The Battle Begins.

So another battle wages in my world. I didn't go looking for it but it came to my doorstep. That's not to say, that the choices were clear for me, but a choice had to be made. This battle is helping me learn some very valuable lessons.

I can't go into specific details yet, but suffice it to say the Gremlin Principal has launched an attack against me, for the simple reason that I will not be silenced. And rather than take it, the super hero in me is launching a counter attack. The union is becoming involved.

The first lesson I learned is that I will not prostrate myself blindly to tyranny. The second lesson I learned is that I have many allies. It is humbling to find so many people rallying around me, equally outraged and willing to fight the good fight.

For those of you who know me and have been reading my blog for a while, you know the kind of untenable situation we work in at a school plagued by dictatorial and incompetent leadership. Staff from all ranks and students alike have reached the saturation point; and this latest targeting of me has been the straw that broke the camel's back.

I'm not being targeted because I am not doing an outstanding job, or because I am not an expert in my field, or because I have not made a lot of positive changes, or because I have not created an environment of collegiality and communication. I'm being targeted because I am outspoken. And that, my friends, is unacceptable in a society that prides itself on equity, freedom of speech, and inclusiveness.

The very way our school is being run has caused bloody revolutions in countries, has caused sit-ins and protests, and United Nations interventions. None of these extreme measures will apply here, but a battle is being waged with the tools of a "civilized" society.

I had a choice. Swallow this bitter pill, say nothing, do nothing, and allow the Principal to continue along her draconian path. Or. Take up the banner, gather my troops, and march headlong into the fight for liberty, justice and pursuit of unfettered education.

It is my duty as an educator, a proponent of critical thinking, mindful living and responsible action, to model this behaviour. If I were to lie down and allow myself to be run over by the freight train that is the administration, I might as well quit my job and sell butt plugs. I would not be worthy to stand before the young and claim to guide them into adulthood. I would be a sham. And that is not who I am.

That is not who I am.

Fun for Fun

Rock2010 by Genie Sea

(click to enlarge)

I made this on Polyvore. I just played around a bit, without a plan or purpose. Just added images and words as I was scrolling through them. Made my mind blank and let my intuition play.

Happiness is doing things just for the joy of it. No reason. No purpose. Just fun. Like kids. We all like kids, don't we? We envy their abandon, their trust, their headlong leap into life. We need more of that in our adult lives.

There is a little bit of magic everywhere, and you don't really have to look to hard to find it. There are infinity possibilities for happiness everywhere. How exciting is that? :)

Gluten-Free for Me

I am on week two of my gluten-free existence. You would think it would be a hardship like most dietary restrictions, but it's not. At first, it was difficult trying to find substitutes for the yumminess that comes in gluten products such as whole grain breads which I love, but I have successfully navigated the substitutions and feel no loss.

It's been like a mini mystery, trying to discover all those hidden glutens that reside in foods like ice cream and oyster sauce; but I have been reading labels like they are the hottest best sellers. It doesn't help that I have also eliminated all soy products from my diet as well, and you would be surprised where soy resides. I have had to become more creative in my preparation of marinades using oyster juice, Tabasco sauce and sesame seed oil for my stir-fried meals.

But it's all worth it because less gluten equals smaller glutes. :)

And the results have been dramatic. The dry patches are disappearing from my skin. I don't feel bloated all the time. I don't get acid reflux all the time like I used to. I have more energy. I am sleeping better.

Fruit, vegetables and nuts have substituted other gluten-rich foods. I am eating more meals throughout the day, and make sure I have protein with each meal. I feel full faster, and stay full throughout the day.

Who would have thought that such innocuous substances could do such damage to my system and my well-being? Who could have thought that with some small changes, I could feel worlds better? And I haven't even started my new workout routine!

Fantastic! :)

Textology

Text from: xxx-xxx-xxxx

Genie says:

Hello. R U there?

Message Sent

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really like and appreciate technology.

