Come Get Your Love :)

Happy Holidays my dear ones! :)

The hectic part of the holidays is over! Whoop! The preparations continue. With holiday tunes playing, and a mug of coffee with Bailey's, I will wrap the gifts and ponder my blessings, which are many.

My thoughts turn to the lovely friends I have made in the blogging world, and because I won't have time before Yule to visit all my favorite blogs and send them love, I will do so here, and in no particular order.

• Dear Tracy from your lovely land of Seaside Enchantment, may the holidays wrap you in the love of your wonderful husband and your lovely children; and may their love carry you through the fantastic years to come. Thank you for bringing the simple enchantment into our lives through your blog. :)

• Dear Kate from Lens.Us.Together, may your life be filled with the beauty and wonder that I find in all your stunning photography, and may the closeness you have with your dear ones nurture you throughout all your days. :)

• Dear Jane from Painted House 52, may you find the connection with your little ones, especially your daughter; may your blossoming and passionate love with your husband grow stronger every minute; may you find your unique path to fulfillment in every aspect of your being! You are a talented, beautiful, strong woman! :)

• Dear Suzie from Suzie the Foodie, may you find oneness with nature and the welcome in your surroundings; may health pump through your body, and your soul soar in joy; may the love you have with your husband entwine you in wonder; and may the joy you find enrich your heart and soul and carry you through the challenges. Thank you for the awesome recipes, the grounded wisdom, the magickal discoveries you bring!

• Dear Connie from Dirty Footprints aka Creative Juicy Life, may your creative juices flow in their unstoppable power, and fill the world with the awesomeness that is you. May you bask in the love that is in your life and may it carry you to more juicy adventures. Thank you for sharing your soul and art with us. What a priceless gift you give. :)

• Dear Rosebud from For the Love of Beads, may you and your dears ones enjoy abundance, health and love; and may the beauty of your wonderful bead creations decorate the world like you ignite the imagination with your gorgeous creations. :)

• Dear Boho from Bohemian Mom, may you and your Hatchling know solace of hearth, steadiness of income, health, and of course a new car; may the love you have for each other become a shining beacon to all those around you, because you are truly an inspiring, powerhouse! You are a gem amongst the rocks, and don't you forget it! :)

• Dear Maithri from The Soaring Impulse, may the world be flooded with your lovely spirit, your endless giving, your inspiring footsteps. You bless all those who come in contact with you with your generosity, your compassion, your humor and your loving intention. May you be blessed with all that and more :)

• Dear Jamie from Jamie Ridler Studios, may your holidays be merry, filled with love and gathering. May the abundance of wisdom, and wishes, and the inspiration that you shower on us come back to you tenfold. You are love, Jamie, and it's an honor to know you. The happiest of holidays to you, Justin, and your dear ones. :)

• Dear Shannon from Original Bliss, may your steps take you on the path that you most crave, the path of fulfillment in every sense. May your incredible strength shine your way through the many changes in your life. Your artwork and your words have fertilized my mind and heart and soul. May you enjoy the wondrous love you share with your amazing husband and most talented children these holidays and forever. :)

• Dear Michelle from Dolls-n-Art, may the holiday festivities carry you throughout the year, surrounded by your love and loved ones, filled with creative abundance and success. I truly enjoy your dolls and your art. Your uniqueness is undeniable! :)

• Dear Shell from Swanofdreamers, may the magic you weave through your stories and dreams envelop you with love and possibility. May your path be fulfilling and your days filled with joy. You bring a smile to my face every time I visit your blog and you visit mine. Thank you :)

• Dear Judi from Mindmists, you are a superhero in my book, with your cargo pants, unique style and delicious humor, you rise above all situations like a shining star. May you find your love, may health be your constant companion, and may joy weave through your days like pixie dust. :)

• Dear Serena from Serena Lewis, may the love you filter through your spectacular art and photography, the caring you show with your every visit, the joy you share with your every word, carry you and your loved ones through the days and fill them with the magic that is you. :)

• Dear Paula from Happysnappy, may the laughter and humor you share with us be endless, and nourish your life and your creations. You are a ray of sunshine that lights the path for all of us. Thank you! May the holidays bring you, your wonderful husband and your amazing children much joy! :)

• Dear Dia from Vestella's Vale, as the wisdom of your words guide us, as the beauty of your harp enchants us, as the deliciousness of your discoveries enthrall us, so I wish for you every day of your life. The happiest of holidays to you and yours! :)

• Dear Tabby from I Choose Bliss, may the bliss and love you spread through the world, with your words and actions, motivate everyone to follow your lead, and make the earth a better place to live. To say you are an inspiration, is to make a huge understatement. I admire you beyond what words can describe. Much love, health, abundance and wonder to you, your incomparable husband and your lovely Princess. :)

• Dear Rebecca from The Difference a Year Makes, may your holidays be merry, may health wash over you and your husband, may that which you seek float to your doorstep. :)

• Dear Caroline from Whimsical Whispers, may the zen in you grow stronger like a light that can never be extinguished. May the wonderland that you share with us through your photography be your permanent residence. May love color your every moment, and wash it with the beauty that you bring! :)

• Dear Rowena from Warrior Girl, You're a Warrior Mama, Now, may your seeking soul find its pot of gold; and as the flying girls bring us to magical new lands, may your artwork be prosperous and abundant. May your novel be published; but most of all, may the love you share with your family be endless. :)

• Dear Kim from Queen of Arts, may the love you spread through your art and your stones multiply and come skipping merrily back to you tenfold! May the zest with which you greet life be eternal. Happy holidays to you, David and yours! :)

• Dear Tori from Tori's Path, may you continue to grow into the independent and wonderful woman you have become. You've come a long way honey, and I am so proud of you. Much accomplishment, fulfillment and joy I wish for you and yours. May life be as tasty as your culinary creations! :)

