It's official! I have taken on more than I can chew. Though some are involved in doing less like Magpie Girl, I am finding that I am drowning in all the things that need to get done. And there isn't anything I can take off my plate.
Meanwhile, laundry is piling up. I can only do rudimentary cleaning. My garden needs more work, my eaves trough is falling. I need help, and I have no money left over to hire people to help me.
The papers that need to be marked are stacked higher than the CN Tower. I have exams to vet. I have Professional Workshops to prepare. I have taken on two more books to write. There are two amazing online projects I have committed myself to. There are other workshops I want to take. I am taking Allison's Hooping Classes. I want to participate in Jamie Ridler's Time to Dream in Toronto. There are retirements, and functions, and awesome fun activities happening that require time and money.
The spirit is willing, but my body and finances are buckling.
When I have some time, I find myself so drained that I can barely lift myself up to do the things I love.
Such as blogging. Visiting my favorite blog friends. And there are a lot of you! What I'm trying to say is thank you for all your support and encouragement, well-wishes and advice. I might not have the time to leave comments like I used to, but I am thinking of you, and when I get a stolen moment or two I visit you. I am sorry I can't get to you as often as I did.
I love Wednesdays. Why? Because today our weaver of magic Jamie Ridler hosts Wishcasting! Today, Jamie asks,
"What frivolous treat do you wish for?"
This time I didn't have to think at all. I wish to take a holiday!
The last time I went on "vacation" was two years ago when I went to Perry Sound for my friend's wedding.
The last time I was on a plane was to go to Philly almost 10 years ago.
Really.
That won't do!
It's very hard making ends meet being single with a home on a fixed income. The bills keep piling up and the house always needs something done. A vacation has become the "frivolous" expense that has fallen by the wayside.
But really, a vacation shouldn't be a frivolous expense! People need to step away from their daily routines, their "real" lives, and explore other places, new experiences, exciting adventures. And not just in their heads. Travel rejuvenates. Travel expands. Travel enriches.
This weekend, a new little person came into the world. My friend gave birth to an absolutely gorgeous little baby boy, Tristan. He is perfect. :) I will have pictures at some point, but suffice it to say, he stole my heart the moment I got him in my arms.
And it's Monday, so it's time for a little dance. This video and song are very silly, but infectious.
Dancing yet? :)
I have very little time this morning because I will be running a week-long Photoshop unit; and I will be doing it at a school that is stingy with equipment.
Here is what's on the menu this week:
A Postcard.
An Ad.
A Book Jacket.
I made these three samples last night and will be showing students a step by step on how to recreate them, then give them a chance to make their own. This will be a fun week for all of us.
I have so much to do this week and my grading is piling up. Since all three classes are working on their final projects (only 3 weeks of classes left! YAY!), I hope to get some time during the day to put a dent on my marking load before I get more to grade.
Most employees work from sun to sun, but a teacher's work is never done! And I'm considering summer school... Does anyone have a straight jacket? :)
Jamie asks: "What is your highest self wishing for? What is rumbling in your soul?"
Today I thought I would combine two blog endeavors, so I let the questions stew while I was putting together the above composition for June Saville's Painting with No Mess or Expense project!
I didn't use MS Paint because it would not let me work with gradients. I kind of cheated and used PS; however, I only used shapes to put it together. I let my soul speak in primitive but fun ways!
And this is what it had to say:
I wish for my life to be enveloped by sunshine, happy nature, and gentle breezes. I wish to take the time to listen to the birds in the trees, and let my footsteps wander where they want to go. I wish to hold his hand and smile while we walk aimlessly with purpose through a life filled with inspiration, creativity and abundance.
I am typing this while feeling the aftereffects of gardening. My back is very sore today. So much so that I have taken the day off. But I won't let a little pain get me down. I soar in my soul's rumblings of joy.
Joy.
JOY!
Thank you so much to each and every one of you for coming to my little blog and leaving your words of wisdom, encouragement, support and friendship. Whether you comment or not, I feel your lovely energy, and it fills me with happiness. Blessed be! :)
Let's start this day on the right footing! With this video of a BBC Radio1 Live Lounge cover of Black Eyed Peas' "Boom Boom Pow" by Asher Roth. These guys are fun and talented "chaps". Crank it and get ready to shake your booty shaker.
Got your groove on? Yeah baby!
There is nothing like a day off to energize the spirit and restore the mind. I feel like a new person today. I took this weekend at my own pace, and it has brought sharply into focus how much I love my own pace. Stress? What stress? :)
I did kind of get lost, and and uncharacteristically forgot an important social engagement; but my friends, being the amazing people that they are, forgave my situational senility.
I was sorry to miss that special birthday event, but I purposely avoided others.
This weekend, I did a lot of soul-searching. I have reached a point in my life, where I won't do anything I can, not to be alone. In fact, I prefer being alone if the alternative means compromising myself.
I had the opportunity to see that in events that transpired over the weekend. Here is what I learned in avoiding those situations:
1. I don't want to constantly put myself in situations that make me feel awkward, uncomfortable, or an odd numbered wheel.