I have almost all the Nintendo systems along with games, especially Zelda and Mario. I don't have a Wii... yet. I love playing a quest game that challenges my mind and my reflexes. I feel smarter when I play. Sometimes, I feel a little frustrated, but I know when to walk away. I know when to open a book, or get out my paints, or make a necklace.

I have a cell phone. I like being able to find a friend in a huge department store or at a theater using our cell phones. I like being able to text a friend when one or neither of us is available to talk, to connect; but I know when it's time to hear a voice, when it's time to talk, when it's time to turn the cell phone off, like when I'm driving. I know when it's time to leave the cell phone behind and take a walk or go for a coffee without being reached.

I spent 5 years in the online chatting world. I tried it all, from 2D IRC chat to 3D virtual reality chat. For many years, it absorbed me; it became my real life. I learned a lot about myself and others. It was quite the experience. I love Skype and the ability to talk to someone who is another continent away without the long distance charges. I love online social networking and the ability to connect with people I haven't talked to in years.

I love blogging. I love being able to throw my random thoughts out, and see where they settle. I love reading other people's thoughts, looking at their art, their crafts and pictures of their kids. I love being part of a global community. At the touch of my fingertips.

I love how technology has enhanced my life, but I am also aware of its dangers. It's easy to get caught up in things far away, or convenient at the expense of the immediate and inconvenient.

Today, I watched as student after student navigated the crammed hallways, head down, thumbs working, oblivious to the world around them. I had to tell five different students in my classes today to stop texting and to put their phones away. Three of them were texting during someone's presentation. Two girls got into a fight in school over something that was posted on someone's wall. I had to remind two students that they had 3 more days left before the finals, to stop talking about who they were following on twitter and focus on their essays.

More and more, I feel like I am losing them to technology, losing their focus, their attention span, their desire to learn something as archaic as reading between the lines or building a really good argument, or learning to spell and understand the word "archaic". I feel like I should gather their cell numbers and text them the lesson. Fifty characters at a time. We have class blogs, Facebook pages dedicated to novels, twitter accounts to deliver instructions. That's all very creative on our (read: teachers') part, but we have to be, in order to feed knowledge to our students byte by byte.

This idea scares me a bit. Especially when a colleague states at a meeting, "Why do we need to get books? They can read it online."

I see a future of exclusively plugged-in people, bumping into each other like drones on the street as they are fed "information" or entertainment (read: celebrity gossip), or music with lyrics about women's junk and getting shanked. I see a future with people losing the ability to communicate fully, to sit face to face over a coffee, chatting or just enjoying each other's presence. Students will take courses such as Textology, History of Chat, Social Networking etc...

Am I exaggerating? Is the fear talking? Am I getting outdated and being shortsighted? I don't know, but the idea of it becoming real scares the blinking modem out of me. :)

How do I Love Thee?

What do you call a cross between a romantic and a pragmatist? I don't know; but I am one of them.

I have had many discussions over the past few weeks with women about relationships. And some common themes keep coming up, over and over. Disappointment. Disillusionment. Disenchantment.

Here is the thing. I believe in love. In the truest sense of the word. I believe there is the perfect person for each person. Maybe there are multiple people for each person. The issue is, we have to find that person. That person has to find us. That's where luck, destiny, karma, whatever you want to call it comes into play. This belief makes me a romantic.

The problem is, many of us spend an inordinate amount of time, emotion, and commitment with those who aren't. We settle. We think we can make the best of the situation. We think we can change or change the other person. We bind ourselves in wrong relationships out of fear of being alone, fear of being a social failure because the pressures to be in a relationship are ridiculous. So, if our focus is on something that isn't working, how can we be present and available to discover something that will?

But can we leave it to chance? What if we never meet the one? What if we are destined to always be that single person in a sea of couples? What if that notion is pure crap?

So what? Does that mean we have to spend our lives being unhappy with ourselves, with living? Does that mean we compromise our very being not to be alone? Does that mean we have to make ourselves change to be with someone else? Or we have to fine-tune the other person so that he/she becomes who we want them to be?

