(click to enlarge)The above image is one of the choices for a giveaway I will be hosting very soon. I will be posting details on how to participate and have a chance to win one of these 1024 x 768 wallpaper paintings/collages I have made in photoshop. The winner will get to choose their favorite from the ones I will be posting over the next few days.
I am nearing my one year anniversary in blogging this month, and what a ride it has been. This blog and I have gone though quite the transformation. Its once dark template reflected the darkness that surrounded me a year ago, the despair, the loneliness. I posted random musings about random things, not really knowing why. I had no readers at first, except for a couple of loyal friends who cheered me on.
It's not as if the circumstances of my life have drastically changed in a year, but my attitude has. I feel lighter, freer, more resilient. And that, my friends is huge.
I have been able to reconnect with my painting and my writing, and that, to me, is monumental.
I have come to terms with the various facets of myself; the brooding loner, the ironic social commentator, the champion of lost causes, the joyful child, the loving woman, the friend, the teacher, the humorist.
It's all me.
And as spring awakens, so I am awakening. To change, to acceptance, to growth.
Over the past few days, the virus that took hold of my body allowed me the time and silence to ponder my next steps. My life mission. Having lost my voice, I have had to journey further inward and examine the patterns, the debris I have been carrying around, and begin to organize and clean house. Inside of me.
I let go of one of the biggest obstacles in my life: determining my self-worth based on what others think or seem to think about me. No matter with how much bravado I used to say, "I don't care what anyone thinks", that was a bold-faced lie. It shattered me when someone didn't seem to warm up to me, when I was not immediately accepted as one of the group, when my efforts were not applauded. How self-centered is that? That attitude has been like carrying around a corpse on my back, stinking up everything and exhausting me. It has been so liberating to finally bury that Mofo.
And now, here I am.
It's not that I don't care what others think; it's that it does not affect the way I feel about myself and what I am doing. So? I might always be a little bit of an outsider. I might always find myself dancing to a drum of a different beater. But you know what? It's okay! I am where I am because I am, and there is not a damn thing anyone can do about it! :)
21 comments:
For the record, Genie, I happen to think you are quite wonderful! :)
Yup, I think you're wonderful too! Glad that you've come to accept being different. I've had to learn that long, hard lesson myself. The way I put it is that I've come to love 'flying my geek flag' out in the open for all to see. Can't wait to see what artwork you offer up for the giveaway.
Worrying about what others thought of me was a HUGE obstacle to get through, but it is doable. :)
You are no outsider here my sweet friend. You are truly Extraordinary!
It's a strange slope isn't it? We want to be BOLD and say we don't care, yet at the same time as human creatures we crave acceptance and love. I've edited my "care statement" to say: "I care about what some people think." :) Because I DO care about what my profs, family and close friends think--opinions are important. But it's up to us to decide which of those opinions bear weight.
It's always a treat to read your blog, dear.
From one Strange-r to another--
Much Joy and Many Blissings~*
Molly
Here's to dancing to a different beat and being an outsider! Kudos to you, Genie.
Yeah - you were just looking for your tribe and didn't know that it resided in BlogLand!
We love you as is - has it only been a year? It's so short a time yet one can read a comment and say "that's Genie" or "that's Tabitha" . . .
Happy almost anniversary!
Ah now I understand your comment on my blog!
Sounds like you've made excellent use of your "down time" with that virus too as a sort of rounding off this year of development.
Spring forth. ;-)
i love you...... for so many reasons. You ARE who you are. How beautiful is that? Keep on dancing, girl!!!!
I think that is sort-of why we are all here in a way - feeling like outsiders and needing to find our tribe - our kindred spirits!
