, may you continue to exude the tranquillity, peace and happiness that flows out into the world with your words, and creativity. May happiness settle in your very being permanently. :)

• Dear Pamela from A Touch of Inspiration, may the holidays be filled with fun, love, family, deliciousness, and discovery. May the path you seek glow brightly before you so that you may enjoy the new adventure. Health and abundance to you and yours :)

• Dear Rebecca from Just a Thought, may your amazing talent find lucrative recognition, may you be healthy and may love bind every moment of your experience. You are truly one of a kind who has ignited the imagination of many. Best of luck to you with POD and your endeavors, and the happiest and healthiest of holidays too! :)

• Dear Kara from Mother Henna, may your path to self-fulfillment be abundant and joyous; may the guiding light that you flood into the world, shine a glorious way to your own path. Your artwork and your words touch all of us in so many wondrous ways! Thank you :)

• Dear Holly from Your Mother Knows But Won't Tell You, when I think of you, I think of Goddess Mother. You open your arms to the world and embrace us with love and wisdom, with laughter and joy. May the world embrace you with the like and so much more :)

• Dear Linda from Vulture Peak Muse, may health flood your limbs, muscles, veins and pores and give you the energy of the sun. May love be your comforter. May the beauty of your words, your incomparable art, and photography and your potent words spread through the world like fireworks :)

• Dear Gemma from Gemmashouse, may the shining star at its zenith guide you like your art brings stars to our eyes, your words stellar power to our souls. May the holidays and every day be filled with love, health, and exciting discovery. :)

• Dear Tammie Lee from Spirithelpers, like your sparkling photography, your stunning images, your soulful poetry that brings such wonder to our eyes and hearts, may you be filled with the joy and wonder and beautiful love they bring. :)

• Dear Danette from The Drawing Board, may the new road you have taken bring you much discovery, creativity, joy and love. May you find the beauty that you bring to the world. :)

• Dear Jenn from Jennerosity, may your unique point of view, your manifold talents, and your amazing perspective flourish; may the holidays and every day bring you love, health and prosperity. :)

• Dear Steve From Color Sweet Tooth, as an explorer of image and color, an adventurer of experience and joy, a traveller of many wondrous paths, you have given us amazing perspective. May every day be a glorious adventure filled with laughter, joyous surprises, fulfilling love and splendid creativity. :)

• Dear Anna from Hoboj a Basa, as you fill the world with beautiful music, may your life have a soundtrack of love, creativity, abundance and exploration! :)

• Dear Kavindra from Lisa's Soul Getting Shinier, may your every day be filled with the uniqueness of your expression, the warmth of your compassion, the wisdom of your seeking, and the love of your intention. :)

• Dear Robyn from Tales of Inglewood, may your days be lighter, and you find the enchantment that your garden holds in every aspect of your life. You are truly magickal; may that magick fill your world. :)

• Dear Allison from Creative Positive Spin, like the childlike joy of your hooping may your days be filled with delight, exploration, health and most importantly love. :)

• Dear Breedale from Perpetually Changing, as you tend to your growing, healthy, love-filled family, as you find your unique path, may you be filled with joy my friend. With joy eternal.

And if I have missed any one of you, it's not intentional. I can sit here for days thanking each and every one of you for all the joy, wisdom, inspiration and love you have brought me. May your lives be filled with these; and no matter what challenges life throws your way, may you find the strength, humour and companionship to deal with them.

Blessed be everyone and HAPPY HOLIDAYS! :)

Genie vs the Shops

Holidaze

Holidaze

Lose it as we go

Oh what joy to snip and snarl

At Home Depot and Costcooooo

Oh my sweet sanity. Day two of my holiday vacation and I'm going like the energizer dummy. I have been blessed with four invitations over the holidays, and though I am thrilled to be spending these days with good friends who are my family, it also requires going out into the madness to buy some pressies, some hostess gifties, and some goodies.

And you know what that means?

Braving the multitudes of single-minded, blinded shoppers who snarl at you when you happen to take the last Starbucks gift basket. I go into Ninja stealth mode, chant my mantra, "Do not kill anyone. Do not kill anyone." And go my merry way. I have succeeded in my mission to buy pressies for the little ones, hostess gifts for my friends, and little tokens of my affection that have depleted my bank account. Le sigh.

