(click-enlarge)As we progress through 12 Secrets , the magnificent Jamie's latest book blog club, we are asked to focus not only on self but on support of others' creativity.
I have never had a problem being, sometimes, a one-woman cheering squad for people. I try to always give people a hand, a shoulder, an ear, or encouragement, ideas, advice when asked, or just a silent presence when needed. I am a believer in "anything is possible", and a crusader of "dreams come true" to the Nth degree.
For others.
Increasingly, it has become clearer that I need to be that for myself as well.
For me, it's not a matter of time, but of attitude. Letting go of the guilt associated with putting myself first when I need to. Letting go of this ingrained belief that I am not worthy of praise, or support, or unconditional love. Trying to figure out where that attitude came from is, for me, pointless. I don't like wallowing in the past. It's time to forge ahead.
I need to be my own advocate. My own cheering squad. I need to be a silent presence for my soul to speak. And if I do it badly, I need to be there for myself, and say "It's okay honey. You will get it right next time."
I have always been a private person. I have not shared of myself to my deepest core, and I have always been reluctant to show my art. Look at me now. Blogging away the very marrow of my soul that people, most of whom I have not met before, might read. Displaying my art, being vulnerable, showing what I am doing, whether it is good or not. I am proud of myself for that. This is a huge step for me.
Now I need to learn one more thing:
To ask for help. To show my vulnerability. To tell others what I need. To reach out, and ask other people to be there for me.
I have always been fiercely independent. It comes from being an only child. It comes from this fiery nature that refuses to cry "Give!" It comes from the core of my personality.
Yet, it is this very independence that causes people to believe that I am okay, that I don't need support, or a friendly phone call, or an invitation to coffee, or a smile of encouragement.
I need those things too. And I am asking for them.
What is it that you have been denying yourself? How will you get it?
Blessed be my friends :)
36 comments:
Sending you lots of encouragement from here, an open invitation to coffee any time you need one, and a zillion trillion miracles!
k-
Sending you a big smile of encouragement!
thanks for your lovely comment on my blog - once I was writing about my own accomplishments, and I got a comment saying I was being "braggy." I have always remembered that when I write about what I have done -- and isn't it weird that I let that one little comment fester in my brain so much? Why do we do this to ourselves?
Being sure of our own voice - that is such a gift and something I have to work hard at. . . . sounds like you are mostly there!
You Go Girl!
I love this. Everything you wrote resonates with me.
You really do need to boost yourself, as much as you encourage others.
It's so hard to ask for support or anything when you're perceived as being so independent you don't need a simple thing like "a coffee date".
Go Genie...you deserve it!
(hugs)
Yes! You are a powerhouse cheerleader for others. Imagine what that love can do for yourself?
Reaching out to others is also something that I resist from time to time. I tell myself that everyone is "too busy", but the truth is often that people love to be needed. It is a wonderful thing to show someone that they have something to give to you.
You do deserve it!
I send you all the encouragement your heart can stand sweet Genie. I wish we lived closer I would invite you to dinner so often you'd get tired of me. :)
Good For you Genie! You are right. You are always cheering others on and I see you as a great source of support for that reason. You know that others are here for you as well, but I agree, finding a way to be your own support first and foremost is the best thing you can do for yourself. I am proud that you are opening up with your art work and blogging and hopefully it will get easier to open yourself fully to others. You are already the change you want to see in the world, now just open yourself to receiving. Lots of love and hugs to you!
yes, we do need to be our own cheerleaders. I'm guilty of taking everyone elses needs in to consideration before my own. It burns me out sometimes and when I decide to put me first, I feel like I'm being selfish. I am working on ME a little each day though and it does make a difference. Also, I'm so used to saying, "no, I don't need your help. I'll do it myself". I'm getting better at asking for help when I really need it and that feels good.
Good post, Genie. I identify with what you said. I am also an only child, and I have a really hard time asking for or letting people do things for me too. Used to doing everything for myself.
You are a wonderful, inspiring person, and I'm sending you a cup running over with coffee and encouragement for yourself.:)
Great post, Genie! I could relate to much of what you wrote. You are an inspiration! ;)
Excellent post!
Now get on a plane and come over here for that coffee!
I love that you are risking it and being vulnerable because, selfishly, I am inspired by you. If you weren't stepping out and willing to share, we wouldn't get that inspiration. I could have written a lot of what you wrote as well. I have always had a hard time accepting help. I was the helper, the doer, the nurturing. It has always been hard for me to just let others take care of me too. Being your own cheerleader is big! I see you there for others on this journey. Way to take care of you!