• Dear Molly from Her Speak, may the fluid, funky, flourishing spendiferousness that are your creations continue to flow through you and into the world. You bedazzle us with your abundant creativity like no other. Happy holidays to you, your Muffin and your loved ones. May stardust scatter on your path. :)

• Dear Pen from The Penny Has Dropped, may you and Cam know the peace, love, abundance and joy that you richly deserve. May your path to enlightenment be wondrous and fantastical, like your photography, your art and your words. :)

• Dear Dawn from Today and Everyday, may you continue to exude the tranquillity, peace and happiness that flows out into the world with your words, and creativity. May happiness settle in your very being permanently. :)

• Dear Pamela from A Touch of Inspiration, may the holidays be filled with fun, love, family, deliciousness, and discovery. May the path you seek glow brightly before you so that you may enjoy the new adventure. Health and abundance to you and yours :)

• Dear Rebecca from Just a Thought, may your amazing talent find lucrative recognition, may you be healthy and may love bind every moment of your experience. You are truly one of a kind who has ignited the imagination of many. Best of luck to you with POD and your endeavors, and the happiest and healthiest of holidays too! :)

• Dear Kara from Mother Henna, may your path to self-fulfillment be abundant and joyous; may the guiding light that you flood into the world, shine a glorious way to your own path. Your artwork and your words touch all of us in so many wondrous ways! Thank you :)

• Dear Holly from Your Mother Knows But Won't Tell You, when I think of you, I think of Goddess Mother. You open your arms to the world and embrace us with love and wisdom, with laughter and joy. May the world embrace you with the like and so much more :)

• Dear Linda from Vulture Peak Muse, may health flood your limbs, muscles, veins and pores and give you the energy of the sun. May love be your comforter. May the beauty of your words, your incomparable art, and photography and your potent words spread through the world like fireworks :)

• Dear Gemma from Gemmashouse, may the shining star at its zenith guide you like your art brings stars to our eyes, your words stellar power to our souls. May the holidays and every day be filled with love, health, and exciting discovery. :)

• Dear Tammie Lee from Spirithelpers, like your sparkling photography, your stunning images, your soulful poetry that brings such wonder to our eyes and hearts, may you be filled with the joy and wonder and beautiful love they bring. :)

• Dear Danette from The Drawing Board, may the new road you have taken bring you much discovery, creativity, joy and love. May you find the beauty that you bring to the world. :)

• Dear Jenn from Jennerosity, may your unique point of view, your manifold talents, and your amazing perspective flourish; may the holidays and every day bring you love, health and prosperity. :)

• Dear Steve From Color Sweet Tooth, as an explorer of image and color, an adventurer of experience and joy, a traveller of many wondrous paths, you have given us amazing perspective. May every day be a glorious adventure filled with laughter, joyous surprises, fulfilling love and splendid creativity. :)

• Dear Anna from Hoboj a Basa, as you fill the world with beautiful music, may your life have a soundtrack of love, creativity, abundance and exploration! :)

• Dear Kavindra from Lisa's Soul Getting Shinier, may your every day be filled with the uniqueness of your expression, the warmth of your compassion, the wisdom of your seeking, and the love of your intention. :)

• Dear Robyn from Tales of Inglewood, may your days be lighter, and you find the enchantment that your garden holds in every aspect of your life. You are truly magickal; may that magick fill your world. :)

• Dear Allison from Creative Positive Spin, like the childlike joy of your hooping may your days be filled with delight, exploration, health and most importantly love. :)

• Dear Breedale from Perpetually Changing, as you tend to your growing, healthy, love-filled family, as you find your unique path, may you be filled with joy my friend. With joy eternal.

And if I have missed any one of you, it's not intentional. I can sit here for days thanking each and every one of you for all the joy, wisdom, inspiration and love you have brought me. May your lives be filled with these; and no matter what challenges life throws your way, may you find the strength, humour and companionship to deal with them.

Blessed be everyone and HAPPY HOLIDAYS! :)

Genie vs the Shops

Holidaze

Holidaze

Lose it as we go

Oh what joy to snip and snarl

At Home Depot and Costcooooo

Oh my sweet sanity. Day two of my holiday vacation and I'm going like the energizer dummy. I have been blessed with four invitations over the holidays, and though I am thrilled to be spending these days with good friends who are my family, it also requires going out into the madness to buy some pressies, some hostess gifties, and some goodies.

And you know what that means?

Braving the multitudes of single-minded, blinded shoppers who snarl at you when you happen to take the last Starbucks gift basket. I go into Ninja stealth mode, chant my mantra, "Do not kill anyone. Do not kill anyone." And go my merry way. I have succeeded in my mission to buy pressies for the little ones, hostess gifts for my friends, and little tokens of my affection that have depleted my bank account. Le sigh.

Of course that isn't all. Amongst all this, I discovered that one of my tires kept going flat, again, so I took it to the mechanic and suggested he check the valve and the rim because there is no way I was buying yet another tire at $200 a pop. Indeed, the rim was dented and letting the air out of the tire, so I had to bend my trajectory to Canadian Tire, buy a rim which they miraculously had for my diva car, and return to the most honest and best mechanic in the world, to replace it for the grand total of 20 bucks. I heart my new mechanic! I've been to several others in my tire quest and they each made me buy new tires.

I've had to also brave Home Depot, which is filled by a staff of the most belligerent and unhelpful individuals, if you can find them. I was in the process of installing the last folding door only to discover the package is missing a piece. Holy crapadoodle. So i need to brave attitude central and plead my case.

Rwar!

But I am determined to finish this ongoing job and restore some heat to my now bedroom. To that end, I also need to buy some fabric (I decided on burgundy silk, which should be no problem, right? Ha!) to make curtains to give the doorway between the porch and my bedroom some added heat.

The one miracle of the season is that we have had next to no snow, and unlike the romantics who crave a postcard Christmas, I am grateful I don't have to deal with the messy aftermath and the homicidal drivers.