If we cannot be who we are with the person we have chosen to share our lives with, if he or she cannot be themselves, then what's the point? Who are we? Who are we with? How can it work?

Bottom line. It can't. Being in a relationship should not be work. We should not be trying to make it work. It should be freeing, easy, uplifting.

Sure, in every relationship there is adjustment. Adjustment to the other person, his/her space, separate interests, perspective, other people in their lives and their lives before us. But that adjustment shouldn't be existentially painful. It shouldn't feel like we are hiding significant aspects of who we are. It shouldn't mean we have to be perfect, because perfection is relative.

It should be like a flower opening up to a bee.

Sure, every relationship has its challenges, its conflicts, its issues. We are human after all, and those arise whether we are in a relationship or not. We are not defined by the problems we encounter. We are defined in how we approach them. If our relationship creates problems, if we find ourselves facing the other like a combatant on the field, then how is this a nurturing relationship? Who is our ally in the conflict? Who do we talk to if not to the person with whom we are facing the challenge? If we can't work together, why are we even bothering?

A relationship should not make us feel inadequate. Should not make us feel like failures. It should allow us to love ourselves even more. It should allow our entities to embrace the other as he or she is. In our good days and our bad. It should be a breath of fresh air, not a labored gasp for oxygen.

Feeling Good

This song has been in my head for days now.... Written by Anthony Newley and Leslie Bricusse for the 1965 musical The Roar of the Greasepaint—the Smell of the Crowd. Performed here by Muse.

Sing along with me? :)




Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Reeds driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom in the tree
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all out havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when the day is done
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine
You know how I feel
Yeah freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me

And I'm feeling good

Yeah Baby!!!

Where is the Love?

One of the conscious changes I have decided to make is to have a more positive outlook on things and people that affect me on a daily basis. It might not change the way things are; but at the very least, it will change how I look at things, and how I react to them.

This is a lifelong habit that I have cultivated; so I have to be conscious of it, and make a focused effort to eliminate. It ain't easy. I find that I put myself in check so many times a day. Over the simplest things.

"Why all this stupid traffic? This is irritating." Check. Readjust. "I can't clear the traffic; but I love the song playing on the radio." I arrive singing, not peevish and irritated. A minor victory. :)

There's another thing I noticed in the process. I am not alone in the mire of negativity. It pops and crackles all around me. I see it in my students as they are embroiled in the mire of self-deprecation or criticism of each other. It can get nasty. I see it in my colleagues who are just as dissatisfied with our working environment as I am. Nothing seems to work right.

But in focusing on what goes wrong, what is wrong, we perpetuate it. We make it bigger than it is. We make it overwhelming.

On the other hand, if we focus on the positive, no matter how minor it seems, we perpetuate that. It becomes bigger. It glows. It overshadows the negative.

I smile at a student in the hallway. "Nice hat!" I say. The student smiles and takes it off. Further down the hallway, another teacher is yelling at a student for not taking off his hat. They get into a confrontation. It's a shit-storm. Over a hat.

It's all in the approach.

I was waiting in line to pay a traffic ticket. A long, messy, disgruntled line. I watched as person after person took their frustration out on the clerk. The interactions were like car wrecks. One after the other. The clerk's face became angrier and meaner, with every person in front of me. My turn approached. I was not happy standing in line, nor in the prospect of the waiting ahead of me. It was one of many lines that I would have to go in... I smiled at the clerk. I said, "Good afternoon." The turbulence cleared on her face and she smiled back.

Now, I would like to say that because of my smile I got my ticket paid off faster. That isn't the case. It turned out that while the office is open until 4:30 pm, you effectively waste your time going there unless you have secured an "audience" with the prosecutor before 12:30. The clerk did go out of her way to give me some valuable pointers, pointers she would have not shared had I been one of the clan of Crustoids that preceded me, and no doubt would follow.

I left the place without having achieved anything, but at least I left with my blood pressure in tact, a smile on my face, and the sunshine to accompany me home.

And in the end, isn't that all that matters?

There is an App for that...