((((((((((((genie)))))))))))))))
anytime, my ears and computer are open to you ;)
Of course you should toot your own horn! You deserve it! You are a wonderful person with lots to give and why not for yourself!! WOO HOO!! You Rock!
Firstly, I must say thank you from the bottom of my heart--you have indeed been a cheerleader, a wise woman and whirlwind of inspiration for me!
I have the same problem. When I talk to people, they ask about my projects and pieces and what they SEE is my well crafted confidence mask. They assume I'm too busy, have too many places to go and people to see to ever call me for a drink. I even overheard a girlfriend tell a potential friend of mine (not viciously, but genuinely as if she were helping me) "Oh don't bother Molly--she is really busy and has a lot going on. She needs her space and doesn't have time to waste."
?!?!?!?!?!?
So, long story short--I hear ya! hehe! It's always a pleasure to visit your blog home. Next time I'm in Canada we'll go for a mocha. :)
Much Joy, Many Blissings~*
Molly
See that that strangely, uncoordinated girl, with poms-poms, & in purple with just a hint of gold Lam'e? That's me! cartwheeling in my thong-gone-wrong across the field for you. I haven't done the splits since 5th grade but I am on your squad.
that would be:
Blessed Be
Team Genie Sea
Reality Insanity
I encourage you to be the amazing cheerleader to yourself, that you are to so many others. I can't tell you how much your support and encouragement have meant to me on my blog....and I'm SOOOOOO happy to see you sharing your wonderful art with us too...don't ever stop!
And know, that if you ever need to reach out, I will be here for you.
love, light and peace,
serena
I don't know if everything comes from being an only child. I was an only child and to my parents ability I was rise as I would have siblings but my childhood was far from great.
I don't know if I need my own cheer squad or not.
I actual get embarrass when someone praise me.
But all in I think so this chapter has open my eyes now is to fix what I learn.
Coffee is on.
Oh my gawd - did you write this post or did I? I totally relate to everything you said (except I'm not an only child).
And I started my blogging to just "put myself out there".
I love the way your express yourself with the written word and in your art. You have talent and you spread joy in your work.
You go girl!
Love and Light
Genie, you feel like an old friend, I was very touched by how deeply you shared your heart.Yes I think you should be proud of yourself for that. And thank you for all the encouraging comments you have given me as you have visited my blog. It would be so great to meet you in person. Take care and remember that you have all of us that would love to support you.
I admire your self-less nature and the gorgeous comments you continually give.. now it is time for you to think of yourself as you think of others.. and I am here any time you need support or encouragement. Just ask me xoxo
you are an incredible soul !! xoxo
I think being vulnerable is the key to opening up to who you really are for yourself and others to truly know you.
Thank you so much, each and every one of you. I thank the universe that brought our paths together. Your continued support and encouragement has become my antidote to a lot of the nasties. :)
Kara -Hugs! Coffee is always good :) And who can't use a zillion trillion miracles? I will share them with you :)
Claudia - Hugs! I'm smiling right back atcha! :)
Arty Em- You're welcome honey. There are some people who just want to tear others down. It simply sucks to be them. Thank Goodness we aren't. We need to stop giving them power by ingesting their poison. :)
Boho - It's actually quite comforting knowing there are others who feel the same way. I don't feel so much that a round peg trying to fit into the square hole. :)
Danette - That is a great question, and one I am trying to explore. You know I am never too busy for you. :)
Tabby - Hugs! The offer itself makes all the difference. :)
Breedale - Hugs! I do know that others are here for me. I am so thankful for all of you. I am ready to receive the goodness. :)
Jane - It does feel good and empowering to admit we need help and ask for it. For us and others, as Danette pointed out. :)
Sharon - The only child syndrome has been discussed, and it's not the same for everyone, but it's quite the test of one's personality. :) Thank you for the cup. I take it eagerly! :)
Tracy - Thank you sweetie :)
Caro - LOL! I wish I had the funds to buy a plane and visit everyone from here. Well, since I
m fantasizing, I wish I had the funds to send super nannies for the little ones, and tickets for everyone to meet up at some luxurious spa for a week! How fun would that be? :)
Linda - Hugs! Thank you honey :)
Tricia - welcome to my blog! I am very happy this resonated with you and others. Sometimes it just takes one person to say it, and bring it into the light. Then together we can skip along! :)
Gypsy - Woohoo! :) Thank you :)
Molly - You're welcome honey. :) Yes, it's strange what people's assumptions and perceptions are. One of the things that most annoy me is when people speak for me, or interpret me to me or to others. Dude. Go to the source! :) A mocha sounds great! :)
Lissa - LOL@the image! Thank you sweetie :)
Serena - Thank you honey, and you're welcome :) I do know you are here for me :)
Peppy- It's true. It's different for some people. Being embarrassed when someone praises us, comes from the same source. Not feeling we are worthy of praise. Not true at all :)
Wendy - Thank you honey, and I am glad I was able to express what a lot of us feel. :)
Ann - Welcome to my blog and you're welcome :) We might all very well be old friends. We gravitate towards the same people in all our life times, they say. :)
Robyn- I feel your support and encouragement, constantly :) Thank you :)
D- Welcome to my blog!You are right. Being vulnerable is the key. Look how long it took me to find it. :)
Now I know why we get along. Because I could have written this. Although for me, it doesn't come from being an only, but a don't rock the boat middle. Maybe I'm an unusual middle child, i don't know.