Of course that isn't all. Amongst all this, I discovered that one of my tires kept going flat, again, so I took it to the mechanic and suggested he check the valve and the rim because there is no way I was buying yet another tire at $200 a pop. Indeed, the rim was dented and letting the air out of the tire, so I had to bend my trajectory to Canadian Tire, buy a rim which they miraculously had for my diva car, and return to the most honest and best mechanic in the world, to replace it for the grand total of 20 bucks. I heart my new mechanic! I've been to several others in my tire quest and they each made me buy new tires.

I've had to also brave Home Depot, which is filled by a staff of the most belligerent and unhelpful individuals, if you can find them. I was in the process of installing the last folding door only to discover the package is missing a piece. Holy crapadoodle. So i need to brave attitude central and plead my case.

Rwar!

But I am determined to finish this ongoing job and restore some heat to my now bedroom. To that end, I also need to buy some fabric (I decided on burgundy silk, which should be no problem, right? Ha!) to make curtains to give the doorway between the porch and my bedroom some added heat.

The one miracle of the season is that we have had next to no snow, and unlike the romantics who crave a postcard Christmas, I am grateful I don't have to deal with the messy aftermath and the homicidal drivers.

Oh and shall we talk about the lineups? Sweet patience, do not desert me now. I have bruises from shopping carts being rammed into parts of my body that have been minding their business. At Costco, I nearly left behind 3 pricey items because the buffoon running that checkout was more interested in a speedy return, than making sure customers had everything they bought in their possession. I have been given the stink eye so many times, I have started rituals to cleanse their evil vibes off me. Jail is not where I want to spend the holidays, so I have taken to smiling sweetly and saying "And Merry Christmas to you which in real speak means fuck off!"

Only two more shopping days. Good luck to everyone! See you on the other side. :)

Ain't Life Grand?

As I hop off the whirlwind that is my life right now for a little bit, and I get my bearings, I am suddenly hit with a marvelous revelation. Things are happening. Wonderful things. Every day. Sure, there are setbacks, and frustrations, events that make me want to tear someone's hair out, but I choose to not focus on those right now. Right now, I will take a moment to reflect on the successes.

As the year is winding down to an end, I took some time out on Sunday again to recuperate from parties and gatherings, from errands and gifts, from cleaning and reorganizing, from the myriad of tasks that are associated with my job.

I made a lot of wishes this past year, set a lot of goals, put together a lot of dream boards, and chose a word for the year which was actualization. In other words, I set a whole lot of wheels in motion.

Where did those wheels take me?

To actualization.

• I wanted to rearrange my home and garden, and I did. My garden is a clean palette ready to be turned into a Zen garden. I rearranged my home for maximum efficiency and use, comfort and enjoyment.
• I wanted to get back into a more creative living and I did. I started drawing again, making jewelry, planning creative workshops, spreading the creativity out to my students and colleagues.
• I wanted to organize and streamline my department at work and I did. The physical spaces at work are now more functional and accessible to all. People aren't tripping over extraneous clutter. The courses and curriculum are well on their way to being more seamless between the grades, and the teaching more consistent between the sections.
• I wanted to open up to life after a period of retreat, and I am. I am accepting more invitations, opening up to new people, and enjoying life without unnecessary expectations.
• I wanted to travel, and although I haven't yet, I am closer to my goal. :)

All in all, not bad for a year. Not bad at all! :)

It's important to take some time and take some stock in our accomplishments. You would be surprised how many there are once you start listing them. Even in a year of challenge and hardship. There are silver linings everywhere. What are your silver linings?

Fruits of my Labor

Yesterday, I had a reunion. With my jewelry tools and beads!

A long, long, loooong time ago, I used to make jewelry for a living. I made earrings and necklaces and bracelets, and sold them at markets in Greece. It paid the rent; but more importantly, I had fun designing and playing with jewelry ideas.

Then life took a turn, and my jewelry making was packed, and forgotten. Until, recently. I made a couple of necklaces for birthdays, and found that I missed the whole process. I missed wielding the delicate tools, envisioning the design, and putting it together. I missed seeing the pieces being worn.