Oh and shall we talk about the lineups? Sweet patience, do not desert me now. I have bruises from shopping carts being rammed into parts of my body that have been minding their business. At Costco, I nearly left behind 3 pricey items because the buffoon running that checkout was more interested in a speedy return, than making sure customers had everything they bought in their possession. I have been given the stink eye so many times, I have started rituals to cleanse their evil vibes off me. Jail is not where I want to spend the holidays, so I have taken to smiling sweetly and saying "And Merry Christmas to you which in real speak means fuck off!"

Only two more shopping days. Good luck to everyone! See you on the other side. :)

Ain't Life Grand?

As I hop off the whirlwind that is my life right now for a little bit, and I get my bearings, I am suddenly hit with a marvelous revelation. Things are happening. Wonderful things. Every day. Sure, there are setbacks, and frustrations, events that make me want to tear someone's hair out, but I choose to not focus on those right now. Right now, I will take a moment to reflect on the successes.

As the year is winding down to an end, I took some time out on Sunday again to recuperate from parties and gatherings, from errands and gifts, from cleaning and reorganizing, from the myriad of tasks that are associated with my job.

I made a lot of wishes this past year, set a lot of goals, put together a lot of dream boards, and chose a word for the year which was actualization. In other words, I set a whole lot of wheels in motion.

Where did those wheels take me?

To actualization.

• I wanted to rearrange my home and garden, and I did. My garden is a clean palette ready to be turned into a Zen garden. I rearranged my home for maximum efficiency and use, comfort and enjoyment.
• I wanted to get back into a more creative living and I did. I started drawing again, making jewelry, planning creative workshops, spreading the creativity out to my students and colleagues.
• I wanted to organize and streamline my department at work and I did. The physical spaces at work are now more functional and accessible to all. People aren't tripping over extraneous clutter. The courses and curriculum are well on their way to being more seamless between the grades, and the teaching more consistent between the sections.
• I wanted to open up to life after a period of retreat, and I am. I am accepting more invitations, opening up to new people, and enjoying life without unnecessary expectations.
• I wanted to travel, and although I haven't yet, I am closer to my goal. :)

All in all, not bad for a year. Not bad at all! :)

It's important to take some time and take some stock in our accomplishments. You would be surprised how many there are once you start listing them. Even in a year of challenge and hardship. There are silver linings everywhere. What are your silver linings?

Fruits of my Labor

Yesterday, I had a reunion. With my jewelry tools and beads!

A long, long, loooong time ago, I used to make jewelry for a living. I made earrings and necklaces and bracelets, and sold them at markets in Greece. It paid the rent; but more importantly, I had fun designing and playing with jewelry ideas.

Then life took a turn, and my jewelry making was packed, and forgotten. Until, recently. I made a couple of necklaces for birthdays, and found that I missed the whole process. I missed wielding the delicate tools, envisioning the design, and putting it together. I missed seeing the pieces being worn.

Yesterday, I took some time out for myself. I decided to put away the must-dos and focus on the want-to-dos. I made myself a pot of coffee, and spent most of the day watching movies on TV, and making necklaces. I was so engrossed, I forgot to eat!

Here are the results...

(click for larger image)

I gave this pearl drop and amber necklace to Danette for her birthday yesterday. :)

This amber and black stone piece is a very intricate design but loose design. I like its asymmetrical symmetricity. :)

It feels good looking at the tangible fruits of my labor. It feels good having literally taken a mental vacation from all the toxic junk filling my everyday, and reconnecting with an old friend in joy renewed. It feels even better having made something pretty that I will give as a unique gift just for that person. It's 3D love! Danette loved her choker, and it looked great on her. It was a win-win-win day! What more can we ask for?

:)

Genie and the Whale

It's been a very hectic time for me, as I am sure many of you can relate.

Work has swallowed me up whole and I have had some major decisions to make. My position is coming up again, and the question remains; do I want to reapply for this job? I have been making a list of pros and cons. And doing a lot of soul searching. I have taken amazing strides in reorganizing my department both in it's physical organization and in its curriculum. It's almost at the point of working like a well-oiled machine. Why would I not want to reapply, and reap the benefits?

Oh yeah, I detest the leadership style of the administration. Although they have been making some efforts to address the morale in the school; although they have started to support endeavors that are not necessarily on their agendas, I still am suspicious of their motives.

That being said, I am not sure it's better at other schools, and if it will stay that way...

In the midst of this, I have had issues with my poor aging cat who decided he didn't like these changes I have made to the house as much as I did, and pooped in my bed. Under the made bed's covers!

I discovered this when I got home Wednesday night. So I, in the middle of the night, turned contractor and tried to move the door from the now study to the bedroom to seal it off. 10 minutes to unscrew the hinges off one frame. 10 minutes to screw one set of hinges on another frame, only to discover the door is too low and scraping the floor. 15 minutes to unscrew and realize that the frame had the old hinges under a coat a paint still on it. 45 minutes to remove the old hinges. 25 minutes to try to hold up the door while screwing on the top hinges, getting my slipper stuck underneath. 10 minutes to wrestle my slipper under the door. 10 minutes to screw the bottom hinge. 5 seconds to discover the door was slightly too big to fit that frame.

Le sigh

At 1:30 am, I gave up, jammed the door in the frame and called in sick.

I had to take Stinky to the vet to see what's up with him, only to find out it's behavioural. I had to phone around looking for a contractor to help with these jobs, only to find they are all descendants of highway robbers... I had to wash my sheets and bedspread. I had to have a minor meltdown.

I also decided it was time to decorate the amazing tree I bought (pictures coming), only to discover the box I had all my decorations in was falling apart with mold and mildew and creepy crawly things in the basement. I panicked that the storage room was leaking until I realized, this was probably residual from the old house. I unpacked the box with much distaste, put the decorations out to air, dumped the box in the recycling bin, and left that bright idea for the weekend.

