I have been not so great with my personal blogging lately. It has been a very rough time. I lost my father a week ago, and it has welled up so many feelings and thoughts beyond grief.
It's hard to feel like an orphan, at any age. I miss both my parents, separately and together. When I get my thoughts unscrambled, I will be giving him a tribute as well.
This whole devastating experience of losing both my parents in one year has thrown me into a churn of emotions. I feel so deeply bereft. No amount of preparation or stoicism can shield you from the monumental chasm of the last goodbye.
I love them deeply, and search within my psyche that has been assaulted so much in the past couple of years to find solace in the thought of an afterlife.
I have read so much about this, believed so much about this, to the core of my being, only to find all this silenced.
They loved each other more deeply than I even knew. My father could not bear life without her. A big chunk of me, of who I am, is suffering with their loss.
I will recover. It is part of human nature. The moments, good and bad, will settle one day, and I will gain clarity.
But for now...
G-d. Wherever you are, however you manifest yourself, however much I have disappointed you, please welcome my dear ones and open the gates of heaven for them.
17 comments:
Awww..I'm so sorry for your lost =(
I was coming to write to you..all exited after seeing you we're from Toronto (I'm from montreal but now live in Housotn)
and read the news =(
Again..Sorry =(
Hang in there girl
Wishing you all the best
Awww Jenn. Thank you sweetie! It's much appreciated. :) It's one of those difficult parts of life one has to navigate. Huggies.
How terrible for you Genie...My heartfelt condolences.
I lost my Mom almost a yr ago...:o(
How awful for you to lose them both in one year.
My Grandparents died within a year of each other. They couldn't live with or without each other. Both were 63. Very young.
Very very sorry....hon.
Hugggss & warm smiles from my ♥ heart♥ to yours~ ♥♥
You are in my thoughts and prayers each day Genie.
This is a beautiful, vulnerable post. I can see your faith, still here by your side.
xo
Thank you mlady! It means a lot to me. Hugs. :)
Thank you Danette. I am honored to have a friend like you. :)
Genie -
So sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you take comfort in knowing their love for each other and for you.
All my best .....
Thank you Shammy. Much appreciated! Hugs. :)
Genie, sorry this is late, but I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom a year ago in Sept. it is why my Dad now lives with me, I know how very hard of time you are going through. I cannot imagine losing both within a year. Please, my e-mail is on my profile...open for you at anytime friend. Big hugs & kisses Honey.
Thank you Rhonda. You're very sweet. Hugs girl :)
Hey, crazy as it seems, it does feel like we are family :) Don't hesitate to get a hold of me anytime! Swear, worry about all of you...our little group seems to have become quite the close-knit group and the more we go through..you know.
Anyway, wont talk your blog off ;), but love to hear when you online and look forward to hearing from you. You're around the same age as my daughter that could be the tie, who knows! HUGS!
Aww Rhonda! You're the sweetest. I do consider you as family, and I am honored to have met you. You can "harass my blog" anytime. :)
Genie:
Sorry about losing your dad! It is never easy. I really enjoy reading your thoughts at BBDish. You add some great comments and seem to have such a positive outlook on life.
I enjoyed reading the posts in your blog. You do have a gift with words--keep writing, girl!! I hope that expressing your thoughts through words will help lessen the pain!
I love you babe and I am always thinking of you.
sandy - thank you so much! huggies! you make me all warm and fuzzy inside! :)
stressball - love you too woman! and miss you like crazy!
Genie:
My deepest condolences for your loss. I lost my real father when I was 9 & my stepfather 8 years ago today, 9/1. There are no words that will make you feel better but knowing people care & are thinking & praying for you I hope will provide you with some comfort.
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
I enjoyed reading your blog. You are very talented & interesting. We share a lot of the same interests. Your struggle with the gym is one blog I could have written. I recently started going back to my gym after a year of not going & took the exact same approach that you did!
Msfitz - thank you sweetie. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by people who care so deeply.
No matter how much we know it is inevitable, the reality is much more heartbreaking than anyone can imagine.
Thank you for your kind words. They are much appreciated and add to the healing that will happen in time.
Hugs!
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