Yesterday, I took some time out for myself. I decided to put away the must-dos and focus on the want-to-dos. I made myself a pot of coffee, and spent most of the day watching movies on TV, and making necklaces. I was so engrossed, I forgot to eat!

Here are the results...

(click for larger image)

I gave this pearl drop and amber necklace to Danette for her birthday yesterday. :)

This amber and black stone piece is a very intricate design but loose design. I like its asymmetrical symmetricity. :)

It feels good looking at the tangible fruits of my labor. It feels good having literally taken a mental vacation from all the toxic junk filling my everyday, and reconnecting with an old friend in joy renewed. It feels even better having made something pretty that I will give as a unique gift just for that person. It's 3D love! Danette loved her choker, and it looked great on her. It was a win-win-win day! What more can we ask for?

:)

Genie and the Whale

It's been a very hectic time for me, as I am sure many of you can relate.

Work has swallowed me up whole and I have had some major decisions to make. My position is coming up again, and the question remains; do I want to reapply for this job? I have been making a list of pros and cons. And doing a lot of soul searching. I have taken amazing strides in reorganizing my department both in it's physical organization and in its curriculum. It's almost at the point of working like a well-oiled machine. Why would I not want to reapply, and reap the benefits?

Oh yeah, I detest the leadership style of the administration. Although they have been making some efforts to address the morale in the school; although they have started to support endeavors that are not necessarily on their agendas, I still am suspicious of their motives.

That being said, I am not sure it's better at other schools, and if it will stay that way...

In the midst of this, I have had issues with my poor aging cat who decided he didn't like these changes I have made to the house as much as I did, and pooped in my bed. Under the made bed's covers!

I discovered this when I got home Wednesday night. So I, in the middle of the night, turned contractor and tried to move the door from the now study to the bedroom to seal it off. 10 minutes to unscrew the hinges off one frame. 10 minutes to screw one set of hinges on another frame, only to discover the door is too low and scraping the floor. 15 minutes to unscrew and realize that the frame had the old hinges under a coat a paint still on it. 45 minutes to remove the old hinges. 25 minutes to try to hold up the door while screwing on the top hinges, getting my slipper stuck underneath. 10 minutes to wrestle my slipper under the door. 10 minutes to screw the bottom hinge. 5 seconds to discover the door was slightly too big to fit that frame.

Le sigh

At 1:30 am, I gave up, jammed the door in the frame and called in sick.

I had to take Stinky to the vet to see what's up with him, only to find out it's behavioural. I had to phone around looking for a contractor to help with these jobs, only to find they are all descendants of highway robbers... I had to wash my sheets and bedspread. I had to have a minor meltdown.

I also decided it was time to decorate the amazing tree I bought (pictures coming), only to discover the box I had all my decorations in was falling apart with mold and mildew and creepy crawly things in the basement. I panicked that the storage room was leaking until I realized, this was probably residual from the old house. I unpacked the box with much distaste, put the decorations out to air, dumped the box in the recycling bin, and left that bright idea for the weekend.

So, as I finally sat down in the afternoon to have my brunch, I decided to watch TV. Maybe it's just me, but I find I deconstruct things too much. There are far too many commercials on for stuff. Naturally, the biggest commercial holiday is rearing it's bankrupt head. As I watched pitch after pitch, the messages seemed to be the same. People are disappointed with the gifts you give unless it's a car or a diamond, or an expensive video game.

I got peeved.

Do not people realize, it's a gift to have someone in their lives who wants to give them a gift? Who wants to share a holiday with them? Who has taken the time to purchase yet another ephemeral object? We really need to get our priorities straightened.

The bright note of my week has been spending time with the newest miracle in my life, baby Tristan. I babysat him last night, and he brought me such joy, it made up for all the struggles. That smiling, gurgling, bright-eyed new soul restored mine.

And later that night, as I was going home, I looked up and saw this...

Even the poor quality of my camera phone cannot distort her beauty... I gazed at her and made my wish. And, as I made my way home, I was grateful. :)

Happiness is...

A cup of coffee first thing in the morning, warm and invigorating as it courses through your system.

A Friday morning when you turn off your alarm for the weekend.

Holding a baby in your arms as he looks up at you with a happy open face and smiling eyes.

A quiet moment when you feel at peace with yourself and the whole Universe.