So, I am in class. I am steadily going through students' essay outlines and paragraphs, while they work on a narrative poetry assignment. All is quiet. Everyone is uncharacteristically on task. Some are plugged into their iPhones because Jobs forbid they should go without. A student puts up his hand and asks me what rhymes with "work". Another student pipes up, "There's an app for that. It can tell you all the words that rhyme with any word."

"Great, I say. Is there an app that can help you cross the street? You will need that soon."

I mean come on people. Have we become so dependent on technology that we can't perform any task without it? We can't find a restaurant, or bake a cake, or go a minute without changing our status on Facebook or Twitter. Because, you know life would not be the same if we can't instantly find out that one of our friends is biting her nails, or about to dye his hair.

Thinking is so outdated anyway.

I can't tell you the amount of times I have had to sit and watch as someone blathered on their cell phone during dinner, or having a coffee. Cooper forbid we should go through a whole dinner or a coffee without being reached. Who cares about the person we are with? Why aren't they on their mobile phones?

Like really.

I have observed couples on a date sitting across from each other, porcelain plates, silver cutlery, linen, candles, the works between them while they each jabber on their phone.

Yeah. Romantic.

People walk down the street or onto buses or stand in lines yammering to their phones. Treating everyone to the mundane details of their lives, and then give others dirty looks if they happen to overhear. Maybe we should go spontaneously deaf in public so they can have their privacy.

Maybe there's an app that will simulate a mate or a friend and we can do without the face-to-face interactions altogether. :)

Chronicles of Change

All good things come to those who change. Once the decision has been made, there are several processes that need to happen. Visualization of the change is necessary, but so are the practical things that can bring it to fruition. One must research and study, and then prepare the necessary tools. It also takes courage and an iron will to leave behind habits of being that have not been working.

Then comes the slow and steady application of the visualizations, research and preparations. In other words, action.

These are the chronicles of my change:

Professionally, I have decided to remove myself emotionally from the many failures of the system in which I work. In letting go of the things that are not in my control, I am free to focus on the things that are. I am free to focus on the fun in my profession not the frustrations.

Personally, I have been speaking up to the people in my life who have thus far marginalized me. I don't keep silent out of politeness, anymore. I don't grumble to others about it. I just tell them what I find acceptable and what I don't. Bottom line. I don't want to spend any more time trying to keep people in my life who don't respect my time or my company. I have people who do; I'll focus on them.

Physically, I am in the process of changing my diet. I call it a process because there is a huge learning curve here. The first thing off the menu is gluten; and so many things contain gluten. Things that are prepared gluten-free are very expensive which means I need to make the foods I used to buy. Like bread or bread products. I need to change the way I prepare my meals. I have to be conscious of everything that's in every forkful of food I eat.

I am swimming in a huge kaleidoscope of changes. It can seem daunting; but I am excited. Yes, excited because the things that are not working are not worth keeping. It clears the way for things that do.

Drop It

Fresh starts aren't just about goals and resolutions. Fresh starts are also about a new way of looking at things, a new way of reacting.

When we clean and declutter, we make decisions about what is worth keeping and what needs to be thrown away. Sometimes, the things that we hold onto for dear life - habits, reactions, beliefs, mementos - are things that hold us back. Sometimes, we have to grit our teeth, take a deep breath, and toss, toss, toss.

See Genie Toss...

Tossing away past hurts and grudges. They serve no purpose, except keep me in a bitter soup.

Tossing away past judgements and preconceptions. Life has moved on. It's a different moment in time. I will look on the world like a new born.

Tossing away things that caused me pain. Holding onto them is holding on to pain.

Today, a stone-faced Vice Principal who will never look me in the eye when I talk to her, summarily vetoed the changes I made to my department timetables. Changes that she said I could make. Changes that would give more teachers courses they want to teach. Changes that would put fewer teachers in two departments. Changes that would allow teachers to teach in the same room instead of rushing from one end of the school to the other. Changes that took me hours and hours of discussions, consultations, and paperwork to make.

