Do you ever wake up in the morning, knowing you had some interesting dreams but cannot remember them? It's been happening a lot to me lately and it's a little bit frustrating.
I have had some adventure dreams, full of espionage and mystery. I have had dreams full of pathos when I have woken up sobbing. I have had ridiculous dreams that have made me laugh so hard in my sleep. I have had dreams so full of terror that I woke up in a cold and paranoid sweat. I have had dreams so full of love, that I regretted opening my eyes in the morning. I have had prophetic dreams.
Dreams are a wonderful gift. They are a release and an escape. Dreams are like little milestones, ways our brains work out the myriad of things that affect us during our waking, consciously and unconsciously. I want to be able to remember them again, but the fact remains, whether we do recall dreams or not, their healing benefits are still the same. So. I'm not sweating it, but it does make for a good story!
2008-09-26
2008-09-25
Dairy of a Porcupine.
Life is a work in progress.
Here I am bright and early. Up. Why? You might ask. I decided that going to the gym in the morning will be the most successful way of making it on a daily basis. The after-work routine was not working for me. There were a million reasons why I couldn't go and I wasn't going as regularly. This week, I started the morning routine and it's working a lot better.
You have to understand. I am as much a morning person, as I am a porcupine, but I am picking my quills off the bed and getting into the swing of things. I must. This is a resolution I plan on keeping for the rest of my life and it takes a steady commitment. I am not one of those gym fanatics, but I do enjoy beginning my day in reflection. It's a sweaty, sometimes crampy reflection, but a positive one nonetheless!
Last night, I went out with a group of ladies that I am working with or have worked with. Despite the fact that we have gone and will be going our separate ways, we get together once a month to reconnect. This is a sisterhood I am proud to be part of. This is a gathering of love and appreciation.
Life, especially in a city this big, can get bogged down by routine, enslaved by chore, and hampered by responsibility. This makes it easy for people to lose touch. I have lost so many people that were once a part of my life, making this monthly reunion even more precious. I cherish it, and am honored to be a part of it!
The Universe is continuing my journey of reconnection. It is flowing me down the next path of my life, and I am happily going along for the ride. Of course, it does require that I row vigorously when the current gets difficult, but I am up for the challenge!
Here I am bright and early. Up. Why? You might ask. I decided that going to the gym in the morning will be the most successful way of making it on a daily basis. The after-work routine was not working for me. There were a million reasons why I couldn't go and I wasn't going as regularly. This week, I started the morning routine and it's working a lot better.
You have to understand. I am as much a morning person, as I am a porcupine, but I am picking my quills off the bed and getting into the swing of things. I must. This is a resolution I plan on keeping for the rest of my life and it takes a steady commitment. I am not one of those gym fanatics, but I do enjoy beginning my day in reflection. It's a sweaty, sometimes crampy reflection, but a positive one nonetheless!
Last night, I went out with a group of ladies that I am working with or have worked with. Despite the fact that we have gone and will be going our separate ways, we get together once a month to reconnect. This is a sisterhood I am proud to be part of. This is a gathering of love and appreciation.
Life, especially in a city this big, can get bogged down by routine, enslaved by chore, and hampered by responsibility. This makes it easy for people to lose touch. I have lost so many people that were once a part of my life, making this monthly reunion even more precious. I cherish it, and am honored to be a part of it!
The Universe is continuing my journey of reconnection. It is flowing me down the next path of my life, and I am happily going along for the ride. Of course, it does require that I row vigorously when the current gets difficult, but I am up for the challenge!
2008-09-23
With Labs Like That, I'd Happily Grow Whiskers.
What a day it has been. A day of connections and surprises.
Today was my second day in the new position, and I spent most of it in a workshop. I had the opportunity to talk to and collaborate with people I hardly ever get to even greet. Yet, we work in the same factory we call School. It was enriching for that reason alone. We shared ideas and visions. I felt part of the greater whole, rather than a cog in an enormous mechanism.