Anyway. I get ya. We need to mother ourselves, be our own girlfriends, support our selves, marry our selves.
Reach for those goals and be our own cheerleaders.
"Trying to figure out where that attitude came from is, for me, pointless."
I couldn't think of anything more important, actually. If you don't know where your attitudes of self-neglect come from, you are destined to keep repeating them. Knowing and understanding your past if FAR different from wallowing in it. Not wanting to spend this time on your own stuff may be part of the issue...just maybe? :)
Try looking at putting this puzzle together, solving this mystery as a GIFT to your Self. This level of understanding is also surely going to add depth to any of your creativity.
Ask and you shall receive.
I am not sure my emails get through to you. I will try again. When are we going to meet so I can give you the a BIG HUG on behalf of all whose life you touch everyday.
I unable to find your email link due to temporarily dizziness from dehydration & too many cartwheels (37...ok 1 and 1/2)Where is the dang thing & my thong?
I just read somewhere that women are more reluctant to post their art on the internet than men. Putting anything out there in cyber space can be kind of scary, but I'm glad you are here-speaking your truth and sharing your wonderful personal expressions of art with pictures and words.
Also, thank you for the encouraging words you have left on my blog.
Namaste
Genie, I love your art and I really love how it's evolving as you get more comfortable expressing yourself. I swear, since I began blogging, my creative side has burst wide open! There is saftey in a supportive crowd that you know but don't know...
Wonderful that you are taking care of yourself this way. I sense that caring for others first is in a womans cells, something to do with the ability to be a mom. We are learning something new in considering our own needs.
What have I been denying myself is a good question.... I may have to get back to you on that.
I too am an only child, and very independent. I "get" how people think you don't need support. I'm usually the supporter, not the supportee... always doing for others, putting them first and being their rock and had no one to be mine. It was very hard to focus on myself but I am much happier now that I have started.
Go, Genie! We'll all be your cheering squad! =) Even the most independent person needs some help. You've got friends who are willing to give it to you!
I've been trying to find an equilibrium with work and play. I'm getting there little by little. Part of this is not feeling bad about not getting everything done, which is hard for me. It gets easier every day. <3
Rowena - Yes indeed, I acknowledge and celebrate our affinity!
Blisschick - It actually is extremely important. I didn't express myself to well there. I do spend time working on my stuff and have. I simply wanted to express that it is time to forge ahead.
Fatma - I have not gotten emails. I don't know why that is. I do want to however see if I can organize a blogger meet and greet this spring for us in the area to get together and have a coffee and chat! :)
Lisaa - LOL! I don't have an email link up. For some reason, some emails are not getting through so I removed it. I am trouble shooting this. :)
Kat - I am not afraid of piracy. I have all my material copyrighted so if it's stolen, it will be bad news for them :) My reluctance stemmed from a fear of being vulnerable to yet more criticism which I was fed on most of my life. :)
Caroline - Thank you honey :) It's true about the safety of this crowd :)
Tammie Lee - I look forward to your answer :)
Carin.C - welcome to my blog! I too have become happier since I have started to focus on my own happiness. Paradoxical statement, I know. :)
Tori - Thank you honey :) Yes. it is important to forgive ourselves and not put pressure on ourselves. :)
This is lovely. It is absolutely true for me too :) Thanks for posting.
This was an enlightening post. Good for me to read (for me) and good for your to write (for you). It's one of those important epiphanies, where you realize just why it is that other people don't act the way you really (secretly) want them to.
I hope you can reflect this neediness more with people who are right there - people who can actually ask you to coffee, or spend time with your after work, etc.
The rest of us here already have some better idea what you need (grin).
Oh Genie... if you need me-- just shout!
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