Why did she do this? Because she can.

Because she can.

I will not put myself in that position any longer. I care about my teachers, about my students, about my profession. I will not be a puppet on the string of incompetent, uncaring, vindictive, power-hungry individuals. Individuals who do not care about teachers, or students, or this profession.

I am dropping it. I put in a good fight. I made a difference. I made things better.

Of this I am proud.

It's as far as I can go in this environment. Now is the time to focus on things I can change. Now is the time to make a difference in smaller scales, in areas where I am allowed to affect change, and screw those "running" the school (to the ground).

Now is the time for me to focus on the things that bring Genie joy, not heartache, not disappointment, not frustration, not pain.

I feel lighter already. :)

Date with Myself

Yesterday, I decided to take myself out on a date. Fresh from a whirlwind of holiday festivities, I wanted some downtime with myself.

So I dolled myself up, and took myself to the movies!

I found the best parking spot, closest to the theater which was amazing as it was like a thousand degrees below zero. I got a ticket to the movie which was lucky as I went to see Avatar which has been selling out consistently since it was released.

The lineup for pop corn was small and speedy, and I found my absolute favorite drink - Glaceau Vitamin Water - XXX flavor which is oxygenated water with acai, blueberry and pomegranite juices. It's like liquid, healthy candy!

In the theater, I got the perfect seat, and despite the fact that the theater was packed, somehow the seats on either side of me remained unoccupied. Lady luck went out on the date with me last night!

And the movie?

Absolutely, breathtakingly magical 3D. It was clever, visually stunning, emotionally compelling and absolutely captivating. The final fight scene was a bit drawn out, but I have little patience for fight scenes... There I was, watching a brilliant movie, munching on buttery popcorn (they use real butter!) and downing my liquid heaven. I didn't even notice that almost 3 hours passed.

After the movie, I popped over to the Imperial Buffet and got myself some take-out Chinese food, focusing on the healthier choices, and went back home. I don't like eating out alone.

I got back to my warm cozy home, doled out the food on a plate, poured myself some wine, lit the candles, and popped in a CD. Very romantic dinner for one.

And do you know that the whole time, I did not experience even one moment of loneliness? Do I want to have a similar experience with a special man? Of course, I do! But, I spent the evening with someone special - me. And what a wonderful night it was! :)

Dinner Table

We had an interesting discussion at the dinner table.

First of all, may I say how great it is to gather with others around a dinner table and talk? I don't have that in my daily life. If I have dinner, I usually have it alone. Now, before you feel sorry for me, there is nothing sad about it. It's a fact of my life at present. It makes all the times I gather with others that much more special. I don't take them for granted.

The table was brimming with food. I was sitting with my adopted family not by blood or by marriage. A family by friendship. A family, I might not be with at all times, but a family I love. Dinner was pretty much over, yet we still sat at the table. Some were playing trivial pursuit, others of us were just talking and laughing.

The discussion turned to the new year and to the old one. Some of us saw MTV's top 9 in 09 on TV, and we were very struck by the people on the list. It's very telling.

Did you know that Miley Cyrus cancelled her twitter account? Do you care? I know, I don't. But what did strike me was that so many people did. Enough to make the list at number 9. That boggled my mind. That some are that invested in the minute details of someone's life. Someone's young life that involves a liking for corn dogs, and dying her hair. Captivating stuff, no?

That wasn't the only thing that made our heads spin. Sacha Baron Cohen aka Ali G. aka Brüno, who was a presenter for the MTV Movie Awards, dressed like an angel with butt out, flew all over and landed butt to face on Eminem. It was staged, but Eminem played his outraged part enough to capture everyone's attention at number 8. What a brilliant way to get back into the public eye after being away from it for a while.

Lady Gaga made it at number 7. Nuff said. New Moon continued the Twilight saga with the very timely questions about its stars' (Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson) possible relationship off stage. Anything to fuel the fires of the Twilight craze that has infected so many. Cha ching baby.