This continued in my evening.
A friend hosted a Play Lab which was a safe place to express creativity. There were four other people there, who all happened to be women and people I have met before or have hung out with. All extraordinary in their own way. This took place in a space of magic, full of color and light. Full of potential. Danette took us through a series of "exercises" that were revealing of self, both individually and as a collective. There was no judgement, no scale of worth, but the sense of accomplishment was vital in each one. There were no set goals, no expectations, just expression.
This is what I learned today of myself. Something interesting. A momentous realization in a quiet way.
I have no problem sharing my ideas, my thoughts, my creations. I have a problem sharing my feelings.
I was not always this way. I once expressed pure joy and deep sadness, freely. I don't do that anymore. Not from the core of my being which sits back, unaffected, and observes.
I know exactly how and why this happened, yet I do not feel the panic or need to immediately change this way I am right now. At the moment, I need to be this way, but I know it cannot continue indefinitely. It's essential to my humanity that I crack this thick crust that protects me, and hatch out in my vulnerability again.
This will be highly difficult because in being vulnerable, one is susceptible to pain, but also, open to happiness.
I have made my world tiny, easy to control. In making it so, I have isolated myself, in a emotionally hygienic bubble. Or has the Universe done that for me, so that I may grow?
I acknowledge this. I accept it. It's is perfectly alright to be this way for now. It's a cocoon. A safe vessel in which I can restore, regenerate and prepare for my grand re-entrance into the world proper.
I am looking forward to more opportunities like the ones today, and I know I will get them, because that is what I need.
:)
Today was my second day in the new position, and I spent most of it in a workshop. I had the opportunity to talk to and collaborate with people I hardly ever get to even greet. Yet, we work in the same factory we call School. It was enriching for that reason alone. We shared ideas and visions. I felt part of the greater whole, rather than a cog in an enormous mechanism.
This continued in my evening.
A friend hosted a Play Lab which was a safe place to express creativity. There were four other people there, who all happened to be women and people I have met before or have hung out with. All extraordinary in their own way. This took place in a space of magic, full of color and light. Full of potential. Danette took us through a series of "exercises" that were revealing of self, both individually and as a collective. There was no judgement, no scale of worth, but the sense of accomplishment was vital in each one. There were no set goals, no expectations, just expression.
This is what I learned today of myself. Something interesting. A momentous realization in a quiet way.
I have no problem sharing my ideas, my thoughts, my creations. I have a problem sharing my feelings.
I was not always this way. I once expressed pure joy and deep sadness, freely. I don't do that anymore. Not from the core of my being which sits back, unaffected, and observes.
I know exactly how and why this happened, yet I do not feel the panic or need to immediately change this way I am right now. At the moment, I need to be this way, but I know it cannot continue indefinitely. It's essential to my humanity that I crack this thick crust that protects me, and hatch out in my vulnerability again.
This will be highly difficult because in being vulnerable, one is susceptible to pain, but also, open to happiness.
I have made my world tiny, easy to control. In making it so, I have isolated myself, in a emotionally hygienic bubble. Or has the Universe done that for me, so that I may grow?
I acknowledge this. I accept it. It's is perfectly alright to be this way for now. It's a cocoon. A safe vessel in which I can restore, regenerate and prepare for my grand re-entrance into the world proper.
I am looking forward to more opportunities like the ones today, and I know I will get them, because that is what I need.
:)
2008-09-22
Anticipation
One thing is certain.
Things change.
The crisp air of instinct takes over
even when the nights get longer.
The leaves turn
as do people's lives
turn.
The wood burns
in the fireplace
heating
as it turns
to ash.
The apple smell wafts
through times of subtle longing
memories of song.
The light, just slanting
coloring everything
differently.
There,
feel the expectation
as it cools the night air.
Footfalls
keep the walker company.
Along with her thoughts.
