100th Post!

Woohooo! I made it to my 100th post! I never thought how much starting a blog would change my life, but it did.

It started as a solitary journey, a need to type out my thoughts and let them go into cyberspace. I had this growing desire to let my thoughts wander out of my head onto the web. Most of the time they went unread except by me, but it was alright. In the action was the reason. I wanted to put my voice out there.

There were months I published quite a few posts, and months when I hardly published anything at all.

Then through a series of fortunate events, I came upon Soul Coaching and decided to participate at the last minute. I didn't think I would have time to complete it, but I thought I would give it a try.

And I am glad I did. Going through the exercises taught me a lot about myself and has started me on a journey of awareness like I have not had before.

But more importantly, it allowed me to connect to a world of amazing people whose encouragement, advice, support and friendship have come to mean so much to me. My journey is no longer solitary. I reach out, and others reach back. I have become part of a community of souls that has filled my heart with hope.

Externally, my life has not changed that much. Yet. I live in the same home. I work at the same place. I deal with the same B.S. I am in a leadership position now, which has added to my stress exponentially.

All that is just the peel of the fruit. The juice and pulp have altered. I am transforming.

I have started and will complete my Tarot project which is the child of this journey. It was birthed through this process, and now has a voice of its own. Its own purpose and destiny.

I am identifying the things that fill me and the things that deplete me, and in so doing I am in the process of allocating them according importance and impact in my life.

I am aware of myself, and how I react to others. I am learning to stop blaming myself for others' decisions and actions. I am asserting myself more, not in an effort to control others, but in an effort to have integrity in what I believe in and who I am.

I was taught at a tender and early age to subjugate myself for others. That my feelings, my needs and my goals were not as important as anyone else's. That even in saying that they were, I was being selfish. This made me vulnerable. I was damaged, as person after person came into my life, took what he or she needed, and then left without a backward glance. Each time, I was left with a lower self-worth, half-broken. But I didn't break. I kept on. I tried to make others happy.

Now I know how sadly deluded I was. I cannot make anyone happy. I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness. That is not to say I can go around stomping on people and disregarding their feelings. It does mean however, that they cannot do that to me either.

I don't know if I am relaying how important this last realization is, but it's gigantic. It's liberating.

This is why I have chosen The Star for today's Tarot. It speaks of possibility. Of hope. Of being guided to a better today. This card is about the nourishment of dreaming. The integrity of vision. The belief that one's path is authentic and true. With this card, I am aware of my accomplishments, and of the road ahead. It is filled with light.

May the Star guide your steps to your soul's ease.

Blessed be :)