Abstracted

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So, I woke up at an indecent hour again today. I am wondering if this is going to be a new pattern in my life; if so, I am not liking it!

I was going to go over a list if things that might be bothering me and keeping me from having a good rest, but I didn't have the energy this morning. Instead, I painted the above in PS. Close to two hours and 12 layers later, I was satisfied with the result. I was playing with textures and colors and their relationship with each other, making some layers bolder than others. I have to say the colors make me happy. They are saturated goodness. I need color in my life right now, because when I look out the window at the greyness and haggard snow, I want to scream. :)

What I really need is a vacation to one of the places I mentioned a few posts down. Being a teacher, I am enslaved by the school calendar and I don't have the option to take a week or two when I need to. Before anyone even says that I should not complain because I get two months off in the summer, let me emphatically say, I am not crazy with two months off in the summer. It doesn't suit my lifestyle, and I am not even sure it suits many people's anymore.

It's an antiquated system based on a predominantly agricultural society. It's outdated. Working parents, who are not teachers and who cannot afford to take that chunk of time off, are stuck. They have to make arrangements for wads of cash usually, to make sure their kids are taken care of. Kids lose the plot over such a long period without schooling, and practically have to be retrained every September. It just doesn't make any sense.

It's pointless to discuss this I know, because changing the education system is harder than putting an elephant in a tutu and training him to do a pirouette.

I don't even have the cash to go on a trip right now. But soon...

I got an offer to write an educational text. That's good news, right? I guess. I'm not jumping for joy really. It will be extra money, which I need, but I feel like writing a textbook about as much as filling my mouth with root canals. :)

I should be grateful I am getting this opportunity. Right? And make the best of it. Right? It's an honor. Right?

Okay.

Yipee! (Fake it until you make it...)

I'm rambling. I know. I'm tired, and my alarm with be going off soon. Maybe I should take a nap. But I want to visit your blogs and say "hi!" especially after the disappearing followers fiasco! Yeesh. :)

I hope your day is a splendid one, and that all the elephants in your lives dance like sugar plum fairies. :)

Lost Followers? Oh No, You Didn't!

It came to my attention that I stopped following some of my dear blogs! I checked and found I was off everyone's follow list!

So I checked into things and I found this info!

I solved it by going into my Dashboard. On my follow list. I clicked Manage, and found I was "Anonymous" on all the blogs! I changed all of them to "Public". Now I am back!

So you didn't lose your followers. They are just tinkering with things at blogger.

Word

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Just when you had given up
thrown down that glove
had said “Enough!”

Just when one more
well meaning soul
says, “Time will tell."
You quell the urge
to tell them to
“Back off!”

You fall under a spell.
Threads that connect
Vein to blood
Heart to soul
Mind to laughter.

It’s an interstellar matter.

You yourself
would have scoffed
at those words.
so trite.

Laugh to yourself
and think,
“Well now who’s
right?”

And watch
your very feet
take flight

to parts
well-known
in dreams.

When once
you cried
alone
at night
because you
did not
believe.

The world
retrieves

the one
who takes
those tears
that water
your heart

and drinks them.

Sinks them
in the earth

a well of love
that grows
with them
to
new life.

Face it.

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Today is Sunday, a special day for many. They go to church or have family rituals, or celebrate Sacred Sunday. Sunday has always been a day of rest and reflection for me. My family were not church goers, and after having read many spiritual and religious texts, I decided I was not one for group rituals. And that's okay. :)

My morning Sunday ritual involves a cooked, healthy breakfast and Coronation Street. There is something very comforting about it, for me.

This morning, I changed things up a little. I played music and danced. I painted. I allowed thoughts to meander in and out of my consciousness, mulling over some, letting others go. While I was doing that, I painted the above in PS. It's a loose self-portrait. A face I have often drawn or sketched or painted. It's me, inside. It's the face I see sometimes in the mirror, when I am at peace with myself.