Taking a step.
Then another.
Breathing
in
the last flower.
As it succumbs to
the kiss
of Fall.
It's perfectly possible
to take it all
in.
Smell what the wind
brings.
Pumpkin seeds.
Scraps of costume.
The hush
of snow
will dust.
Covering the rust
of hot summer blush.
A moment
frozen.
Just so.
A sculpture.
Delicate.
Capturing the eye.
I
know.
Things change.
The crisp air of instinct takes over
even when the nights get longer.
The leaves turn
as do people's lives
turn.
The wood burns
in the fireplace
heating
as it turns
to ash.
The apple smell wafts
through times of subtle longing
memories of song.
The light, just slanting
coloring everything
differently.
There,
feel the expectation
as it cools the night air.
Footfalls
keep the walker company.
Along with her thoughts.
Taking a step.
Then another.
Breathing
in
the last flower.
As it succumbs to
the kiss
of Fall.
It's perfectly possible
to take it all
in.
Smell what the wind
brings.
Pumpkin seeds.
Scraps of costume.
The hush
of snow
will dust.
Covering the rust
of hot summer blush.
A moment
frozen.
Just so.
A sculpture.
Delicate.
Capturing the eye.
I
know.
2008-09-14
HTML
Yes I am starting to get a hang of the HTML. I'm not an expert by far but I can add links and embedded links to other sites! Whoo! :)
My next challenge is to learn to move pictures around on a post and to change the template.
SO many things to learn. But exciting!
My next challenge is to learn to move pictures around on a post and to change the template.
SO many things to learn. But exciting!
I have a friend
I have a friend.
Her name is Danette.
She is my inspiration.
The gentle nudge in
the right direction.
Her encouraging smile.
Her infectious laughter.
A halo of color that entices the eye.
A joie de vivre that you can't deny.
A woman whose vision is honest
and pure
The zest she embodies will surely endure.
Her name is Danette.
She is my inspiration.
The gentle nudge in
the right direction.
Her encouraging smile.
Her infectious laughter.
A halo of color that entices the eye.
A joie de vivre that you can't deny.
A woman whose vision is honest
and pure
The zest she embodies will surely endure.
Weeds
Here it is. Sunday. A lazy day. Yet my mind swirls in a most uncooperative fashion. I know it's full of "junk" because I have been sleeping badly. Sleep has overtaken me this weekend, and I let it. I had to catch up. Yet, the mind keeps working, smothered by vines of thought.
Money problems: I need to find a way to overcome them. They smother me. I need to visualize a 50K check in my future, that will afford me some freedom from the "paycheck to paycheck" existence. A book advance perhaps? On a book that has not yet been written. One that will be essential for everyone to read? Yes, that's the ticket. OHM!
Job interview tomorrow, for the head in my department: Do I have the qualities to do this job successfully? Hell, yes. I am organized. I have a vision. I know what I am doing. I am patient (mostly). I am honest and straightforward. Will this job enrich my life or bog it down with more junk to clog my brain? One thing is for sure, I trust my destiny to myself a hell of a lot more than I do in other people's hands.
My raging garden: I think, one morning I will not be able to get out of my house because the weeds and the plants will have sealed me in. I talked to a landscaper two weeks ago and he said he would get back to me this week. I have heard nothing. Maybe, he is caught in the weeds somewhere.
The health "care system": What an oxymoron if I ever saw one. Doctors are "firing" patients. Hospitals are nearly killing people in their care. Good luck finding a family doctor, nevermind finding one you can trust to care for you properly. They have become drug dispensers for the pharmaceutical companies, and when you walk in their door, the CHA-CHING is deafening. I can't rely on google for my diagnosis... I will stick to alternative medecine, because there is wisdom there, and the practitioners actually take the time to get to know you, and understand your issues.
