Go is the New Stop

In everyday life, we are inundated with all the things we should stop. The voice is stern and judgementally harsh. Stop. Don't. Cease.

Well I say, GO!

Go on being your fabulous self.

Go out on a limb and be, do, try. Even when you think you can't.

Go into the spaces and breaths of the moment. Sit. Enjoy. Experience.

Go over the things that bothered you, and let them sit for tea, then let them go their way.

Go with your gut instinct. Accept her. She is wise and never second-guesses herself.

Go under the radar of other people's expectations and requirements. Release yourself from them.

Go along your merry way, and sing a happy tune.

Go where you have never gone before and take your captain's log with you!

And most importantly! Go on and Move! :)

And since it's Wednesday! That means it's Wishcasting time over at Jamie Ridler's Studios! Today Jamie asks,

What do you wish to share?

How fortuitous because I want to share the momentum of GO! :)

Baby steps

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Do you like children? Well, if you do, the following statement will definitely hold true: all children are beautiful.

Their eyes, huge with curiosity and sparkling with their personality, right there on the surface, draw you in. Their smiles, huge, gap-toothed sometimes, sometimes crooked, are easy, fearless, without self-consciousness. Their bodies jump and dance and run with abandon, like no one is looking, and even if they are, it doesn't matter to them.

We were those children once. We took in life with total joy and acceptance. With unconditional excitement. With a boundless need to know why.

Yet. Somewhere along the way. From there to here, some of us closed up. Broke down. Lost our way.

Our eyes became guarded. Our smiles restricted. Our movement cautious. We became bogged down with judgement. With fear.

Joy came with conditions.

Why?

Why can we not dance like children? Laugh until our bellies ache? Be secure in our beauty without deliberation, without second guessing ourselves.

There is no earthly reason not to. Yet we tremble at the thought of being judged not worthy. Not good enough.

Yet, just a few baby steps away, there we were. Totally ourselves and loving it. Like the girl in my painting above.

It's time. It's time to unclog our souls from all the garbage it has accumulated and dance like no one is watching, and if they are, it doesn't matter. :)

Nothing Comes from Nothing

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The incomparable Jamie Ridler is nourishing us with The Joy Diet by Martha Beck. And I couldn't stay away even if I wanted to... :)

This week was dedicated to nothing.

The above Vision Card that I made pretty much depicts how well that went for me.

Not so much.

Yet, still. Greatly!

It wasn't for lack of trying, that's for sure. When I finally was able to set some time from my hectic and stressful days to sit and quietly do nothing. Without any stimulations whatsoever. Trying to push away the myriads of things milling in my head, I fell asleep.

Totally, passed out.

I succeeded for about 5 minutes this week. When a slice of heavenly nothing let me float in it, away from all the nagging worries and meaningless concerns that crowd my day.

It was beautiful.

Short but sweet.

But here is the clincher. And it's a huge one folks.

For the first time in my life, I did not berate myself for not having achieved my goal!

I did not shake my head at myself, or point any fingers in my direction.

Nothing.

I accepted that I did what I could, and that I was so exhausted that sleep had to take precedence over nothing.

So nothing was not achieved, but something great happened.

Instead of the critic, I heard the dulcet tones of nothing.

I am very interested to see what others have achieved or maybe more importantly, haven't! :)

Destination: Haiku

Danette Relic over at The Drawing Board has started a fantastic new creative catalyst called

Self-Expression Springboard.

Every Thursday, Danette will be giving us creative prompts to work with.

This week, Danette has given us the following writing prompts:

What do the following people or things need to know about you?

your dentist

your bed

your custom shoe maker

your garden

your new neighbour

your pet

your therapist or coach

the person next to you on a bus or plane

your bartender

I am going with a series of haikus:

A Hollywood smile

Without Hollywood money

Or Hollywood clout.

Your soft warm embrace

Egyptian cotton kisses

My portal to dreams.