So, as I finally sat down in the afternoon to have my brunch, I decided to watch TV. Maybe it's just me, but I find I deconstruct things too much. There are far too many commercials on for stuff. Naturally, the biggest commercial holiday is rearing it's bankrupt head. As I watched pitch after pitch, the messages seemed to be the same. People are disappointed with the gifts you give unless it's a car or a diamond, or an expensive video game.

I got peeved.

Do not people realize, it's a gift to have someone in their lives who wants to give them a gift? Who wants to share a holiday with them? Who has taken the time to purchase yet another ephemeral object? We really need to get our priorities straightened.

The bright note of my week has been spending time with the newest miracle in my life, baby Tristan. I babysat him last night, and he brought me such joy, it made up for all the struggles. That smiling, gurgling, bright-eyed new soul restored mine.

And later that night, as I was going home, I looked up and saw this...

Even the poor quality of my camera phone cannot distort her beauty... I gazed at her and made my wish. And, as I made my way home, I was grateful. :)

Happiness is...

A cup of coffee first thing in the morning, warm and invigorating as it courses through your system.

A Friday morning when you turn off your alarm for the weekend.

Holding a baby in your arms as he looks up at you with a happy open face and smiling eyes.

A quiet moment when you feel at peace with yourself and the whole Universe.

A word of praise.

A note of thanks.

The feel of the morning air as you step out into the world.

Laughing with your colleagues over lunch.

Waking up in the morning, knowing the day is all yours.

Putting up a Christmas tree after years or not doing so.

Buying that perfect top.

Smiling at yourself in the mirror.

Finding lovely, encouraging comments on your blog.

Reading about other people's joy on their blogs.

A paint brush in your hands and a blank page.

Your students looking at you with sudden and joyous understanding.

There are so many things that bring happiness.

It's good to remind ourselves.

To savor the joyousness of every, single moment.

What is happiness for you? :)

Step Out

It has been a long time since I have had the time to participate in Jamie Ridler's amazing circle of wishers; but this week, I felt compelled, and of course, as usual the prompt is very timely.

Jamie asks,

What step to you wish to take?

It's time for me to step out. Out of my cocoon of safety and into the world. Over the past couple of years, I have holed up inside myself, recuperating from a series of loses. I did not do this consciously, but done it was.

It was not so hard to do. I work in a highly interactive and socially demanding environment. Going home and inside the quiet of myself, is a necessary response sometimes in order to survive.

But I went overboard.

And as a natural consequence, my social life has shrunk to a nonentity.

The phone has stopped ringing.

People have moved on with their lives without me in them.

Well, it's time to change that.

Time to reconnect with the rest of the world.

And here is how I will do it.

I will take my work to a café. I have a laptop now. I am not restricted to a specific spot.

I will reconnect with those I have lost track of.

I will volunteer and help my community.

I will take an art class, and maybe join a writers' circle.

I will go out at least once a week, even if it's alone. Just to get out.

I will step out.

Get out of head, and into the world.

I wish to fill my life with interactions and experiences and people.

There. I put it out into the universe. :)

May all your wishes come true!

Seriously?

Do you use Twitter or Facebook or Myspace or any other online social networking site? Well, here is a cautionary tale.

In Quebec, an insurance company stopped benefit payments to a woman who filed a disability claim on the basis of photographs she posted on popular social networking site. Seriously?

This woman who is suffering from clinical depression posted a few pictures from a birthday party she attended and from a sunny vacation she took. The insurance company somehow accessed her page, saw the picture and suspended her payments pending further inquiry.

The insurance company insists that they use any tool they can to aid their investigations. Granted. Social networking sites have been used in court cases as evidence against a defendant. Why not in an insurance claim? But a site alone cannot be used as the sole reason for suspending benefits. It's not a medical professional. A picture might tell a thousand words, but it very easily can be telling the wrong words. There is a huge margin of interpretation here.

Granted, the woman should have been more discriminating in what she posted on the social network site. The internet is not the safest place to entrust your life. Though most websites have security settings, it's not impossible to contravene them. What happened in this case? Did she not have sufficient security settings on? And if she did, how did they access her profile? Do they have hackers on their investigative team?

It boggles the mind...

But more importantly, the issue at hand is clinical depression and the attitude many have towards it. Many believe that one dealing with this condition should simply "snap out of it". That those suffering with clinical depression can control their feelings, that they are wallowing in self-pity. That is far from the truth.

Though I have suffered from bouts of depression, I have never had clinical depression. I know those who do have to live with this condition, however. And it can be debilitating. The fact that this woman is taking steps to deal and live with this, on orders of her doctor, should be commended, not punished.

The underlying urge is to hole up in a room, to hide from life and people, to sleep away a feeling that is darker than solitary confinement. In many cases, it is solitary confinement. Clinical depression is like being trapped by feelings of abject darkness that color and pave every single experience.

On the other side of ignorance is the notion that those with clinical depression must logically be sad all the time. They are not allowed to crack a smile, go out with friends, try to change settings in attempt to deal with the problem. It's obvious the insurance company bases their decisions on such preconceptions.

Guilty until you hire a lawyer, go to court and try to prove yourself innocent.

You can read the full story here!

Just For Laughs

Yes. The Twilight craze is in full swing, as New Moon premiered this weekend... Swooning girls filled theaters everywhere. I passed on the experience, but as I was grazing through YouTube, I found this... It's hysterical, irreverent and highly graphic. What a way to begin the week!

Kevin Smith at his finest...

LOL!

Darkness Be Gone!

There have been times in my life when I have felt the darkness sweep down on me like a vulture ready for the last vestiges of life to leave my heart. I have felt the curtain of despair slowly fall on me, enveloping my mind and heart, turning everything bleak. I have walked with shadows as they pointed out the wasteland around me, gleefully relishing my sadness.

Yet, in those times, when my whole being was threatened with a subterranean existence, I did not realize that a warrior lived inside of me. A woman more powerful than all the cartooned images I idolized as a child. A woman strong enough to will the darkness back, laugh despair into oblivion, tear down the curtains to let in the light, shoot an arrow straight into the heart of that vulture. To make the wasteland dissolve into a world filled with light, life and possibility.

