I have been not so great with my personal blogging lately. It has been a very rough time. I lost my father a week ago, and it has welled up so many feelings and thoughts beyond grief.
It's hard to feel like an orphan, at any age. I miss both my parents, separately and together. When I get my thoughts unscrambled, I will be giving him a tribute as well.
This whole devastating experience of losing both my parents in one year has thrown me into a churn of emotions. I feel so deeply bereft. No amount of preparation or stoicism can shield you from the monumental chasm of the last goodbye.
I love them deeply, and search within my psyche that has been assaulted so much in the past couple of years to find solace in the thought of an afterlife.
I have read so much about this, believed so much about this, to the core of my being, only to find all this silenced.
They loved each other more deeply than I even knew. My father could not bear life without her. A big chunk of me, of who I am, is suffering with their loss.
I will recover. It is part of human nature. The moments, good and bad, will settle one day, and I will gain clarity.
But for now...
G-d. Wherever you are, however you manifest yourself, however much I have disappointed you, please welcome my dear ones and open the gates of heaven for them.
