With Labs Like That, I'd Happily Grow Whiskers.

What a day it has been. A day of connections and surprises.

Today was my second day in the new position, and I spent most of it in a workshop. I had the opportunity to talk to and collaborate with people I hardly ever get to even greet. Yet, we work in the same factory we call School. It was enriching for that reason alone. We shared ideas and visions. I felt part of the greater whole, rather than a cog in an enormous mechanism.

This continued in my evening.

A friend hosted a Play Lab which was a safe place to express creativity. There were four other people there, who all happened to be women and people I have met before or have hung out with. All extraordinary in their own way. This took place in a space of magic, full of color and light. Full of potential. Danette took us through a series of "exercises" that were revealing of self, both individually and as a collective. There was no judgement, no scale of worth, but the sense of accomplishment was vital in each one. There were no set goals, no expectations, just expression.

This is what I learned today of myself. Something interesting. A momentous realization in a quiet way.

I have no problem sharing my ideas, my thoughts, my creations. I have a problem sharing my feelings.

I was not always this way. I once expressed pure joy and deep sadness, freely. I don't do that anymore. Not from the core of my being which sits back, unaffected, and observes.

I know exactly how and why this happened, yet I do not feel the panic or need to immediately change this way I am right now. At the moment, I need to be this way, but I know it cannot continue indefinitely. It's essential to my humanity that I crack this thick crust that protects me, and hatch out in my vulnerability again.

This will be highly difficult because in being vulnerable, one is susceptible to pain, but also, open to happiness.

I have made my world tiny, easy to control. In making it so, I have isolated myself, in a emotionally hygienic bubble. Or has the Universe done that for me, so that I may grow?

I acknowledge this. I accept it. It's is perfectly alright to be this way for now. It's a cocoon. A safe vessel in which I can restore, regenerate and prepare for my grand re-entrance into the world proper.

I am looking forward to more opportunities like the ones today, and I know I will get them, because that is what I need.

:)