It started as an echo of a voice. A dream of one day being saved by some nebulous other. A longing for release and acceptance. A wish for the shining armored figure to come galloping to my rescue. While outside, a battle waged for my being.

There were enemies everywhere, lurking in mirrors to mock me, in false friendships and love affairs to destroy me, in broken promises, in well-meaning put-downs. And I ingested all of them, accepting my defeat, swallowing the criticism, giving into the apathy.

But she would not let me. Not my warrior.

Her voice became stronger, more outraged, more emphatic. She refused to give in, acquiesce, lay down her arms. She fought on for me, despite of me.

And I survived.

Every heartbreak.

Every broken dream.

Every forsaken promise.

Every maiming experience.

And I am here today, to say, I am victorious. Every time that vulture appears on the horizon, I take aim at it until it falls in a heap to the ground. Every time that curtain threatens to smother my breath, I rip it away and let the fresh air in.

I choose the light.

I am the warrior.

And it feels good!

Music is Inspiration

Music has the power to lift, to inspire, to enlighten, to move our bodies, hearts and minds. It's really hard to ignore it.

This music video has a powerful message that quickens your feet to move, run in fact! :) Enjoy!

Hype not News

Those who know me, know well that the one thing I detest above all else is intentional bullshit. Along with passive aggressive jokes, condescending remarks and hypocritical associations. I am a straight-shooter. I speak my mind, without intention to hurt, and I appreciate the good in others. I am neither an optimist nor a pessimist. I like to keep things real.

And that's what this post is about.

Let me start by saying that I claim no superior knowledge; but I am a critical thinker. I have been making conscious decisions to disallow anything into my life that has the intention of degrading it. And the list is long.

I do not watch the news. I scan headlines so as not to live with my head in the global sand, but television news is never an option. I refuse to go into a state of unreasonable and misinformed paranoia simply because the local news want to sell more advertising. I refuse to walk around this planet being manipulated by shady practices and corporate interests. I have not knocked down the old and young to secure a vaccine for myself so that I do not die. Fearmongerers will find no victim here. I fail to see how my knowing the gruesome details in someone's death will either help the crime rate, or my heart rate for that matter.

I have also made the conscious decision not to allow my work environment to play havoc with my sanity, serenity or self-worth. I will do what I can to affect change in ways that I can, but I am letting the rest of the garbage go. Since September, I have been finding myself getting riled up daily, almost as soon as my feet hit the school, by incompetence, injustice and downright pettiness. Will my chaotic state of mind eliminate any of those things? Nope. All it it will do is make my blood pressure skyrocket and put me in the hands of a medical profession I have little confidence in.

I have made a conscious effort to let go of all the hurt and confusion generated by those people in my life I have called "friend". The ones on whose VIP list I do not reside. The ones who stand me up without a call. The ones who make plans with me only when they do not have something better going on. The ones who forget to include me in on their plans. The ones who make me feel like an inferior being. I am more than happy in my own company, and I will prefer it over being put in any of the above positions again.

I have stopped trying to twist myself into a pretzel to be liked, accepted or sought after. It has taken me this long to accept myself for who I am, as I am, and I am cool with it. I have faults, and I am working on them. I have assets and I am putting them to good use.

I have removed myself from worrying about what others think or do not think about me. I am not the most interesting individual in the world. My daily life is not so fascinating that others must know about it via twitter or Facebook or blogging.

Do you really want to know about my night out with the girls last night? Is it crucial you know that it was the best night of its kind in a while mostly because the conversation was not dominated by school, or kids or husbands? Does it impact your life knowing that there was a certain measure of guilt associated with the fact that I was actually tired of listening to all that? Does it make me a bad person, and if it does, will you stop following or reading or caring what I say?

And if you do, will it intrinsically change my life?

The one thing I love and miss about the blogging world, is that it has been a venue where I have met some awesomely genuine, beautifully inspiring, infinitely fascinating and stunningly supportive individuals. Would it put too much pressure on you to know that you all have become very important parts of my life? That if I cannot get to your blogs in a while, I crave to know what you're doing?

Well, it's true. Every last word of it. THANK YOU for reading and commenting and being. The world is a better place with you in it.

Blessed be :)

New Beginnings

Well, renovation woes aside, I have finally rearranged my home into the oasis I want it to be. So, as promised, I have some before and after photos for you! They are slightly overexposed as I am not very familiar with my camera yet, and I haven't had a chance to install Photoshop on the laptop. :)

Let's start with a look into my front hallway and porch:



This is the hallway looking out onto the "foyer" and the "front door" which really was an interior door. Safe, huh? :)



Here, the front porch served as an extension of the living room creating a fragmented flow in the room and leaving very little floor space in this small area. Stinky is lounging on the sofa, hehe :)

Ready for the after shots?



Through the old front door which is now used as an interior door, you can see my brand new steel door. I feel so much safer and warmer!



Now the front porch is a little haven with an armchair to sit and read or daydream in. :) You can see one of the folding doors that have been put up. The other door is still in its package.


Just as a bonus, I thought I would include a photo of my hallway bookcase that is filled with so many goodies, and is the temporary home for some painting gems by Danette Relic, Rowena Murillo, and Steve Emery. I am in the process of finding, making appropriate frames for them and hanging them up on the hallway wall for all to enjoy.

Now, let's move on to the once living room...



There is Stinky again, lounging on "his" sofa. This used to be the living/office room, but as it was set up, it wasn't conducive for inclusive and comfortable discussions. Below is my old desk that was against the wall opposite the sofa.



The desk was only good for the computer and had no space to grade my papers, write or paint.