I see a pattern. Where did I put my machete? I have some cutting down to do! :)
Money problems: I need to find a way to overcome them. They smother me. I need to visualize a 50K check in my future, that will afford me some freedom from the "paycheck to paycheck" existence. A book advance perhaps? On a book that has not yet been written. One that will be essential for everyone to read? Yes, that's the ticket. OHM!
Job interview tomorrow, for the head in my department: Do I have the qualities to do this job successfully? Hell, yes. I am organized. I have a vision. I know what I am doing. I am patient (mostly). I am honest and straightforward. Will this job enrich my life or bog it down with more junk to clog my brain? One thing is for sure, I trust my destiny to myself a hell of a lot more than I do in other people's hands.
My raging garden: I think, one morning I will not be able to get out of my house because the weeds and the plants will have sealed me in. I talked to a landscaper two weeks ago and he said he would get back to me this week. I have heard nothing. Maybe, he is caught in the weeds somewhere.
The health "care system": What an oxymoron if I ever saw one. Doctors are "firing" patients. Hospitals are nearly killing people in their care. Good luck finding a family doctor, nevermind finding one you can trust to care for you properly. They have become drug dispensers for the pharmaceutical companies, and when you walk in their door, the CHA-CHING is deafening. I can't rely on google for my diagnosis... I will stick to alternative medecine, because there is wisdom there, and the practitioners actually take the time to get to know you, and understand your issues.
I see a pattern. Where did I put my machete? I have some cutting down to do! :)
2008-09-02
The First Day
Labor Day is over, so let the labor begin.
I'm not going to complain. I had the summer off. I was able to map out my days any way I wanted or needed to. I can't say it was the best summer for me. I really need a vacation! I haven't had a real vacation in years and years.
Enough of that.
It's time to start on the right foot. So to remind myself, I am making some new year resolutions.
1- Stay positive. I know a lot of things will challenge this along the way, especially the Administration. the Board and all their politics, but I must stay focused on what really brings me satisfaction at work: the students, creating new lessons, successful lessons, my colleagues, the laughter.
2 - Continue going to the gym. I will be tired, and the devil in me will be making excuses why not to, but I will silence the mofo, and keep going!
3- Surround myself with positive people. I have given certain people a lot of chances, but they have been systematically eroding my psyche with their selfishness, so I will cut them loose, and be with people who build me up, not tear me down.
4- Choose healthy meals 90% of the time! I cannot be impractical. I will have junk food once in a while without guilt!
5- Find more outlets for my creativity, and not only in a self-fulfilling vacuum, but actually attempt to reach out to the world with it.
6- Smile. Laugh. Live in the moment.
Okay that's enough. It's ambitious but it is doable! If I achieve these goals, no, WHEN I achieve these goals, everything else will fall into place.
I'm not going to complain. I had the summer off. I was able to map out my days any way I wanted or needed to. I can't say it was the best summer for me. I really need a vacation! I haven't had a real vacation in years and years.
Enough of that.
It's time to start on the right foot. So to remind myself, I am making some new year resolutions.
1- Stay positive. I know a lot of things will challenge this along the way, especially the Administration. the Board and all their politics, but I must stay focused on what really brings me satisfaction at work: the students, creating new lessons, successful lessons, my colleagues, the laughter.
2 - Continue going to the gym. I will be tired, and the devil in me will be making excuses why not to, but I will silence the mofo, and keep going!
3- Surround myself with positive people. I have given certain people a lot of chances, but they have been systematically eroding my psyche with their selfishness, so I will cut them loose, and be with people who build me up, not tear me down.
4- Choose healthy meals 90% of the time! I cannot be impractical. I will have junk food once in a while without guilt!
5- Find more outlets for my creativity, and not only in a self-fulfilling vacuum, but actually attempt to reach out to the world with it.
6- Smile. Laugh. Live in the moment.
Okay that's enough. It's ambitious but it is doable! If I achieve these goals, no, WHEN I achieve these goals, everything else will fall into place.
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