A friend and her husband invited some mutual friends to dinner. The only requirement for that invitation is that they be part of a couple. That's cool. I get the whole strength in numbers, let's pair up and get together thing. It's all good.
The problem with that scenario was, that I didn't know this was happening, until I met up with them to go to a movie later. I got to a packed theater, to find the couples all had settled down in pods of two leaving me to find a seat by myself. In other words, I went to the movies by myself.
Which is cool. I like going to the movies alone. But not when I am supposed to be going with friends. After the movie, (Star Trek - a second time for me, and I loved it AGAIN!), we convened in the lobby to discuss. As I stood there, amidst the couples grafted to each other, I started to feel like a ghost limb. So when I was asked to go to theirs for dessert, I politely declined.
Instead, I drove home with the music cranked up, and watched Benjamin Button. I was happy to be in my own company. I made pop corn and had some Fresca, and happily watched yet another awesome movie. I didn't once feel like a lesser person because there wasn't a man sitting next to me on the sofa.
2. I don't want to be pressured into impromptu therapy sessions disguised as socializing.
You think you are going over there for dinner, drinks, games or a movie but really what you're doing is consenting to dissection. What awaits is painful hours of being subjected to denigrating comments, and non-stop drivel.
If someone is in pain and needs a shoulder, I'm there. If they are overwhelmed and need help, I will volunteer. If they are lonely and feeling lost, I will take some goodies and visit them. If I know that's what I'm doing, I will do so voluntarily.
But what I won't do is get ambushed by soul suckers with their need to constantly analyze and be analyzed in a vortex trying to ingest me. No thanks. I would rather be alone than in their company. It's not they are evil; it's that they have confused friendship with patient-doctor sessions which I don't do.
3. I will no longer allow myself to be taken down by people who constantly break dates without calling or even acknowledging that they have done so.
I had made plans with a friend on Friday, and she not only did not show up, she didn't call. I called her to see if she was okay, on both her phones, and there was no answer, and she did not return my call. I would have worried except, when I was checking my email, I saw her little "friend" icon light up on my Yahoo email page. That and the fact that she has done this many times before. She makes plans and then doesn't follow through, and when I call, she doesn't pick up her phone. I've seen her ignore calls.
But I wasn't angry like I used to get. I shrugged off her self-absorption and went to visit another friend for tea and Ghost Whisperer.
When she did call two days later, I was in the shower. She left a message wanting to know if I wanted to hang out. No mention of Friday. It was as if she hadn't stood me up. I haven't returned her call. What's to talk about? I have been through this cycle before.
So I came to this freeing and final conclusion:
I have better things to do with my time. Like meet with friends who know how to value me as I value them. Who are there for me, as I am there for them. Who like me for who I am, as I like them for who they are.
And those are the people I want to spend time with. Otherwise, I am perfectly happy in my own company.
This engendered the following painting I made in PS, entitled, Venus Rising.
(click to enlarge)
I'm still dancing. I'm happy. It's Victoria Day. I have some gardening to do with an awesome friend. Life is good! :)
This morning, as I listen to the rain hitting my rooftop, I let myself wander through the soft spaces in my life. I sip my coffee, and let the taste linger. As the day stretches before me, left purposefully blank, without appointments or commitments, I let time breathe - gently and unhurried.
I woke up early this morning, knowing this day would have a different pace. It would build into a different snapshot of my life. Away from the madness of it all. I glory in the feeling that I can do as I please. Paint. Doodle. Write. Jump back under the covers and read my book. Away from "must" and "should". Away from "what if" and "could". Open to possibilities. Fluid in freedom.
My days are usually marked by sharp edges, and discordant sounds. I feel the intentions and the needs of others poking me in the ribs, the mind, the heart. Demanding attention. Demanding satisfaction. Demanding. My days are filled with noise and talking, talking, talking. Talking at me.
Some people have the overwhelming need to spill out everything from their mouths. Their every communication is a need for therapy.
Today, I hang my "Off Duty" sign. And, in silence, I let my fingers and hands do my talking.
I painted the above in PS as a gentle reminder to let the softness in me have its time. The colors are not as saturated as my usual style. The composition is not as busy. A woman walking barefoot in the gentle field as she spreads flower petals from her hands. I entitled it "sow" as a tribute to the adage.
Today I wish to reap gentleness, an unhurried sampling of life. Reveling in the moments that reveal their true self. I wish to savor these quiet moments, and let them blow in the gentle breeze, marking my footsteps.