I am at peace with myself.

And the reflections continue.

I found myself thinking a lot about a couple of blog friends with whom I had become attached in a spiritual way, whose perspectives and journeys touched my heart and soul. They have since deleted their blogs, for good reasons of their own. But I miss them. I had to finally face it, and delete their blogs off my roll. That saddened me a bit. I won't lie. It's selfish. I know their reasons, both personal and compelling, are necessary for their growth and health; but I often wonder how they are. I send them my wishes of renewed health and energy, and wish them well.

It's awe-inspiring how close I have become to the wonderful people I have met through the blogosphere. How close I have come to you, and how invested I have become in your lives and your journey. You have come to mean a lot to me. You are an ever growing circle of love and light, even at times of struggle and pain. We have become a Tribe, and that is why when some leave to go on their Hero Quests, it leaves a little bit of a vacuum, like an empty seat at the table.

But that seat will always be waiting, when you are ready, when they are ready. There will always be a plate of love and acceptance.

What all this rumination is leading to is my absolute gratitude at your existence and how it has made my life better, brighter, more focused. Thank you :)

One day, I will individually tell you what you each mean to me, but for now, I send you blessings on this Sunday with the hope that you are well, healthy, happy and fully engaged in life. :)

Picnic Party!

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Today I invite all of you to a
Picnic!

Bring something fun with you!

• a favorite song that makes your body groove
• a delicious dish that makes your mouth water
• a marvelous link that makes your mind go AH!
• a great book that transports you to another realm
• an inspiring person who makes your soul do the happy dance
• an act of kindness that brings joy to the heart
• a funny joke that fills your lungs with laughter
• a fascinating video that makes your mind juices flow
• a piece of art that puts you in a reverie
• a thought that flows into your blood

And Share it with US!

Let's celebrate!

Whether it's hot or cold outside. Sunny or snowing. Let's take a moment and gather together and share our blessings, in a wonderful creative picnic.

I've got some bubbly and brownies.

And THIS!

Blessed BE! :)

No Place Like Home

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Today through Jamie's book club exploration of 12 Secret of Creative Women we are asked to explore and introduce our guides.

Before I go into the history of my guides, I have to acknowledge the most important guidance I am getting right now. And that is each and every one of YOU! Your stories, your explorations, your processes, your insights, your art has both inspired and light-ened my life in so many ways. Through your comments you have given selflessly of your support, encouragement and guidance; and for all this I am truly and deeply grateful.

Guidance often is this subtle whispering in our heads. It might wake us in the middle of the night with its constant nattering until we yield. Our spirit guides, our higher selves, our connections to the Universal whole are our constant companions.

When we are children, we are greatly attached and in tune with those. They speak to us more clearly before the cacophony of this world drowns them out. Before we are told there is no such thing as "imaginary friends". Before the supercilious voice of society starts to mock us and dictate our every move, we are in touch with that "magic" that guides us and comforts us. Then we walk around missing something greatly without knowing what, searching for something to replace it. Religion, philosophy, amusement, anything. But that void cannot be filled, because it is not there.

My guides never left me. I lost the ability to hear them. I lost my way. Like Dorothy, I was swept up by the whirlwind of this life and all its impositions and transported into a place that held enchantment and treachery. I cascaded in my quest to find the answers through religions, through books like I Ching, through tools like Tarot, through the Zen voices in the trees. And they have been helpful and trustworthy companions. They have been loyal guides who have taken me to other sources, and other theories. Yet, there was something inside me that cried.

Like Dorothy, I had the answer in me the whole time. The sparkling crystal-red shoes inside me, who have been pushing me to hear again. To see again. To feel again. My true guides. The ones who came with me into this world, and the ones who will help me leave it.

