Aerial Acrobatics

Don't you hate it when your mind just says, "Wake up!" and you look at the time and it's 4 am? And you don't need to roll out of bed for another two hours?

Too much on my mind, maybe? Taken on a wee bit too much, perhaps? Allowing little things to take over my mental state, possibly?

I have always had the need to solve problems. Roll up my sleeves and get things done. I'm not one to whine and complain and then go about and finish my sandwich. I need to get things resolved.

Problems arise when I have to count on others to help. That's when it gets sticky. Not everyone is like me.

"That's a great idea they say", while munching on their sandwich, "but I can't do it. You should do it, and I will sit here eating my lunch, pretending I have helped."

"How about... hell no! How about, you're not involved and therefore you have no say in the outcome," I want to say, but grit my teeth instead.

I obviously need to vent. I am a venter. When things, really people, get to me, I allow my feelings to bubble to the surface (in a controlled environment, of course). Once I'm done, I feel better, and no one is hurt. But there are times I so sorely want to put that person in his/her place with my sharp tongue. It's a registered weapon. That's why I keep it under wraps as much as I can.

I know I should be more understanding of people who are not like me. I realize this. I know it can be a form of intolerance. But do we have to tolerate all behaviour, no matter what? Do we? Really? I can't bitch slap anyone with a few choice words? Why must I always be taking the higher ground? Being the better woman? Practicing acceptance, while missing my lunch, when others can sit there placidly and do nothing? Why even ask why?

It's my fault really. It's a form of arrogance to think I can solve all the problems that come my way. I am not that far gone though, not to seek help, but sometimes help is just not there. Sometimes, I cannot rely on people. Actually, it has been my experience that I cannot rely on people most of the time. It took me forever to even start asking for help. I had learned to not even bother. But being in a leadership position, I am inundated with responsibilities and chores and paperwork on top of my teaching duties. My plate is so full it's cracking. I need to ask for help.

Why am I taking so much on? I see a need, I try to fill it. This club needs an advisor. I'll do it. The school needs to build spirit. I'll help. The dance needs chaperons. I'll volunteer.

"Hello? Genie? You're not ubiquitous. You can't do it all!" The voice in my head whispers. Hell, now it's yelling at me. I can't fault it for getting upset. I need to stop.

But I know if I do, there will be no one to step up in my place. People just don't care. Too many teachers think the job is 8:30- 3:30, teach the classes (sometimes horrifically), do some marking and go home. Okay, that is the biggest part of the job, but the school is a community, and communities that are made up of apathetic and self-centered people, collapse. The students, some of which who have also been raised to be apathetic and self-centered, need better role models.

I suppose you are wondering what the hell I am venting about. :)

Well... (insert deep breath)

I am swamped.

• As you know, some of us have taken on the cause of putting this administration on the right path. Lots of work, stress and effort involved.
• I have about 20 things to do each day, over and above preparing creative lessons, teaching, leading, inspiring students. Timetables to sort, exams to vet, interviews to conduct, grievances to smooth over, reassurances to give, meetings, meetings, meetings.
• I have taken on a very important and needed club for our school, one that has never existed - The Black Culture club.
• I have tried to revive school spirit by spearheading a morning radio show run by students, guided by me.
• I have rewritten and helped choreograph a remix of a song for our department to perform this Friday at the yule assembly. We have had no rehearsals except with Emily (my goddess-send)
  
• I volunteered to be at the charity basketball game.
• I volunteered to chaperon the semi-formal.
• I have unmarked papers up the wazoo. They can populate a small forest.
• I have two classes of students blogs to read.
• I am slowly going crazy.

(Insert another deep breath here)

Time is running out, and we need to rehearse the song. I asked if we could get together on Sunday to do the major rehearsal for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Some said they could make it, a few others made some excuses as to why they couldn't. What they really meant was they don't want to. I wanted to roar.

I need to be fair to myself.

I have taken on too much. I feel like an acrobat swinging without a net, and I am solely responsible for putting myself in this position. I care too damn much about the students, and their high school experience. I should just go to work, put in my time, and collect my paycheck. Right?

Nope. I'm not like that.

This why I chose to redesign the traditional "hanged man" for today's Tarot. It's called, "Acrobat". A death defying act of fearlessness. See the calm look on his face? It is a card of giving, but also one of personal peril. The secret is in the balance. In the training. In the attitude. I am a novice aerialist, and I have much to learn. But my heart is in the right place, even if my feet are dangling many meters above safe ground. I need to fashion myself a safety net...

May your safety nets be strong. May your support system weather any circumstance. May you perform death-defying acts safely. May you find the balance necessary to navigate through life's challenges.

Blessed be :)