A word of praise.

A note of thanks.

The feel of the morning air as you step out into the world.

Laughing with your colleagues over lunch.

Waking up in the morning, knowing the day is all yours.

Putting up a Christmas tree after years or not doing so.

Buying that perfect top.

Smiling at yourself in the mirror.

Finding lovely, encouraging comments on your blog.

Reading about other people's joy on their blogs.

A paint brush in your hands and a blank page.

Your students looking at you with sudden and joyous understanding.

There are so many things that bring happiness.

It's good to remind ourselves.

To savor the joyousness of every, single moment.

What is happiness for you? :)

Step Out

It has been a long time since I have had the time to participate in Jamie Ridler's amazing circle of wishers; but this week, I felt compelled, and of course, as usual the prompt is very timely.

Jamie asks,

What step to you wish to take?

It's time for me to step out. Out of my cocoon of safety and into the world. Over the past couple of years, I have holed up inside myself, recuperating from a series of loses. I did not do this consciously, but done it was.

It was not so hard to do. I work in a highly interactive and socially demanding environment. Going home and inside the quiet of myself, is a necessary response sometimes in order to survive.

But I went overboard.

And as a natural consequence, my social life has shrunk to a nonentity.

The phone has stopped ringing.

People have moved on with their lives without me in them.

Well, it's time to change that.

Time to reconnect with the rest of the world.

And here is how I will do it.

I will take my work to a café. I have a laptop now. I am not restricted to a specific spot.

I will reconnect with those I have lost track of.

I will volunteer and help my community.

I will take an art class, and maybe join a writers' circle.

I will go out at least once a week, even if it's alone. Just to get out.

I will step out.

Get out of head, and into the world.

I wish to fill my life with interactions and experiences and people.

There. I put it out into the universe. :)

May all your wishes come true!

Seriously?

Do you use Twitter or Facebook or Myspace or any other online social networking site? Well, here is a cautionary tale.

In Quebec, an insurance company stopped benefit payments to a woman who filed a disability claim on the basis of photographs she posted on popular social networking site. Seriously?

This woman who is suffering from clinical depression posted a few pictures from a birthday party she attended and from a sunny vacation she took. The insurance company somehow accessed her page, saw the picture and suspended her payments pending further inquiry.

The insurance company insists that they use any tool they can to aid their investigations. Granted. Social networking sites have been used in court cases as evidence against a defendant. Why not in an insurance claim? But a site alone cannot be used as the sole reason for suspending benefits. It's not a medical professional. A picture might tell a thousand words, but it very easily can be telling the wrong words. There is a huge margin of interpretation here.

Granted, the woman should have been more discriminating in what she posted on the social network site. The internet is not the safest place to entrust your life. Though most websites have security settings, it's not impossible to contravene them. What happened in this case? Did she not have sufficient security settings on? And if she did, how did they access her profile? Do they have hackers on their investigative team?

It boggles the mind...

But more importantly, the issue at hand is clinical depression and the attitude many have towards it. Many believe that one dealing with this condition should simply "snap out of it". That those suffering with clinical depression can control their feelings, that they are wallowing in self-pity. That is far from the truth.

Though I have suffered from bouts of depression, I have never had clinical depression. I know those who do have to live with this condition, however. And it can be debilitating. The fact that this woman is taking steps to deal and live with this, on orders of her doctor, should be commended, not punished.

The underlying urge is to hole up in a room, to hide from life and people, to sleep away a feeling that is darker than solitary confinement. In many cases, it is solitary confinement. Clinical depression is like being trapped by feelings of abject darkness that color and pave every single experience.

On the other side of ignorance is the notion that those with clinical depression must logically be sad all the time. They are not allowed to crack a smile, go out with friends, try to change settings in attempt to deal with the problem. It's obvious the insurance company bases their decisions on such preconceptions.

Guilty until you hire a lawyer, go to court and try to prove yourself innocent.

You can read the full story here!

Just For Laughs

Yes. The Twilight craze is in full swing, as New Moon premiered this weekend... Swooning girls filled theaters everywhere. I passed on the experience, but as I was grazing through YouTube, I found this... It's hysterical, irreverent and highly graphic. What a way to begin the week!

Kevin Smith at his finest...

LOL!