With our reunion, I have lost fear. I have lost that deep ache, that inconsolable sadness, that feeling of hopeless desperation. They have been replaced with a joy for every magical moment on this earth, a wisdom to accept the lessons this life has to teach me, and to let go of the pain, a humbling of my ego that was fed by this temporal world to believe it knows everything.

All these treasures lie inside of me, and beyond me but connected by the umbilical cord of the soul. The spirit connection to the mother Universe who speaks to us through wind, and water, through animals and crackling fire.

These are the treasures that lie inside of you. May you find them, and if you have found them, may you hold onto to them tightly and cherish them.

Because.

There is no place like home.


Blessed be :)

Wishes Go and Never Fear to Tread

I might be a day late but I am not a wish short!

Our Amazing Weaver of Wishes Jamie prompts us with the question "Where do you wish to go?"

I got stars in my eyes when I read this. Oh how delicious! Where do I not wish to go? So many places to choose from. So many travels to embark on!

1. I wish to go to Barcelona and luxuriate in the wonder that is Gaudi. The magic realism that infuses his architecture absolutely takes my breath away. I want to grab a glass of full-bodied red, and gaze and gaze and gaze.



2. I wish to go to China and walk upon its Great Wall, marveling at what it took to erect it, wondering who walked there before and what dreams they had.




3. I wish to go to my beloved Tuscany, the place where my dreams lie. I want to stroll through its fields, filled with sunflowers, and finally live my dream.




4. And since, I will be in the neighborhood, I wish to visit Florence with all her classic beauty and the treasures she holds. I want to be in her seductive presence.



5. I wish to travel to Japan and walk among it's cherry blossoms and mountains, soaking up their ancient wisdom and beauty.



6. I wish to sail along the fjords, and let my soul soar among them, let my eyes travel down its curvaceous course.



7. Finally, but not lastly, I wish to go to the place of my roots, and travel on the path of my ancestors, breathe their air, love their land, smile their dreams.




This wishing puts me in a happy reverie. A flying dream that carries me on its wings, fulfilled. :)

May all your wishes come true. :)

No Non-Sense

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The above is a digital painting/collage I made in PS. The backdrop has approximately 12 layers that I painted, and then I collaged the photo of the woman, like she is looking out the window. She is relaxed, yet there also seems to be a no-nonsense attitude about her.

I like that.

No nonsense.

My recent work with myself using Soul Coaching, and to a smaller extent 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women, has opened a new window in my life. I sit at it and gaze at the world from a different vantage point. Some things that used to get to me, make me smile now, because I observe them, removed from their impact. This is huge.

Some examples?

I walked into work yesterday, and I overheard a discussion between one of the Vice Principals and the Office Manager, and the gist of their conversation was very insulting and condescending towards teachers. In the past, that would have enraged me. I hate it when people demean each other. But this time, I was amused at them.

People who think they know it all are probably among the most naive. Nobody can know it all. We can't even know if what we know is even right. We perceive things as we know them, but are we perceiving correctly? Yes, that's right. I became philosophical instead of being embroiled. When I went upstairs to our office, I shared my amusement with others.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We had a meeting after school with the Administrators and the Heads of the Departments. Those meetings usually swing from tediousness to utter frustration. One of the Vice Principals announced that by June all the marks will be uploaded electronically, using a program called Mark Book. I asked if they are requiring that everyone use Mark Book to calculate their marks.

It was a simple yes or no question.

Of course, I didn't get such a simple answer. We got a lecture on why this program is God's gift to teachers; and sure we can just use it to upload but why take on that extra "layer" of work when this program is so spectacular; and then we got a long-winded analogy about knee problems that made no sense, and whose message was pretty much" some teachers are so dumb, they don't know a computer from a juicer". When they were done, I calmly asked, "So the answer to my question is...?"

Well that floored them. The Principal finally said. "Yes, the program can be used only to upload marks." There. That wasn't so difficult, was it?

Again I was really amused at their agendas. I personally am pretty savvy with computers and computer programs; and this program does not save time; nor does it calculate marks in the way I need them to, and am required to by the Ministry.

