As I watch my followers dwindle, I am overtaken with a sense of loss. Why wouldn't people stop following? What's to follow? I have reduced my blogging to writing about a show I am not that into and which, in the grand scheme of my life, means nothing. And the guilt rages on.
I make resolutions to write every day. And I do write every day. Just not on my blog. I can only share my book when I have secured copyright. We all know that no matter how many copyright laws are in place, people routinely and blithely steal off the internet. Images, words, songs, movies. The list goes on.
The fact remains that my life is in turmoil right now. I am in a holding pattern, focusing on one step at a time. I have been beaten down, and though I am not one to cave, it has taken its toll on me. Many mixed metaphors here.
My life has become a mixed metaphor.
Around me lie bits and pieces of my projects, dreams, goals. Scrap book stickers, beads, and watercolors. I start a project and wander off into my catatonia. I cannot sustain a thought long enough to express it properly.
I stumble over my words.
Yes, I still laugh and make others laugh. Yes. I reach out to my friends. Yes. I pour my creativity into my lessons. Into my passion.
But right now. I am a woman in a Picasso painting. I am a mosaic of splintered pieces of what I have been and I am transforming. Slowly. Taking bird steps. Shaking my wings.
Which brings me back to this blog.
I have been teetering on the brink of deleting it. With the need to step away from the guilt it is generating, I have been wondering whether it is best to make a clean break.
But I miss you all. I miss your stories of empowerment, and struggle, and victory. I miss your art, your children, your words. Yet, I do not come to your door. Because I will come with empty hands and an empty mind.
So I apologize. That I have not been present. That I have not come to visit you and spread seeds of joy like I used to for a long time. I still care about you, think about you, and love you.
Blessed be. :)
11 comments:
I go through this on a regular basis...do I want to continue, why do I blog, why do I want to continue or why do I want to stop. It's life. It's continuous and we're meant to be busy "living" it which often (very often!) means being away from the computer. I see it as a good thing...no matter what we end up deciding to do. And really...does there need to be a decision? Blogging without obligation. That's my motto. xo
The only thing you should delete is the guilt.
Screw the guilt.
The blog is yours, to do with what you will. I think, except for those few who do it as a business, a blog has ups and downs that go along with your own life.
I say write about the pieces and the baby steps. This is part of the process of being a creative, and being a person I think. I know sometimes my blog is all about the baby steps and confusion, although I try to keep it about the creativity, that is part of it.
I'll admit, I'm not so fond of AI, but I'm fond of you, and I keep you on my blog list for when you come out of the funk. Don't delete, please. :)
Plus, i think you're letting the political stuff at work infect your feelings about your blog. Maybe?
What a fabulous post ..I am also feeling my own life is like a Picasso painting but I hadn't thought that until you said it. My own post is about how I'm doing ...
Keep posting when it feels good ..don't post when it doesn't ..
No obligation ..none.
What the girks said. :D
Love, always. :)
Genie..hey you know we all go through dry periods with blogging. Don't delete your blog, just maybe take a break for a bit. Explore other avenues then come back to it.
Picasso--nailed it! I think we all can relate, Miss Genie. It seems like everyone is in a strange broken-up-blue-period. But like Picasso, even the strange sad parts are beautiful. This too shall pass. :)
Know that you are so Loved, Miss Genie. :)
Merry Full Moon!
((hugs))
Molly
Genie, don't delete! As everyone said there is nothing to feel guilt over. Just write whatever you want, whenever you want.
I've noticed you meandering, unfocused, and worried about you, even though I didn't know how to say it.
I myself will post frequently and then not post for awhile. I wander all over in what I talk about. Sometimes I worry I'm not blogging "correctly"....and then I decide not to worry about it.
The feeling like a Picasso painting....you're just a little scattered. All will be well.
Life is too short and too precious to feel guilt about your blog ! Live that juicy, hard, luscious, bittersweet, painful, beautiful life to the fullest Genie Sea potential.
When you have it to give, give. When you don't have to give, just take care of yourself. You are loved too, Beautiful One.
May you fill back up soon...
Just popping over to wish you a Happy Easter, dear Genie. I hope you have a lovely day!
Genie,
Please don't delete your blog! I agree with everyone else here who cares about you and wants you to not feel guilty about not blogging as often. I've been going through something similar so I can empathize. Your blog is whatever you want it to be. Your words have been a gift and inspiration to so many, most definitely including me! And please don't think you have to write something profound every time you write. We also love it when your sense of humor shines through!
We'll be here for you, whenever you feel like joining us! Many blessings to you, Genie.
Hugs!!
Pamela
(blogging at http://blog.sweetsoliloquies.com)
Oh Genie, I haven't been around for a while either...and even now, all I'm doing is reconnect with people, I haven't posted anything new. Life is ebb and flow, waxing and waning, droughts and monsoons, go with it, flow with it. We love you Genie whether we see you or not.
Post a Comment