Now, the room is my bedroom with plenty of morning light and space to walk around the bed, and dust under it. I no longer feel like I am sleeping in a crypt!:)

The desk has been replaced by my new (old) solid oak bureau that I bought at the antique store for 199! I finally have space to store my tops and jewelry and sweaters! Stinky loves it too. He is is not far from the action. :) I haven't had the chance to put up the painting Danette and I created yet. I need another pair of hands. :)

Now on to the old dining room. I unfortunately had not taken photos before I got rid of my old dining table which I donated to my department's lunch room, but I took a couple of pictures so you can get a before idea.

The window-paneled door was to the bedroom and was always closed. This door will be moved to the new bedroom for privacy if I need it :)

The table used to be under the hanging lamp and pretty much took up the whole small room which is in the center/heart of the house and was hardly ever used.

This photo gives you a better idea of the floor space in the room...

Now the room has been transformed!

Into a living room! I got rid of my old coffee table and bought this leather storage bench to take its place. I moved the sofa table from under the window to accommodate my TV.

Now, my guests and I can sit together, watch TV, share a snack...

...and some conversation in my new cozy living room! Now the heart of my house is being used daily! Whoop! :)

Last, but not least is the final transformation...

This small, west-facing room used to be my sleeping crypt with barely enough room for my bed. The blinds were almost always closed and the headboard was at the side of the bed. Making the bed was challenging, to say the least...

BAM! Look at the light, the blinds open to let the sun flow in and me to sit at my new spacious workspace and stare out at the garden! The pine dining table I bought is big enough to allow me to spread out and breathe! Isn't it lovely?

Plenty of room to grade my papers, write, work on my laptop, make collages and paint.

I am so happy and, yes, proud, for creating a brand new environment to live, play and create in. My small house has become more functional and enjoyable. I can live with the renovation setbacks, because I have the satisfaction of knowing I have made a visualization come true.

Whoop! Whoop! :)

Mr. Hand-in-your-pocket Man

Being a single, independent woman can have it's perks. Making repairs in your home is not one of them.

Before I begin my renovation saga, let me preface this by saying I have made the decision to take home repair classes. Because in this, as in most everything, I have learned a valuable lesson: If you can't do it yourself, you better have deep pockets.

If you've been reading my blog, you know that I have been in the process of renovating my home, inside and out, to suit my needs and abilities. The garden cleared and ready for some beautification next year, I turned my attention and limited budget to the inside of my home. My very tiny bungalow which is the size of a small condo. It's cozy and I love it, but it's spatially challenged, so I decided to do away with the dining room and make the most of my space.

I went about the long and arduous process of finding someone able to help me make my home more energy efficient, by putting in a solid front door (I had an internal door) and cutting the cold air flow into my home by adding and rearranging some doors in the house. I also bought a better kitchen tap to conserve water and stop the incessant drip.

Finding a handyman was like looking for the Holy Grail. No one I know was particularly helpful, so I was forced to use directories. I made a lot of calls and finally went with a company that gave me a reasonable quote for all the jobs that needed to be done.

I was ecstatic that I would achieve all the changes on my limited funds.

Boy,was I naive.

The day of the appointment came, and I took a day off to be around for the repairs. I had decided not to purchase the door in advance, and go to Home Depot with the hired hand to pick the right door with the right measurements. I thought that would have been the most efficient way of dealing with the problem.

Again, naive.

The guy came, I went over what needed to be done, and he measured my doorway. We bought the door. He begins his work. I proceed to make coffee and sit down to do some work that I brought home with me. He comes to me a few minutes later, and tells me the door is slightly bigger and as it's a steel door, the only option remaining is to adjust the frame. Thinking he is the expert, and trusting his judgment, I let him do his thing.

Big mistake.

Six hours later, the door was in. The frame looked like something from a horror movie. I had to spend more money to get molding for the frame, foam filler and new door handles. My screen door no longer worked. At 3:30, he stopped working, full half hour before the agreed time. He told me to make another appointment because he needed another day to finish the job, and he left.

I had an unfinished door and more than half the jobs not completed.

I called the company and talked to the owner who thought this was unacceptable and told me to book an appointment for someone to come in to finish the job free of charge. I thought, "Wow! How awesome are they?"

How incredibly naive was I?

I booked a couple of appointments because I couldn't take another day off. This time, they sent two guys over. "Great!" I thought, "They sent over two guys to finish the job in double time. How considerate and efficient."

Two hours later, two folding doors were put up, the front door was still unfinished, my new tap was not installed, and the interior door was not moved. One of the guys (the one who, for lack of a better word, fucked up the job to begin with) left early again, leaving the other guy to present me with yet another invoice.

"Invoice?"

I got on the phone with the owner, and he proceeded to tell me he did not say "free of charge" but had said "free of service charge". One little word cost me 200 bucks over my budget. Further, he told me that it was my fault that the job was not completed because I wasn't accurate in describing the job. I disagreed. I asked why his man would buy a bigger door to begin with. When he saw that the door was too big why would he not suggest a wood door that can be cut to fit, or tell me by keeping this door, it would add another 6 hours and so many dollars to the estimate.

The dude did not budge. I paid the man and told him I no longer required their services; and that knowing so many people who needed repairs done I not only would not recommend them, but I would warn everyone I know about this company.

When you run an incompetent and unfair handyman business, do not call yourself "Mr."

So, now I am left with taps to be replaced, doors to be finished and hung, and no money to hire anyone else.

It's do-it-yourself time.

Handyman my ass.

I will post pictures this weekend.

:)

Here's the Thing

Life has taken a hold of me in ways I only imagined. Through the many wonderful visualizations and wishcasting lead by our incomparable Jamie Ridler, I have been able to start achieving the things I have been dreaming about.

I am firmly on the way to restyling my home to suit my needs, and I am truly excited with the results which I will share with you once everything is completed. I hired a handyman though a company to do some small but necessary renovations which will be completed within the next two weeks. I have rearranged my home as per the plans I had shared with you here ! There is already a fresh energy in my home and I feel truly lightened by the whole experience. Every time I enter my home, I feel like I am being enveloped by warmth and welcome. And this is what I want all my guests to feel when they walk through my brand new door.