I am glad that you started blogging a year ago! You are a treasure.
genie, I have not known you long but I think you are such a blessing in my life...you always have a kind word or a funny remark to make when you leave your little treasures on my blog to read....I love your way of being..don't ever change because you think you should ~ it is only a trap some of us fall into and some never get out once they do....you are not like that, you are a strong , brilliant warrior of a woman (you do teach highschool kids for heaven's sake) what else could you be??? I couldn't do that! I'd do something stupid and get fired by now...anyway, I love your painting and was looking at it closely ... it looks like there is a teepee in the background underneath the wings? it is yellow and in back of her cute little dress... I wondered if there was a hidden meaning to your work today? if not, it's a lovely piece and you are giving it away???? how exciting is that!!!
I've rambled long enough....blessings to you, dear one.
(today the wv was !8! letters long...sheesh!) AND I DIDN'T DO IT RIGHT! it's 7 letters this time...phew!
Just want to say that I am happy you are where you are because you are.. is that right?.. but you know what I mean :) - you are inspiring.. I love how you are!!!
Love watching you dance that dance to that different beat. It inspired me to dance to my own. There may be those who don't get it, but somehow there are always a few to cheer you on anyway.
Yay Genie ! I love your dancing !
Genie, I agree with everyone...we just think differently...always have, and have always felt like we were on the outside looking in. It's taken years for us to understand that it's really a gift to be this "different" person and realize that there's lots just like us out there.
Hurrah for internet that has found us and brought us all together!
It seems to be a common thing people say "I don't care what other's think of me." I think most of the time, that statement is a lie we make up so we can hide our hurt feelings.
Hooray for getting rid of that corpse!
Genie, So glad you are here.
Holding you, your words and your art in reverent admiration... regardless of what that exhausting Mofo conjurs up!
Bury that MoFo!!!! And don't go back out there and dig it back up. Leave buried, let it decay and fuel the flowers.
You are a bright! shining! light! in this world.
Shannan
YAY for you, Genie! We gain so much inner power by recognising that what others think can't hurt us unless we allow it. You are AWESOME!
love, light and peace,
serena
Personal I found out blogging helps one self in so many way.
I can't believe how much I enjoyed blogging.
Many more years of blogging and coffee is on.
It sounds as though you are on a wonderful inner journey. Self worth based on others thoughts will always toss us about. But it is a tough one because we are a social creature and we do like to connect. That is a wonderful part of blogging; all the wonderful connections we create and nurture. So glad you are feeling better.
Hurrah, dear sister! I am so glad you are here!
Graces,
Jane
I am thankful each and every day, for each one of you. You are like precious flowers on the lei of life. I am so happy to have found you! :)
Tracy - Aww! Thank you sweetheart! I think you're quite wonderful yourself! :)
Jenn - Thank you honey! My geek flag is Pink! :)
Tabby - If being an outsider means having wonderful friends like you, then I am not an outsider at all :)
Molly - Yes indeed! We must filter whose opinions make it in! Some are more important than others! And all of your opinions are important to me! :)
Shell - Thank you honey! :)
Judi - I am so happy I found my tribe in Blogland, and what a gorgeous tribe it is! :)
Caro - I never thought of it that way! This virus is indeed rounding things off :)
Wendy - Giant skipping steps! :)
Sandy - Love ya too girl! Thank you :)
Megg - Thank you sweetheart! I am so happy to have found you too. I love my tribe! :)
Linda - Thank you so much sweetie! :) I painted this in total subconscious mode. I was inspired by the colors and the concept of flying away from the every day. :) Sorry about the word verification :) Hugs!
Robyn - I love how you are! :)
Kim - YAY to dancing! :)
Kate - I am thankful to the internet everyday for bringing all of you into my life :)
Tori - It's good and buried :)
Gemma - Thank you sweetheart! It's totally mutual :)
Shannan - It will fuel beautiful flowers :) Thank you so much honey :)
Serena - Thank you sweetie :)
Peppy - Blogging indeed has been miraculous! :)
Tammie - Yes! Blogging has been like a restorative tonic for the heart, mind and soul! We are all so lucky to have found each other :)
Jane - Thank you honey! I am glad you're here too! :)
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