The ever-amazing and inspiring Jamie Ridler has come up with some interesting questions for me to answer. Read her enlightening interview here! If you would like to be interviewed by me, I would love to design some questions for you! Here are the rules:
leave me a comment with your email address saying: “interview me”
I will e-mail you five questions of my choice
you can then answer the questions on your blog {with a link back to my blog}
you should also post these rules, along with an offer to interview anyone else who emails you, wanting to be interviewed
anyone who asks to be interviewed should be sent 5 questions to answer on their blog
it would be nice if the questions were individualized for each blogger
1. What were you like in public school?
I liked to write poetry and draw. Shocker there. :) LOL! My favorite time was recess and I was one of the last kids to straggle back inside. One time, we even got into HUGE trouble for lingering outside after the bell. I got the ruler to the hand quite a few times as I recall. :)
We loved to play make believe, and the unusual thing was that both girls and boys played. Our favorite scenario was "Superheroes" and I was almost always Wonder Woman, or Cat Woman. I had a crush on my teacher in grade 4. Oh my! I started early. :)
At home, my favorite pass time was reading and playing with my Mechano set. I'm afraid I mutilated all my Barbies. I cut their hair and dyed it pink and purple with my water colors. I was a young "punk"!
2. What song are you currently most likely to get caught singing along to?
That's a hard one. I love music. All kinds of music. I used to be an online DJ for three years so my collection is significant. I do find myself singing "Like a Virgin" on odd occasions from time to time, or "Skinny Marinky Dink". Yeah, I know. Weird :) A certain friend got me hooked on "Mother Lover" with Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg...*cough* Thanks Danette! :)
3. What's something you would do-over if you had a chance?
I would seriously not listen to my dad and go to Concordia and study Broadcast Media instead of going to McGill to study Literature and Psychology. My life would have taken a totally different direction.
4. On New Year's Eve 2010 what will you be celebrating?
Of course Jamie would include a wish-fulfillment question! That's why I love her :) I will be celebrating my new lucrative novel deal and my new relationship with a fabulous man. If you build it, they will come! :)
5. What's something you wish people knew about you?
Another difficult one. It's not like I am exactly mysterious. I am pretty transparent in my emotions and opinions. I wish people knew that despite my forcefulness, I am a softy at heart and would put my own needs aside for that of others. In fact, that is something I am trying to curb, as it hasn't been a very healthy practice for me. :)
Phew! That's it! Thanks Jamie! :) This was fun!
The wonderful Arty Em and I will be redoing the radio interview on blogtalk radio because the first one crashed and burned due to technical difficulties. If you are available this Monday at 9:30 am Eastern time, swing on by. You can check out the details here.
I am looking forward to interviewing those of you who wish it! :)
Jamie Ridler, our Leader in Dreams, Our Guide to Wishes, our own Fairy Godmother of Possibilities asks us this week,
Who do you wish to connect to?
I made this digital collage to encapsulate all the elements that I wish to connect to in this life. The central image is a woman leaping in dance, as I want to dance through the adventures of life.
I wish to connect to the life I am meant to live, not a life I am settling for.
I wish to connect with all the possibilities in this world; travel every nook and cranny; explore my imagination; and share it with the world.
I wish to connect with like-minded individuals in work, in play, in love, in creativity, in community, in life.
Often the word "authenticity" is bantered about like a flower petal in a the wind. Being authentic is hard work. Being authentic means being in the moment and experiencing the event of life as a whole being, not fragments of one.
This is true in everyday communications, and is the major reason I don't like "small talk". Small talk is intrusive and is meant to desperately avoid the silences we seek to avoid. Fill the air with babble to avoid what's going on in our heads. Silence is golden, and I will take it over any meaningless discussion any day.
A case in point. You're walking along at your place of business. A random person you hardly ever talk to is passing by:
"Good morning!" pipes said random person.
"Morning" you reply.
"How are you?" random person adds.
Now you might ask. "What's wrong with that Genie? Did someone piss in your cornflakes? The person just wants to know how you are!"
The problem is, that this question has been asked as the person now is several feet away from you in the opposite direction, back to back. Does this person really want to know how I am?
Here's another scenario:
"How was your Mother's Day?" Random cheery colleague asks you as you are desperately trying to prepare and print out documents for your first class.
You ponder for a split second. Being authentic is hard work. You answer, "Tough since I lost my mom last year."
Silence. "Oh." Pause.
Said random person is heard behind you asking the next person, "How was your Mother's Day?"
If at once you don't succeed, try and try again.
You might say I'm being difficult and a hard ass. You might say I am not playing nicely with my fellow creatures. You might say I am a roaring be-otch.
I am just being authentic.
The fact remains, if I don't care how someone's weekend was, or how they are, or why their face seems to be screwed up like a bolt in the wall, I won't ask. But when I have the time to look someone in the eye, and ask him/her, I will sit and listen to the reply. No matter what it is. I won't ask just to ask. I will accept what I hear with respect and honor the moment. Honor the person.
Sometimes, "How was your weekend?" can be a loaded question. And it's an invitation to communication, not an invitation to be asked how your weekend was, so you can inundate the person with the amazingness of your life. You are asking about them, not you. That, to me is living an authentic life. Plain and simple.
It's official! I have taken on more than I can chew. Though some are involved in doing less like Magpie Girl, I am finding that I am drowning in all the things that need to get done. And there isn't anything I can take off my plate.