Last week, I went to a used furniture store and bought a table that will serve as a desk and a dining table when necessary. I also purchased an aerodynamic desk chair, a lovely oak dresser, a leather bench that will serve as a coffee table, additional seating and storage. All for 500 bucks. They are being delivered today and I can't wait to arrange everything!

Right now, I am typing on my new laptop which has come infinitely handy, but takes some getting used to. It took me about 3 hours on the phone with a technician to get my wireless working properly, to no avail; but today, I figured it out myself! I have been without internet at home for the part week, which is another reason I have not been online and blogging in a while.

I have missed blogging and all of you, and I worry that I am missing out on so many exciting things in your lives, and that it will take me forever to catch up!

I will be back with pictures and updates as soon as everything is settled. I hope all your dreams are coming true and that everything is well in your sphere of influence!

Blessed be! :)

Where in the World

is Genie Sea?

Struggling from under the flu, it's been quite the week at work. There have been meetings every day after work, going late. There will be meetings this week. I have been trying to pace myself, and get as much rest as possible to throw off this cold. It isn't swinish but it's sapping my energy. Cough. Cough. Cough. I have neglected my poor little blog, and my wonderful blogging community. I miss you all and I will catch up.

I do have some good news!

• Rebellion is afoot. Big time. People have had enough and they won't take it any more. Actions are being taken to overthrow the incompetent and tyrannical reign. And it feels good to have allies!

• A wonderful group of highly driven and creative students found me, wanting to revive the school newspaper, and it's happening! Very exciting stuff. We are hoping for our first edition mid-November.

• I finally bought a laptop!

• I finalized the date for my renovations and the reorganization of my house. I will have pictures next week. :)

This weekend past was marked by tragedy and blessings.

A house on our street went up in flames, and we all rallied to support the family. They lost everything. We gave them clothes, and helped them contacted their insurance. It was sad that I met some of my neighbours for the first time under these circumstances, however, it was reassuring to know there are some wonderful people on this street. It was tragic that the family lost their cat, their home, their everything. I send them blessings for a speedy recovery of their lives and home.

My friend's son was baptized this weekend with a soul embrace ceremony that encompassed rites from all religions. It was beautiful and very moving. When I read my blessing to him, I choked up. And the little prince looked like the reincarnation of the Dalai Lama. That's how peaceful he was throughout. We welcome little Tristan into our spiritual community and wish him a golden life. :)

There's An 'I' in Desire

(click for better view)

The truth is that I am often afraid to name my desires. This has been instilled in me from a young age. Asking for and seeking what you truly want is selfish and greedy. How messed up is that?

Assigning a certain guilt to what we most desire is tantamount to substituting salt for sugar in pudding. You reach for that yummy bowl of chocolaty delight, and when the first spoonful hits your taste buds - horror.

Going through the balancing and restorative practice of nothing, and being open to truth is very freeing. It's like peeling layers of dead skin off my soul.

Having been felled by the flu mid-week, which necessitated the need to stay home, has afforded me a long visit with nothing and truth. And with the fever, desire started bubbling to the surface.

What do I desire? Without guilt. Without the nagging sense of unworthiness. Without the judgmental naysayers that have been implanted in me at a young age.

I sat at my computer and opened Photoshop. I started making my vision card, allowing the images to gather themselves into the palette.

The mermaid emerged, serene and centered not only in the magical realm of the ocean, but with strong roots in passion and color. Unfettered and free to explore the beauty of creation. Carnal desire, the melding of two bodies and hearts, lies deep in the roots of desire. The One of two. The sliding into place, merging as one moving entity. And from that emerges a stronger woman, one stable in her place in the scheme of things. Open to experience. Open to creation. Open to others in an elemental way. In a way that makes a difference.

I have many passions.

I am passionate about teaching. I love being able to trigger slumbering minds into creative thought.

I am passionate about painting. I love playing with images, colors and textures to create something that will speak from my soul directly to that of others.

I am passionate about writing. I love words and how they can evoke thoughts and feelings and other worlds.

I am passionate about friendship. I love my tribe which includes everyone I have met online. I will slay a dragon for them.

I am passionate about children. They are the very fabric of life that must be cared for, nurtured, and strengthened.

I am passionate about justice. I want everyone to have a fair shake at life, and success.

I am passionate about love. I desire to be joined through all my chakras to the Male.

I am passionate about my home. I love to create an atmosphere of warm hospitality.

I am passionate about travel. I yearn to explore every crevice of this planet which is my home.

Now that I have opened the way, I wish to find the way to manifest my Desires.

To read about others' journey with Desire, go to Jamie Ridler's Next Chapter book club on Martha Beck's The Joy Diet here!

PS. This flu has really weakened me, so please forgive me if I am not able to get to your posts right away. I will be reading and commenting throughout the next few days.

Harvest Dream

(click to enlarge)

October has come around and as I was strolling through my neighborhood Saturday evening, I realized how much I love this month. The air is crisp and scented with apples and the first hearth fires. There is a silence in October like no other. An expectancy. A farewell. It's bittersweet.

People are beginning to settle in for winter. More pies are being baked. Plans are being made for Thanksgiving and Halloween. The lights in the homes are inviting. The pace is a bit brisker. With more purpose. The destination more gleeful.

As I walked. The moon walked with me. She was beautiful and pristine. She smiled one of those knowing smiles. My companion.

And I wished on her that night. For his company. Arms entwined. Bodies close for warmth. As we walked the streets of my neighborhood. I wished for gatherings and tables laden with food. Happy faces sitting around. Enjoying each other. Enjoying the moment. I wished for a fire in the wood stove with a glass of wine. Feet up. Content.

Content.

The sweet smell of cedar as it burned, wafting though my home. And a strong hand to hold. A loving smile to share. A kiss to savor.

Under the harvest moon, I made my harvest dream. She smiled down at me. And I up at her. As the leaves fell, and the smoke rose from the chimneys.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To find Jamie Ridler's gathering of harvest moon dreamers, go here !

