Cave Girl

This morning I woke up looking like a Kiss extra. I really should remember to wash my eye make-up off before bed, but sometimes shit happens. Besides, it was good for a morning laugh. It's funny brushing Tommy Thayer's teeth in the mirror.

Now back as myself, gulping morning coffee and pondering on my plans, I am stuck with how many times I have had to reinvent myself. When I went to Greece at age 16, my life had changed drastically. I left the cloistered environment of my restricted adolescence to enter a world filled with fascinating people from all over the world, rife with ideas and enthusiasm, filled with the pit falls of social interactions.

You would think that I would have fallen flat on my face, given the sorry state of my social prowess, and my zero understanding of the male species, other than men who can take the form of a benevolent dictators or preying abusers. Quite the reverse is true. I thrived. For the first time, I had the freedom to be, even though I did not have the slightest clue as to who I was. The truth is I was 16 frozen at 10. Stuck somewhere between the age I was a relatively normal girl to when the darkness swallowed me.

They call it sunny Greece for a reason. I went from a very proper, slightly robotic life to one bursting with the sticky, sweet juice of living. There was noise everywhere. Everyone talked at the same time, with the the same gusto that they laughed, ate, argued and loved. I felt like the cave girl discovered under layers of ice, perfectly preserved and frozen in time. I thawed a little bit more each day, as I became conscious of the world around me once again. I also became painfully aware of myself and the fact that somehow I was very different from everyone else.

Yet, I was deliriously happy and empowered for the first time in 6 years. This set a pattern for me, a pattern I only just recently realized: I am most happy around creative, thinking individuals. I love the chaos of discovery much more than the stability of knowing. I dive into new ideas as if my soul is parched for them. I swim in pools of color and textures. I don't like to lounge in the sun of complacency. I need movement.

Over the years, I have often felt the need to change things up. to experience a different perspective. If I stay stagnant too long, I start to wither. And this is precisely why I have decided it's time to make another step in my life. I need to be around creative people in environments that breed discussion and ideas not conformity and routine. In other words, it's time to stop living a life I think I should be living while yearning for a life I love, and start living the life I love.