Reality Insanity

I sit here in my office, staring out at the snow as it tumbles down in tufts for the first time this season. My coffee is warm and perfect. My house is quiet. Peace reigns inside and outside my head.

I have not fallen off the face of this planet. I have been cocooning, trying to restore my balance, my sense of direction, my stoicism. What I have been doing a lot of is reading and watching television - namely the Olympics and reality TV.

First, and foremost, I would like to especially thank Serena, Gemma, Judi, Rowena, Boho Mama, Shell, Steve, Tabby, Paula, Queen Muse, Rosebud, Tess (welcome!) and Cynthia (welcome back!) for your beautifully supportive and touching comments. All the best to you, my blogging friends. I have returned to blogland because of you. There was a time I thought of deleting my blog and leaving because I started to think I had nothing much to say worth sharing and because I have been a very poor blog pal indeed.

My news in a nutshell:

• My gluten-free diet has had several positive effects. I have gone down a dress size; I don't feel bloated with painful gas any more; my skin is clearing up. The most interesting part about all this is that it has not been a struggle to maintain. No falling off the wagon. No cravings that I can't overcome.

• I have now almost completely gone organic, especially with meat and dairy products. The hormones that have been fattening up the livestock, have been fattening me up. I figure it's worth a try, and since only good can come of it, there is nothing to lose, except a few extra dollars and hopefully a lot of extra pounds. And as the commercial says, I'm worth it. :)

• I have scrapped all my other projects in favor of writing about something that has truly preoccupied me which is the sad state of my profession. The preliminary title of my book is School Schmool, but that it bound to change. I will share some of it with you, welcoming your feedback.

• I have immersed myself in reality TV: Amazing Race, The Bachelor, Survivor, American Idol. There is something lurky and seedy about these shows that in my present state of mind, I crave. I have always been a student of human nature, my own and others'; and these shows provide me with infinite material. It is mostly this material that I will be sharing with you on my blog until the implosion of my personal life settles into something more inspiring. :)

Here are some of my preliminary thoughts on these shows:

Amazing Race is easily my favorite because not only does it take us around the world to experience things we probably never will, but it contains a lovely element of personal achievement. This season has an additional sweet spot, namely the inclusion of a couple who met and got together on Big Brother, Jeff and Jordan. I enjoy seeing them in circumstances diametrically opposed to those on BB. They have been doing quite well; not to mention they are genuinely cute together.

Survivor: Heroes versus Villains is really a misnomer. It is supremely difficult to win this game being a "hero". Strategy is all about blindsides and backstabbing. After all they must outwit, outplay, outlast. I have favorites from both those tribes, and am looking forward to seeing what happens.

The Bachelor is not a show I usually watch, and have not watched throughout. The whole concept is quite unsettling especially with contractual obligations to pretend to be "in love" or "falling for" multiple partners, ensuing in inevitable drama. The thing that got to me about this season is not the participants as much as the viewers and the media. You would have to live in a time-warped bubble not to notice how the tabloids, show hosts, and entertainment commentators have been shamelessly trashing one of the women of the show, Vienna. People have been saying and printing some very vicious statements about her; and having watched some of the show, I have to wonder what about her brings out the mean girl in so many. To repeat what they have been saying would be condoning it, so I won't but seriously do these people have any mirrors in their homes?

American Idol Season 9 is under way; and for the first time I have been watching it since the auditions. Though I had some early favorites, the first show with the 24 left me bored and repeatedly reaching for the remote, especially when I writhed with agony at the many pitch problems. Could the contestants even hear themselves? I watched as each of my favorites floundered through songs I would have not picked for them, and renditions that either puzzled me or left me in need of pain killers. I am cursed with perfect pitch. My ears were offended regularly by several of the women and men.

The one bright spot of the show? Ellen. She brings a ray of sunshine on the judges' panel which has been horribly nasty, and unproductively negative throughout the process. They laughed in people's faces during some of the auditions; and no matter how foolish and deluded those auditioning are, it does not excuse this rude and childish behavior on the part of the judges. The comments they were making on the first live show, while true, could have been tempered with some tact and humanity. In past seasons, I have always agreed with Simon's assessment, after all, the man knows the industry; but I found myself shaking my head at his comments on Tuesday's and Wednesday's shows. He has been particularly brutal. His eye might be projected into his X Factor future, but this is no way to act. He was however, not the only one with inappropriate commentary and behaviour. Kara DioGuardi's simpering and carrying on during contestant's Casey James' performance was just plain embarrassing.

Phew. What a long post! Stay tuned for more show commentary and snippets of the book I am writing. I will be coming around like a good blog neighbor to have some tea at your blog homes and eagerly read what you have been up to!

Cheers my beautiful friends. :) It's good to be back.

Choked and Punked

I would like to begin by thanking those of you who have been sending me your support and good thoughts. I feel your caring surrounding me like a warm summer breeze in the chill of the reality that has bitten me. I have been fighting the demons of bitterness and disappointment.

I lost the battle.

The teacher's union said they can do nothing for me. There is nothing they can do for me unless some "ism" has been violated. Otherwise principals have carte blanche to vilify and abuse us. To make matters worse, the union rep I contacted didn't have the decency to even reply to my email. I heard it through another teacher who works on a committee with her.

The whole system is corrupt.

The irony? I'm a good teacher, a thoughtful leader, a spokesperson for those who cannot or will not use their voices. If I had been a horrible teacher, a pedophile, a deviant, I would have gotten some representation.

I made a decision to look at the positive to any situation. I can safely say, the universe has been testing me. It has been a struggle for me to lift my head above the clouds of this situation and see the sunshine. My colleagues have been more than sympathetic and supportive, outraged even. This is a reality check we have all been served. No one is fooled about the principal's motivations in targeting me. The problem is it doesn't matter what we see or what we know. Her tyranny will remain unchecked.

I will focus on my kids, the ones I am really there for. I will be the best teacher I can be, for them. And the rest be damned.

Yes, my blogging has suffered, and I have disappeared. I will get back in the groove. I will come back fighting.

But for now, I will regroup. I will keep my shoulders above the stormy clouds and try to absorb the rays of sunlight. :)