The Book of Truth

(click to enlarge)

Our Illustrious Leader, Jamie Ridler is ushering us into another week of the Joy Diet with Truth.

If I can pick one quality that is both my asset and my downfall, it is honesty.

My mouth opens up and the truth spills out, often uncensored. There are times I regret that and it causes me sleepless nights. And I wonder why. Why did I have to speak up, speak out? Why could I have not kept my trap shut and gone with the flow of silence and conformity?

Because, that's who I am.

Changing that would be like changing a key ingredient in a recipe.

Who needs the cream cheese in cheesecake?

Well, I do!

Acceptance of myself, as I am has been a difficult task. A difficult task indeed, but I am willing to look in the dark recesses of my psyche and shed light, clear cobwebs, and do some spring cleaning.

Thus my vision card for this week.

The background is filled with the places of my roots and desires.

Where I have been and would like to go.

The book, my story, is open and unwritten in.

It's time to explore the possibilities of my story.

Start fresh, and untethered by all the things, people and concepts that have been bogging me down.

Accepting their influence in my life and letting it go.

Accepting who I am, as I am, and knowing that what I have to say is valuable, because, not in spite of, the fact that few are willing to speak the truth.

Accepting my flaws and gently having them work for me not against me.

Accepting my assets and using them as the powerful tools that they are.

Accepting myself, opening that fresh book, and starting to

gleefully

boundlessly

joyfully

write in it.

That is my truth.

Go is the New Stop

In everyday life, we are inundated with all the things we should stop. The voice is stern and judgementally harsh. Stop. Don't. Cease.

Well I say, GO!

Go on being your fabulous self.

Go out on a limb and be, do, try. Even when you think you can't.

Go into the spaces and breaths of the moment. Sit. Enjoy. Experience.

Go over the things that bothered you, and let them sit for tea, then let them go their way.

Go with your gut instinct. Accept her. She is wise and never second-guesses herself.

Go under the radar of other people's expectations and requirements. Release yourself from them.

Go along your merry way, and sing a happy tune.

Go where you have never gone before and take your captain's log with you!

And most importantly! Go on and Move! :)

And since it's Wednesday! That means it's Wishcasting time over at Jamie Ridler's Studios! Today Jamie asks,

What do you wish to share?

How fortuitous because I want to share the momentum of GO! :)

Baby steps

(click to enlarge)

Do you like children? Well, if you do, the following statement will definitely hold true: all children are beautiful.

Their eyes, huge with curiosity and sparkling with their personality, right there on the surface, draw you in. Their smiles, huge, gap-toothed sometimes, sometimes crooked, are easy, fearless, without self-consciousness. Their bodies jump and dance and run with abandon, like no one is looking, and even if they are, it doesn't matter to them.

We were those children once. We took in life with total joy and acceptance. With unconditional excitement. With a boundless need to know why.

Yet. Somewhere along the way. From there to here, some of us closed up. Broke down. Lost our way.

Our eyes became guarded. Our smiles restricted. Our movement cautious. We became bogged down with judgement. With fear.

Joy came with conditions.

Why?

Why can we not dance like children? Laugh until our bellies ache? Be secure in our beauty without deliberation, without second guessing ourselves.

There is no earthly reason not to. Yet we tremble at the thought of being judged not worthy. Not good enough.

Yet, just a few baby steps away, there we were. Totally ourselves and loving it. Like the girl in my painting above.

It's time. It's time to unclog our souls from all the garbage it has accumulated and dance like no one is watching, and if they are, it doesn't matter. :)

Nothing Comes from Nothing

(click to enlarge)

The incomparable Jamie Ridler is nourishing us with The Joy Diet by Martha Beck. And I couldn't stay away even if I wanted to... :)

This week was dedicated to nothing.

The above Vision Card that I made pretty much depicts how well that went for me.

Not so much.

Yet, still. Greatly!

It wasn't for lack of trying, that's for sure. When I finally was able to set some time from my hectic and stressful days to sit and quietly do nothing. Without any stimulations whatsoever. Trying to push away the myriads of things milling in my head, I fell asleep.

Totally, passed out.

I succeeded for about 5 minutes this week. When a slice of heavenly nothing let me float in it, away from all the nagging worries and meaningless concerns that crowd my day.

It was beautiful.

Short but sweet.

But here is the clincher. And it's a huge one folks.

For the first time in my life, I did not berate myself for not having achieved my goal!

I did not shake my head at myself, or point any fingers in my direction.

Nothing.

I accepted that I did what I could, and that I was so exhausted that sleep had to take precedence over nothing.

So nothing was not achieved, but something great happened.

Instead of the critic, I heard the dulcet tones of nothing.

I am very interested to see what others have achieved or maybe more importantly, haven't! :)

Destination: Haiku

Danette Relic over at The Drawing Board has started a fantastic new creative catalyst called

Self-Expression Springboard.

Every Thursday, Danette will be giving us creative prompts to work with.

This week, Danette has given us the following writing prompts:

What do the following people or things need to know about you?

your dentist

your bed

your custom shoe maker

your garden

your new neighbour

your pet

your therapist or coach

the person next to you on a bus or plane

your bartender

I am going with a series of haikus:

A Hollywood smile

Without Hollywood money

Or Hollywood clout.

Your soft warm embrace

Egyptian cotton kisses

My portal to dreams.

Arches high, feet wide

Most shoes are not made for me.

Men's boots I purchased.

Once a thick jungle

You have opened up again

To welcome me in.

Pregnant with money

Meet childless with not much cash

Worlds can coexist.

Your furry Highness

My soul companion for years

To you I'm grateful.

Though I might struggle

I am not taken by fear

To see things anew.

We share this travel

We might share the same space

Do not sleep on me.

Keep the drinks coming

Tonight I am not driving

I want to forget.

This was fun and challenging!

Taking everything I have to say about each subject and condensing it to 17 syllables, is not easy task but a rewarding one nonetheless! :)