Solitude

There are days that I crave solitude. Days when I feel every bit of my energy drained by other people. Days when I need to restore myself, away from people.

Maybe this is a side-effect of a profession that demands so much social contact, so many interactions, so much energy. A profession that requires you to be "on" all the time.

I am looking forward to switching "off" for a bit. Off the beaten path. Off duty. Off the hook. Off in my own world.

Last night, we had our staff holiday party and it was fun to chat with people, share a drink, dance a little bit. Unwind. People are infinitely interesting, and so different away from their jobs. It was nice to hang out with colleagues with whom I hardly exchange anything but a greeting.

Of course, I had to experience a socially awkward moment when this sweet girl asked me if I "talked to so-and-so lately" (an acquaintance of ours at another school) and I ever so delicately stated, "Oh no! I don't talk to that woman anymore."

Okay, really? Genie? Sometimes you need to just watch what you say! I immediately regretted it. I have very good reasons not to be associating with this person (energy zapper #1) but did I need to open my mouth and blurt all that out when I could have just said, "No," and smiled? Sometimes I just want to kick myself in the butt.

I felt so badly for this poor unsuspecting girl who asked a perfectly normal social question. I immediately remarked how awesome her blouse was. And it was awesome, steering the conversation to safer ground for both of us.

Have you ever experienced this? The foot-in-the-mouth, oh-no-you-didn't moment? Not fun. It's okay to get rid of frienemies but it's better to keep others out of it. I know all this, but there went my mouth!

This would not have happened if I were not so depleted. The little "imp" inside me would not have taken over. Don't get me wrong. That was just one moment. The rest of the evening was filled with laughter and dance and nice conversation. It was that moment that signalled to me loudly and clearly that I needed time out. Time to step away. Two or three days of just letting myself recover from a few months of extreme stress.

The Hermit is the perfect symbol for this. It signals a time of much-needed solitude to reflect, regroup and formulate a vision for the future. The Hermit doesn't feel lonely or isolated. She is comfortable in her own company knowing that she needs this space to regenerate the light she gives to the world, knowing that in order to be of use to others, she needs to be completely at peace with herself. She knows that to operate with the total integrity she has committed herself to, she must be able to solidify all parts of herself that have fragmented from daily contact and interaction with others' energy.

May you find some time of peaceful self-reflection to regenerate your wonderful soul so that you may continue to give the light into the universe and all in it.

Blessed be :)