Tiger Woods made it at number 6 with his intensely personal problems. Seriously people? Butt out. Sorry Brüno, nothing to do with your fashion sense.

Then we have number four -President Obama. Number four? Nothing against the talented and business savvy people on this list thus far, but they are not even in his league. He represents a history. He represents future hope and possibility. He represents progress. But this is the MTV list, and well, we must always consider the source. This sparked much discussion in our group. Who would come after him? Who could possibly top Obama?

Well here is your answer. Kanye West came in at number 3 with his classless interruption of Taylor Swift's acceptance of an MTV Music Award to loudly and rudely state that Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time. He topped Obama. So did Chris Brown's assault on Rihanna at number two.

Two people, not at their finest hours topped an icon.

Hmm.

Number one went to Michael Jackson, whom I adore and would put on any number one list; but I remember not so long ago, he was a pariah. People and the media did not have good things to say about him. He was guilty whether proven or not. I had gotten into several arguments in the past, with people who had very nasty things to say about him. He died, tragically too soon, and unnecessarily. That affected a lot of us, but the least the media could do was acknowledge their change in tune.

Discussion veered to the internet and people's obsession with it. Some had a very negative perspective on social networking via the net, others see it as a way to make connections. Certainly one must be cautious in what personal information one divulges because we never really know who's reading. But there is risk in every human interaction. Hearts can be broken. Ideas can be stolen. Feelings can be bruised. Reputations can be ruined. But to operate from a negative perspective solves nothing; it does shrink one's world and outlook, however.

I prefer the horizon of human experience. Armed with common sense, and humor, one can navigate past the ridiculous and find the sublime.

Yeah. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. :)

The Goal not the Goal Post

Welcome to Twenty Ten!

It's 1:30 am, and I have just returned home from a quiet, relaxing evening with friends, and my godson, 7 month old Tristan.

I loved being out late tonight, because I witnessed a spectacular evening.

The moon is full and beautiful, the first full moon of 2010; and it has been drizzling all night. These two natural phenomena have caused the ground to sparkle like a myriad of diamond slivers, and the sky to glow. It's a magical night, to be sure. It's a night filled with promise. A great omen indeed.

This year, I open, not with resolutions or words; I open with goals. Some, I will keep to myself, not as a mystery but as precious promise to me, undiluted by not letting it go out into the world. Yet.

There are a few goals I do wish to share, however.

The first goal is to finish the text that will accompany my Tarot deck. It's been fermenting in my mind for some time now, writing itself in my head, so to speak; it's time for it to come out. :)

The second goal is to start and complete a new art project. Yes, I will be taking it to paper. It's a series of sketches entitled The Genie in the Sea. They will each be accompanied by a poetic prose. More on that later. :)

My third goal is to blog more.

My blogging has fallen a bit by the wayside, partly because I have been busy, but mostly because, I felt I had nothing really to say. Nothing new anyway. I realize that might be somewhat of a skewed perception on my part, and a bit of performance anxiety. I did feel however, bereft of direction in the blogging world.

It's a new year now, with fresh possibilities. We have universal permission to let go of the past and start anew.

The first thing I would like to eliminate is pressure, external and internal. It's time to unshackle myself from unrealistic and impossible expectations, and bask in the freedom that I have to do as I please. It's a luxury. I am well aware of it. One that I am immensely grateful for, one that I do not wish to squander.

In blogging regularly, I maintain a contact not only with others, but with myself. A self-reflection that I share with others. It will be the sharing that adds a certain ingredient to the telling of the tale. We all know tales are meant to be told, not kept in locked boxes.

Whether it be an observation I have made in the course of the day, that makes my mind churn, or whether it is a report on my progress through my goals, I need to make this daily date with myself to write. To write as if no one is reading. To write because I must. Because writing has always been a part of me. Because the spoken word can be careless, can drift aimlessly in the air and be lost. Because without writing there is silence. And the time for silence has not come yet, for me.

These are my first thoughts of 2010. And they are here. In black and white.

It's going to be a great year. Of this I am sure. Happy New Year! :)