People's agendas are like pieces of toilet paper trailing behind them on their shoe. They are embarrassed when it is pointed out, because they hate others to know they have bodily functions. Or that they are full of shit. Whichever. It's funny. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My third and final example of the clarity that I have gained relates to people with "good intentions". You know those people. They dole out unsolicited advice like they have no issues in their lives, and they know all the nuances of what makes you. Kind of like they made you. So they diagnose you, and dissect you, and analyze you like they are the reincarnation of Freud.

They would really get under my skin. I hate being talked to like I am five years old. I don't even talk to five year olds that way. It would piss me off. I would reply in my head with, "Bitch please. Freud is dead and he has been debunked. Mind your own yard."

I still think that. I haven't become the Dalai Lama or some incarnation of a Saint. I have a potty mouth and mind. And my attitude is still in tact, thank you very much. The difference is, I don't get angry. I sort of smile and nod, and not listen to a word they are saying. Why waste my mental acuity on nonsense?

And there we have it.

Nonsense. The world is full of it. It gets expectorated through people's mouths, their agendas, the media. We are swimming in it. We can fight the current, and point out each and every incident like it's of dire consequence; or we can just sit on the shore under an umbrella and point and laugh.

I will point and laugh.

Leap!

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Every day is a leap into full potential. Each day seems more settled. More rounded. More... well more.

It's so wonderful not to apologize for who I am. Not to say "I know, but if". It's simply beyond liberating. It is a new life. A new exploration. A new lens. A new outlook.

This might seem elementary and obvious, but I spent a good part of my life, standing beside myself, apologizing for what I have said, or what I believe, or how I feel. Like a parent of a two year old, worrying that her child's actions reflects bad parenting, I would side with my accusers. And my accusers are simply people. People with different views of what is right and what is appropriate.

What makes them the experts? What makes them right? And not me?

Nothing.

Not a single thing.

Am I always right? Hell, no. I make mistakes. I am human. But they are my mistakes and not opportunities to be crucified at the temple of an other's judgement. And certainly not mistakes that warrant me being the High Priestess at my own execution.

I did that. But no more.

Now I leap.

I look at mistakes and say "Oops! I will do better next time. Or the time after that."

And I am doing better. I am leaping off the ground, away from my lead feet, and soaring into the realm of infinite possibility.

Because anything is possible.

And the view from above. Is. Spectacular.

Day of Love

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This is my entry for Mother Henna's Celebration of the heArt.

Arms open wide
Love the world
Heart full inside
Love yourself.
Love strangers
Love the strange
Open the love up
to it's full range.

Let love stream out
Let it stream in
Live the dream
of pure loving
Love isn't
fantasy
Love is real
Love can build up
Love can heal

Today is Love day
So open up
let all the love
fill your cup.

Valentine's has often been one of those holidays that used to remind me of things I didn't have. When I had a significant other, it was that he didn't remember or wasn't romantic enough; when I was alone, it would bring my loneliness sharply into focus.

Then something along the way changed. I can't pinpoint it to one thing. I started loving myself more. Appreciating life in general and all my blessings. I opened my eyes to the love I did have in my life, and the love I could give.

Valentine's is not just about getting flowers, a Hallmark card, and diamonds. It's about all the love in the world. For children and animals, for the earth itself, for life, for the Universe, for everyone who has suffered loss or illness.

Love is a gift of intention. The intention to send out a selfless part of ourselves and reach out without expectation and share it. Love is goodness.

That is the realization that liberated me from self-pity and doldrums.

So tonight, I am making myself a lovely dinner and I am watching my favorite romantic movies. I bought myself the good kind of chocolate, and I will light my candles, and be thankful for love.

I send my ♥ out to each and every one of you. May you be healthy and happy and know without a shadow of a doubt, that no matter what, you are loved!

Blessed be :)