Arches high, feet wide

Most shoes are not made for me.

Men's boots I purchased.

Once a thick jungle

You have opened up again

To welcome me in.

Pregnant with money

Meet childless with not much cash

Worlds can coexist.

Your furry Highness

My soul companion for years

To you I'm grateful.

Though I might struggle

I am not taken by fear

To see things anew.

We share this travel

We might share the same space

Do not sleep on me.

Keep the drinks coming

Tonight I am not driving

I want to forget.

This was fun and challenging!

Taking everything I have to say about each subject and condensing it to 17 syllables, is not easy task but a rewarding one nonetheless! :)

The Luxury of Time

It's been a while since I have participated in Jamie Ridler's Wishcasting Wednesdays , but today is a good day to start this amazingly positive practice again! This week Jamie asks,

"What luxury do yo wish for?"

That was easy.... I wish for the luxury of time and freedom.

Time to spend as I wish, free from financial worry so that I may do what I wish.

To write.

To create.

To travel.

To explore.

To experience.

Free from the shackles of the everyday.

To reach out to those in need of inspiration, help, encouragement.

To create my own school. A school not just for the wealthy but a school open to all. One that will be an environment of learning, experience and creativity. Filled with dedicated and creative teachers. Where physical education is about Dance, Tai Chi, Nia, Yoga and Meditation. Where guest speakers from all walks of life are invited to share of their experiences. Where imagination is fostered not frowned upon. Where resources are shared not hogged under lock and key.

That is my wish. :)

Etches of Light

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I entitled the above Lumination. I wanted to etch out light from a dark canvas and let it ripple through into image and color. I created this intuitively without a solid idea of what I was going to create. Just a feather of a concept that tickled its way onto the surface.

It's symbolic of what I am trying to do in my life. Let the light pour through the cracks in the darkness that surrounded me. Let the darkness recede so that I might see the colors, the textures and the beauty of life.

Today is going to be a good day.

There, I said it.

I need to start every day on the right foot and keep moving in the right direction. As I move out from under the stark cloak that covered me in the past month, I make a commitment to allow the moments of joy to peek through.

It's been hard going to work. Getting up in the morning and finding a reason for doing so. I focus on the kids. On their needs. And there are many beyond even those that I can perceive. I have decided to leave the adults to their own devices. Their neediness is becoming a little bit pathetic and I do not want to feed it.

I create a daily mantra. A daily manifesto for myself to get me through this tunnel until I can see more clearly.

Every day is a step closer.

To the light. :)

I Send You Love

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Dappled by the sun

Kissed by the breeze

You have given me

shining memories.

In your warmth I bask

When people

try to break me

your lovely spirits

take me

far beyond the gloom

and like the flower

bloom.

I shed troubles bleak

no longer think I'm weak

your words,

are prism streaks

that soar above the peaks

and glow like living seeds

in the beautiful sun's light.

Genie Sea

I dedicate this poem to all of you, and the wonderful words of encouragement and support that have watered me in my time of need. I thank you!

I will come visiting your blogs this weekend when my mind is not saturated with the unnecessary. :)

One Woman's Jungle

I have often written about the Amazon Jungle I had growing around my home. I don't think you can believe it until you see it. The following photos are those of my front yard...

This was the view of my "garden" from my porch...
I am sure there were several small creatures living in there...

This was the view at street level. The weeds were as tall as me. I was convinced people thought a wicked witch lived at my house. Complete with cauldron in which to boil kids!

This is what my front garden looks like now...

The view from my porch...
They rounded up some near-extinct species which now reside at the Toronto zoo... :)

From street level, you can actually see my home. The Japanese pine will be planted tomorrow, along with some winter heather that I bought. Now you can actually walk up to my house without getting attacked by weeds or hidden creatures... :)


Underneath the coastal stone and the cedar mulch, the garden is double-tarped to prevent weeds from growing next year to the extent that they did for the past two years. I will be planting some more flowers in the rear bed next spring... :)

Now on to the backyard Rain Forest...


This was supposedly my "parking pad" and entrance to my garden.... Before.

And after.

This is the first thing you encountered when you walked in.
The shiny thing in the foliage is not a unicorn as I previously thought, but my small patio set...

That you can see now... Along with the crab apple tree in the back.
Don't worry though. The bear was returned to his natural habitat :)

In the foreground you can see the Sumach sapling... One of many that was growing.
The Sumach is a weed that can become a full fledged tree in one summer.
Among all this craziness was my other patio set...

That you can now see.


My flagstone path was buried.
In crazy greenery...

But now is an open pallet for next year's planting. The possibilities are endless!
It might look sparse right now, but at least I can see my garden and begin to shape it into an environment of peaceful tranquility and joyful gathering.

So much to look forward to!

My garden saga was not an easy one. I had to "audition" several people for the job and got quotes ranging from 2500 to 4500. I was appalled! I managed to get everything done, including the materials for 1600. Not bad at all! Tomorrow the backyard will be tarped as well so that those pesky weeds do not stifle my flowers again!

Please Claim Your Own Baggage

As September rolls in, so do I.

It's been a ride full of turbulence. I hit some craters in the road. Some terrifying dips in energy and focus. I lost my road map. I plodded through. One step in front of the other one.

Time to reassess. Focus. Shed.

I didn't get much accomplished, except my garden which is about to be completed in the next couple of days. Photos will ensue.

I slept a lot. I retreated from the outside world for the most part. I spent my nights blogging on Big Brother feeds to help out a friend. Focusing on someone else's problems and issues helped me sort out mine. In order of importance.

After a rocky beginning to the school year, and a head-on collision with other people's demands, needs, expectations, requirements, suggestions, I came to the conclusion, that now is the time to focus on myself.

I spent most of my life accommodating others. I gave and gave and gave, until there was nothing left to give. Now, the only thing I can give is my experience. My journey.

My goal for this month is "Do not sweat other people's small stuff."

There are people in life who demand that you take on their issues, their needs, their demands as your own. When in reality, there is nothing that could be worse for you.

This is the lesson I learned at the beginning of this month.

• One woman at work literally screamed at me because she did not like the desk she was assigned. Given the fact that there are more bodies than desks at the moment, this was an untenable situation. Yet, she got her own desk. She did not like it. She demanded the desk she wanted.
• One man at work lost it during our meeting because we are proposing a reorganization of the curriculum under themes so that there is a more balanced and unified distribution of the texts. He wants the texts that he likes in the grades that he likes to teach which are only 11 and 12 University classes.
• Another man demanded that one computer (out of 3 for 25 people to use) be set aside for him to use whenever he wants. He is too cheap to buy himself a laptop...

Here's what I have to say to that. You can't get everything you want in life, and I'm not a miracle worker.

I came to this conclusion after teetering on the edge of a breakdown. My nerves were shot because of other people's unreasonable demands. And that would serve what purpose?

Would my nervous breakdown get them what they want? Not a chance. The only thing it would do is leave me broken.

And I refuse to break.

I have come close this summer. My spirit and body broke down. My mind blanked out. I went into survival mode in August. I was a walking, talking, breathing zombie. And there is no surprise in that. The recipe required it. In the past three years, I had a horrific break-up, I lost both my parents, I took on a high-stress job in an untenable school, and I worked 11 out of the 12 months.

The fact that I am here today, and semi-coherent, is nothing short of a miracle.

So when these demands started coming in, loudly, obnoxiously, and selfishly, I found myself at a fork in the road.

To the right was a disastrous plummet of my own demise, as I would continue to cater to everyone else's expectations.

To the left was a road less traveled. One where I would navigate my own expectations.

It might be a solitary journey, but I have taken the latter road. And as I navigate this journey of what Genie needs, I will learn something new. Every single day.